MiscarriageHelp.com

MiscarriageHelp.com

Miscarriage: The Rest of The World Went On

by Ellen M. DuBois on 08/19/19



After about a month, I felt stuck in my grief while the rest of the world went on. Everything changed for me, but not for everyone else. It was so isolating.

If you've felt like this, you're not alone. There are many more ways to reach out now- the Internet being one of them. I hope you find some comfort in that. You can connect with others. We all help each other.

Love and light to you and I'm so sorry for your loss,

Ellen

 

 

Welcome to MiscarriageHelp.com. My name is Ellen DuBois, host of this site, miscarriage survivor, and author of I Never Held You: Miscarriage, Grief, Healing and Recovery. If you or someone you love has suffered a miscarriage, please know you're not alone. Connect with people who understand.

Note: Some people find it difficult to post comments here because it's not very clear how to do it. Just hit the "comment" link under any post. I'll get your comment and respond. If it's easier, please email me. [email protected]


My book, I Never Held You, is mentioned in this column. More importantly, it addresses how difficult anniversary dates can be:

I'm Doing the Best I Can

by Ellen M. DuBois on 08/15/19




Your best is good enough. I know what it's like to feel like you should be happy...but it's like an invisible weight is on your shoulders when you're grieving. After I miscarried, there were times when I wanted to feel the joy at a family gathering, birthday, or over the holidays. There were times I did...but, I carried a sadness with me that only time could lessen. Sometimes, I just couldn't get it together and I grew to realize it was all a part of grieving. 

So many years have passed for me and I still find myself thinking about the baby I loved with all my heart and never held. I still miss him and will always feel connected to him. I'm much better now at allowing joy into my life. But, back then, I really struggled. If you feel anything like this, please know you're not alone.

I'm so sorry for your loss and I'm keeping you in my prayers.

Ellen

 

 

Welcome to MiscarriageHelp.com. My name is Ellen DuBois, host of this site, miscarriage survivor, and author of I Never Held You: Miscarriage, Grief, Healing and Recovery. If you or someone you love has suffered a miscarriage, please know you're not alone. Connect with people who understand.

Note: Some people find it difficult to post comments here because it's not very clear how to do it. Just hit the "comment" link under any post. I'll get your comment and respond. If it's easier, please email me. [email protected]


My book, I Never Held You, is mentioned in this column. More importantly, it addresses how difficult anniversary dates can be:

Still Crying, still hurts, years after miscarriage. Is that normal?

by Ellen M. DuBois on 08/06/19




I speak from personal experience (not as a doctor) when I say it's normal to cry, even if it's been years since your miscarriage. If my experience is any indicator, I assure you that crying 26 years after I lost my little one to miscarriage still happens. 

I don't cry every day.  (Back in the beginning I used to and it was such a sad, isolating place. I'm sorry if you're there right now.) There's no sense or pattern to it. There are triggers, like anniversary dates. Sometimes, I'll see a commercial or something in a movie and the tears fall. It just happens and instead of fighting it, I've accepted it as part of who I am. To me, it's a testament to how much I loved my baby...and still miss him. But, it's a personal thing. If you don't cry, that doesn't mean you didn't love your baby. Everyone is different and how we grieve is also different.

Most of the time I'm fine. My "new normal" became my "everyday normal". Remembering my baby is part of who I am.

My heart goes out to you. Please know you're not alone. Love and Light, Ellen



 

 

Welcome to MiscarriageHelp.com. My name is Ellen DuBois, host of this site, miscarriage survivor, and author of I Never Held You: Miscarriage, Grief, Healing and Recovery. If you or someone you love has suffered a miscarriage, please know you're not alone. Connect with people who understand.

