The "what ifs and could have beens." :

The "what ifs and could have beens."

by Ellen M. DuBois on 10/04/18

"On October 25, 1988, American President Ronald Reagan designated the entire month of October 1988 as Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Month."

I am so sorry for anyone who has been through the heartbreak of losing a baby to miscarriage, any way. My heart and prayers go out to you.

On my Facebook page, I am deeply moved by the comments women have made. They've shared their feelings, even if only in a few words, about life and grief after miscarriage. Some have lived through this terrible loss recently while others, like me, experienced a miscarriage or multiple miscarriages years ago.

The thing is, although time heals, it doesn't erase your feelings. Time makes getting through the day easier. Time passes and perhaps the sting of baby loss grows less. It's not as raw.

What doesn't lessen is the love you feel for the baby, or babies, you lost. That love is so strong I believe it connects us forever. When we remember, even if it's been 30 plus years, tears often fall. Once again we feel the sadness and all the "what ifs and could have beens."

You are all in my thoughts and prayers. I am so sorry for your loss.

Love, Ellen

Welcome to My name is Ellen DuBois, host of this site, miscarriage survivor, and author of I Never Held You: Miscarriage, Grief, Healing and Recovery. If you or someone you love has suffered a miscarriage, please know you're not alone. Connect with people who understand.

Note: Some people find it difficult to post comments here because it's not very clear how to do it. Just hit the "comment" link under any post. I'll get your comment and respond. If it's easier, please email me. [email protected]

The Daily- by Ellen DuBois. Updated daily with a curated selection of articles, blog posts, videos and photos. Click here. Miscarriage Support- Because Your Loss Matters.

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Welcome to My name is Ellen DuBois and I am deeply sorry for your loss. is a support site for women and their families who have suffered the pain, loss and grief after miscarriage. I respond personally to each email and post and have been doing so since 2006. It's an outreach to me. I try to connect and give whatever support I can to those who have walked the often lonely road after miscarriage. Why? I don't want anyone to feel as alone as I did over twenty years ago after I miscarried. I'm not a doctor. 
I'm just a woman who's lived through it and am here to listen, share and provide a space for you to share with each other, too.- Love & comfort to you, Ellen 
You can purchase my book, I Never Held You, miscarriage, grief, healing and recovery at Amazon by clicking on this link: I Never Held You