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Fear Vs. Faith- An Excerpt from My Book #repost #faith #miscarriagesupport

by Ellen M. DuBois on 01/16/21





This is an excerpt from my book, "I Never Held You". It's about fear vs. faith. Although written a while ago, I still feel the same today. I hope this brings you some comfort, some help as you navigate through these difficult times. I am so sorry for your loss and you are in my prayers.

"During periods of great loss, it's only natural to question your faith. I did. So many of us wonder how God could 'let this happen'- be it your miscarriage or any other personal or global tragedy. If your faith is being tested right now, as mine was, you may want to read on. People tend to blame God when things go wrong. I know I did-and it was tough for me to admit. I knew better; yet, something inside of me was holding onto the thought that God could have prevented my miscarriage. It was only after a great deal of time passed that I realized there's a reason for everything, even things that hurt deeply. I don't blame God for my miscarriage. I know there were reasons, unknown to me, for it. While I was in my blaming mode, I was full of fear. When I learned to trust in God, my fear was transformed into faith. That doesn't mean the pain went away. It means by having faith instead of fear, the pain of my miscarriage was lessened because I knew my baby was in heaven, and I needed to lean on Him to get through the very tough times and beyond. My fear also led to an inability to relax (and still does when I let it take over faith's place). Fear is natural; it's what you do with it that will determine how well you fare during any time of crisis in your life. Not only times of crisis, but everyday living, too. I wish you more faith than fear."



Welcome to MiscarriageHelp.com. My name is Ellen DuBois, host of this site, miscarriage survivor, and author of I Never Held You: Miscarriage, Grief, Healing and Recovery. If you or someone you love has suffered a miscarriage, please know you're not alone. Connect with people who understand.

My book, I Never Held You, is mentioned in this column. More importantly, it addresses how difficult anniversary dates can be:

I Feel Your Love #repost #miscarriage #miscarriagesupport

by Ellen M. DuBois on 01/16/21



You flew
into the Heavens.
You shine bright
like stars.
I feel your light
when I miss you most.
Evening comes,
the ache surfaces.
I feel your light
enter the cracks
of my heart.
I feel your love.
Ellen M. DuBois, Miscarriagehelp.com




Welcome to MiscarriageHelp.com. My name is Ellen DuBois, host of this site, miscarriage survivor, and author of I Never Held You: Miscarriage, Grief, Healing and Recovery. If you or someone you love has suffered a miscarriage, please know you're not alone. Connect with people who understand.

My book, I Never Held You, is mentioned in this column. More importantly, it addresses how difficult anniversary dates can be:

An Extra Blue Christmas. Miscarriage and the Pandemic

by Ellen M. DuBois on 12/14/20



I wrote a post a couple of years ago that said something like "How to feel joy when everything feels wrong."


I thought of that today as I opened my blog and began to type. I thought how difficult it is to celebrate Christmas, Hannakuh, the entire holiday season after suffering a miscarriage and any other kind of loss of a loved one. I struggled for years and know many of you are struggling now with your grief during a season that's filled with celebration.

For many, it'll feel like an extra blue Christmas this year.

2020 is unlike any year we've seen. Not only are you grieving the loss of your baby, which is a heavy enough load to shoulder, you're also trying to navigate life during a pandamic. You may have suffered another loss to this terrible virus. Life is so upside down all over the world.

With so many of us trying to find ways to celebrate the holidays in very "unusual" ways, the world feels and is very different. 

However, grief, no matter what the circumstances, is grief. I get that. I also understand that coping is more difficult because of the state of the world. 

So I ask you to do this: Your loss still matters and so do your feelings. Please acknowledge them and know you have every right to grieve. You may be physically distanced from your support system, whether it's one person or many. Please reach out to them when you're feeling like you don't know which end is up. Talk on the phone, face time, email, whatever it takes to connect to someone when you need a friend. No matter what, we are there for each other.

Pray. I have found so much support and comfort through prayer. 

I pray every day for this pandemic to be wiped from the face of the earth. I pray for all those who are ill, who have lost someone, who are frontline workers. I pray for every woman and her family who is suffering after miscarriage. I know how difficult it is and how isolating it can be. 

I'm here to remind you that there are others who need connection and support just like you do. Connection is key, especially during these times.

Please connect. Stay connected because you are worth it.

Just like I believe this pandemic will end, I also believe you will heal. Take your time, feel what you must and reach out if you need to. We are there for each other. I am here for you in whatever way I can be.

I am so sorry for your loss. You're in my thoughts and prayers all the time.

Love and Light to you,

Ellen


Welcome to MiscarriageHelp.com. My name is Ellen DuBois, host of this site, miscarriage survivor, and author of I Never Held You: Miscarriage, Grief, Healing and Recovery. If you or someone you love has suffered a miscarriage, please know you're not alone. Connect with people who understand.

My book, I Never Held You, is mentioned in this column. More importantly, it addresses how difficult anniversary dates can be:

Just Checking In...

by Ellen M. DuBois on 11/30/20



Hello,


It's hard to find the words for a post that carries some real meaning to it. That's not to say that I post without putting my heart into it. I do and have been since 2006. But, I know how difficult it is to wade through the emotions and grief after miscarriage. Combined with the Christmas and holiday season upon us and the pandemic, what do I say? How do any words come close enough to giving you some sense of comfort...or at least empathy? 