Note: Some people find it difficult to post comments here because it's not very clear how to do it. Just hit the "comment" link under any post. I'll get your comment and respond. If it's easier, please email me. [email protected]


My book, I Never Held You, is mentioned in this column. More importantly, it addresses how difficult anniversary dates can be:

As I sat rocking. #miscarriage #babyloss #miscarriageawareness #grief

by Ellen M. DuBois on 08/06/19



Hi, little one.
I thought of you today
as I sat rocking
some lazy time away.
The day was not too busy
to sit and rest a while.
My mind drifted to Heaven-
I wanted to stay a while.
My heart could feel your love.
My soul could feel you near.
For a moment it was like
you were with me in that chair.
Rocking, rocking, rocking,
you were resting in my lap.
It was like I knew
what it would feel like if you napped-
in my arms, in my lap,
in the rocking chair.
I was awakened from my dream-
Still rocking in that chair.
The feather resting in my lap-
let me know you were there.
Ellen M. DuBois, 2013

#miscarriage #reachout #miscarriagehelp #miscarriagesupport #miscarriageawareness #pregnancyloss #babyloss #isolation #connection #feelingalone #talkaboutit #missingyou #missingyouquotes #grief #griefquotes #griefsupport #ineverheldyou #miscarriagequotes

 


 

 

Welcome to MiscarriageHelp.com. My name is Ellen DuBois, host of this site, miscarriage survivor, and author of I Never Held You: Miscarriage, Grief, Healing and Recovery. If you or someone you love has suffered a miscarriage, please know you're not alone. Connect with people who understand.

Note: Some people find it difficult to post comments here because it's not very clear how to do it. Just hit the "comment" link under any post. I'll get your comment and respond. If it's easier, please email me. [email protected]


My book, I Never Held You, is mentioned in this column. More importantly, it addresses how difficult anniversary dates can be:

On the Other Side

by Ellen M. DuBois on 07/22/19



I feel you all the time. Until I see you on the other side...

Thinking of you all with love and support. I'm so sorry for your loss. Prayers for comfort, healing, love.

#miscarriage #reachout #miscarriagehelp #miscarriagesupport #miscarriageawareness #pregnancyloss #babyloss #isolation #connection #feelingalone #talkaboutit #missingyou #missingyouquotes #grief #griefquotes #griefsupport #ineverheldyou #miscarriagequotes

 


 

 

Welcome to MiscarriageHelp.com. My name is Ellen DuBois, host of this site, miscarriage survivor, and author of I Never Held You: Miscarriage, Grief, Healing and Recovery. If you or someone you love has suffered a miscarriage, please know you're not alone. Connect with people who understand.

Note: Some people find it difficult to post comments here because it's not very clear how to do it. Just hit the "comment" link under any post. I'll get your comment and respond. If it's easier, please email me. [email protected]


My book, I Never Held You, is mentioned in this column. More importantly, it addresses how difficult anniversary dates can be:

If I Had One Wish. #miscarriage

by Ellen M. DuBois on 07/19/19



I do send my love to Heaven and how beautiful it would be if I could visit with my sweet baby. Although I know it's not possible to do physically, I feel a connection to my baby that will never go away. I talk to him. Tell him how much I love him and he'll always be in my heart. It's like an invisible thread keeps us connected. A thread that bridges Heaven and earth. #miscarriage #reachout #miscarriagehelp #miscarriagesupport #miscarriageawareness #pregnancyloss #babyloss #isolation #connection #feelingalone #talkaboutit #missingyou #missingyouquotes #grief #griefquotes #griefsupport #ineverheldyou #miscarriagequotes I'm thinking of you all with love and light, Ellen 


 

 

Welcome to MiscarriageHelp.com. My name is Ellen DuBois, host of this site, miscarriage survivor, and author of I Never Held You: Miscarriage, Grief, Healing and Recovery. If you or someone you love has suffered a miscarriage, please know you're not alone. Connect with people who understand.

Note: Some people find it difficult to post comments here because it's not very clear how to do it. Just hit the "comment" link under any post. I'll get your comment and respond. If it's easier, please email me. [email protected]


My book, I Never Held You, is mentioned in this column. More importantly, it addresses how difficult anniversary dates can be:

I Felt Very Alone In My Grief

by Ellen M. DuBois on 07/19/19



I know what it's like to feel very alone in my grief. There were so many times I felt like people didn't quite get what I was living. They felt bad and tried their best to understand, but I felt isolated, even when surrounded by people. It didn't stay that way. Over time I connected with others who had lived the same, I felt more understood and far less isolated. So did they. That's when I know how important reaching out to others was- still is. #miscarriage #reachout #miscarriagehelp #miscarriagesupport #miscarriageawareness #pregnancyloss #babyloss #isolation #connection #feelingalone #talkaboutit #missingyou #missingyouquotes #grief #griefquotes #griefsupport #ineverheldyou #miscarriagequotes I'm thinking of you all with love and light, Ellen 


 

 

Welcome to MiscarriageHelp.com. My name is Ellen DuBois, host of this site, miscarriage survivor, and author of I Never Held You: Miscarriage, Grief, Healing and Recovery. If you or someone you love has suffered a miscarriage, please know you're not alone. Connect with people who understand.

