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Are You Watching Me From Heaven?

by Ellen M. DuBois on 11/04/20



There are times I feel the love of the baby I miscarried so strongly it's palpable. It's as if I know he's surrounding me and we'll always be connected. It's a feeling deep in my soul and there's no shaking it.

I often feel the love of others who are in Heaven- like my mother. Again, the feeling of connection is so incredibly strong there's no denying it's real. It's energy.

If you feel your baby's love surrounding you from Heaven, please know you're not alone. You're not crazy or imagining things. Not to me. It's as real as the sun and moon.

 

 

 

Welcome to MiscarriageHelp.com. My name is Ellen DuBois, host of this site, miscarriage survivor, and author of I Never Held You: Miscarriage, Grief, Healing and Recovery. If you or someone you love has suffered a miscarriage, please know you're not alone. Connect with people who understand.

Note: Some people find it difficult to post comments here because it's not very clear how to do it. Just hit the "comment" link under any post. I'll get your comment and respond. If it's easier, please email me. [email protected]


My book, I Never Held You, is mentioned in this column. More importantly, it addresses how difficult anniversary dates can be:

Repost: Miscarriage, I'm Doing the Best I Can

by Ellen M. DuBois on 11/02/20




Your best is good enough. I know what it's like to feel like you should be happy...but it's like an invisible weight is on your shoulders when you're grieving. After I miscarried, there were times when I wanted to feel the joy at a family gathering, birthday, or over the holidays. There were times I did...but, I carried a sadness with me that only time could lessen. Sometimes, I just couldn't get it together and I grew to realize it was all a part of grieving. 

So many years have passed for me and I still find myself thinking about the baby I loved with all my heart and never held. I still miss him and will always feel connected to him. I'm much better now at allowing joy into my life. But, back then, I really struggled. If you feel anything like this, please know you're not alone.

I'm so sorry for your loss and I'm keeping you in my prayers.

Ellen

 

 

Welcome to MiscarriageHelp.com. My name is Ellen DuBois, host of this site, miscarriage survivor, and author of I Never Held You: Miscarriage, Grief, Healing and Recovery. If you or someone you love has suffered a miscarriage, please know you're not alone. Connect with people who understand.

Note: Some people find it difficult to post comments here because it's not very clear how to do it. Just hit the "comment" link under any post. I'll get your comment and respond. If it's easier, please email me. [email protected]


My book, I Never Held You, is mentioned in this column. More importantly, it addresses how difficult anniversary dates can be:

Some Days...

by Ellen M. DuBois on 11/02/20



We are living in such uncertain times. Suffering a miscarriage is terrible enough, never mind in the midst of a pandemic.


I remember when I miscarried. The world seemed skewed. Nothing felt right or normal. But now, nothing is right or normal. It will be, but for now, all we can do is hang on to hope and keep the faith. 

I rewind back to the time when I lost my baby. I was four months pregnant. My sweet baby died. To this day I feel it. After my D&C, I was mostly numb. Nothing felt real except for the pain and emptiness. I was sad, angry, jealous, felt guilty and found it so difficult to get any footing.

If that were me today, in the middle of this storm we're in, I don't know how I'd do. I have to believe I'd make it through. But, I can't imagine the additional struggle of grieving during this world health crisis. I felt alone way back then and my heart goes out to anyone who has suffered a miscarriage, or any kind of loss, during this time. You are in my prayers and I hope you are able to cling to your faith, to those you love for support, to those you don't know but connect with online...I want you to know how sorry I am for your loss.

Some days you get by and others you barely do.

I get that.

Sending you my love, support and prayers.

Ellen

 

 

Welcome to MiscarriageHelp.com. My name is Ellen DuBois, host of this site, miscarriage survivor, and author of I Never Held You: Miscarriage, Grief, Healing and Recovery. If you or someone you love has suffered a miscarriage, please know you're not alone. Connect with people who understand.

Note: Some people find it difficult to post comments here because it's not very clear how to do it. Just hit the "comment" link under any post. I'll get your comment and respond. If it's easier, please email me. [email protected]


My book, I Never Held You, is mentioned in this column. More importantly, it addresses how difficult anniversary dates can be:

Repost: To The Woman Who Miscarried A Long Time Ago

by Ellen M. DuBois on 10/29/20



I am so sorry for your loss. Some of you may not have heard those words. Years ago they didn't talk about miscarriage...it was kind of swept under the rug and life, your life, was expected to go on as normal. I know that's the furthest thing from the truth. I know because I lived it and I still think about the baby I loved and lost.  I still miss him and he'd be an adult now. All grown up. Maybe he'd have his own family. 