I suppose what I need to do is separate the two: Your loss and the pandemic. I pray Covid19 is wiped from the face of the earth soon. I pray for all those who have suffered in any way, in essence, for the world.

Your miscarriage and the pain you feel is not diminished in any way. You've suffered a very real loss in a time where the world is already reeling. However, what you're feeling matters. You matter. No matter what this world is going through, you need and deserve support and to know that you are not being left on the sidelines to deal with your pain alone. 

This post, like many others I've done, was not thought out prior to writing it. I simply sit and let the words flow from my heart to you. I know it's not easy. I get the emptiness you're feeling. I know how you wanted that little one in your arms and probably think of your baby as Christmas, Hanukkuh, the holidays are here. I've done that for twenty-six years. My thoughts always go the baby I loved, but never held. That's not abnormal and my feelings matter, too. 

You need to grieve in your own way. I want you to know you'll get through this and I'd never say it'll be easy. I will say there are millions of others who know how you feel and together, we can support each other. Especially now when we're already feeling isolated and in many cases afraid.

What do I do? I pray for the world, for anyone who is suffering, for the pandemic to end and for each of you who may be feeling like nobody cares or very alone. If thoughts are energy, please know there's a lot of loving, supportive energy directed to you. I ask God and the angels to comfort you, to give you strength and to wrap you in unconditional love.

I am so sorry for your loss. I pray for your healing, your safety and send love to you and your precious baby in Heaven.

Love and Light,

Ellen



Welcome to MiscarriageHelp.com. My name is Ellen DuBois, host of this site, miscarriage survivor, and author of I Never Held You: Miscarriage, Grief, Healing and Recovery. If you or someone you love has suffered a miscarriage, please know you're not alone. Connect with people who understand.

My book, I Never Held You, is mentioned in this column. More importantly, it addresses how difficult anniversary dates can be:

Feelings are More Intense Right Now

by Ellen M. DuBois on 11/23/20



With all that's going on, it feels like I'm experiencing everything more deeply, intensely, powerfully. That includes my grief, sadness and how much I miss you.



Welcome to MiscarriageHelp.com. My name is Ellen DuBois, host of this site, miscarriage survivor, and author of I Never Held You: Miscarriage, Grief, Healing and Recovery. If you or someone you love has suffered a miscarriage, please know you're not alone. Connect with people who understand.

My book, I Never Held You, is mentioned in this column. More importantly, it addresses how difficult anniversary dates can be:

Miscarriage Fallout During Covid

by Ellen M. DuBois on 11/13/20



The world seems like it's upside down and you're also reeling from miscarrying. How do you cope? The fallout from losing a baby to miscarriage is huge. I remember feeling so overwhelmed- and that was not during a pandemic.


I use the term "miscarriage fallout" because that's what I believe you go through. There are tons of emotions to process and the grief you're feeling can be so consuming.

So, how do you cope with all of it?

While I don't have any kind of magic answer, I believe connection to others who have lived it and leaning on God and your angels for support is extremely helpful. While I  know it's not the time to find an in person support group, online support exists and helps. There are books out there to assist you in navigating through life after miscarriage. Online connections have been a source of support for years. I know because I created this website many years ago and people have vented, shared and connected through it.

I understand I'm not familiar with your faith. I can only attest to my own. There were times I felt like it was so dark and I didn't know where or how to find any light. Life felt blank and devoid of anything but grief for some time. However, my faith in God, the angels, the afterlife, in Jesus- this helped me so much during my most desperate times. I'd cry and ask God for help. I asked my angels to help me through panic attacks and more. My faith and yours may be different, but if you believe in something bigger than yourself, it helps.

Times are tough, but I want to spread the message that you will come through all of this on the other side. I know your grief has to be felt and when you're feeling overwhelmed by it, please give yourself permission to feel, step away  into a peaceful place and just be. You need and deserve time to heal and when you feel isolated even more because of Covid, feelings are compounded and magnified. 
 
Some deep breaths, some fresh air, some time spent with God will help you regain a sense of balance- a sense of self.

My prayers are with you and I am so sorry for your loss. Please hang in there.

Love and light to you,

Ellen

 

 

 

 

Welcome to MiscarriageHelp.com. My name is Ellen DuBois, host of this site, miscarriage survivor, and author of I Never Held You: Miscarriage, Grief, Healing and Recovery. If you or someone you love has suffered a miscarriage, please know you're not alone. Connect with people who understand.

Note: Some people find it difficult to post comments here because it's not very clear how to do it. Just hit the "comment" link under any post. I'll get your comment and respond. If it's easier, please email me. [email protected]


My book, I Never Held You, is mentioned in this column. More importantly, it addresses how difficult anniversary dates can be:

#Repost: Grief Unpredictable

by Ellen M. DuBois on 11/11/20



I remember feeling so overcome with grief after my miscarriage. There were times I'd feel the sting of tears without any warning. I'd be "fine", (as fine as I could be), and wham, I'd be crying.