Note: Some people find it difficult to post comments here because it's not very clear how to do it. Just hit the "comment" link under any post. I'll get your comment and respond. If it's easier, please email me. [email protected]


My book, I Never Held You, is mentioned in this column. More importantly, it addresses how difficult anniversary dates can be:

Things That Help When You're Overwhelmed

by Ellen M. DuBois on 07/18/19



I hope this helps. I know what it's like to feel so overwhelmed after miscarriage that you don't know where to start of if it's even possible to feel like yourself again. Seeing through the eyes of grief is difficult and nothing looks right. Nothing feels right. The best you can do is to allow yourself the time and space to grieve, taking things one day at a time.


I'm so sorry for your loss and I'm thinking of you all with love and light, Ellen 

 

 

Welcome to MiscarriageHelp.com. My name is Ellen DuBois, host of this site, miscarriage survivor, and author of I Never Held You: Miscarriage, Grief, Healing and Recovery. If you or someone you love has suffered a miscarriage, please know you're not alone. Connect with people who understand.

Note: Some people find it difficult to post comments here because it's not very clear how to do it. Just hit the "comment" link under any post. I'll get your comment and respond. If it's easier, please email me. [email protected]


My book, I Never Held You, is mentioned in this column. More importantly, it addresses how difficult anniversary dates can be:

Anniversary Dates Bring On Grief

by Ellen M. DuBois on 07/12/19



My book, I Never Held You, is mentioned in this column. More importantly, it addresses how difficult anniversary dates can be:

While it's been years since I miscarried, each April I think about the baby I lost.  I remember the day, the spectrum of feelings, the numbness as I left the hospital, feelings of detachment, the tears that made me double over- all of it. I think it's become part of my DNA, my soul. The reality of what I went through comes flowing back in waves. I've given up trying to explain it or figure it out. It's painfully simple: I loved my baby and suffered a great loss when I miscarried. When the anniversary date rolls around, my senses are heightened. I tend to cry more over things like TV commercials and songs. I'm moodier, weepier...and I believe all this is normal. At least it's my normal and quite possibly yours, too. 

I've learned to go with it and feel whatever comes to the surface because it's a part of my life experience- a painful one. 

This became clearer to me after losing my mother. When January 3'rd rolls around, the anniversary date of her passing, I am filled with so many emotions. I feel a deep sense of loss. I miss her voice even more. I miss everything about her more. I know that's not abnormal. How could it be?

While losing my mother was the most difficult thing I've ever lived through thus far, my miscarriage was the most difficult loss I'd lived through at that time of my life some 28 years ago. 

All losses matter. All are grieved. We dont lump them into one. They are grieved separately and they all matter. So do you.

My losses left scars. I imagine yours did, too. That's what grief does. We heal over time but I don't think we ever get over it. We're all different, but speaking for myself, anniversary dates, (both the painful and the good), make me reflect, remember and relive. All those feelings are part of my life's journey and I look at the scars left behind as a testament to how deeply I loved. 

As the anniversary date(s) passes and I get through it, I pray a lot, my emotions begin to balance out. This happens with every painful anniversary date just like the ebb and flow of the tide. I ride the wave to solid ground.

I'm so sorry for your loss and I'm thinking of you all with love and light, Ellen 

 

 

Welcome to MiscarriageHelp.com. My name is Ellen DuBois, host of this site, miscarriage survivor, and author of I Never Held You: Miscarriage, Grief, Healing and Recovery. If you or someone you love has suffered a miscarriage, please know you're not alone. Connect with people who understand.

Note: Some people find it difficult to post comments here because it's not very clear how to do it. Just hit the "comment" link under any post. I'll get your comment and respond. If it's easier, please email me. [email protected]


Always loved. Always remembered. Forever.

by Ellen M. DuBois on 07/09/19



I know I will always love and remember the baby I lost to miscarriage. It doesn't matter how many years have passed. There will always be a part of me that's with my child in Heaven. It's a connection I can feel and it'll always be there. 


