MiscarriageHelp.com

I've come to the conclusion that I'll always remember the baby I lost, the day I miscarried and feel the sting whenever the anniversary date/month rolls around. That doesn't make me abnormal or weird. It doesn't mean I'm dwelling on the past or living in it. It simply means that I experienced a very difficult loss many years ago. I miscarried. I lost my baby. How could I ever forget that? 

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It's not easy to find the strength or motivation to make sure you're doing okay after suffering a heartbreaking loss, but every little bit helps. It doesn't have to be a lot. Just some deep breaths is good enough. Your loss matters. You matter.

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Click here to follow my author page on Amazon.

Hello,

I spent some time this morning updating my author page on Amazon. You know how a thought hits and you decide to do it? Well, that's what happened. I wasn't expecting to do an update, but something urged me to do so. So...here's what it says and I invite you to visit and follow. It would be greatly appreciated. Thank you! Ellen (The URL is at the bottom of the post.)

Ellen DuBois wrote I Never Held You, a book about miscarriage, grief, healing and recovery because she didn't want women to feel as alone as she did after her miscarriage over twenty-years ago. It was a "pre-Internet" world, and trying to find something to help with her grief seemed impossible. In her book, Ellen shares her journey- from the initial shock of learning her baby had passed away to reaching a place of healing and accepting her new normal. She never forgot her unborn baby and he continues to touch her life in countless ways. Dr. Linda Backman contributed several helpful chapters as both a licensed grief counselor and a woman who survived the loss of her son Adam, born at 26 weeks who lived for about an hour. Additionally, there are four touching stories from women who lived through the pain of miscarriage.

The second half on the book focuses on things the author found helpful in healing after miscarriage. She says: "Take what works for you, leave what doesn't, and remember to take one day at a time. There is no time frame on grief and your loss matters, as do you."

Her fiction book, Jackie's Heart, is also available on Amazon in ebook format. It's romance packed with suspense. It's a story of love, loss, grief, overcoming the odds and a taking a chance on love again. It's been called a real "page turner", filled with twists and unexpected turns. Although her first published work of fiction, this editorial review says: "Can't miss" formula,...combining tragedy with romance & throwing in enough criminal activities to build and hold the reader's interest." -- The Sunday Enterprise, August 31, 2003 Zel Levin, Easton author's book combines tragedy, romance

Ms. DuBois has also been published by: Blue Mountain Arts with her poem "I Whispered a Prayer or Two" as an inspirational greeting card and included in their gift book, "Sisters"; is a contributing author in More God Allows U-Turns (Barbour Publishing/Promise Press); Conquering Panic and Anxiety Disorders, Success Stories, Strategies and other Good News (Hunterhouse Publishing) and Soul Matters for Teens (Thomas Nelson Inc.).

Ellen DuBois resides in Massachusetts with her fiance and rescue dog, Cooper. She's working on her next book, teaching piano, enjoys photography, making jewelry and "learning something new every day on this journey called life." She welcomes you to visit her miscarriage support site at miscarriagehelp.com and her personal/author site at ellendubois.com.

Check out my #author page at this easy to remember url! amazon.com/author/ellendubois via @amazon Thank you, Ellen

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I believe this is true. With every mile I've traveled on the road to healing after losing my baby to miscarriage, after losing my mother, (and others), I've come to learn that grief stays with us, but we learn to live with it so we are able to keep going and experiencing life. The remembering, the connection and the love doesn't go away. I think it's because we've loved so hard and strong. And love never dies. So how can we stop missing those we've loved and lost? Impossible to me. I don't think we can or should. Forever in our hearts. Love lives there. #miscarriage #miscarriageawareness #awarenessiskey #ineverheldyou #grief #support #youarenotalone #1in4women #letshelpeachother #iamsosorryforyourloss #miscarriagehelp #remember #alwaysinmyheart

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Dear Baby in Heaven,

Love and support to you all. I've felt like this many times. My baby in Heaven, my mother...Love keeps us connected and I believe Heaven is real. I've found great comfort in that for a long time.