Grief is a journey and it's one you're not alone on. At first, I didn't find much comfort in that. I hurt too much and looking back, I had to feel it. It was a terribly lonely place to be and was often dark. I felt isolated and drained.

As time passed, I began to write about my feelings and reach out to others. Not a whole lot, but when the Internet was relatively new, chat and support groups started popping up. As I became aware of how much they helped me, I created my own site, this one, back in 2006. I realized even more how none of us are alone on our journey after miscarriage and how we draw strength from each other. 

My faith also carried me through some of the darkest days of my life. I thank God for that.

I am so sorry for your loss and I hope you find some comfort in knowing there are people out there who get what you're living. 

I know I do.

Love and Light to you,

Ellen

 

 

 



Welcome to MiscarriageHelp.com. My name is Ellen DuBois, host of this site, miscarriage survivor, and author of I Never Held You: Miscarriage, Grief, Healing and Recovery. If you or someone you love has suffered a miscarriage, please know you're not alone. Connect with people who understand.

My book, I Never Held You, is mentioned in this column. More importantly, it addresses how difficult anniversary dates can be:

Repost: If I Had One Wish #miscarriage #miscarriagesupport

by Ellen M. DuBois on 11/07/20



I do send my love to Heaven and how beautiful it would be if I could visit with my sweet baby. Although I know it's not possible to do physically, I feel a connection to my baby that will never go away. I talk to him. Tell him how much I love him and he'll always be in my heart. It's like an invisible thread keeps us connected. A thread that bridges Heaven and earth. #miscarriage #reachout #miscarriagehelp #miscarriagesupport #miscarriageawareness #pregnancyloss #babyloss #isolation #connection #feelingalone #talkaboutit #missingyou #missingyouquotes #grief #griefquotes #griefsupport #ineverheldyou #miscarriagequotes I'm thinking of you all with love and light, Ellen 

 

 

 

Welcome to MiscarriageHelp.com. My name is Ellen DuBois, host of this site, miscarriage survivor, and author of I Never Held You: Miscarriage, Grief, Healing and Recovery. If you or someone you love has suffered a miscarriage, please know you're not alone. Connect with people who understand.

Note: Some people find it difficult to post comments here because it's not very clear how to do it. Just hit the "comment" link under any post. I'll get your comment and respond. If it's easier, please email me. [email protected]


My book, I Never Held You, is mentioned in this column. More importantly, it addresses how difficult anniversary dates can be:

Repost: Each November I Remember

by Ellen M. DuBois on 11/06/20





My baby would have been a Thanksgiving baby. Even though it's been many years since I miscarried, this time of year is bitter-sweet for me.

I am so thankful for many things. My health, family, friends, a roof over my head, blessings both big and small. Gratitude is an attitude I try to live with every day.

But, as with any loss, you can't help but wonder, remember, reflect- especially when a holiday or anniversary rolls around. (I miss my mother, too. She passed away in January of 2015 and losing her changed me...my life.)

Once again, I think of the baby I lost, Alex. He'd be all grown up now. I wonder what he'd look like? Be like? What would his voice sound like? How would hugging him feel?

My faith has carried me. I see Alex in heaven. Sometimes, I picture him with Jesus. I'm grateful for my faith.

But...I'm only human. There will always be a part of me that wishes he were here...with me. There will always be a part of me that wonders what it would have been like to have watched him grow up. That's simply the way it is and I've learned it's not going to change. I'm not going to change, at least that part of me. I've accepted this as who I am and how I feel. To resist it would do me no good. 

How can you not think about someone you loved so much and lost? How can you not...remember?

To anyone who is going through this, my thoughts and prayers are with you. I hope you find comfort in God, the angels, in each other and in knowing you are not alone.

More than ever I wish you a blessed, safe November and Thanksgiving.

Ellen


Welcome to MiscarriageHelp.com. My name is Ellen DuBois, host of this site, miscarriage survivor, and author of I Never Held You: Miscarriage, Grief, Healing and Recovery. If you or someone you love has suffered a miscarriage, please know you're not alone. Connect with people who understand.

My book, I Never Held You, is mentioned in this column. More importantly, it addresses how difficult anniversary dates can be:

Are You Watching Me From Heaven?

by Ellen M. DuBois on 11/04/20



There are times I feel the love of the baby I miscarried so strongly it's palpable. It's as if I know he's surrounding me and we'll always be connected. It's a feeling deep in my soul and there's no shaking it.

I often feel the love of others who are in Heaven- like my mother. Again, the feeling of connection is so incredibly strong there's no denying it's real. It's energy.

If you feel your baby's love surrounding you from Heaven, please know you're not alone. You're not crazy or imagining things. Not to me. It's as real as the sun and moon.



Welcome to MiscarriageHelp.com. My name is Ellen DuBois, host of this site, miscarriage survivor, and author of I Never Held You: Miscarriage, Grief, Healing and Recovery. If you or someone you love has suffered a miscarriage, please know you're not alone. Connect with people who understand.

My book, I Never Held You, is mentioned in this column. More importantly, it addresses how difficult anniversary dates can be:

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