MiscarriageHelp.com

MiscarriageHelp.com

Anniversary of her miscarriage #miscarriage #repost #ineverheldyou

by Ellen M. DuBois on 09/14/19



Here is a message I rencently received from a woman struggling as she approaches the anniversary of her miscarriage:

Hi, Thank you for all of the time and effort you have put into this cause... November 4th, will be 3 years since the day my baby was taken away.. I was only 10 weeks along when I found out and the baby stopped growing at 7 and a half weeks. No one really knows but it still bothers me so bad to this day. Although I know it isn't my fault and I know its common. I still feel as if it is.... My fiance took it harder then I did, well he made it more obvious.He went down hill our relationship went downhill... Anytime me or anyone mentioned it he got so mad.. We have a two year old daughter. I sort of feel dumb for being upset because most people would look at it like I only knew about the baby for 6 weeks and never got to see the baby. But I have ALWAYS wanted to be a mother. No one in my family has had a miscarriage before and it happened to ME. I have ALWAYS been all about kids wherever I went and now unless its my daughter I have to hide the fact that every kid gets on my nerves... :( Thats horrible. Im not even the same person even three years later.. Thank you for reading all of this."

My response:

I am so sorry for your loss. I understand how you loved your baby and it's not dumb or anything of the sort to miss your baby and to feel all the emotions that go along with your loss. When the anniversary date approaches, it gets tougher for a lot of women. Myself included.

I lived it and know how you feel. (Every Novermber around Thanksgiving I go into kind of a "funk" and it's been so many years since I miscarried. My baby would have been born around Thanksfiving and I can't help but remember him.)

So many others have experienced the heartache of losing their babies to miscarriage and getting through anniversary dates. We know how you feel. You're not alone.

I know you have a two year old daughter and love her with all your heart, but having a child doesn't make this loss any less.

Also, your miscarriage wasn't your fault. I remember wondering if there was anything I did wrong to cause my own miscarriage. It was like torturing myself. Over time I learned that I didn't cause my miscarriage, but I spent a lot of time making myself more miserable wondering. I even asked my doctor who assured me I hadn't done anything to cause it.

It took a long time for me to feel like "me" again. I get not feeling like you're the same person. The thing is, loss and grief do change you. You will get there, (back to feeling like yourself), but it takes time to work through grief and some of the other things that go along with it. Please give yourself that time and keep the faith that you'll find your way. You can enjoy loving your beautiful daughter and continue healing at the same time. I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers.

Love and God Bless,

Ellen

 

 

Welcome to MiscarriageHelp.com. My name is Ellen DuBois, host of this site, miscarriage survivor, and author of I Never Held You: Miscarriage, Grief, Healing and Recovery. If you or someone you love has suffered a miscarriage, please know you're not alone. Connect with people who understand.

Note: Some people find it difficult to post comments here because it's not very clear how to do it. Just hit the "comment" link under any post. I'll get your comment and respond. If it's easier, please email me. [email protected]


My book, I Never Held You, is mentioned in this column. More importantly, it addresses how difficult anniversary dates can be:

My World Turned Upside Down

by Ellen M. DuBois on 09/12/19



I don't know if there's a better way to describe how I felt after losing my baby to miscarriage. Nothing looked the same. The world felt upside down. If you're feeling this way, please know you are not alone. Eventually, things even out a bit. You begin feeling more like yourself again. You don't forget. You're not expected to. But, there's light. Please go easy on yourself and takes things one moment at a time. Sending love and prayers your way and I'm so sorry for your loss, Ellen

 

 

Welcome to MiscarriageHelp.com. My name is Ellen DuBois, host of this site, miscarriage survivor, and author of I Never Held You: Miscarriage, Grief, Healing and Recovery. If you or someone you love has suffered a miscarriage, please know you're not alone. Connect with people who understand.

