MiscarriageHelp.com

I wanted to take a moment to tell you a little about myself and why reaching out to women who have miscarried is so important to me.

My name is Ellen DuBois. I'm the author of I Never Held You: Miscarriage, Grief, Healing and Recovery and Host of MiscarriageHelp.com. Reaching out to women who have miscarried is something I've been doing since 2009 and I'm passionate about. I know what it's like to feel alone after miscarriage. Writing a book and providing a website where women and their families can share is very important to me. Even today, miscarriage and its fallout are often dismissed, leaving many feeling like there's nowhere to turn. I want to become part of the solution. I'm not a doctor. Who am I? I'm a woman who's lived through miscarriage and later shared my experiences in an effort to reach out to others so they feel less alone and more connected. That connection brings with it support.

I've also been published with Blue Mountain Arts, and am a contributing author to several books including: Soul Matters for Teens, Sisters, (Blue Mountain Arts gift book), Conquering Panic and Anxiety Disorders- Success Stories, Strategies and other Good News, Romancing the Soul, More God Allows U-Turns. Additionally, I'm also known as "Miss Ellen"- a piano teacher to students from 5 to adult.

You are all in my prayers and I'm sending loads of love, light and support your way. 

Ellen

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This is my response to an email I received today. I have not included the sender's name out of respect for her privacy. I'm sharing this with you today, the last day of 2018, because I know this can be a very difficult time of year. After suffering a miscarriage, holidays often are trying times. You want to feel happy but your heart is grieving. Compounded with other things like anxiety, fear, guilt, etc., you may find yourself wondering how you're going to find happiness as we ring in the new year.

As with any loss, you need time to grieve and heal. That doesn't mean you forget, but healing does come over time and it's different for all of us.

I remember feeling like the world just didn't "get it" after I miscarried. It was like the rest of the planet was on "play" and I was stuck on "pause".

Your loss was very real and it sounds like you're afraid that you may not be able to get pregnant again. I am not a doctor, so I don't know what to say about that. It sounds like there's a chance and that's something I hope you find comfort in. (My sister had both children in her thirties and I know many women who have.) I hope you find some comfort in that and have faith, too. Easier said than done, I know. Perhaps some reassurance from your doctor would help? Or a group of women who had children in their 30's and 40's? Just thinking "out loud" and sharing with you.

It's a very emotional time of year for anyone who has suffered a loss and I'm sorry you've found yourself in that group. Please remember: Your best is good enough and taking things a day at a time is all you can do. When you focus on your worries to the point they consume you- about the future, ever getting pregnant, feeling guilty, all of it, it makes it hard to see the joy and to be present in the moment. Being present in the moment allows you to feel whatever you need to. Maybe you need to cry. Maybe you'll take a walk and focus on the beauty around you. Balance is key and it's not an easy thing to find when your world feels upside down. But, it's possible and it helps emotionally, physically and spiritually.

I wish I could help the pain go away, but I know that's impossible. I remember when just getting through the day without crying was a challenge. Over time, I started to feel a bit more like myself. It just happened- over time. When I held everything in, I ended up sick, (really sick, with pneumonia). So talking, or venting is important. If talking to someone, (like a friend or counselor), is more helpful, I hope you're able to do that. If writing things down to get your feelings out helps, I hope do more of it like you did in this email to me. All these things and more help you to focus more on healing, which makes you better able to cope. Does that make sense?

I am sorry for what you have been through. That goes out to your sister in law, too. Losing a baby is extremely difficult and I wouldn't compare the circumstances. I pray for both of you as you navigate the waters.

I'll be keeping you in my thoughts and prayers. May 2019 be a year of healing and joy for you.

 

Welcome to MiscarriageHelp.com. My name is Ellen DuBois, host of this site, miscarriage survivor, and author of I Never Held You: Miscarriage, Grief, Healing and Recovery. If you or someone you love has suffered a miscarriage, please know you're not alone. Connect with people who understand.

Note: Some people find it difficult to post comments here because it's not very clear how to do it. Just hit the "comment" link under any post. I'll get your comment and respond. If it's easier, please email me. [email protected]

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My heart goes out to all who are grieving this Christmas and holiday season. May you feel the comfort and love of your precious one in Heaven. 

Love and comfort to you,

Ellen

If you need to share, vent, feel heard, that's what this site is for. It's been online since 2006. Women from all over the world, of many ages and backgrounds have have posted here. Some have found comfort and felt far less alone just reading through some of the posts. 

I am keeping you in my thoughts and prayers. If you feel my book will help you or someone you love, I pray it does. Take what feels right to you from it. We all grieve and heal differently. My hope is that you find your way to a place of healing.

