MiscarriageHelp.com

To all fathers who lost a baby to miscarriage, we know you hurt, too. You are not alone. Sometimes you may feel overlooked, but you are thought of Father's Day and all other days. I am so sorry for your loss.

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I get this. When I heard those words, "Why don't you grow up and get over it", it felt like I was punched in the gut. No kidding...it really happened.

For anyone who has ever heard words like this after suffering the heartbreak of miscarriage, I am so sorry. I know words hurt.  

I learned that people often say things with the best intentions, but don't think it through. They don't realize how powerful (and painful) their well intended words can be. The person who said this to me was trying to "help" move me forward, but it wasn't right. Not for me, not for you. I had to live through my grief, ride the waves, feel the overload. It was a terrible place to be, and what I needed to hear were words of support...or simply silence. Just knowing someone was by my side who allowed me to feel helped a great deal. 

So, if someone tells you to "get over it", they have no clue what you're living.

Pray if you're inclined. I found it helped. Go easy on yourself and if you ever hear words that hurt, please try to let them go. (I know it's not easy.) Many people can't understand what they don't know. I'm not excusing it...I'm trying to help you. People need to think before they say something to a woman who lost her baby to miscarriage. Awareness is key. Awareness leads to compassion.

I wish you healing, comfort and love. I'm so sorry for your loss. Please know you're not alone. Love and Light, Ellen

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I get this. It's taken years for me to accept my loss as part of my life. I had to ride the waves of pain and grief in order to come to a place of healing. Healing did not mean I forgot about my baby. 

I couldn't. 

I grew into accepting my new normal and was able to function again. I went from walking around in what felt like a bubble to taking in what life had to offer and moving forward...slowly. It was a one step at a time journey and I'm still walking. 

I never will forget the baby I lost or what it took to get me to the place I am today. I had to feel the pain in order to fuel climbing the mountain back to myself.

I wish you healing, comfort and love. I'm so sorry for your loss. Please know you're not alone. Love and Light, Ellen

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To all those who feel this way, please know you're not alone and I hope this sentiment helps you to cope. It took me a while to get there, but I did. Love to you, Ellen

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These quotes are part of a new book I'm working on to help support women and their families who have suffered the pain, grief and isolation after miscarriage. 

After years of writing various quotes to help my visitors navigate the waters after miscarriage, I've decided to put them into a helpful, relatable book. It's not complete and I'll let you know when it's available. The point is, when you read a quote you can relate to, you feel less alone. Support after miscarriage is so important, as is awareness and connection with others. My hope is when you read these quotes, you'll feel like "I get that." I want you to feel less alone.

It's a road none of us want to walk, but it's easier when we've got each other.

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Thinking of you all and sending you love on Bereaved Mother's Day.

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These quotes are part of a new book I'm working on to help support women and their families who have suffered the pain, grief and isolation after miscarriage. 

After years of writing various quotes to help my visitors navigate the waters after miscarriage, I've decided to put them into a helpful, relatable book. It's not complete and I'll let you know when it's available. The point is, when you read a quote you can relate to, you feel less alone. Support after miscarriage is so important, as is awareness and connection with others. My hope is when you read these quotes, you'll feel like "I get that." I want you to feel less alone.

It's a road none of us want to walk, but it's easier when we've got each other.

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I've come to the conclusion that I'll always remember the baby I lost, the day I miscarried and feel the sting whenever the anniversary date/month rolls around. That doesn't make me abnormal or weird. It doesn't mean I'm dwelling on the past or living in it. It simply means that I experienced a very difficult loss many years ago. I miscarried. I lost my baby. How could I ever forget that? 

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It's not easy to find the strength or motivation to make sure you're doing okay after suffering a heartbreaking loss, but every little bit helps. It doesn't have to be a lot. Just some deep breaths is good enough. Your loss matters. You matter.

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Click here to follow my author page on Amazon.

