#Repost To The Woman Who #Miscarried A Long Time Ago : MiscarriageHelp.com
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Welcome to MiscarriageHelp.com ​

My name is Ellen DuBois and I've been hosting this site since about 2009. I miscarried many years ago when I was 25 and it really turned my life upside down. I remember going into bookstores to find something that spoke to the grief and pain I was feeling. Typically I walked out empty handed and on the verge of tears. Every book I saw was about having a baby...not losing one. ​

It was sad, lonely and very isolating. And remember, there was no Internet to go to. If you wanted to find a support group, you had to ask around. ​

Why didn't my doctor talk to me more about it? Why was my baby called a "fetus" and not "viable"? Why did this happen to me and why couldn't I find any kind of support? My mind was full of "whys, what ifs and could have beens". For anyone who has lived through miscarriage, I think you know what I mean. ​

All these years later I'm still advocating for women who have miscarried. I want people to better understand what a woman who has miscarried is going through. How? By posting in my blog, sharing articles from "Miscarriage Help", a free newsletter I curate and by listening to you. ​

I know nothing will change what happened to us. But, it is one of my greatest hopes that the medical community and society will treat miscarriage as the real loss it is. ​

May God and the angels comfort you. May you be given the strength you need. I pray you feel compassion, connection and empathy from those who have walked the same path. ​

Love and Light, ​


I Never Held You is a supportive book about miscarriage, grief, healing and recovery. It is helpful for those who have just suffered a miscarriage, or for women who lost their babies years ago when there was little, if any, support. Join author Ellen DuBois as she shares her journey- from the initial shock of learning her baby had passed away to reaching a place of healing and accepting her new normal. She never forgot her unborn baby and he continues to touch her life in countless ways. Dr. Linda Backman contributed the foreword and several chapters as both a licensed grief counselor and a woman who survived the loss of her son Adam, born at 26 weeks who lived for about an hour. Her heartbreaking loss is what led her to become a grief counselor and more. Also included in this book are four touching stories from women who miscarried. The second half of the book focuses on things the author found helpful in healing. She says: Take what works for you, leave what doesn't, and remember to take one day at a time. There is no time frame on grief. Your loss matters, and so do you.

#Repost To The Woman Who #Miscarried A Long Time Ago

by Ellen M. DuBois on 03/14/22

I am so sorry for your loss. Some of you may not have heard those words. Years ago they didn't talk about miscarriage...it was kind of swept under the rug and life, your life, was expected to go on as normal. I know that's the furthest thing from the truth. I know because I lived it and I still think about the baby I loved and lost.  I still miss him and he'd be an adult now. All grown up. Maybe he'd have his own family. 

Perhaps you, like me, have spent years, actually a couple of decades, wondering what your baby would have been like. I've missed all those first moments with him and feel somewhat cheated of a life with him. Not all the time. The wound isn't as raw as it used to be. However, there are times I wish I lived the other life, the one where I watched my baby grow up. It will always sadden me that I didn't see those first steps, that first tooth growing in, hear his first word, see the first beautiful smile. All of it.  

I used to be somewhat reluctant to say these things because I thought it best I didn't.  I didn't want people to think I was "brooding" or stuck in the past. Then I realized these were my feelings and I had every right to feel them. My loss, my grief, my way of feeling. Holding it in doesn't do any good. I'm being real, true to myself and to you. This is what's in my heart. 

I'm not saying I'm unhappy with my life today. That's not it. I count my blessings and know for whatever reason, this was the path my life was supposed to take. I am where I'm supposed to be at this moment. 

That doesn't mean I don't sometimes wander into the world of "what could have been." After all, I didn't lose a car. I lost a baby. My life was proundly changed and I'd be willing to bet yours was, too.

So, if you have missed your baby for years and sometimes drift into the world of "what ifs and could have beens", you aren't alone.  I get it and we can take comfort in knowing we have walked this path together for quite some time.

Wishing you health, love and light.



About me:  My name is Ellen DuBois, born and raised in Massachusetts. I love New England with its changes in seasons and natural beauty.

I'm the author of I Never Held You: Miscarriage, Grief, Healing and Recovery and Jackie's Heart. Since 2006 I've been hosting MiscarriageHelp.com, a support site for women and their families who have miscarried.

I'm published with Blue Mountain Arts, and am a contributing author to several books including: Soul Matters for Teens, Sisters, (a Blue Mountain Arts gift book), Conquering Panic and Anxiety Disorders- Success Stories, Strategies and other Good News, Romancing the Soul, More God Allows U-Turns.

I'm also known as "Miss Ellen"- a piano teacher to students from 5 to tween and beyond. Music is another passion of mine and I'm blessed to share the gift of music. I'm also a shudder bug like my mother was. I love taking pictures. 

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