Ellen DuBois, Author of I Never Held You: Miscarriage, Grief, Healing and Recovery

 

Welcome to MiscarriageHelp.com. My name is Ellen DuBois, host of this site, miscarriage survivor, and author of I Never Held You: Miscarriage, Grief, Healing and Recovery. If you or someone you love has suffered a miscarriage, please know you're not alone. Connect with people who understand.

Note: Some people find it difficult to post comments here because it's not very clear how to do it. Just hit the "comment" link under any post. I'll get your comment and respond. If it's easier, please email me. [email protected]

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I get it. I remember how tough the Christmas following my miscarriage was. All I could think about was the baby I lost. I was consumed with thoughts like:

 It's hard to feel merry. It feels like the world is celebrating and I'm stuck on pause.

This should be our first Christmas together.

How can I feel happy when inside I'm so sad?

Nothing feels right. The whole world feels different.

When will I feel like me again?

I feel like I'm going to lose it.

How can I be around all these people when inside I feel like I'm screaming?

Doesn't anyone understand that I'm grieving?

I know what it's like and I can tell you that although you will never forget your baby, things will get easier for you in time. If your wounds are very raw right now, please know that your best is good enough. Just take everything one day at a time and if you need to "step away", you can.

Pray for strength. Pray for comfort. Ask the angels to surround you this Christmas and give you some peace. Take some deep breaths. What others may think about your loss really doesn't matter. You have every right to feel and in time you will heal.

Christmas was tough for me for a long time. Even now, when my baby would have been a 27 year old, I think of him, particularly on Christmas. I have an ornament hanging on the tree with his name on it. No, I will never forget my baby and I certainly don't expect you will. I hope you find some comfort in feeling your little one's spirit near you.

On the flip side, if you do find yourself smiling, or a feeling of peace and happiness surfaces, please allow yourself to feel that, too. It's a gift and even while you're grieving, you can still feel joy. As Dr. Wayne Dyer once said, "You can grieve and live at the same time." (That has stuck with me, especially since the loss of my mother.)

"Sometimes it's hard to feel merry. It feels like the world is celebrating and I'm stuck on pause. That's what grief does."- Ellen M. DuBois

My heart goes out to all who are grieving this Christmas and holiday season. You are in my thoughts and prayers.

Love and comfort to you,

Ellen

If you need to share, vent, feel heard, that's what this site is for. It's been online since 2006. Women from all over the world, of many ages and backgrounds have have posted here. Some have found comfort and felt far less alone just reading through some of the posts. 

I am keeping you in my thoughts and prayers. If you feel my book will help you or someone you love, I pray it does. Take what feels right to you from it. We all grieve and heal differently. My hope is that you find your way to a place of healing.

Wishing you joy, peace, healing and comfort during the holiday season and all year through. - Ellen

 Ellen DuBois, Author of I Never Held You: Miscarriage, Grief, Healing and Recovery

 

Welcome to MiscarriageHelp.com. My name is Ellen DuBois, host of this site, miscarriage survivor, and author of I Never Held You: Miscarriage, Grief, Healing and Recovery. If you or someone you love has suffered a miscarriage, please know you're not alone. Connect with people who understand.

Note: Some people find it difficult to post comments here because it's not very clear how to do it. Just hit the "comment" link under any post. I'll get your comment and respond. If it's easier, please email me. [email protected]

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If I had a wish

I knew would come true-

I'd ask to visit Heaven

so I could see you.

You're loved beyond measure,

you're missed

so many ways.

I send you my love

this Christmas-

and every day.

- Ellen M. DuBois

#griefsupport #miscarriagesupport #griefpoem #missyouatChristmas

I Never Held You: Miscarriage, Grief, Healing and Recovery

If you need to share, vent, feel heard, that's what this site is for. It's been online since 2006. Women from all over the world, of many ages and backgrounds have have posted here. Some have found comfort and felt far less alone just reading through some of the posts. 

I am keeping you in my thoughts and prayers. If you feel my book will help you or someone you love, I pray it does. Take what feels right to you from it. We all grieve and heal differently. My hope is that you find your way to a place of healing.

Wishing you joy, peace, healing and comfort during the holiday season and all year through. - Ellen

 Ellen DuBois, Author of I Never Held You: Miscarriage, Grief, Healing and Recovery

 

Welcome to MiscarriageHelp.com. My name is Ellen DuBois, host of this site, miscarriage survivor, and author of I Never Held You: Miscarriage, Grief, Healing and Recovery. If you or someone you love has suffered a miscarriage, please know you're not alone. Connect with people who understand.

Note: Some people find it difficult to post comments here because it's not very clear how to do it. Just hit the "comment" link under any post. I'll get your comment and respond. If it's easier, please email me. [email protected]

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