Hello,

I spent some time this morning updating my author page on Amazon. You know how a thought hits and you decide to do it? Well, that's what happened. I wasn't expecting to do an update, but something urged me to do so. So...here's what it says and I invite you to visit and follow. It would be greatly appreciated. Thank you! Ellen (The URL is at the bottom of the post.)

Ellen DuBois wrote I Never Held You, a book about miscarriage, grief, healing and recovery because she didn't want women to feel as alone as she did after her miscarriage over twenty-years ago. It was a "pre-Internet" world, and trying to find something to help with her grief seemed impossible. In her book, Ellen shares her journey- from the initial shock of learning her baby had passed away to reaching a place of healing and accepting her new normal. She never forgot her unborn baby and he continues to touch her life in countless ways. Dr. Linda Backman contributed several helpful chapters as both a licensed grief counselor and a woman who survived the loss of her son Adam, born at 26 weeks who lived for about an hour. Additionally, there are four touching stories from women who lived through the pain of miscarriage.

The second half on the book focuses on things the author found helpful in healing after miscarriage. She says: "Take what works for you, leave what doesn't, and remember to take one day at a time. There is no time frame on grief and your loss matters, as do you."

Her fiction book, Jackie's Heart, is also available on Amazon in ebook format. It's romance packed with suspense. It's a story of love, loss, grief, overcoming the odds and a taking a chance on love again. It's been called a real "page turner", filled with twists and unexpected turns. Although her first published work of fiction, this editorial review says: "Can't miss" formula,...combining tragedy with romance & throwing in enough criminal activities to build and hold the reader's interest." -- The Sunday Enterprise, August 31, 2003 Zel Levin, Easton author's book combines tragedy, romance

Ms. DuBois has also been published by: Blue Mountain Arts with her poem "I Whispered a Prayer or Two" as an inspirational greeting card and included in their gift book, "Sisters"; is a contributing author in More God Allows U-Turns (Barbour Publishing/Promise Press); Conquering Panic and Anxiety Disorders, Success Stories, Strategies and other Good News (Hunterhouse Publishing) and Soul Matters for Teens (Thomas Nelson Inc.).

Ellen DuBois resides in Massachusetts with her fiance and rescue dog, Cooper. She's working on her next book, teaching piano, enjoys photography, making jewelry and "learning something new every day on this journey called life." She welcomes you to visit her miscarriage support site at miscarriagehelp.com and her personal/author site at ellendubois.com.

Check out my #author page at this easy to remember url! amazon.com/author/ellendubois via @amazon Thank you, Ellen

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I believe this is true. With every mile I've traveled on the road to healing after losing my baby to miscarriage, after losing my mother, (and others), I've come to learn that grief stays with us, but we learn to live with it so we are able to keep going and experiencing life. The remembering, the connection and the love doesn't go away. I think it's because we've loved so hard and strong. And love never dies. So how can we stop missing those we've loved and lost? Impossible to me. I don't think we can or should. Forever in our hearts. Love lives there. #miscarriage #miscarriageawareness #awarenessiskey #ineverheldyou #grief #support #youarenotalone #1in4women #letshelpeachother #iamsosorryforyourloss #miscarriagehelp #remember #alwaysinmyheart

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Dear Baby in Heaven,

Love and support to you all. I've felt like this many times. My baby in Heaven, my mother...Love keeps us connected and I believe Heaven is real. I've found great comfort in that for a long time.

You are not alone.

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Love and support to you all. I've felt like this many times. My baby in Heaven, my mother...Love keeps us connected and I believe Heaven is real. I've found great comfort in that for a long time.

You are not alone.

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Upside down... Thinking of you all and I get it if you've felt this way.

You are not alone.

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Life teaches us many things and some of the lessons are painful. Sometimes, they knock the wind out of you.

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As I sat here wondering what to say, my mind drifted back to a time in my life some twenty-two years ago. It was a scary, sad and very isolating time. It was a chapter in my life when the world seemed cloaked under a dark, ominous cloud.

I just erased a couple of paragraphs after reading them aloud. I want this post to reflect what I would have wanted to hear after my miscarriage, not so much how I felt. I think you know how I felt because you're living it and I'm so sorry. I am sorry for your loss.

