Fear Vs. Faith- An Excerpt from My Book #repost #faith #miscarriagesupport : MiscarriageHelp.com
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Welcome to MiscarriageHelp.com

My name is Ellen DuBois and I've been hosting this site since about 2009. I miscarried many years ago when I was 25 and it really turned my life upside down. I remember going into bookstores to find something that spoke to the grief and pain I was feeling. Typically I walked out empty handed and on the verge of tears. Every book I saw was about having a baby...not losing one. 

It was sad, lonely and very isolating. And remember, there was no Internet to go to. If you wanted to find a support group, you had to ask around.

Why didn't my doctor talk to me more about it? Why was my baby called a "fetus" and not "viable"? Why did this happen to me and why couldn't I find any kind of support? My mind was full of "whys, what ifs and could have beens". For anyone who has lived through miscarriage, I think you know what I mean.

All these years later I'm still advocating for women who have miscarried. I want people to better understand what a woman who has miscarried is going through. How? By posting in my blog, sharing articles from "Times Like These", an online paper I curate and by listening to you. 

My baby boy Alex would have been thirty this fall. It's hard to believe. Although I've healed and grown since losing him, my heart has never forgotten him. I'll never forget how I felt when I miscarried and the depths of despair I sank into. The love I had for my baby is as real as any other. To this day it continues to inspire me to reach out to others to let them know they're not alone.

This site is undergoing an update. It's long overdue. But, the content here is for you and I hope you leave feeling more supported and understood than you did before you arrived.

Back when I wrote I Never Held You, not many books were out there about miscarriage and its fallout. I'm glad to see there are many more today because that means awareness of miscarriage and the aftermath has grown. I wish we didn't have to suffer such losses, but knowing there is more support and acknowledgment of your loss is reassuring.

I know nothing will change what happened to me, to you and to those who will go through the pain of miscarriage. But, it is one of my greatest hopes that the medical community and society in general will treat miscarriage as the real loss it is. 

May God and the angels comfort you. May you be given the strength you need. I pray you feel compassion, connection and empathy from those who have walked the same path.

Love and Light,


Fear Vs. Faith- An Excerpt from My Book #repost #faith #miscarriagesupport

by Ellen M. DuBois on 01/16/21

This is an excerpt from my book, "I Never Held You". It's about fear vs. faith. Although written a while ago, I still feel the same today. I hope this brings you some comfort, some help as you navigate through these difficult times. I am so sorry for your loss and you are in my prayers.

"During periods of great loss, it's only natural to question your faith. I did. So many of us wonder how God could 'let this happen'- be it your miscarriage or any other personal or global tragedy. If your faith is being tested right now, as mine was, you may want to read on. People tend to blame God when things go wrong. I know I did-and it was tough for me to admit. I knew better; yet, something inside of me was holding onto the thought that God could have prevented my miscarriage. It was only after a great deal of time passed that I realized there's a reason for everything, even things that hurt deeply. I don't blame God for my miscarriage. I know there were reasons, unknown to me, for it. While I was in my blaming mode, I was full of fear. When I learned to trust in God, my fear was transformed into faith. That doesn't mean the pain went away. It means by having faith instead of fear, the pain of my miscarriage was lessened because I knew my baby was in heaven, and I needed to lean on Him to get through the very tough times and beyond. My fear also led to an inability to relax (and still does when I let it take over faith's place). Fear is natural; it's what you do with it that will determine how well you fare during any time of crisis in your life. Not only times of crisis, but everyday living, too. I wish you more faith than fear."

Welcome to MiscarriageHelp.com. My name is Ellen DuBois, host of this site, miscarriage survivor, and author of I Never Held You: Miscarriage, Grief, Healing and Recovery. If you or someone you love has suffered a miscarriage, please know you're not alone. Connect with people who understand.

My book, I Never Held You, is mentioned in this column. More importantly, it addresses how difficult anniversary dates can be:

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