Perhaps you, like me, have spent years, actually a couple of decades, wondering what your baby would have been like. I've missed all those first moments with him and feel somewhat cheated of a life with him. Not all the time. The wound isn't as raw as it used to be. However, there are times I wish I lived the other life, the one where I watched my baby grow up. It will always sadden me that I didn't see those first steps, that first tooth growing in, hear his first word, see the first beautiful smile. All of it.  

I used to be somewhat reluctant to say these things because I thought it best I didn't.  I didn't want people to think I was "brooding" or stuck in the past. Then I realized these were my feelings and I had every right to feel them. My loss, my grief, my way of feeling. Holding it in doesn't do any good. I'm being real, true to myself and to you. This is what's in my heart. 

I'm not saying I'm unhappy with my life today. That's not it. I count my blessings and know for whatever reason, this was the path my life was supposed to take. I am where I'm supposed to be at this moment. 

That doesn't mean I don't sometimes wander into the world of "what could have been." After all, I didn't lose a car. I lost a baby. My life was profoundly changed and I'd be willing to bet yours was, too.

So, if you have missed your baby for years and sometimes drift into the world of "what ifs and could have beens", you aren't alone.  I get it and we can take comfort in knowing we have walked this path together for quite some time.

Wishing you health, love and light.

Ellen

 

 

 

Welcome to MiscarriageHelp.com. My name is Ellen DuBois, host of this site, miscarriage survivor, and author of I Never Held You: Miscarriage, Grief, Healing and Recovery. If you or someone you love has suffered a miscarriage, please know you're not alone. Connect with people who understand.

Note: Some people find it difficult to post comments here because it's not very clear how to do it. Just hit the "comment" link under any post. I'll get your comment and respond. If it's easier, please email me. [email protected]


My book, I Never Held You, is mentioned in this column. More importantly, it addresses how difficult anniversary dates can be:

Excerpt from I Never Held You- Moving On (after miscarriage)

by Ellen M. DuBois on 10/08/20



None of us knows what life has in store for us. There are going to be great, beautiful things happening, and there are going to be painful things that try your spirit. Accepting the challenge, or 'moving on,' is what life's about.

I know that as painful as my miscarriage was for me, it served a purpose in my life. I'm not saying that this is a good thing to have happen to you! What I mean is that without that terrible event, I would not be able to write these words in the hope of helping you. If I hadn't lived it, I couldn't talk about it like this. If I didn't cry the tears that you've cried, you wouldn't give a hoot about what I'm saying to you.

Why would you? What would I know of your grief, sadness, blame, guilt, and fear?

I do know.

There are so many of us on different paths. We are professionals in the workforce or professional mothers. We are painters and singers. We are caretakers, and we are movie stars. Some of us may have children, while some of us don't. My point is that we all have our own lives, and our diversity is wonderful. The one thing that connects us all is that we are women who experienced a terrible loss that seemed, in many cases, to go unacknowledged by many. We have all felt the dismissal of our very real grief, and we have all felt alone and isolated because of it. We have all wondered what 'might have been,' and we have all been caught off guard by powerful emotions resurfacing.

As you move on down your road, whatever that road may be, I want you to know that what you're experiencing is something that I, along with millions of other women, have experienced. This does not lessen your pain- it acknowledges it. You are not abnormal for crying 'too much.' You are not going crazy when years have passed and you still find yourself remembering and feeling. We cry our tears together. You are not alone in your struggle to get through this ...

Most importantly, you will.

 

 

Welcome to MiscarriageHelp.com. My name is Ellen DuBois, host of this site, miscarriage survivor, and author of I Never Held You: Miscarriage, Grief, Healing and Recovery. If you or someone you love has suffered a miscarriage, please know you're not alone. Connect with people who understand.

Note: Some people find it difficult to post comments here because it's not very clear how to do it. Just hit the "comment" link under any post. I'll get your comment and respond. If it's easier, please email me. [email protected]


My book, I Never Held You, is mentioned in this column. More importantly, it addresses how difficult anniversary dates can be:



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Welcome to MiscarriageHelp.com. My name is Ellen DuBois, host of this site, miscarriage survivor, and author of I Never Held You: Miscarriage, Grief, Healing and Recovery. If you or someone you love has suffered a miscarriage, please know you're not alone. Connect with people who understand.

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