MiscarriageHelp.com

MiscarriageHelp.com

Mother Forever to a Baby in Heaven

by Ellen DuBois on 06/25/18



The thought came to me about 5 minutes ago. I wanted to share it with you. Sending love and light your way and I'm so sorry for your loss. I hope you find some comfort here.

"Sometimes I get stuck in my head and start feeling sad about not being a mother. Then I realize that although my baby is not with me the way I'd like, my child lives on in Heaven. That makes me a mother- forever."- Ellen DuBois, MiscarriageHelp.com and author of I Never Held You.


 

Welcome to MiscarriageHelp.com. My name is Ellen DuBois, host of this site, miscarriage survivor, and author of I Never Held You: Miscarriage, Grief, Healing and Recovery. If you or someone you love has suffered a miscarriage, please know you're not alone. Connect with people who understand.

Note: Some people find it difficult to post comments here because it's not very clear how to do it. Just hit the "comment" link under any post. I'll get your comment and respond. If it's easier, please email me. [email protected]
Love & comfort to you, Ellen

The MiscarriageHelp.com Daily- paper.li- by Ellen DuBois. Updated daily with a curated selection of articles, blog posts, videos and photos. Click here. Miscarriage Support- Because Your Loss Matters.


The Emotional Debris of Miscarriage

by Ellen DuBois on 06/19/18



This quote is from Anna Pizzoferatto's story in my book, "I Never Held You". I was flipping through it today and what she said really struck a cord. 


It's so true. Just the word miscarriage causes so many feelings from over twenty-years ago to come to the surface. I liken it to recall, where everything you thought was tucked away or "dealt with" feels like it just happened. 

I lost my baby over 25 years ago. It's hard to wrap my head around how long it's been since I miscarried. Over 25 years? Yet, whether it's a scene in a movie about miscarriage, something I read, a TV commercial or show, the raw sadness and grief I felt all those years ago sometimes blindsides me.

I think it's normal- at least it's my normal. I've come to accept I won't ever forget my miscarriage. I won't stop loving my baby. I don't want to forget him because he changed my life. In my world, we'll always be connected.

If years have gone by and you're feeling sad about your miscarriage, please know you're not alone. If you wonder why you suddenly miss the baby you never got to watch grow up- you're not alone. So many of us keep the emotional debris miscarriage leaves in its path tucked away. Now and then, triggers cause  feelings to surface. You're not abnormal for feeling them. Not by a long shot.

Love and peace to you,

Ellen


 

Welcome to MiscarriageHelp.com. My name is Ellen DuBois, host of this site, miscarriage survivor, and author of I Never Held You: Miscarriage, Grief, Healing and Recovery. If you or someone you love has suffered a miscarriage, please know you're not alone. Connect with people who understand.

Note: Some people find it difficult to post comments here because it's not very clear how to do it. Just hit the "comment" link under any post. I'll get your comment and respond. If it's easier, please email me. [email protected]
Love & comfort to you, Ellen

The MiscarriageHelp.com Daily- paper.li- by Ellen DuBois. Updated daily with a curated selection of articles, blog posts, videos and photos. Click here. Miscarriage Support- Because Your Loss Matters.


I Never Held You, an update on my book description. #miscarriagebook #miscarriagehelp

by Ellen DuBois on 06/13/18



Hello,


If you're here, let me first say that I am deeply sorry for your loss. Anyone who knows the heartbreak of losing a baby to miscarriage is forever in my thoughts and prayers.

It's a difficult road to walk, and that's an understatement.

Something prompted me to read the description of my miscarriage support book on Amazon: I Never Held You. My gut told me to update it and so I followed it. I wanted to share it with you because this book was written after I dug out of the rubble left behind after I miscarried.  I wanted to share and help others who were feeling the same, (lost, grief, alone, isolated), but could find little support. My book came out in 2003 and again in 2006 through Createspace.

Back then, there weren't a whole lot of books or resources to turn to. I needed someone, something, to let me know I'd be okay and wasn't alone. I always had my faith and took great comfort in God, but I longed for human connection, too.

With that being said, here's my revised book description: 

I Never Held You is a support book for those who have endured the heartbreak of suffering a miscarriage. Written by Ellen M. DuBois with contributions by Dr. Linda Backman, this book poignantly describes how lonely and isolating a miscarriage can make you feel, validates your loss and most importantly, gently assures you you're not alone in your grief. With several stories by women who have miscarried, including the author's, this book shows how different women share similar feelings of loss, grief and ultimately hope and healing after miscarriage. Additionally, the author shares suggestions that proved helpful to her in balancing the emotional peaks and valleys after her loss, including anxiety attacks. From prayer and exercise to meditation and more, you can pick and choose what resonates with you. With the help of Dr. Linda Backman, Ed.D., licensed grief counselor, psychologist and author, you'll come to better understand grief and why it's so important to allow yourself the time necessary to heal. If you're looking for support after miscarriage, this book will help you or a loved one. Companion website: MiscarriageHelp.com

So, that's it. I simply wanted to share this with you. 

God Bless and if you're feeling alone, please know you are not.