Note: Some people find it difficult to post comments here because it's not very clear how to do it. Just hit the "comment" link under any post. I'll get your comment and respond. If it's easier, please email me. [email protected]


My book, I Never Held You, is mentioned in this column. More importantly, it addresses how difficult anniversary dates can be:

Love Helps. Self Blame Hurts.

by Ellen M. DuBois on 09/04/19



It took a long time for me to stop blaming myself. I wanted to know why my miscarriage happened and when I came up empty handed, it was easy to blame me. But, it wasn't my fault and love is a great healer. It also keeps me connected to my baby, to God, to myself. If you feel like this, you're not alone. Sending love and prayers your way and I'm so sorry for your loss, Ellen

 

 

Welcome to MiscarriageHelp.com. My name is Ellen DuBois, host of this site, miscarriage survivor, and author of I Never Held You: Miscarriage, Grief, Healing and Recovery. If you or someone you love has suffered a miscarriage, please know you're not alone. Connect with people who understand.

Note: Some people find it difficult to post comments here because it's not very clear how to do it. Just hit the "comment" link under any post. I'll get your comment and respond. If it's easier, please email me. [email protected]


My book, I Never Held You, is mentioned in this column. More importantly, it addresses how difficult anniversary dates can be:

I built walls around my heart.

by Ellen M. DuBois on 08/24/19



It took a long time for them to come down.  If you feel like this, you're not alone. Sending love and prayers your way and I'm so sorry for your loss, Ellen

 

 

Welcome to MiscarriageHelp.com. My name is Ellen DuBois, host of this site, miscarriage survivor, and author of I Never Held You: Miscarriage, Grief, Healing and Recovery. If you or someone you love has suffered a miscarriage, please know you're not alone. Connect with people who understand.

Note: Some people find it difficult to post comments here because it's not very clear how to do it. Just hit the "comment" link under any post. I'll get your comment and respond. If it's easier, please email me. [email protected]


My book, I Never Held You, is mentioned in this column. More importantly, it addresses how difficult anniversary dates can be:

Seven Months Today (Make that Four Plus Years). Missing You, Mom

by Ellen M. DuBois on 08/23/19



(I wrote this on the seven month anniversary of my mother's death. It's now been over four years and you know what? I could have written this today.)

It's been over four years today since you died. I guess I'm not-so-good at this grief thing.

I've been trying to find myself in my life since you left. I've been trying to see through the thick fog of missing you that clouds my glasses, skews my vision and makes the world look different. There are days when I see the beauty this world has to offer. The vibrant flowers, blue sky, ripples in the pond, a baby's smile, butterflies and more. When this happens, I know I am seeing the world much like you did. Those are the moments I feel I am healing. Seeing beauty in the world and the people around is how you saw things. That's how you taught us, through example, to live.

I know you wouldn't want me to crying over your transition seven months after the fact. I also know you wouldn't judge me for it either. You'd listen to me and then offer some words of wisdom that were packed with understanding, honesty and a spiritual wisdom that you seemed to always possess.

All you ever wanted was for me to be happy- for all of us to be happy and enjoy life.

I am trying to enjoy my life, mom. I am doing things that push my limits, like flying more even when I'm feeling anxious, riding in that fast car even when I might not feel up to it, and telling myself to just get out there and do it because life is short.

I loved the way you lived- but not as much as I loved you. I strive to be more like you in the way I live. I'm not doing the best job, but the effort is there. Plus, we're all different and that's what makes life and people so wonderful. That's why God made chocolate and vanilla. I'm me, not you, and you want me to be the best version of me possible.

Mom, I know you are living on the other side. I don't just believe it, I know it. That is not my struggle. It is your physical absence that is my struggle. It's not being able to hear your voice on the phone, see your smiling face, hug you and just know my mother is there- with my father.

You are with your Father - your heavenly father and I know how important that was to you. I know you have been reunited with all those you loved who made the transition before you. These are the things I must hold tight to. These are the things I must not only say but believe with every fiber of my being.

Isn't that what faith is? Isn't it more than a belief? Isn't it knowing all is well?

I can almost hear you saying: I am fine. All is well. Do not cry for me because I am home. Don't waste another day afraid or in tears because I am not physically there. I am always there and you know this. Wrap your mind and your heart around this, and you will feel me there. I am okay. It's okay. Now go on and live your life. Live it! Live it with love.

That really is the answer. L-O-V-E.

I'm trying, Mom, and will continue to try and get better. All my love to you, forever, Ellen.



About me:  My name is Ellen DuBois, born and raised in Massachusetts. I love New England with its changes in seasons and natural beauty.

I'm the author of I Never Held You: Miscarriage, Grief, Healing and Recovery and Jackie's Heart. Since 2006 I've been hosting MiscarriageHelp.com, a support site for women and their families who have miscarried.

