MiscarriageHelp.com

MiscarriageHelp.com

Four Miscarriages: He Keeps Telling Me It's Fine & It's Not.

by Ellen DuBois on 03/31/17



Jane Says: (Name has been changed for privacy)

Hi. Sorry I don't know if you could help, you can tell me to go away. I have never talked about my 4 miscarriages before, we been talking and trying for children for the past 2 years. I was 14 weeks when I lost my first, then was 10 weeks, 8 weeks, 11 weeks. I feel so lost and my partner keeps telling me it's fine we will have a child one day but I really don't want to keep putting myself through this, the saddness and the loss.

Ellen Says:

I am so sorry for your losses and I'd never tell you to go away. Ever. You've been though so much Chloe. I'm sorry I didn't get back sooner, either. My father's recovering from surgery a while back.

You have so much on your plate. You are grieving four babies and I'd be afraid of going through that kind of pain again, too. It's a lot to miscarry once...and you've been through this four times. My heart goes out to you.

I don't know if you've considered talking to someone about how you're feeling, but I know it helped for me. Some people aren't comfortable with it while others are. I'm no professional, but I certainly care about your pain and understand what you're going through.

Does your partner know how scared you are? Does he 'get' how each baby you lost was a life you loved and are grieving? I ask because so many times women's partners don't really understand. It's not his fault. We're all different and although he loves you and is grieiving in his own way, you went through it...you lived it.

I don't know if a conversation like that with him would help. Sometimes it can because you connect more. I would venture to guess he says you'll both have another child one day because he's trying to help you but doesn't know how. The pain you're feeling isn't something that can be "fixed" and many times men want to "fix things". I'm trying to stereotype anyone, just basing this on my own experiences.

If I don't use your name, I can share this on my blog and on this FB page and perhaps some women will share their stories with you. I think it always helps when you connect with people who have lived the same. Just let me know if it's okay with you.

I'll be thinking of you and sending you loads of prayers.

Take care of you, and again, I'm so sorry for your losses


 

Welcome to MiscarriageHelp.com. My name is Ellen DuBois, host of this site, miscarriage survivor, and author of I Never Held You: Miscarriage, Grief, Healing and Recovery. If you or someone you love has suffered a miscarriage, please know you're not alone. Connect with people who understand.

Note: Some people find it difficult to post comments here because it's not very clear how to do it. Just hit the "comment" link under any post. I'll get your comment and respond. If it's easier, please email me. ellen@miscarriagehelp.com
Love & comfort to you, Ellen

The MiscarriageHelp.com Daily- paper.li- by Ellen DuBois. Updated daily with a curated selection of articles, blog posts, videos and photos. Click here. Miscarriage Support- Because Your Loss Matters.

Miscarriage: When Others Remember With You

by Ellen DuBois on 03/28/17





While going through my messages on the MiscarriageHelp.com Facebook page, I wanted to to thank someone who has always taken the time to reach out to me. I try my best to be there for others who have miscarried because I know how isolating it can feel. Miscarriage leaves you in a tailspin and it can last for months or years.




Although I lost my little one twenty-five plus years ago, I will always remember him, how devastated I felt after losing him and will always feel connected by a divine thread to my baby, Alex.

Thank you to GeePee, for always taking the time to think of me and remember my Alex in Heaven. Women who have miscarried often form a bond because they empathize with each other. Anyone who has been through this kind of loss knows what it's like and by reaching out to help others, we often help ourselves.

My heart is touched by these beautiful gestures. My little one, Alex, has been remembered by others, not only me, and it means so much. 

So, thank you GeePee! XO Ellen





 

Welcome to MiscarriageHelp.com. My name is Ellen DuBois, host of this site, miscarriage survivor, and author of I Never Held You: Miscarriage, Grief, Healing and Recovery. If you or someone you love has suffered a miscarriage, please know you're not alone. Connect with people who understand.

Note: Some people find it difficult to post comments here because it's not very clear how to do it. Just hit the "comment" link under any post. I'll get your comment and respond. If it's easier, please email me. ellen@miscarriagehelp.com
Love & comfort to you, Ellen

The MiscarriageHelp.com Daily- paper.li- by Ellen DuBois. Updated daily with a curated selection of articles, blog posts, videos and photos. Click here. Miscarriage Support- Because Your Loss Matters.

Silent Grief

by Ellen DuBois on 03/20/17




Grief is exhausting. Silent grief even more so.

What do I mean by silent grief?

It's the grief you hide. It's grieving the loss of a baby nobody saw. It's feeling such a loss so palpable it often consumes you- while others often seem dismissive.

When you suffer a miscarriage, it's not only a "medical" event. It is the loss of a baby- a baby you loved, had plans for and envisioned a life with.