Ellen



 

Welcome to MiscarriageHelp.com. My name is Ellen DuBois, host of this site, miscarriage survivor, and author of I Never Held You: Miscarriage, Grief, Healing and Recovery. If you or someone you love has suffered a miscarriage, please know you're not alone. Connect with people who understand.

Note: Some people find it difficult to post comments here because it's not very clear how to do it. Just hit the "comment" link under any post. I'll get your comment and respond. If it's easier, please email me. [email protected]
Love & comfort to you, Ellen

The MiscarriageHelp.com Daily- paper.li- by Ellen DuBois. Updated daily with a curated selection of articles, blog posts, videos and photos. Click here. Miscarriage Support- Because Your Loss Matters.


Miscarriage: You Have The Right To Grieve #repost #miscarriage #righttogrieve

by Ellen DuBois on 06/08/18



If you've suffered a miscarriage, I'm truly sorry for your loss. I know it's a very difficult time. You probably feel like your world has been rocked to the core and maybe you feel like your grief, your very REAL grief, is being dismissed.

Ouch. If that's what you're experiencing, I know what it's like. I know how much you loved your baby and how you were planning on the big arrival. I understand what it's like to ache so much you feel it in your soul. I also know what it's like to hurt so much and feel alone in your grief.

If it seems like family and friends don't know how to support you, I get that, too. I think what hurts even more is when your grief is dismissed. Perhaps someone has told you that it's been long enough and you should just move on. Quite possibly a friend has said you can always have another baby and to hold on to that thought. The well intended words of a family member or friend who said there was probably something wrong with the baby hurt you more than helped.

When people dismiss your grief by telling you to move on, etc., it's painful. It's like saying your baby didn't matter and your loss should be somehow easier to deal with. Those of us who lived it know that simply isn't true.

Your loss is real and your journey through grief is just as real. It takes time, as with any loss, to even begin to start feeling like yourself again. Even at that, you're a changed version of yourself. Grief forces you to grow and I know it's a very painful way to do so.

There's so much going on inside of you when you suffer a miscarriage- mentally, physically and spiritually. The emotions you go through are sometimes excruciating. Not everyone is aware of this and you may feel pressured to go through your grief "quickly".

You don't need to do that, nor should you feel like you have to. After my miscarriage, I didn't like walking through the fire, but I had to do it. I didn't even see it while I was going through it. But, it was a fire and it took time to get over those hot coals.

If you feel like you don't have the right to grieve because others are either trying to push you forward before you're ready, please give yourself the time and space you need.

You have the right to grieve...and nobody has the right to tell you otherwise.

God Bless and may you find some comfort in knowing you are not alone,

Ellen


 

Welcome to MiscarriageHelp.com. My name is Ellen DuBois, host of this site, miscarriage survivor, and author of I Never Held You: Miscarriage, Grief, Healing and Recovery. If you or someone you love has suffered a miscarriage, please know you're not alone. Connect with people who understand.

Note: Some people find it difficult to post comments here because it's not very clear how to do it. Just hit the "comment" link under any post. I'll get your comment and respond. If it's easier, please email me. [email protected]
Love & comfort to you, Ellen

The MiscarriageHelp.com Daily- paper.li- by Ellen DuBois. Updated daily with a curated selection of articles, blog posts, videos and photos. Click here. Miscarriage Support- Because Your Loss Matters.


Miscarriage, Anniversary Dates, Remembering #Repost #miscarriage

by Ellen DuBois on 05/31/18



It's hard to believe, but my baby would have been in his twenties now. Sometimes, it seems so long ago. Other times, like the anniversary date of my miscarriage, the sting comes back. You heal. You move forward with life. You don't forget. The heart can't.- Ellen M. DuBois



 

Welcome to MiscarriageHelp.com. My name is Ellen DuBois, host of this site, miscarriage survivor, and author of I Never Held You: Miscarriage, Grief, Healing and Recovery. If you or someone you love has suffered a miscarriage, please know you're not alone. Connect with people who understand.

Note: Some people find it difficult to post comments here because it's not very clear how to do it. Just hit the "comment" link under any post. I'll get your comment and respond. If it's easier, please email me. [email protected]
Love & comfort to you, Ellen

The MiscarriageHelp.com Daily- paper.li- by Ellen DuBois. Updated daily with a curated selection of articles, blog posts, videos and photos. Click here. Miscarriage Support- Because Your Loss Matters.


Click here to purchase my miscarriage support book, I Never Held You, on Amazon



Hello. My name is Ellen DuBois. Welcome to MiscarriageHelp.com. I am deeply sorry for your loss.



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"MiscarriageHelp.com is a support site for women and their families who have suffered the pain, loss and grief after miscarriage. I respond personally to each email and post and have been doing so since 2006. It's an outreach to me, as I try to connect and support those who have walked the often lonely road after miscarriage. Why? I don't want anyone to feel as alone as I did over twenty years ago after my own miscarriage." - Love & comfort to you, Ellen

Ellen M. DuBois is the author of I Never Held You: Miscarriage, Grief, Healing and Recovery



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