An Extra Blue Christmas. Miscarriage and the Pandemic :
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An Extra Blue Christmas. Miscarriage and the Pandemic

by Ellen M. DuBois on 12/14/20

I wrote a post a couple of years ago that said something like "How to feel joy when everything feels wrong."

I thought of that today as I opened my blog and began to type. I thought how difficult it is to celebrate Christmas, Hannakuh, the entire holiday season after suffering a miscarriage and any other kind of loss of a loved one. I struggled for years and know many of you are struggling now with your grief during a season that's filled with celebration.

For many, it'll feel like an extra blue Christmas this year.

2020 is unlike any year we've seen. Not only are you grieving the loss of your baby, which is a heavy enough load to shoulder, you're also trying to navigate life during a pandamic. You may have suffered another loss to this terrible virus. Life is so upside down all over the world.

With so many of us trying to find ways to celebrate the holidays in very "unusual" ways, the world feels and is very different. 

However, grief, no matter what the circumstances, is grief. I get that. I also understand that coping is more difficult because of the state of the world. 

So I ask you to do this: Your loss still matters and so do your feelings. Please acknowledge them and know you have every right to grieve. You may be physically distanced from your support system, whether it's one person or many. Please reach out to them when you're feeling like you don't know which end is up. Talk on the phone, face time, email, whatever it takes to connect to someone when you need a friend. No matter what, we are there for each other.

Pray. I have found so much support and comfort through prayer. 

I pray every day for this pandemic to be wiped from the face of the earth. I pray for all those who are ill, who have lost someone, who are frontline workers. I pray for every woman and her family who is suffering after miscarriage. I know how difficult it is and how isolating it can be. 

I'm here to remind you that there are others who need connection and support just like you do. Connection is key, especially during these times.

Please connect. Stay connected because you are worth it.

Just like I believe this pandemic will end, I also believe you will heal. Take your time, feel what you must and reach out if you need to. We are there for each other. I am here for you in whatever way I can be.

I am so sorry for your loss. You're in my thoughts and prayers all the time.

Love and Light to you,


Welcome to My name is Ellen DuBois, host of this site, miscarriage survivor, and author of I Never Held You: Miscarriage, Grief, Healing and Recovery. If you or someone you love has suffered a miscarriage, please know you're not alone. Connect with people who understand.

My book, I Never Held You, is mentioned in this column. More importantly, it addresses how difficult anniversary dates can be:

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