Your Are Not Alone In Your Struggle To Get Through This
by Ellen M. DuBois on 06/27/19
I remember leaving the hospital almost three decades ago feeling numb. I'd just learned my baby had died inside of me and there was not a damn thing I could do about it. The words "your fetus is no longer viable" kept playing over in my mind like a broken record. The pavement was gray and cracked. I could only look down at my feet as my sister and I walked to her car from the hospital.
After my D&C, I tried my best just to get through the days. My husband at the time dealt with things as best he could. However, his way and my way of trying to get a handle on losing our baby were very different. I needed to connect. He didn't want to talk about it. It's a story I've (sadly) heard from many women.
Miscarriage isn't easy. It's a loss as real as any other. To those who have lived this, you know. To those who haven't and are reading this, it's good for you to know what a woman feels after she miscarries. It's devastating and she is grieving. She's grieving the loss of her baby, of her pregnancy, of all the wishes, hopes and dreams she had for her baby. In an instant...they were gone.
But, the love she had (and still has) for her baby is not.
I felt very alone. It wasn't until I began reaching out to others through my book and website (this blog) that I felt connected to women who lived the same horrible loss. I got them and they got me.
That connection proved to be so important to me and the women who shared their stories with me. I believe it helps us heal when we know someone is there, even if we can't see them face to face, who empathizes with us.
I learned that so many of us have felt alone after losing a baby to miscarriage. We try to talk to those around us, but many times they simply don't know how to deal with our pain and loss. It seems an unrealistic time frame is placed upon our grief because in many cases, there was never a baby seen. That somehow diminishes our loss in people's eyes- as if they're saying it's time to move on and get over this.
Those words hurt. I know because I heard them first hand.
To all of you who feel alone, I want you to know you are not. We carry each other, support each other, in your struggle to get through this.
Sending you love and light, and I'm so sorry for your loss.
Welcome to MiscarriageHelp.com. My name is Ellen DuBois, host of this site, miscarriage survivor, and author of I Never Held You: Miscarriage, Grief, Healing and Recovery. If you or someone you love has suffered a miscarriage, please know you're not alone. Connect with people who understand.
Note: Some people find it difficult to post comments here because it's not very clear how to do it. Just hit the "comment" link under any post. I'll get your comment and respond. If it's easier, please email me. [email protected]