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A Piece of My Heart is in Heaven This Christmas #repost #miscarriage

by Ellen DuBois on 12/05/18



This is how I have felt for years about the baby I loved and lost to miscarriage: "As I celebrate Christmas and the holiday season, a piece of my heart is with you in Heaven."- Ellen M. DuBois It'll always be that way. I'd be willing to say that many of you feel the same way. I am so sorry for your loss and want you to know that you're all in my thoughts and prayers.  


God Bless and comfort you, Ellen

#griefduringholidays #repost #miscarriage



I Never Held You: Miscarriage, Grief, Healing and Recovery

 

If you need to share, vent, feel heard, that's what this site is for. It's been online since 2006. Women from all over the world, of many ages and backgrounds have have posted here. Some have found comfort and felt far less alone just reading through some of the posts. 

I am keeping you in my thoughts and prayers. If you feel my book will help you or someone you love, I pray it does. Take what feels right to you from it. We all grieve and heal differently. My hope is that you find your way to a place of healing.

Wishing you joy, peace, healing and comfort during the holiday season and all year through. - Ellen

 Ellen DuBois, Author of I Never Held You: Miscarriage, Grief, Healing and Recovery


 

Welcome to MiscarriageHelp.com. My name is Ellen DuBois, host of this site, miscarriage survivor, and author of I Never Held You: Miscarriage, Grief, Healing and Recovery. If you or someone you love has suffered a miscarriage, please know you're not alone. Connect with people who understand.

Note: Some people find it difficult to post comments here because it's not very clear how to do it. Just hit the "comment" link under any post. I'll get your comment and respond. If it's easier, please email me. [email protected]


The Holidays and Grief After Miscarriage (and a book to help you)

by Ellen DuBois on 12/01/18



Hello everyone. My name is Ellen DuBois, author of I Never Held You: Miscarriage, Grief, Healing and Recovery. I'm sharing this post about grief during the holiday season and a bit about my book in case you or someone you love is struggling with grieving after miscarriage- especially during this time of year. It's a beautiful time, but when you're grieving it can be very tough to get through. There are so many conflicting emotions and expectations.

I know it's one of the most difficult things to go through because I've lived it. 

With Christmas here, many women (and their families) struggle with feelings of loss, sadness and isolation. You may be trying to get into the holiday spirit but find you're bouncing between tears, putting on your best "happy face" and trying to get things done, leaving you feeling sad and exhausted. If this sounds like you, I know what you're living and I am so sorry for your loss and what you're going through. 

I'm here to tell you that although it's very hard right now, over time you will come out on the other side of this. Please don't lose hope and give yourself permission and time to grieve and heal. 

During the Christmas and holiday season, it can be challenging to find the time. I'm here to suggest that giving yourself a few minutes, whenever you can, to decompress is so important. If you need to step away from gift wrapping, shopping or a gathering for a few minutes, please do. If you're at a Christmas party and feel like you might "break down",  try to give yourself permission to step out for bit of air. We all need that sometimes. 

You've suffered such a painful loss. You need time to heal and putting pressure on yourself to "get everything right" and "show up happy" can be way too much for you. By giving yourself permission to grieve, perhaps staying home from the party this year, (or whatever), you're taking care of yourself and allowing yourself to heal from a very real loss. If you have to be somewhere, (I know family/friend gatherings can be very important), try promising yourself that you'll give yourself some "me time" later, to rest, cry, journal, get lost in a movie under a cozy blanket...to just be.   

I don't believe you'll ever forget your baby or your loss, but I do know from personal experience that you'll heal over time and begin to recognize yourself again. You'll start to feel like you again and the tears will be less frequent. It took me quite a while. Please don't lose heart.

Here is a description of my book: "I Never Held You is a supportive book about miscarriage, grief, healing and recovery. It is helpful for those who have just suffered a miscarriage, or for women who lost their babies years ago when there was little, if any, support. Join author Ellen DuBois as she shares her journey- from the initial shock of learning her baby had passed away to reaching a place of healing and accepting her new normal. She never forgot her unborn baby and he continues to touch her life in countless ways. Dr. Linda Backman contributed the foreword and several chapters as both a licensed grief counselor and a woman who survived the loss of her son Adam, born at 26 weeks who lived for about an hour. Her heartbreaking loss is what led her to become a grief counselor and more. Also included in this book are four touching stories from women who miscarried. The second half of the book focuses on things the author found helpful in healing. She says: "Take what works for you, leave what doesn't, and remember to take one day at a time. There is no time frame on grief. Your loss matters, and so do you."- Ellen M. DuBois, Author, I Never Held You: Miscarriage, Grief, Healing and Recovery

If you need to share, vent, feel heard, that's what this site is for. It's been online since 2006. Women from all over the world, of many ages and backgrounds have have posted here. Some have found comfort and felt far less alone just reading through some of the posts. 

