Excerpt from I Never Held You- Moving On (after miscarriage)by Ellen M. DuBois on 10/08/20
None of us knows what life has in store for us. There are going to be great, beautiful things happening, and there are going to be painful things that try your spirit. Accepting the challenge, or 'moving on,' is what life's about.
I know that as painful as my miscarriage was for me, it served a purpose in my life. I'm not saying that this is a good thing to have happen to you! What I mean is that without that terrible event, I would not be able to write these words in the hope of helping you. If I hadn't lived it, I couldn't talk about it like this. If I didn't cry the tears that you've cried, you wouldn't give a hoot about what I'm saying to you.
Why would you? What would I know of your grief, sadness, blame, guilt, and fear?
I do know.
There are so many of us on different paths. We are professionals in the workforce or professional mothers. We are painters and singers. We are caretakers, and we are movie stars. Some of us may have children, while some of us don't. My point is that we all have our own lives, and our diversity is wonderful. The one thing that connects us all is that we are women who experienced a terrible loss that seemed, in many cases, to go unacknowledged by many. We have all felt the dismissal of our very real grief, and we have all felt alone and isolated because of it. We have all wondered what 'might have been,' and we have all been caught off guard by powerful emotions resurfacing.
As you move on down your road, whatever that road may be, I want you to know that what you're experiencing is something that I, along with millions of other women, have experienced. This does not lessen your pain- it acknowledges it. You are not abnormal for crying 'too much.' You are not going crazy when years have passed and you still find yourself remembering and feeling. We cry our tears together. You are not alone in your struggle to get through this ...
Most importantly, you will.
Welcome to MiscarriageHelp.com. My name is Ellen DuBois, host of this site, miscarriage survivor, and author of I Never Held You: Miscarriage, Grief, Healing and Recovery. If you or someone you love has suffered a miscarriage, please know you're not alone. Connect with people who understand.
Note: Some people find it difficult to post comments here because it's not very clear how to do it. Just hit the "comment" link under any post. I'll get your comment and respond. If it's easier, please email me. [email protected]