Take Care of Yourself (Even when you don't feel up to it.) : MiscarriageHelp.com

Take Care of Yourself (Even when you don't feel up to it.)

by Ellen DuBois on 06/28/18

I remember feeling so filled with sadness after my miscarriage.  I didn't think much about taking care of myself. The days were filled with countless tears. I walked around feeling like there was a wet blanket draped over my shoulders.

My energy was spent trying to get through the day without crying. Tears came at unexpected times, along with panic attacks, social anxiety and depression. It was a terrible mix and it was all part of my grief.

Losing my baby to miscarriage was one of the saddest things I've ever lived through. It took a long time for the world to feel "right" again. During the months that followed my miscarriage, I didn't sleep well, didn't eat right, didn't talk much about my loss and kept so much inside.  I pushed through the days. I went to work, came home, made dinner and felt the distance grow between my husband and I.  I didn't have him to lean on when I needed him most, so I carried my feelings around like the heavy, wet blanket I mentioned at the beginning of this post.

Self care is not selfish. Taking care of yourself so you don't get sick, especially when you're grieving, is so important. I get that it's difficult because you're so caught up in feeling sad that you don't think about nurturing yourself- your soul. 
I spiraled downward until I landed at the doctor's office right before the Fourth of July. I was very weak and it was so hard to breathe. I'll never forget that day. I called my mother and she brought me. I didn't have the strength to drive.

Turns out I had a double lobe pneumonia. It was the worst Fourth of July I ever had. I spent it coughing on the couch, surrounded by tissues while my husband, (at the time), went to a family cookout down the street. I don't say this because I want you to feel sorry for me. It was a long time ago and I wanted him to go. But, it was terrible! 

I learned the hard way how important it is to take care of yourself, even when you don't feel up to it. You are so worth it and when you're grieving, you often don't see (or feel) it.

I am so sorry for your loss. One day at a time and if you can remember to take a minute each day to check in with yourself, please do. Ask yourself if you've eaten anything, rested, drank enough water, talked to anyone if you felt like it, etc. Did you give yourself permission to cry? Those tears have to fall sometime to free up room inside for healing.  How's your faith? Did you ask God for help? The angels? There is a support system there for you all the time, even when you can't see it and feel alone. I learned that, too.

Love and Light to you,



Welcome to MiscarriageHelp.com. My name is Ellen DuBois, host of this site, miscarriage survivor, and author of I Never Held You: Miscarriage, Grief, Healing and Recovery. If you or someone you love has suffered a miscarriage, please know you're not alone. Connect with people who understand.

Note: Some people find it difficult to post comments here because it's not very clear how to do it. Just hit the "comment" link under any post. I'll get your comment and respond. If it's easier, please email me. ell[email protected]
Love & comfort to you, Ellen

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Hello. My name is Ellen DuBois. Welcome to MiscarriageHelp.com. I am deeply sorry for your loss.

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"MiscarriageHelp.com is a support site for women and their families who have suffered the pain, loss and grief after miscarriage. I respond personally to each email and post and have been doing so since 2006. It's an outreach to me, as I try to connect and support those who have walked the often lonely road after miscarriage. Why? I don't want anyone to feel as alone as I did over twenty years ago after my own miscarriage." - Love & comfort to you, Ellen

Ellen M. DuBois is the author of I Never Held You: Miscarriage, Grief, Healing and Recovery

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