MiscarriageHelp.com

MiscarriageHelp.com

You're A Part Of Me. #miscarriage #miscarriagesupport

by Ellen DuBois on 02/18/17


You're a part of me and that never changes. I love you, and that never goes away. - Ellen M. DuBois

I create these sayings, or thoughts, when they hit me. I think about the baby I loved and lost and want to share my feelings with you. I do this in the hope that you'll somehow feel less alone in your struggle. I know it helps to feel connected to those who have lived it. I am deeply sorry for your loss and please try to hang in there. I know it's hard...that's an understatement. In time, you will get through this. You will never forget, but you will survive this and step by step, move forward. That doesn't mean you'll forget the baby you lost to miscarriage. It means you'll move forward with your life and your baby will always be a part of you. The love I still feel for my baby has never faded.

Keeping you all in my thoughts and prayers.

Ellen


 

Welcome to MiscarriageHelp.com. My name is Ellen DuBois, host of this site, miscarriage survivor, and author of I Never Held You: Miscarriage, Grief, Healing and Recovery. If you or someone you love has suffered a miscarriage, please know you're not alone. Connect with people who understand.

Note: Some people find it difficult to post comments here because it's not very clear how to do it. Just hit the "comment" link under any post. I'll get your comment and respond. If it's easier, please email me. ellen@miscarriagehelp.com
Love & comfort to you, Ellen

The MiscarriageHelp.com Daily- paper.li- by Ellen DuBois. Updated daily with a curated selection of articles, blog posts, videos and photos. Click here. Miscarriage Support- Because Your Loss Matters.

Forever Loved & Missed. #miscarriage #miscarriagesupport #grief

by Ellen DuBois on 02/12/17



If you feel this way, you are not alone. Whether it's been a short time or a long time since your miscarriage, there's a love that lasts forever. Because of that love, there is a "missing" you carry, too. I don't think you can ever love someone deeply and not miss them when they're gone- at least in a physical sense. My life over the past 25 years since I miscarried has certainly had its share of changes, both joyful and painful. Yet, there will always be a special place in my heart for my baby. The baby I never held but always will love. That has remained constant and unwaivering.

To all those who have suffered a miscarriage(s), I am so sorry for your loss. May you find healing and comfort.

Love and God Bless,

Ellen


 

Welcome to MiscarriageHelp.com. My name is Ellen DuBois, host of this site, miscarriage survivor, and author of I Never Held You: Miscarriage, Grief, Healing and Recovery. If you or someone you love has suffered a miscarriage, please know you're not alone. Connect with people who understand.

Note: Some people find it difficult to post comments here because it's not very clear how to do it. Just hit the "comment" link under any post. I'll get your comment and respond. If it's easier, please email me. ellen@miscarriagehelp.com
Love & comfort to you, Ellen

The MiscarriageHelp.com Daily- paper.li- by Ellen DuBois. Updated daily with a curated selection of articles, blog posts, videos and photos. Click here. Miscarriage Support- Because Your Loss Matters.

Miscarriage- Note to Heaven #miscarriagesupport

by Ellen DuBois on 02/11/17



I know I've felt this way so many times.

Thinking of you all and wishing you healing & support.

I am so sorry for your loss.

Love and Light,

Ellen


 

Welcome to MiscarriageHelp.com. My name is Ellen DuBois, host of this site, miscarriage survivor, and author of I Never Held You: Miscarriage, Grief, Healing and Recovery. If you or someone you love has suffered a miscarriage, please know you're not alone. Connect with people who understand.

Note: Some people find it difficult to post comments here because it's not very clear how to do it. Just hit the "comment" link under any post. I'll get your comment and respond. If it's easier, please email me. ellen@miscarriagehelp.com
Love & comfort to you, Ellen

The MiscarriageHelp.com Daily- paper.li- by Ellen DuBois. Updated daily with a curated selection of articles, blog posts, videos and photos. Click here. Miscarriage Support- Because Your Loss Matters.

Repost: Trying to be at Peace after Miscarriage

by Ellen DuBois on 02/06/17



A says:

Ellen - I lost my baby at 11 weeks 4 days last Friday March 13, 2015. Every day since, my mind is filled with "what ifs" and I can't seem to calm down. What do you suggest I do to be at peace with nature's decision to take my baby from me? I want to try again but I worry our next child will be taken too, or I won't be able to get pregnant again. Please help.


Ellen says:

Dear A,

I am so sorry for your loss. I wish there were some easy answer to what you're going through. I can tell you I felt very much like you're feeling now after I miscarried. What I learned over time is that all the what ifs and could have beens didn't change anything. I had to grieve the loss of my baby and that meant allowing myself to feel. I'd venture to say you're going through the same thing.

I know grief is different for all of us. We grieve in our own way and time. I think what's most important is allowing yourself to do so. Give yourself the time and space you need to heal.

The more you allow yourself to feel, the closer you will come to a certain calmness entering your life again. I guess a better way to put it is you'll begin to feel like yourself. You'll be changed, because that's what loss does. I think any loss changes us in a way. You heal, but you don't forget. I don't think it's possible to forget.

But, it is possible to move forward with your life. I pray you have a very healthy baby one day and I know there will always be a special place in your heart for the one who stayed with you for a brief time, but touched your heart forever.

