To the Woman Who Miscarried: Your Baby Was Real #Repost #MiscarriageHelp :

To the Woman Who Miscarried: Your Baby Was Real #Repost #MiscarriageHelp

by Ellen DuBois on 02/15/18

"Please don't tell anyone who has miscarried her baby wasn't 'real'. That's like telling her she was never really pregnant."- Ellen DuBois

I know it may sound like common sense to many, but sadly, that's not always the case. So many women feel their loss is dismissed by hurtful comments, (although they may be said with the best of intentions...).

For example:

  • You never even saw your baby.
  • Your baby wasn't really "real".
  • You can always have another.
  • Don't you think it's time you get over this and move on? (That was said to me.)
  • At least you've got other children. (Like the one she lost doesn't "count"?)

This list goes on. It's really about awareness. A woman and her family who lose a baby to miscarriage are grieving. A mother who suffers a miscarriage often falls in love with her baby long before she ever "sees" her child. There is a very strong connection between a mother and her baby in the womb. In a split second, miscarriage takes this away, along with all the plans, hopes, dreams and wishes for the baby. I know first hand there are many thoughts and plans, down to the cute, little baby booties tiny feet will never fill.

It's heartbreaking.

The more people become aware of the very real grief miscarriage leaves in its path, the more sensitive people will be when talking to the mother and/or an entire family about it. Father's are deeply hurt by this, too, as are any siblings awaiting the baby's arrival. 

To all who have lost a baby, or more than one, to miscarriage, I am deeply sorry for your loss(es).

Love and Light to you,



Welcome to My name is Ellen DuBois, host of this site, miscarriage survivor, and author of I Never Held You: Miscarriage, Grief, Healing and Recovery. If you or someone you love has suffered a miscarriage, please know you're not alone. Connect with people who understand.

Note: Some people find it difficult to post comments here because it's not very clear how to do it. Just hit the "comment" link under any post. I'll get your comment and respond. If it's easier, please email me.
Love & comfort to you, Ellen

The Daily- by Ellen DuBois. Updated daily with a curated selection of articles, blog posts, videos and photos. Click here. Miscarriage Support- Because Your Loss Matters.

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Hello. My name is Ellen DuBois. Welcome to I am deeply sorry for your loss.
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" is a support site for women and their families who have suffered the pain, loss and grief after miscarriage. I respond personally to each email and post and have been doing so since 2006. It's an outreach to me, as I try to connect and support those who have walked the often lonely road after miscarriage. Why? I don't want anyone to feel as alone as I did over twenty years ago after my own miscarriage." - Love & comfort to you, Ellen

Ellen M. DuBois is the author of I Never Held You: Miscarriage, Grief, Healing and Recovery

Custom order a Baby Remembrance Bracelets at Hope Angel Bracelets by Ellen DuBois..

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