You are not alone.

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Love and support to you all. I've felt like this many times. My baby in Heaven, my mother...Love keeps us connected and I believe Heaven is real. I've found great comfort in that for a long time.

You are not alone.

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Upside down... Thinking of you all and I get it if you've felt this way.

You are not alone.

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Life teaches us many things and some of the lessons are painful. Sometimes, they knock the wind out of you.

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As I sat here wondering what to say, my mind drifted back to a time in my life some twenty-two years ago. It was a scary, sad and very isolating time. It was a chapter in my life when the world seemed cloaked under a dark, ominous cloud.

I just erased a couple of paragraphs after reading them aloud. I want this post to reflect what I would have wanted to hear after my miscarriage, not so much how I felt. I think you know how I felt because you're living it and I'm so sorry. I am sorry for your loss.

That's number one, right there. I wanted someone to say they were sorry for my loss. It was real- REAL- and it seemed I was the only one who got it.

You're not going crazy. That's number two. You might be crying while you're reading this, (I'm sorry if you are), and then you might get up and the tears may stop as quickly as they came. It is normal to feel like you're on an emotional roller coaster because you are. You're grieving and your body is flipping out because your hormones, everything, need to settle down.  I'm not a doctor so I'm not using medical terms here. I just know what it feels like lie on the floor in a heap of tears and then to get up, breathe and get on with whatever it is you have to do. I know it's terrible and I also know you are not crazy. Look yourself in the mirror if you have to and tell yourself you're okay. It's okay. You need to let it out and when it happens, it happens.

Number three: You are not a bad person or an "evil woman" for feeling jealous of pregnant women. You're not alone in your avoidance of baby showers, baby commercials, baby anything. I used to avoid everything, including pregnant women and/or women with children after I miscarried. I felt terrible about myself. Who would do that? I'll tell you who- a woman who just lost her baby. A woman who left the hospital, or her home, without the baby she loved, dreamed about, talked to throughout the day. You're not evil. You're grieving and I know it's a tough walk. You are not alone in feeling like you do. I promise you that.

Number four: You will heal in time and in your own way, but that doesn't mean you have to forget your baby. My, God- that would be impossible. I've healed. I'll also never, ever forget the baby I still feel connected to in spirit.  My baby was a part of me and still is. I don't want to get into my beliefs here. However, if anyone expects you to "forget about it", they don't have a clue. Your life will take on a new normal. There will come a day when you feel like you're actually living again and enjoying your life. It'll happen. And, just as with any other loss, you won't forget your baby or the road you traveled to heal. But, you're going to be okay. Just give yourself the time and space you need to grieve, feel and heal.

Number five: It's perfectly fine, even a good thing, to do something to remember your baby's brief but life altering stay with you. I wish I knew then what I know now. What do I mean? Well, if you want to have a memorial for your baby, do it. Please follow your heart. I waited many years to have a memorial for my baby because I didn't know, (I'm repeating myself), what I know now about them. People have opened up and talked about the importance of doing something in remembrance of your baby. It doesn't matter what it is. I learned this, too. The first thing I ever did in remembrance of my baby was to buy a necklace with a charm. There were baby footprints on one side and the words "Always in my heart" on the other. I still have it. When people asked me about it, I told them it was for the baby I miscarried. It was like saying to the world, "My loss and my baby mattered and still do."

Years later, I had a memorial service and it was just my best friend and I. I read a note I wrote to my baby out loud. I had a little basked with a cross, a baby outfit and a few other things with me. They were symbols of love, to me. We're all different so please, do whatever feels right to you. I also had a balloon and wrote the words "I Love You" on it. After reading my letter, I released the balloon and watched it float into the air, above the tree tops and into eternity. And you know what? I smiled. I finally felt closure.

Clearly, I hadn't forgotten my baby. After all, I held his memorial seventeen years after losing him. In all those years I healed, but not once did I forget and not once did I feel closure. Having a memorial, (even something as simple as what I did), gave me the closure I needed.

