MiscarriageHelp.com
I Never Held You- A Book About Miscarriage, Grief, Healing, Recovery
by Ellen M. DuBois on 10/23/22I Never Held You is a supportive book about miscarriage, grief, healing and recovery. It is helpful for those who have just suffered a miscarriage, or for women who lost their babies years ago when there was little, if any, support. Join author Ellen DuBois as she shares her journey- from the initial shock of learning her baby had passed away to reaching a place of healing and accepting her new normal. She never forgot her unborn baby and he continues to touch her life in countless ways. Dr. Linda Backman contributed the foreword and several chapters as both a licensed grief counselor and a woman who survived the loss of her son Adam, born at 26 weeks who lived for about an hour. Her heartbreaking loss is what led her to become a grief counselor and more. Also included in this book are four touching stories from women who miscarried. The second half of the book focuses on things the author found helpful in healing. She says: "Take what works for you, leave what doesn't, and remember to take one day at a time. There is no time frame on grief. Your loss matters, and so do you."- Ellen M. DuBois
Losing It all In One Day
by Ellen M. DuBois on 08/17/22
Dear Ellen,
On Friday morning I woke up with pain in my abdomen and had been spotting since Wednesday. After a few hours of agony my partner took me to the doctor. I told them we'd been trying to get pregnant for a while and hadn't menstruated for about 2 months. She got me to do a urine sample which showed I was pregnant but told me that I was most likely miscarrying or had an ectopic pregnancy. She told me go to hospital and have a scan, which I did. While having the scan I get told I'm most likely miscarrying at the time. I'll never forget the feeling of having something so special and losing it all in one day.
Ellen says:
Dear Nicole,
I am so sorry for your loss. The pain you've been through both emotionally and physically is difficult to deal with. I know the feeling you're talking about...the one where you're losing something so special in just one day. It's like your whole life gets turned upsidedown in a single, horrible instant.
Grieving after miscarriage, or any loss, is never easy. I want you to know you have every right to grieve and we are all here for you. Your loss is as real as any other, and I know you loved your baby very much. Please go easy on yourself and give yourself the time you need to heal. It's different for all of us. The key is allowing yourself to be who you are, feel what you do, and let it out.
I pray there are supportive people around you. Many times we feel so alone after losing our babies to miscarriage because after a short period of time, people tend to have a 'get on with it' attitude. If you experience this, please try to tell yourself your feelings are real, you have every right to grieve, and anyone who says such a thing simply does not understand your loss.
Please come back if you ever feel the need to vent, share, whatever, with those who can relate to you, and offer their support with all their hearts.
Blessings, Light and Healing to you,
Ellen
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About me: My name is Ellen DuBois, born and raised in Massachusetts. I love New England with its changes in seasons and natural beauty.
I'm the author of I Never Held You: Miscarriage, Grief, Healing and Recovery and Jackie's Heart
. Since 2006 I've been hosting MiscarriageHelp.com, a support site for women and their families who have miscarried.
I'm published with Blue Mountain Arts, and am a contributing author to several books including: Soul Matters for Teens, Sisters, (a Blue Mountain Arts gift book), Conquering Panic and Anxiety Disorders- Success Stories, Strategies and other Good News, Romancing the Soul, More God Allows U-Turns.
I'm also known as "Miss Ellen"- a piano teacher to students from 5 to tween and beyond. Music is another passion of mine and I'm blessed to share the gift of music. I'm also a shudder bug like my mother was. I love taking pictures.
"Just assumed we would be pregnant and everthing would go smoothly."
by Ellen M. DuBois on 08/12/22
Dear Ellen,
This website and "I Never Held You" have been a great help through the healing process. My husband and I have been married for five years and wanted to expand our family. We just assumed we would be pregnant and everthing would go smoothly. However, after four pregnancies and no babies we were sadly mistaken. We did not take time to grieve. Why? Every doctor that treated us during our miscarriages made us feel like it wasn't a big deal and it happens all the time. Just wipe away the tears and get over it, basically. After I had a panic attack and cried all the time, we decided to do some research on the web. We bought the book, which my hubby and I both read. And realized this is a big deal, our babies died and we have the right to mourn those losses. It's been almost a year since our last loss. Even though we still think how old our babies would be now and then, we're in a better place Thank you Ellen.
Ellen says:
Dear Leah,
I am so sorry for your losses, and the emotional ride of disappointment and hurt you and your husband have been through.
It does my heart good to know that I Never Held You and MiscarriageHelp.com have proven to be of some help. Sadly, neither the book nor this site would exist had I not lost my own baby.
In a way, this site in honor of ALL our babies lost to miscarriage. Something positive had to come from all our tears. An awareness that the babies we lost were JUST AS REAL as the miscarriages we suffered is starting to take hold.
To be basically 'blown off' by your own doctor after your miscarriages is terrible. "Just wipe away the tears and get over it, basically."
Yes, you have the right to mourn your losses- and should. Without grief, how do you truly heal? I know you and your husband will NEVER forget your precious little ones, but healing doesn't mean forgetting. It's a process, as you are painfully aware. I suspect you'll always think about things like how old your babies would be, etc.
I still do, and my son would be almost eighteen years old.
Oh, and boy can I relate to your panic attacks. Actually, you may have read about my experiences with them in my book. Scary. So scary. Miscarriage is very traumatic and the more doctors are aware of this, the more they may see miscarriage as a catalyst for anxiety, depression and the like. When this happens, more women and their families will be helped.
Thank God there are some very compassionate doctors out there.
I pray for your dreams of a family to come true, Leah. How you reach that goal is to be seen- there are various roads to examine. But, I wish nothing but the best for you and your husband, and will always keep you in my thoughts and prayers.
Thank you for letting me know where you are on your healing journey. Knowing you are both in a 'better place', (I know it's still tough), inspires me, and will probably inspire others here.
Blessings to you,
Ellen