I'm published with Blue Mountain Arts, and am a contributing author to several books including: Soul Matters for Teens, Sisters, (a Blue Mountain Arts gift book), Conquering Panic and Anxiety Disorders- Success Stories, Strategies and other Good News, Romancing the Soul, More God Allows U-Turns.

I'm also known as "Miss Ellen"- a piano teacher to students from 5 to tween and beyond. Music is another passion of mine and I'm blessed to share the gift of music. I'm also a shudder bug like my mother was. I love taking pictures. 

Hopes, Plans, Wishes, Dreams

by Ellen M. DuBois on 08/22/19



Those didn't go away when you did... 



 

 

Welcome to MiscarriageHelp.com. My name is Ellen DuBois, host of this site, miscarriage survivor, and author of I Never Held You: Miscarriage, Grief, Healing and Recovery. If you or someone you love has suffered a miscarriage, please know you're not alone. Connect with people who understand.

Note: Some people find it difficult to post comments here because it's not very clear how to do it. Just hit the "comment" link under any post. I'll get your comment and respond. If it's easier, please email me. [email protected]


My book, I Never Held You, is mentioned in this column. More importantly, it addresses how difficult anniversary dates can be:

Miscarriage: The Rest of The World Went On

by Ellen M. DuBois on 08/19/19



After about a month, I felt stuck in my grief while the rest of the world went on. Everything changed for me, but not for everyone else. It was so isolating.

If you've felt like this, you're not alone. There are many more ways to reach out now- the Internet being one of them. I hope you find some comfort in that. You can connect with others. We all help each other.

Love and light to you and I'm so sorry for your loss,

Ellen

 

 

Welcome to MiscarriageHelp.com. My name is Ellen DuBois, host of this site, miscarriage survivor, and author of I Never Held You: Miscarriage, Grief, Healing and Recovery. If you or someone you love has suffered a miscarriage, please know you're not alone. Connect with people who understand.

Note: Some people find it difficult to post comments here because it's not very clear how to do it. Just hit the "comment" link under any post. I'll get your comment and respond. If it's easier, please email me. [email protected]


My book, I Never Held You, is mentioned in this column. More importantly, it addresses how difficult anniversary dates can be:

I'm Doing the Best I Can

by Ellen M. DuBois on 08/15/19




Your best is good enough. I know what it's like to feel like you should be happy...but it's like an invisible weight is on your shoulders when you're grieving. After I miscarried, there were times when I wanted to feel the joy at a family gathering, birthday, or over the holidays. There were times I did...but, I carried a sadness with me that only time could lessen. Sometimes, I just couldn't get it together and I grew to realize it was all a part of grieving. 

So many years have passed for me and I still find myself thinking about the baby I loved with all my heart and never held. I still miss him and will always feel connected to him. I'm much better now at allowing joy into my life. But, back then, I really struggled. If you feel anything like this, please know you're not alone.

I'm so sorry for your loss and I'm keeping you in my prayers.

Ellen

 

 

Welcome to MiscarriageHelp.com. My name is Ellen DuBois, host of this site, miscarriage survivor, and author of I Never Held You: Miscarriage, Grief, Healing and Recovery. If you or someone you love has suffered a miscarriage, please know you're not alone. Connect with people who understand.

Note: Some people find it difficult to post comments here because it's not very clear how to do it. Just hit the "comment" link under any post. I'll get your comment and respond. If it's easier, please email me. [email protected]


My book, I Never Held You, is mentioned in this column. More importantly, it addresses how difficult anniversary dates can be:

Still Crying, still hurts, years after miscarriage. Is that normal?

by Ellen M. DuBois on 08/06/19




I speak from personal experience (not as a doctor) when I say it's normal to cry, even if it's been years since your miscarriage. If my experience is any indicator, I assure you that crying 26 years after I lost my little one to miscarriage still happens. 

I don't cry every day.  (Back in the beginning I used to and it was such a sad, isolating place. I'm sorry if you're there right now.) There's no sense or pattern to it. There are triggers, like anniversary dates. Sometimes, I'll see a commercial or something in a movie and the tears fall. It just happens and instead of fighting it, I've accepted it as part of who I am. To me, it's a testament to how much I loved my baby...and still miss him. But, it's a personal thing. If you don't cry, that doesn't mean you didn't love your baby. Everyone is different and how we grieve is also different.