That's number one, right there. I wanted someone to say they were sorry for my loss. It was real- REAL- and it seemed I was the only one who got it.

You're not going crazy. That's number two. You might be crying while you're reading this, (I'm sorry if you are), and then you might get up and the tears may stop as quickly as they came. It is normal to feel like you're on an emotional roller coaster because you are. You're grieving and your body is flipping out because your hormones, everything, need to settle down.  I'm not a doctor so I'm not using medical terms here. I just know what it feels like lie on the floor in a heap of tears and then to get up, breathe and get on with whatever it is you have to do. I know it's terrible and I also know you are not crazy. Look yourself in the mirror if you have to and tell yourself you're okay. It's okay. You need to let it out and when it happens, it happens.

Number three: You are not a bad person or an "evil woman" for feeling jealous of pregnant women. You're not alone in your avoidance of baby showers, baby commercials, baby anything. I used to avoid everything, including pregnant women and/or women with children after I miscarried. I felt terrible about myself. Who would do that? I'll tell you who- a woman who just lost her baby. A woman who left the hospital, or her home, without the baby she loved, dreamed about, talked to throughout the day. You're not evil. You're grieving and I know it's a tough walk. You are not alone in feeling like you do. I promise you that.

Number four: You will heal in time and in your own way, but that doesn't mean you have to forget your baby. My, God- that would be impossible. I've healed. I'll also never, ever forget the baby I still feel connected to in spirit.  My baby was a part of me and still is. I don't want to get into my beliefs here. However, if anyone expects you to "forget about it", they don't have a clue. Your life will take on a new normal. There will come a day when you feel like you're actually living again and enjoying your life. It'll happen. And, just as with any other loss, you won't forget your baby or the road you traveled to heal. But, you're going to be okay. Just give yourself the time and space you need to grieve, feel and heal.

Number five: It's perfectly fine, even a good thing, to do something to remember your baby's brief but life altering stay with you. I wish I knew then what I know now. What do I mean? Well, if you want to have a memorial for your baby, do it. Please follow your heart. I waited many years to have a memorial for my baby because I didn't know, (I'm repeating myself), what I know now about them. People have opened up and talked about the importance of doing something in remembrance of your baby. It doesn't matter what it is. I learned this, too. The first thing I ever did in remembrance of my baby was to buy a necklace with a charm. There were baby footprints on one side and the words "Always in my heart" on the other. I still have it. When people asked me about it, I told them it was for the baby I miscarried. It was like saying to the world, "My loss and my baby mattered and still do."

Years later, I had a memorial service and it was just my best friend and I. I read a note I wrote to my baby out loud. I had a little basked with a cross, a baby outfit and a few other things with me. They were symbols of love, to me. We're all different so please, do whatever feels right to you. I also had a balloon and wrote the words "I Love You" on it. After reading my letter, I released the balloon and watched it float into the air, above the tree tops and into eternity. And you know what? I smiled. I finally felt closure.

Clearly, I hadn't forgotten my baby. After all, I held his memorial seventeen years after losing him. In all those years I healed, but not once did I forget and not once did I feel closure. Having a memorial, (even something as simple as what I did), gave me the closure I needed.

Number six: All you can do is your best and your best is good enough. That's important. Take things one day at a time. If that's too much, take things one moment at a time. If that's too much, take things one milli-moment at a time.  

I hope you believe you're normal in feeling abnormal. Actually, I pray that makes sense to you. I guess for a while, feeling "abnormal" is your new normal. But, don't worry. It won't stay like that forever. You'll grow into your new normal as you heal. There will come a time when the dark, ominous cloud lifts.

Love and Light to you,

Ellen

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Hi everyone. I wanted to share my instagram account for miscarriage support. I pray you find some help, connection and comfort. It's under miscarriagehelpellendubois

Instagram profile: Ellen DuBois: MiscarriageHelp, a #support site I host. Baby Alex, Always in my heart. #miscarriage. #Author of I Never Held You https://amzn.to/2GVVteW

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