If you feel the same, I get that. 

I am so sorry for your loss and am sending you thoughts of comfort and prayers for healing.

Love and light to you,

Ellen

 

 

Welcome to MiscarriageHelp.com. My name is Ellen DuBois, host of this site, miscarriage survivor, and author of I Never Held You: Miscarriage, Grief, Healing and Recovery. If you or someone you love has suffered a miscarriage, please know you're not alone. Connect with people who understand.

Note: Some people find it difficult to post comments here because it's not very clear how to do it. Just hit the "comment" link under any post. I'll get your comment and respond. If it's easier, please email me. [email protected]


Emotions Are Exhausting: Miscarriage and Taking Time to "Be"

by Ellen M. DuBois on 07/01/19



From one who has lived it, I know how exhausting emotions can be. I felt so many after my miscarriage- I couldn't keep track. I knew I was sad. I felt incredibly tired. I struggled to keep it together and that was exhausting.


Please remember you're not alone in this and to take care of yourself. I know it's not always easy to find time to rest, to "be". But, you are so worth it. You are grieving and need some space for you. Even if it's a few minutes outdoors, sitting and letting nature calm you...whatever works for you. 

I am so sorry for your loss. Love and light to you- Ellen

 

 

Welcome to MiscarriageHelp.com. My name is Ellen DuBois, host of this site, miscarriage survivor, and author of I Never Held You: Miscarriage, Grief, Healing and Recovery. If you or someone you love has suffered a miscarriage, please know you're not alone. Connect with people who understand.

Note: Some people find it difficult to post comments here because it's not very clear how to do it. Just hit the "comment" link under any post. I'll get your comment and respond. If it's easier, please email me. [email protected]


Your Are Not Alone In Your Struggle To Get Through This

by Ellen M. DuBois on 06/27/19



I remember leaving the hospital almost three decades ago feeling numb. I'd just learned my baby had died inside of me and there was not a damn thing I could do about it. The words "your fetus is no longer viable" kept playing over in my mind like a broken record. The pavement was gray and cracked. I could only look down at my feet as my sister and I walked to her car from the hospital.

After my D&C, I tried my best just to get through the days. My husband at the time dealt with things as best he could. However, his way and my way of trying to get a handle on losing our baby were very different. I needed to connect. He didn't want to talk about it. It's a story I've (sadly) heard from many women.

Miscarriage isn't easy. It's a loss as real as any other. To those who have lived this, you know. To those who haven't and are reading this, it's good for you to know what a woman feels after she miscarries. It's devastating and she is grieving. She's grieving the loss of her baby, of her pregnancy, of all the wishes, hopes and dreams she had for her baby. In an instant...they were gone.

But, the love she had (and still has) for her baby is not.

I felt very alone. It wasn't until I began reaching out to others through my book and website (this blog) that I felt connected to women who lived the same horrible loss. I got them and they got me.

That connection proved to be so important to me and the women who shared their stories with me. I believe it helps us heal when we know someone is there, even if we can't see them face to face, who empathizes with us. 

I learned that so many of us have felt alone after losing a baby to miscarriage. We try to talk to those around us, but many times they simply don't know how to deal with our pain and loss. It seems an unrealistic time frame is placed upon our grief because in many cases, there was never a baby seen. That somehow diminishes our loss in people's eyes- as if they're saying it's time to move on and get over this.

Those words hurt. I know because I heard them first hand. 

To all of you who feel alone, I want you to know you are not. We carry each other, support each other, in your struggle to get through this.

Sending you love and light, and I'm so sorry for your loss.

Ellen

 

 

Welcome to MiscarriageHelp.com. My name is Ellen DuBois, host of this site, miscarriage survivor, and author of I Never Held You: Miscarriage, Grief, Healing and Recovery. If you or someone you love has suffered a miscarriage, please know you're not alone. Connect with people who understand.

Note: Some people find it difficult to post comments here because it's not very clear how to do it. Just hit the "comment" link under any post. I'll get your comment and respond. If it's easier, please email me. [email protected]


Miscarriage and Father's Day

by Ellen M. DuBois on 06/12/19



To all fathers who lost a baby to miscarriage, we know you hurt, too. You are not alone. Sometimes you may feel overlooked, but you are thought of Father's Day and all other days. I am so sorry for your loss.