I am keeping you in my thoughts and prayers. If you feel my book will help you or someone you love, I pray it does. Take what feels right to you from it. We all grieve and heal differently. My hope is that you find your way to a place of healing.

Wishing you joy, peace, healing and comfort during the holiday season and all year through. - Ellen

 Ellen DuBois, Author of I Never Held You: Miscarriage, Grief, Healing and Recovery


 

Welcome to MiscarriageHelp.com. My name is Ellen DuBois, host of this site, miscarriage survivor, and author of I Never Held You: Miscarriage, Grief, Healing and Recovery. If you or someone you love has suffered a miscarriage, please know you're not alone. Connect with people who understand.

Note: Some people find it difficult to post comments here because it's not very clear how to do it. Just hit the "comment" link under any post. I'll get your comment and respond. If it's easier, please email me. [email protected]


Hustle, Bustle, Christmas...Finding Strength When You're Grieving

by Ellen DuBois on 11/27/18



Hello Everyone,


I wanted to ask you to to touch base with your feelings. Check in with yourself and take some deep breaths.

If you've suffered a miscarriage, stillbirth, loss of child or another loved one, this time of year can be very tough. I don't have words that are adequate to describe the struggle you may be going through. However, I've lived it and have an understanding of what you may be feeling.

When you're surrounded Christmas lights, songs, movies on TV, a list of gifts to buy and things to do, it might be difficult for you to find the motivation to do any of it. It's tough to take part in celebrating Christmas, (I say Christmas because that's what I celebrate. This applies to you and the holiday you celebrate, too), when a pretty big part of you just wants to curl up on the couch and hide.

I've been there on a few occasions. After my miscarriage, which was in April, I found myself almost dreading Christmas. I tried to focus on what the holiday was really about, not just me and my loss.  I was very wrapped up in mourning- really consumed by it. I had planned a Christmas filled with gifts for my newborn baby. 

What I envisioned and what was were very different things. 

I did okay buying gifts for family members and friends. I was a wreck when picking out gifts for my young nieces, nephews and other children in my life. It had nothing to do with my love for them and everything to do with my pain and grief. Every baby outfit and toy reminded me of what could have been. I can't even tell you how many times I wanted to break down right in the middle of a store. Back then, you didn't shop online. You went to the store and that was it, other than mail order catalogs.

I got through the first Christmas after my miscarriage with the love of family and friends surrounding me. I tried so hard to get out of my own head and focus on the birth of Christ, my baby in Heaven and the true meaning of Christmas. I wanted to experience giving and love. My faith was challenged. I was not anywhere close to 100%. 

I realized later, after some time to heal, that placing high expectations upon myself while grieving instead of simply accepting that my best was good enough, hurt me. When you're seeing through the eyes of grief, everything is skewed. Nothing looks or feels like it used to. That's part of the nature of grief. It was, and still is, for me.

I grieved my baby all those years ago and still think about him today. I will for the rest of my life. Almost four years ago I lost my mother. I have not been the same since, just as I changed after I miscarried. I had to learn to live with grief and came to realize that healing, (you never forget), takes time. It's different for all of us. 

That's why I asked to you check in with yourself at the beginning of this post. I know there are feelings beneath the surface weighing you down. I know it's tough when you're putting on a smile and inside you feel like crying. I know what it's like to just want to stay home because you're so exhaused from trying to "appear okay" to everyone. 

I am so sorry for your loss and for roller coaster of emotions you're probably feeling right now.

So, do yourself a favor. Check in with your heart and soul. If they tell you to slow down a bit, let some tears out, say some prayers for strength and comfort, whatever it may be, then please follow your gut.  When you allow yourself to feel, you can let some of those feelings that hurt out. It may be in the form of tears, some self care (maybe a nice relaxing bath), journaling, prayer. 

My faith in God and in the angels comforting me helped me more than I can say.  

The comfort I allowed myself to feel in simply being around my family, without any expections placed upon myself to keep it together, helped me to cope. I had to let down some of the wall I'd built around myself so I could let their love in. So I could let God's healing love in.