Number six: All you can do is your best and your best is good enough. That's important. Take things one day at a time. If that's too much, take things one moment at a time. If that's too much, take things one milli-moment at a time.  

I hope you believe you're normal in feeling abnormal. Actually, I pray that makes sense to you. I guess for a while, feeling "abnormal" is your new normal. But, don't worry. It won't stay like that forever. You'll grow into your new normal as you heal. There will come a time when the dark, ominous cloud lifts.

Love and Light to you,

Ellen

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Hi everyone. I wanted to share my instagram account for miscarriage support. I pray you find some help, connection and comfort. It's under miscarriagehelpellendubois

Instagram profile: Ellen DuBois: MiscarriageHelp, a #support site I host. Baby Alex, Always in my heart. #miscarriage. #Author of I Never Held You https://amzn.to/2GVVteW

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"Uncertainty, self-doubt, self-blame...those things don't help. 

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Just letting everyone know about the Kindle Countdown deal I have going on at Amazon. My book, I Never Held You: #Miscarriage book, #support Only 1.99 #Kindle Countdown Deal Price goes up to $2.99 in about 7 hours! https://amzn.to/2GsTRKw via @amazon Over the next few days, the price goes back to $5.99 for the Kindle book in increments. I decided to do this because I want to reach out provide some support to as many as I can. I've been doing this for a long time, (2006). I'm not a doctor or anything of the sort. I'm just a woman who's lived through the pain of miscarriage and wrote about my journey, what helped, what didn't. I know how alone you may feel but #youarenotalone. So many people can relate to you, want to help and connect. I'm deeply sorry for anyone who has lived through this and my heart and prayers go out to you. #miscarriagesupport #miscarriageawareness #miscarriagebook #ineverheldyou #babyloss #prayers

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Hi Everyone,

I decided to run a Kindle Countdown deal on my book, I Never Held You Kindle Edition on Amazon. The Kindle Edition is only $1.99 today. The price will go back in increments over the next few days until it's back to the regular price of $5.99.

So, now's a great time to get a book that will help support you, a friend, a loved one who has experienced the pain of miscarriage. It's my hope my book will be of help.

God Bless,

Ellen

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You're a part of me and that never changes. I love you, and that never goes away. - Ellen M. DuBois

I create these sayings, or thoughts, when they hit me. I think about the baby I loved and lost and want to share my feelings with you. I do this in the hope that you'll somehow feel less alone in your struggle. I know it helps to feel connected to those who have lived it. I am deeply sorry for your loss and please try to hang in there. I know it's hard...that's an understatement. In time, you will get through this. You will never forget, but you will survive this and step by step, move forward. That doesn't mean you'll forget the baby you lost to miscarriage. It means you'll move forward with your life and your baby will always be a part of you. The love I still feel for my baby has never faded.

Keeping you all in my thoughts and prayers.

Ellen

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I know you've suffered 

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I built walls around my heart after my miscarriage. I never felt that kind of pain before, and didn't want to feel it again. It took a long time for them to come down. Time spent grieving and healing. I had to learn to stop blaming myself for my miscarriage, too. 

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After I miscarried, it was so hard to come to grips with all the hopes, wishes, plans and dreams I had for my baby not coming true. I felt so empty. Even though my sweet baby was no longer with me, all the things I envisioned stayed with me. I still imagined what our first Christmas would be like, our first everything. I still pictured what my child would be like as he grew. I wanted so many things for my baby and those dreams didn't leave me when my baby did (physically). I couldn't stop wondering, just like I couldn't stop loving my child. As the years went by, the sting lessened. But, the love I felt for my baby never went away. There are still times I wonder what life would have been like had my baby stayed. I think many of us wonder and I've come to realize that it's okay. I'm not stuck in the past, it's just that I will always love the baby I never got to hold. 

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I thought of you a million times today. When I looked at the clouds, felt a breeze, saw the beauty a flower holds. I know I'll think of you a million times tomorrow, too.- Ellen DuBois, Miscarriagehelp.com

Love to all who have suffered a miscarriage. I know what your heart feels.

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