Most of the time I'm fine. My "new normal" became my "everyday normal". Remembering my baby is part of who I am.

My heart goes out to you. Please know you're not alone. Love and Light, Ellen



 

 

Welcome to MiscarriageHelp.com. My name is Ellen DuBois, host of this site, miscarriage survivor, and author of I Never Held You: Miscarriage, Grief, Healing and Recovery. If you or someone you love has suffered a miscarriage, please know you're not alone. Connect with people who understand.

Note: Some people find it difficult to post comments here because it's not very clear how to do it. Just hit the "comment" link under any post. I'll get your comment and respond. If it's easier, please email me. [email protected]


My book, I Never Held You, is mentioned in this column. More importantly, it addresses how difficult anniversary dates can be:

As I sat rocking. #miscarriage #babyloss #miscarriageawareness #grief

by Ellen M. DuBois on 08/06/19



Hi, little one.
I thought of you today
as I sat rocking
some lazy time away.
The day was not too busy
to sit and rest a while.
My mind drifted to Heaven-
I wanted to stay a while.
My heart could feel your love.
My soul could feel you near.
For a moment it was like
you were with me in that chair.
Rocking, rocking, rocking,
you were resting in my lap.
It was like I knew
what it would feel like if you napped-
in my arms, in my lap,
in the rocking chair.
I was awakened from my dream-
Still rocking in that chair.
The feather resting in my lap-
let me know you were there.
Ellen M. DuBois, 2013

#miscarriage #reachout #miscarriagehelp #miscarriagesupport #miscarriageawareness #pregnancyloss #babyloss #isolation #connection #feelingalone #talkaboutit #missingyou #missingyouquotes #grief #griefquotes #griefsupport #ineverheldyou #miscarriagequotes

 


 

 

Welcome to MiscarriageHelp.com. My name is Ellen DuBois, host of this site, miscarriage survivor, and author of I Never Held You: Miscarriage, Grief, Healing and Recovery. If you or someone you love has suffered a miscarriage, please know you're not alone. Connect with people who understand.

Note: Some people find it difficult to post comments here because it's not very clear how to do it. Just hit the "comment" link under any post. I'll get your comment and respond. If it's easier, please email me. [email protected]


My book, I Never Held You, is mentioned in this column. More importantly, it addresses how difficult anniversary dates can be:

On the Other Side

by Ellen M. DuBois on 07/22/19



I feel you all the time. Until I see you on the other side...

Thinking of you all with love and support. I'm so sorry for your loss. Prayers for comfort, healing, love.

#miscarriage #reachout #miscarriagehelp #miscarriagesupport #miscarriageawareness #pregnancyloss #babyloss #isolation #connection #feelingalone #talkaboutit #missingyou #missingyouquotes #grief #griefquotes #griefsupport #ineverheldyou #miscarriagequotes

 


 

 

Welcome to MiscarriageHelp.com. My name is Ellen DuBois, host of this site, miscarriage survivor, and author of I Never Held You: Miscarriage, Grief, Healing and Recovery. If you or someone you love has suffered a miscarriage, please know you're not alone. Connect with people who understand.

Note: Some people find it difficult to post comments here because it's not very clear how to do it. Just hit the "comment" link under any post. I'll get your comment and respond. If it's easier, please email me. [email protected]


My book, I Never Held You, is mentioned in this column. More importantly, it addresses how difficult anniversary dates can be:

If I Had One Wish. #miscarriage

by Ellen M. DuBois on 07/19/19



I do send my love to Heaven and how beautiful it would be if I could visit with my sweet baby. Although I know it's not possible to do physically, I feel a connection to my baby that will never go away. I talk to him. Tell him how much I love him and he'll always be in my heart. It's like an invisible thread keeps us connected. A thread that bridges Heaven and earth. #miscarriage #reachout #miscarriagehelp #miscarriagesupport #miscarriageawareness #pregnancyloss #babyloss #isolation #connection #feelingalone #talkaboutit #missingyou #missingyouquotes #grief #griefquotes #griefsupport #ineverheldyou #miscarriagequotes I'm thinking of you all with love and light, Ellen 


 

 

Welcome to MiscarriageHelp.com. My name is Ellen DuBois, host of this site, miscarriage survivor, and author of I Never Held You: Miscarriage, Grief, Healing and Recovery. If you or someone you love has suffered a miscarriage, please know you're not alone. Connect with people who understand.

