You Have The Right To Grieve...& Nobody Has The Right To Tell You Otherwiseby Ellen DuBois on 06/12/17
If you've suffered a miscarriage, I'm truly sorry for your loss. I know it's a very difficult time. You probably feel like your world has been rocked to the core and maybe you feel like your grief, your very REAL grief, is being dismissed.
Ouch. If that's what you're experiencing, I know what it's like. I know how much you loved your baby and how you were planning on the big arrival. I understand what it's like to ache so much you feel it in your soul. I also know what it's like to hurt so much and feel alone in your grief.
If it seems like family and friends don't know how to support you, I get that, too. I think what hurts even more is when your grief is dismissed. Perhaps someone has told you that it's been long enough and you should just move on. Quite possibly a friend has said you can always have another baby and to hold on to that thought. The well intended words of a family member or friend who said there was probably something wrong with the baby hurt you more than helped.
When people dismiss your grief by telling you to move on, etc., it's painful. It's like saying your baby didn't matter and your loss should be somehow easier to deal with. Those of us who lived it know that simply isn't true.
Your loss is real and your journey through grief is just as real. It takes time, as with any loss, to even begin to start feeling like yourself again. Even at that, you're a changed version of yourself. Grief forces you to grow and I know it's a very painful way to do so.
There's so much going on inside of you when you suffer a miscarriage- mentally, physically and spiritually. The emotions you go through are sometimes excruciating. Not everyone is aware of this and you may feel pressured to go through your grief "quickly".
You don't need to do that, nor should you feel like you have to. After my miscarriage, I didn't like walking through the fire, but I had to do it. I didn't even see it while I was going through it. But, it was a fire and it took time to get over those hot coals.
If you feel like you don't have the right to grieve because others are either trying to push you forward before you're ready, please give yourself the time and space you need.
You have the right to grieve...and nobody has the right to tell you otherwise.
God Bless and may you find some comfort in knowing you are not alone,
Welcome to MiscarriageHelp.com. My name is Ellen DuBois, host of this site, miscarriage survivor, and author of I Never Held You: Miscarriage, Grief, Healing and Recovery. If you or someone you love has suffered a miscarriage, please know you're not alone. Connect with people who understand.
Note: Some people find it difficult to post comments here because it's not very clear how to do it. Just hit the "comment" link under any post. I'll get your comment and respond. If it's easier, please email me. firstname.lastname@example.org
Love & comfort to you, Ellen
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