Losing It all In One Day : MiscarriageHelp.com
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MiscarriageHelp.com

Welcome to MiscarriageHelp.com ​

My name is Ellen DuBois and I've been hosting this site since about 2009. I miscarried many years ago when I was 25 and it really turned my life upside down. I remember going into bookstores to find something that spoke to the grief and pain I was feeling. Typically I walked out empty handed and on the verge of tears. Every book I saw was about having a baby...not losing one. ​

It was sad, lonely and very isolating. And remember, there was no Internet to go to. If you wanted to find a support group, you had to ask around. ​

Why didn't my doctor talk to me more about it? Why was my baby called a "fetus" and not "viable"? Why did this happen to me and why couldn't I find any kind of support? My mind was full of "whys, what ifs and could have beens". For anyone who has lived through miscarriage, I think you know what I mean. ​

All these years later I'm still advocating for women who have miscarried. I want people to better understand what a woman who has miscarried is going through. How? By posting in my blog, sharing articles from "Miscarriage Help", a free newsletter I curate and by listening to you. ​

I know nothing will change what happened to us. But, it is one of my greatest hopes that the medical community and society will treat miscarriage as the real loss it is. ​

May God and the angels comfort you. May you be given the strength you need. I pray you feel compassion, connection and empathy from those who have walked the same path. ​

Love and Light, ​

Ellen

I Never Held You is a supportive book about miscarriage, grief, healing and recovery. It is helpful for those who have just suffered a miscarriage, or for women who lost their babies years ago when there was little, if any, support. Join author Ellen DuBois as she shares her journey- from the initial shock of learning her baby had passed away to reaching a place of healing and accepting her new normal. She never forgot her unborn baby and he continues to touch her life in countless ways. Dr. Linda Backman contributed the foreword and several chapters as both a licensed grief counselor and a woman who survived the loss of her son Adam, born at 26 weeks who lived for about an hour. Her heartbreaking loss is what led her to become a grief counselor and more. Also included in this book are four touching stories from women who miscarried. The second half of the book focuses on things the author found helpful in healing. She says: Take what works for you, leave what doesn't, and remember to take one day at a time. There is no time frame on grief. Your loss matters, and so do you.

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Losing It all In One Day

by Ellen M. DuBois on 08/17/22



Dear Ellen,

On Friday morning I woke up with pain in my abdomen and had been spotting since Wednesday. After a few hours of agony my partner took me to the doctor. I told them we'd been trying to get pregnant for a while and hadn't menstruated for about 2 months. She got me to do a urine sample which showed I was pregnant but told me that I was most likely miscarrying or had an ectopic pregnancy. She told me go to hospital and have a scan, which I did. While having the scan I get told I'm most likely miscarrying at the time. I'll never forget the feeling of having something so special and losing it all in one day.

Ellen says:

Dear Nicole,

I am so sorry for your loss. The pain you've been through both emotionally and physically is difficult to deal with. I know the feeling you're talking about...the one where you're losing something so special in just one day. It's like your whole life gets turned upsidedown in a single, horrible instant.

Grieving after miscarriage, or any loss, is never easy. I want you to know you have every right to grieve and we are all here for you. Your loss is as real as any other, and I know you loved your baby very much. Please go easy on yourself and give yourself the time you need to heal. It's different for all of us. The key is allowing yourself to be who you are, feel what you do, and let it out.

I pray there are supportive people around you. Many times we feel so alone after losing our babies to miscarriage because after a short period of time, people tend to have a 'get on with it' attitude. If you experience this, please try to tell yourself your feelings are real, you have every right to grieve, and anyone who says such a thing simply does not understand your loss.

Please come back if you ever feel the need to vent, share, whatever, with those who can relate to you, and offer their support with all their hearts.

Blessings, Light and Healing to you,

Ellen

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About me:  My name is Ellen DuBois, born and raised in Massachusetts. I love New England with its changes in seasons and natural beauty.

I'm the author of I Never Held You: Miscarriage, Grief, Healing and Recovery and Jackie's Heart. Since 2006 I've been hosting MiscarriageHelp.com, a support site for women and their families who have miscarried.

I'm published with Blue Mountain Arts, and am a contributing author to several books including: Soul Matters for Teens, Sisters, (a Blue Mountain Arts gift book), Conquering Panic and Anxiety Disorders- Success Stories, Strategies and other Good News, Romancing the Soul, More God Allows U-Turns.

I'm also known as "Miss Ellen"- a piano teacher to students from 5 to tween and beyond. Music is another passion of mine and I'm blessed to share the gift of music. I'm also a shudder bug like my mother was. I love taking pictures. 

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