Note: Some people find it difficult to post comments here because it's not very clear how to do it. Just hit the "comment" link under any post. I'll get your comment and respond. If it's easier, please email me. [email protected]


My book, I Never Held You, is mentioned in this column. More importantly, it addresses how difficult anniversary dates can be:

I Felt Very Alone In My Grief

by Ellen M. DuBois on 07/19/19



I know what it's like to feel very alone in my grief. There were so many times I felt like people didn't quite get what I was living. They felt bad and tried their best to understand, but I felt isolated, even when surrounded by people. It didn't stay that way. Over time I connected with others who had lived the same, I felt more understood and far less isolated. So did they. That's when I know how important reaching out to others was- still is. #miscarriage #reachout #miscarriagehelp #miscarriagesupport #miscarriageawareness #pregnancyloss #babyloss #isolation #connection #feelingalone #talkaboutit #missingyou #missingyouquotes #grief #griefquotes #griefsupport #ineverheldyou #miscarriagequotes I'm thinking of you all with love and light, Ellen 


 

 

Welcome to MiscarriageHelp.com. My name is Ellen DuBois, host of this site, miscarriage survivor, and author of I Never Held You: Miscarriage, Grief, Healing and Recovery. If you or someone you love has suffered a miscarriage, please know you're not alone. Connect with people who understand.

Note: Some people find it difficult to post comments here because it's not very clear how to do it. Just hit the "comment" link under any post. I'll get your comment and respond. If it's easier, please email me. [email protected]


My book, I Never Held You, is mentioned in this column. More importantly, it addresses how difficult anniversary dates can be:

Things That Help When You're Overwhelmed

by Ellen M. DuBois on 07/18/19



I hope this helps. I know what it's like to feel so overwhelmed after miscarriage that you don't know where to start of if it's even possible to feel like yourself again. Seeing through the eyes of grief is difficult and nothing looks right. Nothing feels right. The best you can do is to allow yourself the time and space to grieve, taking things one day at a time.


I'm so sorry for your loss and I'm thinking of you all with love and light, Ellen 

 

 

Welcome to MiscarriageHelp.com. My name is Ellen DuBois, host of this site, miscarriage survivor, and author of I Never Held You: Miscarriage, Grief, Healing and Recovery. If you or someone you love has suffered a miscarriage, please know you're not alone. Connect with people who understand.

Note: Some people find it difficult to post comments here because it's not very clear how to do it. Just hit the "comment" link under any post. I'll get your comment and respond. If it's easier, please email me. [email protected]


My book, I Never Held You, is mentioned in this column. More importantly, it addresses how difficult anniversary dates can be:

Anniversary Dates Bring On Grief

by Ellen M. DuBois on 07/12/19



My book, I Never Held You, is mentioned in this column. More importantly, it addresses how difficult anniversary dates can be:

While it's been years since I miscarried, each April I think about the baby I lost.  I remember the day, the spectrum of feelings, the numbness as I left the hospital, feelings of detachment, the tears that made me double over- all of it. I think it's become part of my DNA, my soul. The reality of what I went through comes flowing back in waves. I've given up trying to explain it or figure it out. It's painfully simple: I loved my baby and suffered a great loss when I miscarried. When the anniversary date rolls around, my senses are heightened. I tend to cry more over things like TV commercials and songs. I'm moodier, weepier...and I believe all this is normal. At least it's my normal and quite possibly yours, too. 

I've learned to go with it and feel whatever comes to the surface because it's a part of my life experience- a painful one. 

This became clearer to me after losing my mother. When January 3'rd rolls around, the anniversary date of her passing, I am filled with so many emotions. I feel a deep sense of loss. I miss her voice even more. I miss everything about her more. I know that's not abnormal. How could it be?

While losing my mother was the most difficult thing I've ever lived through thus far, my miscarriage was the most difficult loss I'd lived through at that time of my life some 28 years ago. 

All losses matter. All are grieved. We dont lump them into one. They are grieved separately and they all matter. So do you.

