Miscarriage: I'm having a difficult time moving forward.
by Ellen M. DuBois on 04/07/22
It will be four years this July since I miscarried. It was one of the worst days of my life. I was alone and scared. I made a call to my doctor's office when I saw blood on the toilet paper while at a family cookout.
My husband was away on business. I didn't even have the chance to tell him we lost the baby right away because his cell phone wasn't working.
I got home that night after leaving him countless messages to please call me. My sister stayed with me through it all.
There are lots of details I'm leaving out, but the bottom line is I'm having such a difficult time moving forward from this. Some days it feels like it just happened. I can barely breathe. I know it's been four years, but the pain is there every single day and I feel like it's eating me up. My husband and I talk about it but honestly, I don't feel it does any good. I'm glad we can talk, but do I feel better? No. I think it's because it doesn't change anything. Nothing will bring my baby back and we've had a very difficult time getting pregnant again.
I'm rambling, lost, found your site and felt like spilling here. Thanks for taking the time to listen.
Hello. This is Ellen, host of this site. I've shared this email from Dianne after she told me it was fine to do so. I'll get back with a response and post it. I wanted to share it now so any of you who are feeling the same way realize you are not alone. I remember what it was like four years after my miscarriage. There were times the wound felt so raw.
Sending you all love and light and I'm so sorry for your loss.
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About me: My name is Ellen DuBois, born and raised in Massachusetts. I love New England with its changes in seasons and natural beauty.
I'm the author of I Never Held You: Miscarriage, Grief, Healing and Recovery and Jackie's Heart. Since 2006 I've been hosting MiscarriageHelp.com, a support site for women and their families who have miscarried.
I'm published with Blue Mountain Arts, and am a contributing author to several books including: Soul Matters for Teens, Sisters, (a Blue Mountain Arts gift book), Conquering Panic and Anxiety Disorders- Success Stories, Strategies and other Good News, Romancing the Soul, More God Allows U-Turns.
I'm also known as "Miss Ellen"- a piano teacher to students from 5 to tween and beyond. Music is another passion of mine and I'm blessed to share the gift of music. I'm also a shudder bug like my mother was. I love taking pictures.