Love and Light,
Ellen

 

 

Welcome to MiscarriageHelp.com. My name is Ellen DuBois, host of this site, miscarriage survivor, and author of I Never Held You: Miscarriage, Grief, Healing and Recovery. If you or someone you love has suffered a miscarriage, please know you're not alone. Connect with people who understand.

Note: Some people find it difficult to post comments here because it's not very clear how to do it. Just hit the "comment" link under any post. I'll get your comment and respond. If it's easier, please email me. [email protected]


If they tell you to "Get over it", they don't have a clue what you're living.

by Ellen M. DuBois on 06/01/19



I get this. When I heard those words, "Why don't you grow up and get over it", it felt like I was punched in the gut. No kidding...it really happened.

For anyone who has ever heard words like this after suffering the heartbreak of miscarriage, I am so sorry. I know words hurt.  

I learned that people often say things with the best intentions, but don't think it through. They don't realize how powerful (and painful) their well intended words can be. The person who said this to me was trying to "help" move me forward, but it wasn't right. Not for me, not for you. I had to live through my grief, ride the waves, feel the overload. It was a terrible place to be, and what I needed to hear were words of support...or simply silence. Just knowing someone was by my side who allowed me to feel helped a great deal. 

So, if someone tells you to "get over it", they have no clue what you're living.

Pray if you're inclined. I found it helped. Go easy on yourself and if you ever hear words that hurt, please try to let them go. (I know it's not easy.) Many people can't understand what they don't know. I'm not excusing it...I'm trying to help you. People need to think before they say something to a woman who lost her baby to miscarriage. Awareness is key. Awareness leads to compassion.

I wish you healing, comfort and love. I'm so sorry for your loss. Please know you're not alone. Love and Light, Ellen

 

 

Welcome to MiscarriageHelp.com. My name is Ellen DuBois, host of this site, miscarriage survivor, and author of I Never Held You: Miscarriage, Grief, Healing and Recovery. If you or someone you love has suffered a miscarriage, please know you're not alone. Connect with people who understand.

Note: Some people find it difficult to post comments here because it's not very clear how to do it. Just hit the "comment" link under any post. I'll get your comment and respond. If it's easier, please email me. [email protected]


"How long does it take to get over a miscarriage?" #miscarriagesupport #miscarriagehelp

by Ellen M. DuBois on 05/27/19



I get this. It's taken years for me to accept my loss as part of my life. I had to ride the waves of pain and grief in order to come to a place of healing. Healing did not mean I forgot about my baby. 

I couldn't. 

I grew into accepting my new normal and was able to function again. I went from walking around in what felt like a bubble to taking in what life had to offer and moving forward...slowly. It was a one step at a time journey and I'm still walking. 

I never will forget the baby I lost or what it took to get me to the place I am today. I had to feel the pain in order to fuel climbing the mountain back to myself.

I wish you healing, comfort and love. I'm so sorry for your loss. Please know you're not alone. Love and Light, Ellen

 

 

Welcome to MiscarriageHelp.com. My name is Ellen DuBois, host of this site, miscarriage survivor, and author of I Never Held You: Miscarriage, Grief, Healing and Recovery. If you or someone you love has suffered a miscarriage, please know you're not alone. Connect with people who understand.

Note: Some people find it difficult to post comments here because it's not very clear how to do it. Just hit the "comment" link under any post. I'll get your comment and respond. If it's easier, please email me. [email protected]


Always My Baby's Mother #miscarriagesupport #miscarriagehelp

by Ellen M. DuBois on 05/24/19



To all those who feel this way, please know you're not alone and I hope this sentiment helps you to cope. It took me a while to get there, but I did. Love to you, Ellen

 

 

Welcome to MiscarriageHelp.com. My name is Ellen DuBois, host of this site, miscarriage survivor, and author of I Never Held You: Miscarriage, Grief, Healing and Recovery. If you or someone you love has suffered a miscarriage, please know you're not alone. Connect with people who understand.

