You will always be the dream that stayed inside :

You will always be the dream that stayed inside

by Ellen M. DuBois on 11/15/19

So many years, thoughts, dreams have passed since I miscarried. Life has gone on, changes, seasons, loves, career goals. I've accomplished things and there are things I wish to accomplish. I have some regrets, have made both good and bad decisions and have learned and grown. 

There have been unexpected curveballs and twists in life and I've found my feet upon paths I never expected to walk. I've not traveled paths I expected to.

My faith has grown and so has the realization that life is so precious. I always thought so, but more so now. Time does that. Loss does that.

I've learned I could survive the loss of my mother. Something I never, ever wanted to think about. I still don't, but I'm here and it's been over four years. 

And, to this day I remember and love the baby I lost and never got to hold. I still picture what life would be like had he survived. Somewhere in my mind there's an alternate universe where I "see" life, birthdays, Christmases, the firsts of everything with my child. I know it's not real, but it's there, tucked away in a special part of my mind and my heart.

To my sweet baby in Heaven, you will always be the dream that stayed inside.



Welcome to My name is Ellen DuBois, host of this site, miscarriage survivor, and author of I Never Held You: Miscarriage, Grief, Healing and Recovery. If you or someone you love has suffered a miscarriage, please know you're not alone. Connect with people who understand.

Note: Some people find it difficult to post comments here because it's not very clear how to do it. Just hit the "comment" link under any post. I'll get your comment and respond. If it's easier, please email me. [email protected]

My book, I Never Held You, is mentioned in this column. More importantly, it addresses how difficult anniversary dates can be:

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Welcome to My name is Ellen DuBois and I am deeply sorry for your loss. is a support site for women and their families who have suffered the pain, loss and grief after miscarriage. I respond personally to each email and post and have been doing so since 2006. It's an outreach to me. I try to connect and give whatever support I can to those who have walked the often lonely road after miscarriage. Why? I don't want anyone to feel as alone as I did over twenty years ago after I miscarried. I'm not a doctor. 
I'm just a woman who's lived through it and am here to listen, share and provide a space for you to share with each other, too.- Love & comfort to you, Ellen 
You can purchase my book, I Never Held You, miscarriage, grief, healing and recovery at Amazon by clicking on this link: I Never Held You