I get it. I know what it's like to try to get through the day smiling while you're crying inside. I know what it's like to want to talk about your loss but get the feeling others are wondering why you're not "over it". After all, you didn't even get to see or hold your baby...right?

Wrong. Nothing could be further from the truth.

I want you to know, as you read this and perhaps are grieving in silence, that you're not alone. Your loss was real and so is your grief. 

Please reach out. You have every right to feel, to grieve and to heal. The road feels smoother when you have some support.

I'm here to give you whatever support I can and I'm sure there are others who not only want to lend their support, but could use yours, too.

We're in this together and your silent grief doesn't have to be so silent. 


 

Welcome to MiscarriageHelp.com. My name is Ellen DuBois, host of this site, miscarriage survivor, and author of I Never Held You: Miscarriage, Grief, Healing and Recovery. If you or someone you love has suffered a miscarriage, please know you're not alone. Connect with people who understand.

Note: Some people find it difficult to post comments here because it's not very clear how to do it. Just hit the "comment" link under any post. I'll get your comment and respond. If it's easier, please email me. ellen@miscarriagehelp.com
Love & comfort to you, Ellen

The MiscarriageHelp.com Daily- paper.li- by Ellen DuBois. Updated daily with a curated selection of articles, blog posts, videos and photos. Click here. Miscarriage Support- Because Your Loss Matters.

Wonder. #miscarriage #miscarriagesupport

by Ellen DuBois on 03/07/17



 

"Sometimes I just sit and wonder...What would life be like if you were here?"

That's been part of my life story for twenty five years. That's how long it's been since I miscarried. That little one I loved so much and never got to hold left footprints on my heart that will be there for the rest of my life.

That's just the way it is.

The wound is not nearly as raw as it was for the first few months...no, make that years, after my miscarriage. Back then I was easily thrown into a tailspin at the mere mention of "baby" anything.

It was so tough and to any of you living through this now, my heart goes out to you. I know the ache so well.

Although my baby has remained a part of my life all these years later, I want you to know the sting lessens over time. You don't forget, but it gets easier to breathe. The love you have for your baby remains with you, but as time passes you'll find it takes less effort to keep yourself together. If you're in a really scary place, please know I've been there, along with millions of other women. You are not alone and it won't always feel as dark.

One day, you'll probably find yourself at a place similar to mine. Oh, the ache will still be tucked away in your heart, but it will be tempered by time. You will still remember, feel, love and wonder...what would life be like if you were here?

Sending you my love and I'm deeply sorry for your loss. Please hang in there.

Ellen


 

Welcome to MiscarriageHelp.com. My name is Ellen DuBois, host of this site, miscarriage survivor, and author of I Never Held You: Miscarriage, Grief, Healing and Recovery. If you or someone you love has suffered a miscarriage, please know you're not alone. Connect with people who understand.

Note: Some people find it difficult to post comments here because it's not very clear how to do it. Just hit the "comment" link under any post. I'll get your comment and respond. If it's easier, please email me. ellen@miscarriagehelp.com
Love & comfort to you, Ellen

The MiscarriageHelp.com Daily- paper.li- by Ellen DuBois. Updated daily with a curated selection of articles, blog posts, videos and photos. Click here. Miscarriage Support- Because Your Loss Matters.

Miscarriage: Forever. True Story.

by Ellen DuBois on 03/05/17



 

Someone asked, "How long will you miss the baby you miscarried?"

I didn't have to think about my response.

"Forever." I said.

True story.


 

Welcome to MiscarriageHelp.com. My name is Ellen DuBois, host of this site, miscarriage survivor, and author of I Never Held You: Miscarriage, Grief, Healing and Recovery. If you or someone you love has suffered a miscarriage, please know you're not alone. Connect with people who understand.

Note: Some people find it difficult to post comments here because it's not very clear how to do it. Just hit the "comment" link under any post. I'll get your comment and respond. If it's easier, please email me. ellen@miscarriagehelp.com
Love & comfort to you, Ellen

The MiscarriageHelp.com Daily- paper.li- by Ellen DuBois. Updated daily with a curated selection of articles, blog posts, videos and photos. Click here. Miscarriage Support- Because Your Loss Matters.

Hello. My name is Ellen DuBois. Welcome to MiscarriageHelp.com. I am deeply sorry for your loss.



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"MiscarriageHelp.com is a support site for women and their families who have suffered the pain, loss and grief after miscarriage. I respond personally to each email and post and have been doing so since 2006. It's an outreach to me, as I try to connect and support those who have walked the often lonely road after miscarriage. Why? I don't want anyone to feel as alone as I did some twenty years ago after my own miscarriage." -Love & comfort to you, Ellen, - Ellen M. DuBois
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