It feels like I should be happy... Christmas after a miscarriage. :

It feels like I should be happy... Christmas after a miscarriage.

by Ellen DuBois on 12/21/17

I miscarried twenty six years ago. It feels like a lifetime and like yesterday.  My baby was due in November, around Thanksgiving and since the day I miscarried, I have thought about my child. I've wondered what could have been along with so many other thoughts too numerous to count. 

When it comes to remembering how I felt that first Christmas after I miscarried, there aren't words to adequately describe the emotions that consumed me. I was beyond sad, felt detached and while everyone around me was gearing up for the holidays, there were many times I wanted to retreat and hide. I was so drained and putting on a happy face, or any face, was exhausting.

I want you, the woman who has miscarried, to know that if you're feeling any of these things and more, you are not alone. I know you feel like you are sometimes, or all the time, but you're not. You're not crazy for feeling sad one minute and not-so-sad the next. If you feel like you're bouncing around like a rubber ball, believe me, I've been there. If you find yourself tired even though you've slept, I know what that's like, too.

And it's not just me. Sadly, there are so many other woman who have lived through the pain of losing a baby to miscarriage. Although we live in different places in various circumstances, we are connected. We've experienced something we wouldn't wish on anyone- losing a baby to miscarriage. It's a loss that many still haven't come to recognize as "real", although that's getting better the more we talk about it.

Please take heart. I know this time of year can be especially difficult for anyone who is hurting in any way, and that includes you. You have a right to grieve. Your loss was real. If you're struggling I am not surprised, but I wish you comfort. If I could somehow make it better for you, I would. 

One step at a time. If you have to escape for a while just to catch your breath, please allow yourself to do so. Even if it's just stepping outside where there is peace, quiet and comfort to be found in the loving arms of God and nature.

Blessings to you,




Welcome to My name is Ellen DuBois, host of this site, miscarriage survivor, and author of I Never Held You: Miscarriage, Grief, Healing and Recovery. If you or someone you love has suffered a miscarriage, please know you're not alone. Connect with people who understand.

Note: Some people find it difficult to post comments here because it's not very clear how to do it. Just hit the "comment" link under any post. I'll get your comment and respond. If it's easier, please email me. [email protected]
Love & comfort to you, Ellen

The Daily- by Ellen DuBois. Updated daily with a curated selection of articles, blog posts, videos and photos. Click here. Miscarriage Support- Because Your Loss Matters.

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Welcome to I am deeply sorry for your loss. is a support site for women and their families who have suffered the pain, loss and grief after miscarriage. I respond personally to each email and post and have been doing so since 2006. It's an outreach to me, as I try to connect and support those who have walked the often lonely road after miscarriage. Why? I don't want anyone to feel as alone as I did over twenty years ago after my own miscarriage. - Love & comfort to you, Ellen
Ellen M. DuBois is the author of I Never Held You: Miscarriage, Grief, Healing and Recovery

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