You Are Stronger Than What Life Dishes Out. #miscarriageby Ellen DuBois on 02/26/17
After my miscarriage, I felt overwhelmed with sadness and anything but strong. The days were filled with tears and a constant feeling of swimming against the tide.
It was a struggle just to get through.
Looking back, I realize I was stronger than I knew. I got through those days when I wondered how I was going to. I managed to keep it together at work, even though I felt like there was a cloud of sadness hanging over my head. I was not in good shape, yet somehow I made to the next day. The sun rose again and I took whatever strength I had and lived. I got things done when even the most menial things sapped me of my energy.
When I miscarried, my whole world changed. Life kept going at its pace, but each step I took was like treading through deep sand. I felt like I couldn't keep up.
Now, all these years later, I see how I had a strength within me and it sustained me. That strength gave me the ability to get up, go to work, face the pain, cry the tears and do it all over again. Little by little, the tears were less. It took time, (and it's different for everyone), but I began to feel like "me" again, although a changed version of myself. I suffered losing my baby and all the hopes, dreams, wishes and plans I had for my baby.
My God, it hurt.
As you know, it's a terrible feeling. It's like having a nightmare and not being able to wake up. When you realize you're awake, it's even scarier. You're living it.
I've been there. I've been afraid I'd stay in the dark place losing a baby to miscarriage leaves you in. I've been riddled, almost paralyzed, by fear and anxiety. There were days I felt I'd drown in my tears.
If you've felt any of these things, you are not alone.
Where we draw our strength is different for everyone. I know I found strength in God. My faith carried me though some of the toughest days and nights of my life. Even when I didn't feel it, I knew there was a power much greater than me that was lending, no...gently holding my hand.
In the thick of my grief, I couldn't see it. I couldn't feel it. But deep inside, I knew it.
In time, I found strength in connecting with others who lived the same. It took a while because when I miscarried, the Internet was in its infancy. Finding support groups wasn't a thing you did online and I couldn't find any miscarriage support in the "pre-Internet" world.
I did find people who had lived through miscarriage later and I talked to them about it. That gave me strength. As the Internet grew, so did my own outreach. One thing led to another and with time and healing, I ended up turning one of the most painful losses of my life into something positive to help others. (as best I could). That's what led to this site and to writing my book.
However, Internet or not, your strength really does lie within you. It may take sharing your feelings or reading about how others dealt with miscarriage to help you find it. When we connect with each other we often feel less alone. That helps, too. The isolation we often feel after miscarriage is terrible. Connecting with others helps break through it. It gives you hope. It gives you strength.
You may not believe it now, but... you are stronger than what life dishes out and you are not alone.
Even if you can't see it now, please try your best to hold onto that thought. One day, you'll find it to be true.
I am so sorry for your loss. May you find comfort, healing and strength.
Love and Light to you,
Welcome to MiscarriageHelp.com. My name is Ellen DuBois, host of this site, miscarriage survivor, and author of I Never Held You: Miscarriage, Grief, Healing and Recovery. If you or someone you love has suffered a miscarriage, please know you're not alone. Connect with people who understand.
Note: Some people find it difficult to post comments here because it's not very clear how to do it. Just hit the "comment" link under any post. I'll get your comment and respond. If it's easier, please email me. email@example.com
Love & comfort to you, Ellen
The MiscarriageHelp.com Daily- paper.li- by Ellen DuBois. Updated daily with a curated selection of articles, blog posts, videos and photos. Click here. Miscarriage Support- Because Your Loss Matters.