About me: My name is Ellen DuBois, born and raised in Massachusetts. I love New England with its changes in seasons and natural beauty.
I'm the author of I Never Held You: Miscarriage, Grief, Healing and Recovery and Jackie's Heart
. Since 2006 I've been hosting MiscarriageHelp.com, a support site for women and their families who have miscarried.
I'm published with Blue Mountain Arts, and am a contributing author to several books including: Soul Matters for Teens, Sisters, (a Blue Mountain Arts gift book), Conquering Panic and Anxiety Disorders- Success Stories, Strategies and other Good News, Romancing the Soul, More God Allows U-Turns.
I'm also known as "Miss Ellen"- a piano teacher to students from 5 to tween and beyond. Music is another passion of mine and I'm blessed to share the gift of music. I'm also a shudder bug like my mother was. I love taking pictures.
Miscarriage: I can't stop thinking why me? Why again?
by Ellen M. DuBois on 07/19/22Dear Ellen,

About me: My name is Ellen DuBois, born and raised in Massachusetts. I love New England with its changes in seasons and natural beauty.
I'm the author of I Never Held You: Miscarriage, Grief, Healing and Recovery and Jackie's Heart
. Since 2006 I've been hosting MiscarriageHelp.com, a support site for women and their families who have miscarried.
I'm published with Blue Mountain Arts, and am a contributing author to several books including: Soul Matters for Teens, Sisters, (a Blue Mountain Arts gift book), Conquering Panic and Anxiety Disorders- Success Stories, Strategies and other Good News, Romancing the Soul, More God Allows U-Turns.
I'm also known as "Miss Ellen"- a piano teacher to students from 5 to tween and beyond. Music is another passion of mine and I'm blessed to share the gift of music. I'm also a shudder bug like my mother was. I love taking pictures.
Miscarriage: I'm having a difficult time moving forward.
by Ellen M. DuBois on 04/07/22Dear Ellen,

About me: My name is Ellen DuBois, born and raised in Massachusetts. I love New England with its changes in seasons and natural beauty.
I'm the author of I Never Held You: Miscarriage, Grief, Healing and Recovery and Jackie's Heart
. Since 2006 I've been hosting MiscarriageHelp.com, a support site for women and their families who have miscarried.
I'm published with Blue Mountain Arts, and am a contributing author to several books including: Soul Matters for Teens, Sisters, (a Blue Mountain Arts gift book), Conquering Panic and Anxiety Disorders- Success Stories, Strategies and other Good News, Romancing the Soul, More God Allows U-Turns.
I'm also known as "Miss Ellen"- a piano teacher to students from 5 to tween and beyond. Music is another passion of mine and I'm blessed to share the gift of music. I'm also a shudder bug like my mother was. I love taking pictures.