Miscarriage and Self Blame #miscarriage #miscarriagehelp #miscarriagesupport : MiscarriageHelp.com

Miscarriage and Self Blame #miscarriage #miscarriagehelp #miscarriagesupport

by Ellen M. DuBois on 01/08/19



"So, I prolonged my suffering. By blaming myself I only made things worse. It was not my fault-just as it's not your fault that you've miscarried. No, that glass of wine or beer you had did not cause your miscarriage. No, the argument you had with your husband did not cause you so much stress that you miscarried. No, the unhealthy food you ate from a fast food restaurant didn't do it either. Please, stop knocking yourself and blaming yourself for this. I know you need answers. You want some sort of justification for your pain and loss. But, when you continually find, or try to find blame within yourself, you are hurting yourself over and over again."- Excerpt from I Never Held You: Miscarriage, Grief, Healing and Recovery by Ellen M. DuBois



  

 

Welcome to MiscarriageHelp.com. My name is Ellen DuBois, host of this site, miscarriage survivor, and author of I Never Held You: Miscarriage, Grief, Healing and Recovery. If you or someone you love has suffered a miscarriage, please know you're not alone. Connect with people who understand.

Note: Some people find it difficult to post comments here because it's not very clear how to do it. Just hit the "comment" link under any post. I'll get your comment and respond. If it's easier, please email me. [email protected]


Comments (2)

1. Rebecca said on 2/17/19 - 08:14PM
Thank you. This post brought tears to my eyes. I’m 42. Got pregnant with the love of my life. This baby was so loved and I miscarried around 8-9 weeks or so. I bled out. Had to be taken in an ambulance to the hospital bc I lost so much blood. Had to have a blood transfusion also. It was traumatic. Of course I blame myself. My bf and I fought. I had a very occasional glass of wine. I took the best care of myself I knew how. I found out recently that my mom both smoked and drank tons of coffee when she was pregnant with me and I made. It. So I can’t blame myself but it doesn’t mean I don’t at times. Reading your page has helped me so much.
2. Ellen DuBois said on 2/18/19 - 10:47AM
Dear Rebecca, I am so sorry for your loss. As you know, I've been down that road of self blame, too. I hope you found some comfort and a way to at ease up on blaming yourself. Your miscarriage was not your fault and you're in my thoughts and prayers. So glad this page has help in some way. Love & Comfort, Ellen


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Welcome to MiscarriageHelp.com. My name is Ellen DuBois and I am deeply sorry for your loss. MiscarriageHelp.com is a support site for women and their families who have suffered the pain, loss and grief after miscarriage. I respond personally to each email and post and have been doing so since 2006. It's an outreach to me. I try to connect and give whatever support I can to those who have walked the often lonely road after miscarriage. Why? I don't want anyone to feel as alone as I did over twenty years ago after I miscarried. I'm not a doctor. 
I'm just a woman who's lived through it and am here to listen, share and provide a space for you to share with each other, too.- Love & comfort to you, Ellen 
You can purchase my book, I Never Held You, miscarriage, grief, healing and recovery at Amazon by clicking on this link: I Never Held You