It's Hard to Feel Merry. #miscarriage #grief #hardtofeelmerry #repost :

It's Hard to Feel Merry. #miscarriage #grief #hardtofeelmerry #repost

by Ellen M. DuBois on 12/13/18


I get it. I remember how tough the Christmas following my miscarriage was. All I could think about was the baby I lost. I was consumed with thoughts like:

 It's hard to feel merry. It feels like the world is celebrating and I'm stuck on pause.

This should be our first Christmas together.

How can I feel happy when inside I'm so sad?

Nothing feels right. The whole world feels different.

When will I feel like me again?

I feel like I'm going to lose it.

How can I be around all these people when inside I feel like I'm screaming?

Doesn't anyone understand that I'm grieving?

I know what it's like and I can tell you that although you will never forget your baby, things will get easier for you in time. If your wounds are very raw right now, please know that your best is good enough. Just take everything one day at a time and if you need to "step away", you can.

Pray for strength. Pray for comfort. Ask the angels to surround you this Christmas and give you some peace. Take some deep breaths. What others may think about your loss really doesn't matter. You have every right to feel and in time you will heal.

Christmas was tough for me for a long time. Even now, when my baby would have been a 27 year old, I think of him, particularly on Christmas. I have an ornament hanging on the tree with his name on it. No, I will never forget my baby and I certainly don't expect you will. I hope you find some comfort in feeling your little one's spirit near you.

On the flip side, if you do find yourself smiling, or a feeling of peace and happiness surfaces, please allow yourself to feel that, too. It's a gift and even while you're grieving, you can still feel joy. As Dr. Wayne Dyer once said, "You can grieve and live at the same time." (That has stuck with me, especially since the loss of my mother.)

"Sometimes it's hard to feel merry. It feels like the world is celebrating and I'm stuck on pause. That's what grief does."- Ellen M. DuBois

My heart goes out to all who are grieving this Christmas and holiday season. You are in my thoughts and prayers.

Love and comfort to you,


I Never Held You: Miscarriage, Grief, Healing and Recovery



If you need to share, vent, feel heard, that's what this site is for. It's been online since 2006. Women from all over the world, of many ages and backgrounds have have posted here. Some have found comfort and felt far less alone just reading through some of the posts. 

I am keeping you in my thoughts and prayers. If you feel my book will help you or someone you love, I pray it does. Take what feels right to you from it. We all grieve and heal differently. My hope is that you find your way to a place of healing.

Wishing you joy, peace, healing and comfort during the holiday season and all year through. - Ellen

 Ellen DuBois, Author of I Never Held You: Miscarriage, Grief, Healing and Recovery


Welcome to My name is Ellen DuBois, host of this site, miscarriage survivor, and author of I Never Held You: Miscarriage, Grief, Healing and Recovery. If you or someone you love has suffered a miscarriage, please know you're not alone. Connect with people who understand.

Note: Some people find it difficult to post comments here because it's not very clear how to do it. Just hit the "comment" link under any post. I'll get your comment and respond. If it's easier, please email me. [email protected]

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Welcome to My name is Ellen DuBois and I am deeply sorry for your loss. is a support site for women and their families who have suffered the pain, loss and grief after miscarriage. I respond personally to each email and post and have been doing so since 2006. It's an outreach to me. I try to connect and give whatever support I can to those who have walked the often lonely road after miscarriage. Why? I don't want anyone to feel as alone as I did over twenty years ago after I miscarried. I'm not a doctor. 
I'm just a woman who's lived through it and am here to listen, share and provide a space for you to share with each other, too.- Love & comfort to you, Ellen 
You can purchase my book, I Never Held You, miscarriage, grief, healing and recovery at Amazon by clicking on this link: I Never Held You