Miscarriage Help: A Personal Update : MiscarriageHelp.com
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Welcome to MiscarriageHelp.com ​

My name is Ellen DuBois and I've been hosting this site since about 2009. I miscarried many years ago when I was 25 and it really turned my life upside down. I remember going into bookstores to find something that spoke to the grief and pain I was feeling. Typically I walked out empty handed and on the verge of tears. Every book I saw was about having a baby...not losing one. ​

It was sad, lonely and very isolating. And remember, there was no Internet to go to. If you wanted to find a support group, you had to ask around. ​

Why didn't my doctor talk to me more about it? Why was my baby called a "fetus" and not "viable"? Why did this happen to me and why couldn't I find any kind of support? My mind was full of "whys, what ifs and could have beens". For anyone who has lived through miscarriage, I think you know what I mean. ​

All these years later I'm still advocating for women who have miscarried. I want people to better understand what a woman who has miscarried is going through. How? By posting in my blog, sharing articles from "Miscarriage Help", a free newsletter I curate and by listening to you. ​

I know nothing will change what happened to us. But, it is one of my greatest hopes that the medical community and society will treat miscarriage as the real loss it is. ​

May God and the angels comfort you. May you be given the strength you need. I pray you feel compassion, connection and empathy from those who have walked the same path. ​

Love and Light, ​

Ellen

I Never Held You is a supportive book about miscarriage, grief, healing and recovery. It is helpful for those who have just suffered a miscarriage, or for women who lost their babies years ago when there was little, if any, support. Join author Ellen DuBois as she shares her journey- from the initial shock of learning her baby had passed away to reaching a place of healing and accepting her new normal. She never forgot her unborn baby and he continues to touch her life in countless ways. Dr. Linda Backman contributed the foreword and several chapters as both a licensed grief counselor and a woman who survived the loss of her son Adam, born at 26 weeks who lived for about an hour. Her heartbreaking loss is what led her to become a grief counselor and more. Also included in this book are four touching stories from women who miscarried. The second half of the book focuses on things the author found helpful in healing. She says: Take what works for you, leave what doesn't, and remember to take one day at a time. There is no time frame on grief. Your loss matters, and so do you.Companion miscarriage support site at miscarriagehelp.com

Miscarriage Help: A Personal Update

by Ellen M. DuBois on 10/26/21



Hello Everyone,

I know I've been neglecting this site and want to apologize. Never do I stop thinking about the pain you've all gone through. Even if it's not at the top of my mind, it's there and you're in my prayers.

If you've lived through miscarriage, stillbirth, baby loss of any kind, you know how your world gets turned on its side. I feel for you and your pain. I lived it many years ago and that's the whole reason this site, my book, all of it, began. I needed a way to cope and over time I began reaching out to others in hopes of starting a sort of bond between us. A community of women and their families who'd lived through the pain of miscarriage/baby loss and helped each other- because they understood each other.

That desire to reach out hasn't gone away, although to some it may seem like I've fallen of the face of the earth. My posts haven't been as frequent and I feel bad about that. I always felt good about keeping up with them...staying connected to you.

Covid has changed all our lives in so many ways. Some of you know I'm a private piano teacher. Most of my students are children. During the pandemic, I tried to keep a closed studio open for over a year and a half and I did it. I kept the rent up on a space I couldn't use because I had great hopes of returning. In the meantime, I trained myself to become an online teacher in order to keep my business going. There were some glitches to work out and still are, but it's going well.

At various times I think we've all felt like we've rounded some sort of corner with this terrible virus - only to have that corner disappear or change. We've been dealing with such an unknown. But, there's HOPE and I do see some sort of light at the end of the tunnel. I also want you to know that I pray for every, single person who has lost someone to Covid, has suffered with having the virus and has been impacted in any way. I guess that's the whole world.

At the beginning of this year, my fiance had surgery and pulled through. Then things took a turn. I don't want to say much more because I respect his privacy. It's his story, not mine. Thanks to God he's a strong man! He's been blessed with healing and a determination unlike anything I've seen in anyone. We've been together almost 27 years and experienced many ups and downs. We've built a life together. 

It became clear to me that it made no sense to keep paying rent on a studio I wouldn't be able to use for the unforeseeable future, so I made the painful decision to give up my physical location and become a full time, virtual piano teacher. I was blessed to have worked with an amazing voice teacher who made my location her own music school. New name and all. She's got an in-person teaching business and I've got my virtual one. My pianos got loving homes with her and I know she'll be successful. I am blessed in that I get to do what I love from home and be here where I am needed. I guess I've made, (or at least I'm trying!) to make lemonade out of lemons.

The dust has settled as we've settled into what's our "new normal". That changes every day because life and healing change every day. I'm finding my groove again and that includes reaching to you and letting you know I CARE. I want you to know you're not alone and I get what you're going through if you've miscarried. I know the grief, emptiness, pain, anger, self blame, anguish - all of it. I know my faith carried me through some of the darkest days of my life and continues to do so. My faith in God also brings such joy, strength and comfort to my life, and I want to share that with you, too, regardless of what your personal beliefs are. I respect you and your beliefs.

Our common thread is that we are women who have lived through miscarriage and other struggles and have survived. Although nothing takes away from the pain of losing a precious baby and all the questions that go along with it, we have each other to lean on. I want you to know I'm still here to listen and care so deeply about you. I recognize your pain, know it's real and send you my love and prayers.

Thank you for listening to me and I'm here to do the same. If you ever want to share your feelings here, feel free. Just comment on this blog and if you want, I'll post your comment so others can respond and reach out. That's support. That's the kind of connection I feel we need. The kind of awareness the world needs to miscarriage and the fallout your left living with.

Love and Light to each one of you,

Ellen

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About me:  My name is Ellen DuBois, born and raised in Massachusetts. I love New England with its changes in seasons and natural beauty.

I'm the author of I Never Held You: Miscarriage, Grief, Healing and Recovery and Jackie's Heart. Since 2006 I've been hosting MiscarriageHelp.com, a support site for women and their families who have miscarried.

I'm published with Blue Mountain Arts, and am a contributing author to several books including: Soul Matters for Teens, Sisters, (a Blue Mountain Arts gift book), Conquering Panic and Anxiety Disorders- Success Stories, Strategies and other Good News, Romancing the Soul, More God Allows U-Turns.

I'm also known as "Miss Ellen"- a piano teacher to students from 5 to tween and beyond. Music is another passion of mine and I'm blessed to share the gift of music. I'm also a shudder bug like my mother was. I love taking pictures. 

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