I wish you comfort, quiet times, soulful times and much healing and love.

Ellen




 

Welcome to MiscarriageHelp.com. My name is Ellen DuBois, host of this site, miscarriage survivor, and author of I Never Held You: Miscarriage, Grief, Healing and Recovery. If you or someone you love has suffered a miscarriage, please know you're not alone. Connect with people who understand.

Note: Some people find it difficult to post comments here because it's not very clear how to do it. Just hit the "comment" link under any post. I'll get your comment and respond. If it's easier, please email me. [email protected]

The MiscarriageHelp.com Daily- paper.li- by Ellen DuBois. Updated daily with a curated selection of articles, blog posts, videos and photos. Click here. Miscarriage Support- Because Your Loss Matters.


The Ornament on The Tree #miscarriage #remembranceornament #repost

by Ellen DuBois on 11/26/18



The ornament upon the tree

is not like any other.

It has your name upon it-

from me, your loving mother.

I hang it oh-so gently,

upon the Christmas tree.

To let you know you'll always

be "my baby" to me.

I send my love to Heaven,

upon an angel's kiss.

You're in my heart forever-

the baby I'll always miss.

Love Always, Your Mother

Ellen M. DuBois, 2017


 

Welcome to MiscarriageHelp.com. My name is Ellen DuBois, host of this site, miscarriage survivor, and author of I Never Held You: Miscarriage, Grief, Healing and Recovery. If you or someone you love has suffered a miscarriage, please know you're not alone. Connect with people who understand.

Note: Some people find it difficult to post comments here because it's not very clear how to do it. Just hit the "comment" link under any post. I'll get your comment and respond. If it's easier, please email me. [email protected]

The MiscarriageHelp.com Daily- paper.li- by Ellen DuBois. Updated daily with a curated selection of articles, blog posts, videos and photos. Click here. Miscarriage Support- Because Your Loss Matters.


Each November I Remember #miscarriage #repost

by Ellen DuBois on 11/21/18





My baby would have been a Thanksgiving baby. Even though it's been many years since I miscarried, this time of year is bitter-sweet for me.

I am so thankful for many things. My health, family, friends, a roof over my head, blessings both big and small. Gratitude is an attitude I try to live with every day.

But, as with any loss, you can't help but wonder, remember, reflect- especially when a holiday or anniversary rolls around. (I miss my mother, too. She passed away in January of 2015 and losing her changed me...my life.)

Once again, I think of the baby I lost, Alex. He'd be all grown up now. I wonder what he'd look like? Be like? What would his voice sound like? How would hugging him feel?

My faith has carried me. I see Alex in heaven. Sometimes, I picture him with Jesus. I'm grateful for my faith.

But...I'm only human. There will always be a part of me that wishes he were here...with me. There will always be a part of me that wonders what it would have been like to have watched him grow up. That's simply the way it is and I've learned it's not going to change. I'm not going to change, at least that part of me. I've accepted this as who I am and how I feel. To resist it would do me no good. 

How can you not think about someone you loved so much and lost? How can you not...remember?

To anyone who is going through this, my thoughts and prayers are with you. I hope you find comfort in God, the angels, in each other and in knowing you are not alone.

Have a Blessed Thanksgiving,

Ellen

 

Welcome to MiscarriageHelp.com. My name is Ellen DuBois, host of this site, miscarriage survivor, and author of I Never Held You: Miscarriage, Grief, Healing and Recovery. If you or someone you love has suffered a miscarriage, please know you're not alone. Connect with people who understand.

Note: Some people find it difficult to post comments here because it's not very clear how to do it. Just hit the "comment" link under any post. I'll get your comment and respond. If it's easier, please email me. [email protected]

The MiscarriageHelp.com Daily- paper.li- by Ellen DuBois. Updated daily with a curated selection of articles, blog posts, videos and photos. Click here. Miscarriage Support- Because Your Loss Matters.


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Welcome to MiscarriageHelp.com. I am deeply sorry for your loss. MiscarriageHelp.com is a support site for women and their families who have suffered the pain, loss and grief after miscarriage. I respond personally to each email and post and have been doing so since 2006. It's an outreach to me, as I try to connect and support those who have walked the often lonely road after miscarriage. Why? I don't want anyone to feel as alone as I did over twenty years ago after my own miscarriage. - Love & comfort to you, Ellen
Ellen M. DuBois is the author of I Never Held You: Miscarriage, Grief, Healing and Recovery





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