To The Baby I Miscarried: My Love Is With You Always :
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My name is Ellen DuBois and I've been hosting this site since about 2009. I miscarried many years ago when I was 25 and it really turned my life upside down. I remember going into bookstores to find something that spoke to the grief and pain I was feeling. Typically I walked out empty handed and on the verge of tears. Every book I saw was about having a baby...not losing one. ​

It was sad, lonely and very isolating. And remember, there was no Internet to go to. If you wanted to find a support group, you had to ask around. ​

Why didn't my doctor talk to me more about it? Why was my baby called a "fetus" and not "viable"? Why did this happen to me and why couldn't I find any kind of support? My mind was full of "whys, what ifs and could have beens". For anyone who has lived through miscarriage, I think you know what I mean. ​

All these years later I'm still advocating for women who have miscarried. I want people to better understand what a woman who has miscarried is going through. How? By posting in my blog, sharing articles from "Miscarriage Help", a free newsletter I curate and by listening to you. ​

I know nothing will change what happened to us. But, it is one of my greatest hopes that the medical community and society will treat miscarriage as the real loss it is. ​

May God and the angels comfort you. May you be given the strength you need. I pray you feel compassion, connection and empathy from those who have walked the same path. ​

Love and Light, ​


I Never Held You is a supportive book about miscarriage, grief, healing and recovery. It is helpful for those who have just suffered a miscarriage, or for women who lost their babies years ago when there was little, if any, support. Join author Ellen DuBois as she shares her journey- from the initial shock of learning her baby had passed away to reaching a place of healing and accepting her new normal. She never forgot her unborn baby and he continues to touch her life in countless ways. Dr. Linda Backman contributed the foreword and several chapters as both a licensed grief counselor and a woman who survived the loss of her son Adam, born at 26 weeks who lived for about an hour. Her heartbreaking loss is what led her to become a grief counselor and more. Also included in this book are four touching stories from women who miscarried. The second half of the book focuses on things the author found helpful in healing. She says: Take what works for you, leave what doesn't, and remember to take one day at a time. There is no time frame on grief. Your loss matters, and so do you.

To The Baby I Miscarried: My Love Is With You Always

by Ellen M. DuBois on 03/23/22

Sometimes my own miscarriage seems like a lifetime ago. Other times the pain is so raw. I think that's the nature of loss - of grief. Something triggers a memory, a feeling, and it all comes rushing back.

I miscarried 30 years ago. It's hard to imagine it's been that long, but it has. Three decades of living and all that goes with life. I've laughed, cried, survived the loss of my mother and more. Like all of us, life is full of ups and downs. It's the light and darkness we all experience that make up our journey. 

But, I get what it's like to wonder, even after three decades, how life would have been if my much loved baby had survived. My stomach flips when I think about him - even as I'm typing these words. I believe it's the love that connects us and always will. My soul knows my baby is on the other side and we are joined by a Divine thread that bridges Heaven and earth.

As I have lived, my soul has grown. I see life as a spiritual journey with so many lessons to be learned along the way. And, while I have grown through the mere act of living, missing the child I carried in my womb for about four months has remained constant. 

To those of you who think about the precious baby you lost years, even decades ago, I want you to know you're not alone. I don't believe it's "crazy' or something you should "forget" or "get over". These catch phrases hurt and have no place in the life of any of us. They serve no purpose. Just be yourself and feel what you do. To me, it's part of the journey and remembering, the very definition of love.


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About me:  My name is Ellen DuBois, born and raised in Massachusetts. I love New England with its changes in seasons and natural beauty.

I'm the author of I Never Held You: Miscarriage, Grief, Healing and Recovery and Jackie's Heart. Since 2006 I've been hosting, a support site for women and their families who have miscarried.

I'm published with Blue Mountain Arts, and am a contributing author to several books including: Soul Matters for Teens, Sisters, (a Blue Mountain Arts gift book), Conquering Panic and Anxiety Disorders- Success Stories, Strategies and other Good News, Romancing the Soul, More God Allows U-Turns.

I'm also known as "Miss Ellen"- a piano teacher to students from 5 to tween and beyond. Music is another passion of mine and I'm blessed to share the gift of music. I'm also a shudder bug like my mother was. I love taking pictures. 

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