I believe being patient with yourself as you travel this road is very important. In time, I have faith you will come out on the other side of your loss. It's really quite a raw wound right now as it only happened in March. One day at a time. You're always welcome to drop me a line if you need to vent or just know you are heard.

Take care of yourself. Be gentle on yourself. I'll be keeping you in my thoughts and prayers.

Love and Light to you,

Ellen



 

Welcome to MiscarriageHelp.com. My name is Ellen DuBois, host of this site, miscarriage survivor, and author of I Never Held You: Miscarriage, Grief, Healing and Recovery. If you or someone you love has suffered a miscarriage, please know you're not alone. Connect with people who understand.

Note: Some people find it difficult to post comments here because it's not very clear how to do it. Just hit the "comment" link under any post. I'll get your comment and respond. If it's easier, please email me. ellen@miscarriagehelp.com
Love & comfort to you, Ellen

The MiscarriageHelp.com Daily- paper.li- by Ellen DuBois. Updated daily with a curated selection of articles, blog posts, videos and photos. Click here. Miscarriage Support- Because Your Loss Matters.

#Miscarriage: Blaming Yourself. It's Not Your Fault.

by Ellen DuBois on 02/01/17



 

The following passage about miscarriage and blaming God and/or yourself was taken from my book I Never Held You: Miscarriage, Grief, Healing and Recovery:

Who could I blame for this? Did I do something wrong? Did that glass of wine I had before I even knew I was pregnant somehow hurt my baby? Did that slip on the ice have anything to do with it? What about the cigarettes I smoked? Or, or, or… It's a very natural thing to blame yourself when you suffer a miscarriage. I did. I wracked my brain in a futile attempt to come up with some answers. Anything. Nothing the doctor said could convince me that there wasn't something I did to make this happen. So, I prolonged my suffering. By blaming myself I only made things worse. It was not my fault- just as it's not your fault that you've miscarried. No, that glass of wine or beer you had did not cause your miscarriage. No, the argument you had with your husband did not cause you so much stress that you miscarried. No, the unhealthy food you ate from a fast food restaurant didn't do it either. Please, stop knocking yourself and blaming yourself for this. I know you need answers. You want some sort of justification for your pain and loss. But, when you continually find, or try to find blame within yourself, you are hurting yourself over and over again. When I couldn't find blame within myself or at least a concrete event that I could somehow link to my miscarriage, my anger turned to God. Yes, God. How could He let this happen? Why? What did I do to deserve this?

I never thought about the bigger plan. Back then, my views on life and what God's plans were for me were much different. Even if they weren't, I still would have felt tremendous pain and my faith would have been tested to the max. I still would have wondered what kind of a God would allow such a thing to happen?

Over time, however, I learned to stop blaming God. I don't want to preach to you, but, to those of you who are looking to God for answers, you'll probably never know. In retrospect, I can now look back and realize that it was all a part of the plan for my life and accept that, as painful as it may be. It certainly isn't something I'd want to re-live again and I still don't know why it happened. My marriage did end. Maybe that's part of it. Maybe my ex-husband and I just weren't cut out to be parents - we weren't cut out to be married. But, that doesn't apply to everyone and I'm only using examples pulled from my own life. There are many women who aren't involved with partners but have miscarried. Many women have terrific marriages and miscarry. You all have your own circumstances to look at and to try to find blame in. Let me just say this: Please, for your own peace of mind, stop blaming yourself and God, (if you're blaming Him, too.) It's simply torture and the more you search for answers, the longer you prolong your misery. I know it hurts. I can feel your pain. I know having the answers would take away a little of your pain. But, please consider this: Even if you had the answer right in front of you, would it really lessen your grief or sadness?

I know it wouldn't have with me. It wouldn't bring back what I lost. I know that now - only after time.

Acknowledge your pain. Feel it. But, please stop blaming yourself, God, or anyone else.

Ellen M. DuBois



 

Welcome to MiscarriageHelp.com. My name is Ellen DuBois, host of this site, miscarriage survivor, and author of I Never Held You: Miscarriage, Grief, Healing and Recovery. If you or someone you love has suffered a miscarriage, please know you're not alone. Connect with people who understand.

Note: Some people find it difficult to post comments here because it's not very clear how to do it. Just hit the "comment" link under any post. I'll get your comment and respond. If it's easier, please email me. ellen@miscarriagehelp.com
Love & comfort to you, Ellen

The MiscarriageHelp.com Daily- paper.li- by Ellen DuBois. Updated daily with a curated selection of articles, blog posts, videos and photos. Click here. Miscarriage Support- Because Your Loss Matters.

Hello. My name is Ellen DuBois. Welcome to MiscarriageHelp.com. I am deeply sorry for your loss.



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"MiscarriageHelp.com is a support site for women and their families who have suffered the pain, loss and grief after miscarriage. I respond personally to each email and post and have been doing so since 2006. It's an outreach to me, as I try to connect and support those who have walked the often lonely road after miscarriage. Why? I don't want anyone to feel as alone as I did some twenty years ago after my own miscarriage." -Love & comfort to you, Ellen, - Ellen M. DuBois
I Never Held You: Miscarriage, Grief, Healing and Recovery









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