Repost: Trying to be at Peace after Miscarriage :

Repost: Trying to be at Peace after Miscarriage

by Ellen DuBois on 02/06/17

A says:

Ellen - I lost my baby at 11 weeks 4 days last Friday March 13, 2015. Every day since, my mind is filled with "what ifs" and I can't seem to calm down. What do you suggest I do to be at peace with nature's decision to take my baby from me? I want to try again but I worry our next child will be taken too, or I won't be able to get pregnant again. Please help.

Ellen says:

Dear A,

I am so sorry for your loss. I wish there were some easy answer to what you're going through. I can tell you I felt very much like you're feeling now after I miscarried. What I learned over time is that all the what ifs and could have beens didn't change anything. I had to grieve the loss of my baby and that meant allowing myself to feel. I'd venture to say you're going through the same thing.

I know grief is different for all of us. We grieve in our own way and time. I think what's most important is allowing yourself to do so. Give yourself the time and space you need to heal.

The more you allow yourself to feel, the closer you will come to a certain calmness entering your life again. I guess a better way to put it is you'll begin to feel like yourself. You'll be changed, because that's what loss does. I think any loss changes us in a way. You heal, but you don't forget. I don't think it's possible to forget.

But, it is possible to move forward with your life. I pray you have a very healthy baby one day and I know there will always be a special place in your heart for the one who stayed with you for a brief time, but touched your heart forever.

I believe being patient with yourself as you travel this road is very important. In time, I have faith you will come out on the other side of your loss. It's really quite a raw wound right now as it only happened in March. One day at a time. You're always welcome to drop me a line if you need to vent or just know you are heard.

Take care of yourself. Be gentle on yourself. I'll be keeping you in my thoughts and prayers.

Love and Light to you,



Welcome to My name is Ellen DuBois, host of this site, miscarriage survivor, and author of I Never Held You: Miscarriage, Grief, Healing and Recovery. If you or someone you love has suffered a miscarriage, please know you're not alone. Connect with people who understand.

Note: Some people find it difficult to post comments here because it's not very clear how to do it. Just hit the "comment" link under any post. I'll get your comment and respond. If it's easier, please email me.
Love & comfort to you, Ellen

The Daily- by Ellen DuBois. Updated daily with a curated selection of articles, blog posts, videos and photos. Click here. Miscarriage Support- Because Your Loss Matters.

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Hello. My name is Ellen DuBois. Welcome to I am deeply sorry for your loss.
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" is a support site for women and their families who have suffered the pain, loss and grief after miscarriage. I respond personally to each email and post and have been doing so since 2006. It's an outreach to me, as I try to connect and support those who have walked the often lonely road after miscarriage. Why? I don't want anyone to feel as alone as I did some twenty years ago after my own miscarriage." -Love & comfort to you, Ellen, - Ellen M. DuBois
I Never Held You: Miscarriage, Grief, Healing and Recovery

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