Note: Some people find it difficult to post comments here because it's not very clear how to do it. Just hit the "comment" link under any post. I'll get your comment and respond. If it's easier, please email me. [email protected]


The Dismissal of Grief After Miscarriage

by Ellen M. DuBois on 05/14/19



These quotes are part of a new book I'm working on to help support women and their families who have suffered the pain, grief and isolation after miscarriage. 

After years of writing various quotes to help my visitors navigate the waters after miscarriage, I've decided to put them into a helpful, relatable book. It's not complete and I'll let you know when it's available. The point is, when you read a quote you can relate to, you feel less alone. Support after miscarriage is so important, as is awareness and connection with others. My hope is when you read these quotes, you'll feel like "I get that." I want you to feel less alone.

It's a road none of us want to walk, but it's easier when we've got each other.

 

 

Welcome to MiscarriageHelp.com. My name is Ellen DuBois, host of this site, miscarriage survivor, and author of I Never Held You: Miscarriage, Grief, Healing and Recovery. If you or someone you love has suffered a miscarriage, please know you're not alone. Connect with people who understand.

Note: Some people find it difficult to post comments here because it's not very clear how to do it. Just hit the "comment" link under any post. I'll get your comment and respond. If it's easier, please email me. [email protected]


#BereavedMothersDay

by Ellen M. DuBois on 05/05/19

Thinking of you all and sending you love on Bereaved Mother's Day.



 

 

Welcome to MiscarriageHelp.com. My name is Ellen DuBois, host of this site, miscarriage survivor, and author of I Never Held You: Miscarriage, Grief, Healing and Recovery. If you or someone you love has suffered a miscarriage, please know you're not alone. Connect with people who understand.

Note: Some people find it difficult to post comments here because it's not very clear how to do it. Just hit the "comment" link under any post. I'll get your comment and respond. If it's easier, please email me. [email protected]


Miscarriage: Why does it feel like nobody hears me?

by Ellen M. DuBois on 04/30/19



These quotes are part of a new book I'm working on to help support women and their families who have suffered the pain, grief and isolation after miscarriage. 

After years of writing various quotes to help my visitors navigate the waters after miscarriage, I've decided to put them into a helpful, relatable book. It's not complete and I'll let you know when it's available. The point is, when you read a quote you can relate to, you feel less alone. Support after miscarriage is so important, as is awareness and connection with others. My hope is when you read these quotes, you'll feel like "I get that." I want you to feel less alone.

It's a road none of us want to walk, but it's easier when we've got each other.

 

 

Welcome to MiscarriageHelp.com. My name is Ellen DuBois, host of this site, miscarriage survivor, and author of I Never Held You: Miscarriage, Grief, Healing and Recovery. If you or someone you love has suffered a miscarriage, please know you're not alone. Connect with people who understand.

Note: Some people find it difficult to post comments here because it's not very clear how to do it. Just hit the "comment" link under any post. I'll get your comment and respond. If it's easier, please email me. [email protected]


Please don't tell a woman who's miscarried this...

by Ellen M. DuBois on 04/29/19



 

 

Welcome to MiscarriageHelp.com. My name is Ellen DuBois, host of this site, miscarriage survivor, and author of I Never Held You: Miscarriage, Grief, Healing and Recovery. If you or someone you love has suffered a miscarriage, please know you're not alone. Connect with people who understand.

Note: Some people find it difficult to post comments here because it's not very clear how to do it. Just hit the "comment" link under any post. I'll get your comment and respond. If it's easier, please email me. [email protected]


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If you'd like to check out my line of handmade jewelry, Hope Angel Bracelets, click the link to etsy below to visit my shop. I also make remembrance/miscarriage awareness bracelets. Love and light to you, Ellen



Welcome to MiscarriageHelp.com. My name is Ellen DuBois and I am deeply sorry for your loss. MiscarriageHelp.com is a support site for women and their families who have suffered the pain, loss and grief after miscarriage. I respond personally to each email and post and have been doing so since 2006. It's an outreach to me. I try to connect and give whatever support I can to those who have walked the often lonely road after miscarriage. Why? I don't want anyone to feel as alone as I did over twenty years ago after I miscarried. I'm not a doctor. 
I'm just a woman who's lived through it and am here to listen, share and provide a space for you to share with each other, too.- Love & comfort to you, Ellen 
You can purchase my book, I Never Held You, miscarriage, grief, healing and recovery at Amazon by clicking on this link: I Never Held You