My losses left scars. I imagine yours did, too. That's what grief does. We heal over time but I don't think we ever get over it. We're all different, but speaking for myself, anniversary dates, (both the painful and the good), make me reflect, remember and relive. All those feelings are part of my life's journey and I look at the scars left behind as a testament to how deeply I loved. 

As the anniversary date(s) passes and I get through it, I pray a lot, my emotions begin to balance out. This happens with every painful anniversary date just like the ebb and flow of the tide. I ride the wave to solid ground.

I'm so sorry for your loss and I'm thinking of you all with love and light, Ellen 

 

 

Welcome to MiscarriageHelp.com. My name is Ellen DuBois, host of this site, miscarriage survivor, and author of I Never Held You: Miscarriage, Grief, Healing and Recovery. If you or someone you love has suffered a miscarriage, please know you're not alone. Connect with people who understand.

Note: Some people find it difficult to post comments here because it's not very clear how to do it. Just hit the "comment" link under any post. I'll get your comment and respond. If it's easier, please email me. [email protected]


Always loved. Always remembered. Forever.

by Ellen M. DuBois on 07/09/19



I know I will always love and remember the baby I lost to miscarriage. It doesn't matter how many years have passed. There will always be a part of me that's with my child in Heaven. It's a connection I can feel and it'll always be there. 


If you feel the same, I get that. 

I am so sorry for your loss and am sending you thoughts of comfort and prayers for healing.

Love and light to you,

Ellen

 

 

Welcome to MiscarriageHelp.com. My name is Ellen DuBois, host of this site, miscarriage survivor, and author of I Never Held You: Miscarriage, Grief, Healing and Recovery. If you or someone you love has suffered a miscarriage, please know you're not alone. Connect with people who understand.

Note: Some people find it difficult to post comments here because it's not very clear how to do it. Just hit the "comment" link under any post. I'll get your comment and respond. If it's easier, please email me. [email protected]


Emotions Are Exhausting: Miscarriage and Taking Time to "Be"

by Ellen M. DuBois on 07/01/19



From one who has lived it, I know how exhausting emotions can be. I felt so many after my miscarriage- I couldn't keep track. I knew I was sad. I felt incredibly tired. I struggled to keep it together and that was exhausting.


Please remember you're not alone in this and to take care of yourself. I know it's not always easy to find time to rest, to "be". But, you are so worth it. You are grieving and need some space for you. Even if it's a few minutes outdoors, sitting and letting nature calm you...whatever works for you. 

I am so sorry for your loss. Love and light to you- Ellen

 

 

Welcome to MiscarriageHelp.com. My name is Ellen DuBois, host of this site, miscarriage survivor, and author of I Never Held You: Miscarriage, Grief, Healing and Recovery. If you or someone you love has suffered a miscarriage, please know you're not alone. Connect with people who understand.

Note: Some people find it difficult to post comments here because it's not very clear how to do it. Just hit the "comment" link under any post. I'll get your comment and respond. If it's easier, please email me. [email protected]


Your Are Not Alone In Your Struggle To Get Through This

by Ellen M. DuBois on 06/27/19



I remember leaving the hospital almost three decades ago feeling numb. I'd just learned my baby had died inside of me and there was not a damn thing I could do about it. The words "your fetus is no longer viable" kept playing over in my mind like a broken record. The pavement was gray and cracked. I could only look down at my feet as my sister and I walked to her car from the hospital.

After my D&C, I tried my best just to get through the days. My husband at the time dealt with things as best he could. However, his way and my way of trying to get a handle on losing our baby were very different. I needed to connect. He didn't want to talk about it. It's a story I've (sadly) heard from many women.

Miscarriage isn't easy. It's a loss as real as any other. To those who have lived this, you know. To those who haven't and are reading this, it's good for you to know what a woman feels after she miscarries. It's devastating and she is grieving. She's grieving the loss of her baby, of her pregnancy, of all the wishes, hopes and dreams she had for her baby. In an instant...they were gone.

But, the love she had (and still has) for her baby is not.

I felt very alone. It wasn't until I began reaching out to others through my book and website (this blog) that I felt connected to women who lived the same horrible loss. I got them and they got me.

That connection proved to be so important to me and the women who shared their stories with me. I believe it helps us heal when we know someone is there, even if we can't see them face to face, who empathizes with us. 

