Things That Help When You're Overwhelmed #Miscarriage #remembering #overwhelmed :

Things That Help When You're Overwhelmed #Miscarriage #remembering #overwhelmed

by Ellen M. DuBois on 11/03/18

November has always been a bittersweet month for me. There's so much going that I enjoy. Thanksgiving is coming up. Fall is here and I love the fall. The air is cool and crisp, pumpkins and fall flowers decorate doorsteps. I love the smell of apples, homemade soups. All of it.

Except this: My baby would be been born in November. I remember the doctor telling my husband (at the time) and me we'd have a "Thanksgiving baby". 

I never saw or held my Thanksgiving baby because I found out I lost him at 16 weeks. 

My emotions are running so high right now. I know it's been over 25 years since I lost my baby boy named Alex. But, every Thanksgiving I think of him. I remember the day the doctor said  "the fetus is no longer viable".  I was so detached. I felt like I was living someone else's life and that went on for a long time. I said goodbye to my baby and to all the wishes, hopes, plans and dreams I had for him. Even now, all these years later- all this life lived later- my eyes feel the familiar sting of tears when I remember that terrible time.

I remember in November, and I'm feeling overwhelmed, too. There's so much going on and my emotions are heightened. I think that's normal for many of us. I do my best to keep things in perspective. Faith and prayer are my anchors. My family, is, too. My friends are like lights in the dark. 

Ever have one of those days when simply hearing your friend's voice calms you down? 

My fiance has been in pain for months. He'll be okay, but feeling helpless isn't something I do well with. Who does? I have to come up with a new business plan, which around Christmas, is almost too much to wrap my brain around. My mother passed away three-plus years ago and that always weighs heavily on my family- Dad, two sisters, grandchildren. Especially around the holidays.

If it sounds like I'm complaining I guess I am. I'm venting.  If you're feeling overwhelmed right now, if you're missing your baby and embracing the holidays scares the crap out of you because your emotions are extra sensitive, you are not alone. Maybe you need to vent, too. That's okay.

You may have a lot on your plate, or not. It doesn't matter. Once we enter this time of year many of us find emotions coming to the surface at rapid speed, from out of the blue and it makes you feel vulnerable- like you're teetering on some kind of "fine line". I know you're doing everything you can to keep your balance. If you need a little help, I'm going to share what works for me.

1. Without sounding too "preachy",  I find starting my day with prayer, a show of gratitude, helps. Even when the scales seem tipped way to far in the negative direction, counting my blessings really helps to tip things in my favor. Like the late Dr. Wayne Dyer said, "Change the way you look at things and the things you look at change." 

I know that doesn't take away all the pain you've lived. But, it helps get you through some tough times. The positive, (it's there, even when it's hard to find), tips your scale into a more balanced position. Example: health, a roof over your head, food to eat, a job, friends, family, a pet that loves you unconditionally. I know when I bring these blessings to the front of my mind it shifts my thinking. I feel lighter. I feel HOPE. 

2. Take some time to just "be". While being alone may not be the right thing for you, sometimes it is. There are times when I welcome being in my car because I'm alone. I don't turn on the radio because I want the quiet to surround me. It's like I'm in my own little "bubble" for a while. It calms me down.

3. Slowing down my pace and being aware of it gives me a sense of control and calm. I make myself walk slower in the grocery store. It's a conscious effort and I figure if I have to grocery shop, (or whatever),  I might as well take the hurried madness out of it and just chill out while doing it. It helps me. Maybe it'll help you.

4. Know you're not alone. We are all living a story. Sometimes, it's filled with joy and other times sadness. There are days we feel like we've got it together and there are others we really struggle to get through. No matter what, you are not alone and tomorrow is a brand new day. Do your best. It's okay to feel sad or down...we are human. We all remember and experience very trying, often  overwhelming times. 

5. Know you are loved by those around you and by your little one in Heaven. 

Love and Light to you,




Welcome to My name is Ellen DuBois, host of this site, miscarriage survivor, and author of I Never Held You: Miscarriage, Grief, Healing and Recovery. If you or someone you love has suffered a miscarriage, please know you're not alone. Connect with people who understand.

Note: Some people find it difficult to post comments here because it's not very clear how to do it. Just hit the "comment" link under any post. I'll get your comment and respond. If it's easier, please email me. [email protected]

The Daily- by Ellen DuBois. Updated daily with a curated selection of articles, blog posts, videos and photos. Click here. Miscarriage Support- Because Your Loss Matters.

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Welcome to My name is Ellen DuBois and I am deeply sorry for your loss. is a support site for women and their families who have suffered the pain, loss and grief after miscarriage. I respond personally to each email and post and have been doing so since 2006. It's an outreach to me. I try to connect and give whatever support I can to those who have walked the often lonely road after miscarriage. Why? I don't want anyone to feel as alone as I did over twenty years ago after I miscarried. I'm not a doctor. 
I'm just a woman who's lived through it and am here to listen, share and provide a space for you to share with each other, too.- Love & comfort to you, Ellen 
You can purchase my book, I Never Held You, miscarriage, grief, healing and recovery at Amazon by clicking on this link: I Never Held You