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Just Checking In...

by Ellen M. DuBois on 11/30/20


It's hard to find the words for a post that carries some real meaning to it. That's not to say that I post without putting my heart into it. I do and have been since 2006. But, I know how difficult it is to wade through the emotions and grief after miscarriage. Combined with the Christmas and holiday season upon us and the pandemic, what do I say? How do any words come close enough to giving you some sense of comfort...or at least empathy? 

I suppose what I need to do is separate the two: Your loss and the pandemic. I pray Covid19 is wiped from the face of the earth soon. I pray for all those who have suffered in any way, in essence, for the world.

Your miscarriage and the pain you feel is not diminished in any way. You've suffered a very real loss in a time where the world is already reeling. However, what you're feeling matters. You matter. No matter what this world is going through, you need and deserve support and to know that you are not being left on the sidelines to deal with your pain alone. 

This post, like many others I've done, was not thought out prior to writing it. I simply sit and let the words flow from my heart to you. I know it's not easy. I get the emptiness you're feeling. I know how you wanted that little one in your arms and probably think of your baby as Christmas, Hanukkuh, the holidays are here. I've done that for twenty-six years. My thoughts always go the baby I loved, but never held. That's not abnormal and my feelings matter, too. 

You need to grieve in your own way. I want you to know you'll get through this and I'd never say it'll be easy. I will say there are millions of others who know how you feel and together, we can support each other. Especially now when we're already feeling isolated and in many cases afraid.

What do I do? I pray for the world, for anyone who is suffering, for the pandemic to end and for each of you who may be feeling like nobody cares or very alone. If thoughts are energy, please know there's a lot of loving, supportive energy directed to you. I ask God and the angels to comfort you, to give you strength and to wrap you in unconditional love.

I am so sorry for your loss. I pray for your healing, your safety and send love to you and your precious baby in Heaven.

Love and Light,


Welcome to MiscarriageHelp.com. My name is Ellen DuBois, host of this site, miscarriage survivor, and author of I Never Held You: Miscarriage, Grief, Healing and Recovery. If you or someone you love has suffered a miscarriage, please know you're not alone. Connect with people who understand.

My book, I Never Held You, is mentioned in this column. More importantly, it addresses how difficult anniversary dates can be:

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