I learned that so many of us have felt alone after losing a baby to miscarriage. We try to talk to those around us, but many times they simply don't know how to deal with our pain and loss. It seems an unrealistic time frame is placed upon our grief because in many cases, there was never a baby seen. That somehow diminishes our loss in people's eyes- as if they're saying it's time to move on and get over this.

Those words hurt. I know because I heard them first hand. 

To all of you who feel alone, I want you to know you are not. We carry each other, support each other, in your struggle to get through this.

Sending you love and light, and I'm so sorry for your loss.

Ellen

 

 

Welcome to MiscarriageHelp.com. My name is Ellen DuBois, host of this site, miscarriage survivor, and author of I Never Held You: Miscarriage, Grief, Healing and Recovery. If you or someone you love has suffered a miscarriage, please know you're not alone. Connect with people who understand.

Note: Some people find it difficult to post comments here because it's not very clear how to do it. Just hit the "comment" link under any post. I'll get your comment and respond. If it's easier, please email me. [email protected]


Miscarriage and Father's Day

by Ellen M. DuBois on 06/12/19



To all fathers who lost a baby to miscarriage, we know you hurt, too. You are not alone. Sometimes you may feel overlooked, but you are thought of Father's Day and all other days. I am so sorry for your loss.


Love and Light,
Ellen

 

 

Welcome to MiscarriageHelp.com. My name is Ellen DuBois, host of this site, miscarriage survivor, and author of I Never Held You: Miscarriage, Grief, Healing and Recovery. If you or someone you love has suffered a miscarriage, please know you're not alone. Connect with people who understand.

Note: Some people find it difficult to post comments here because it's not very clear how to do it. Just hit the "comment" link under any post. I'll get your comment and respond. If it's easier, please email me. [email protected]


If they tell you to "Get over it", they don't have a clue what you're living.

by Ellen M. DuBois on 06/01/19



I get this. When I heard those words, "Why don't you grow up and get over it", it felt like I was punched in the gut. No kidding...it really happened.

For anyone who has ever heard words like this after suffering the heartbreak of miscarriage, I am so sorry. I know words hurt.  

I learned that people often say things with the best intentions, but don't think it through. They don't realize how powerful (and painful) their well intended words can be. The person who said this to me was trying to "help" move me forward, but it wasn't right. Not for me, not for you. I had to live through my grief, ride the waves, feel the overload. It was a terrible place to be, and what I needed to hear were words of support...or simply silence. Just knowing someone was by my side who allowed me to feel helped a great deal. 

So, if someone tells you to "get over it", they have no clue what you're living.

Pray if you're inclined. I found it helped. Go easy on yourself and if you ever hear words that hurt, please try to let them go. (I know it's not easy.) Many people can't understand what they don't know. I'm not excusing it...I'm trying to help you. People need to think before they say something to a woman who lost her baby to miscarriage. Awareness is key. Awareness leads to compassion.

I wish you healing, comfort and love. I'm so sorry for your loss. Please know you're not alone. Love and Light, Ellen

 

 

Welcome to MiscarriageHelp.com. My name is Ellen DuBois, host of this site, miscarriage survivor, and author of I Never Held You: Miscarriage, Grief, Healing and Recovery. If you or someone you love has suffered a miscarriage, please know you're not alone. Connect with people who understand.

Note: Some people find it difficult to post comments here because it's not very clear how to do it. Just hit the "comment" link under any post. I'll get your comment and respond. If it's easier, please email me. [email protected]


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Welcome to MiscarriageHelp.com. My name is Ellen DuBois and I am deeply sorry for your loss. MiscarriageHelp.com is a support site for women and their families who have suffered the pain, loss and grief after miscarriage. I respond personally to each email and post and have been doing so since 2006. It's an outreach to me. I try to connect and give whatever support I can to those who have walked the often lonely road after miscarriage. Why? I don't want anyone to feel as alone as I did over twenty years ago after I miscarried. I'm not a doctor. 
I'm just a woman who's lived through it and am here to listen, share and provide a space for you to share with each other, too.- Love & comfort to you, Ellen 
You can purchase my book, I Never Held You, miscarriage, grief, healing and recovery at Amazon by clicking on this link: I Never Held You