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I Will Feel You In My Heart Forever. PAILRD, October 15th

by Ellen DuBois on 10/15/15



"I will feel you in my heart forever." That is how I will always feel about the baby I loved so much and lost to miscarriage. You are all in my heart, thoughts and prayers today, where you will remain. As I light my candle tonight, I know I will feel the love and energy from you and our beloved babies who live on in spirit. May you feel your little one's love surround you like the warmest and softest of blankets. ((((Hugs))) Ellen

Welcome to MiscarriageHelp.com. My name is Ellen DuBois, host of this site, miscarriage survivor, and author of I Never Held You: Miscarriage, Grief, Healing and Recovery. If you or someone you love has suffered a miscarriage, please know you're not alone. Connect with people who understand.

Note: Some people find it difficult to post comments here because it's not very clear how to do it. Just hit the "comment" link under any post. I'll get your comment and respond. If it's easier, please email me. ellen@miscarriagehelp.com
Love & comfort to you, Ellen

The MiscarriageHelp.com Daily- paper.li- by Ellen DuBois. Updated daily with a curated selection of articles, blog posts, videos and photos. Click here. Miscarriage Support- Because Your Loss Matters.



Miscarriage: Remembering, Emotional Triggers, Ultrasounds, You're Not Alone

by Ellen DuBois on 10/14/15



As I waited for the ultrasound technician to come back into the room, I couldn't help but think of the irony. It's National Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness month and there I was, about to have an ultrasound on my uterine fibroids.

The poster on the door had beautiful, 3D images of a baby growing inside the womb. On the top of the poster it said "Watch Me Grow".

I sighed.

The technician (she was very nice), asked me some questions. Some of them still carry a sting:

Have you ever been pregnant?

Yes, but I miscarried. (Ouch)

So, no deliveries?

No. No deliveries. (Oh, God)

And just like that, the questions stopped- but, my emotions didn't.

My mind was all over the board while the ultrasound wand glided across my belly. I wanted to cry when I heard the keyboard clicks and image after image of my fibroid-filled-uterus was being saved.

It's not like I haven't been through this before. I have- many times. It's just the timing of the whole thing. More than that, I've never had an ultrasound that showed a happy, healthy baby growing inside of me. At this point, I'm confident in saying I never will. That's something I still have to come to terms with as I approach the end of my forties.

Life deals us some cards we don't always want to keep. However, this is a part of the hand I've been dealt. It's not all bad. Not nearly. But this, well, it is.

Even if it's been years since your miscarriage, I want you to know you're not alone if you're experiencing flashbacks; nostalgia; tears; feeling melancholy. I know the slippery sloap you're traveling. The thing is, just because you have a setback, (like I did yesterday- lingering into today), it doesn't mean you're moving in the "wrong direction". It means you're human, have feelings and lost a baby. It means you sometimes get caught up in reliving your loss and emotions rush unexpectedly to the surface.

There are many things that trigger feelings of sadness, even if, (as I mentioned), it's been years since your miscarriage. October can be bittersweet for millions of women and their families who have lost babies to miscarriage. We want to remember them because they mattered and were so loved. However, when we remember and honor the babies we loved and lost, we also feel. You just can't help it.

My heart is with you.

Love to you all, Ellen 

Miscarriage: Remembering, Emotional Triggers, Ultrasounds, You're Not Alone

Welcome to MiscarriageHelp.com. My name is Ellen DuBois, host of this site, miscarriage survivor, and author of I Never Held You: Miscarriage, Grief, Healing and Recovery. If you or someone you love has suffered a miscarriage, please know you're not alone. Connect with people who understand.

Note: Some people find it difficult to post comments here because it's not very clear how to do it. Just hit the "comment" link under any post. I'll get your comment and respond. If it's easier, please email me. ellen@miscarriagehelp.com
Love & comfort to you, Ellen

Miscarriage, Loss, Awareness and October

by Ellen DuBois on 10/09/15



Hello,

October is upon us and it's a time for many things. The leaves are changing color, creating a canvas of vibrant hues. The air is crisp and many of us are digging out our sweaters as the temperature drops.

I love the fall- always have. But, since my miscarriage, it's a bitter-sweet time. My baby would have been a "Thanksgiving Baby".  Every fall for the past twenty-some-odd years, I've thought about my son and what life would have been like had he lived. When October comes, I think about him even more. I also think about  all who have lived through losing a baby. Even after you've healed, the floodgates can still open wide and the tears fall.

I think it will always be that way- at least for me.

This October I also feel the acute sting of losing my mother. It's the first October without her. She loved the fall so much. God, I miss her.

I take comfort in knowing she met her grandson in Heaven and one day I will be reunited with both of them. For now, they are with me in spirit. I can feel them.

October is a month of awareness for many things, most of which I didn't know about.

October is: AIDS Awareness Month; Adopt a Shelter Dog Awareness Month; Breast Cancer Awareness Month; Bullying Prevention Awareness Month; Book Awareness Month; Campaign for Healthier Babies Awareness Month; CyberSecurity Awareness Month; Dental Hygiene Awareness Month; Domestic Violence Awareness Month; Down Syndrome Awareness Month; Filipino American History Awareness Month; Fire Prevention Awareness Month; Italian-American Heritage Awareness Month; Lupus Awareness Month; Rett Syndrome Awareness Month; Selective Mutism Awareness Month; Vegetarian Awareness Month and Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Month. (For an awareness month calendar, click here.)

The one that's closest to my heart is Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Month.

To all those who have lost a baby, or babies, my thoughts and prayers are with you. I know the pain and I know how important it is to have your loss and grief recognized. I know how the  support of others who have miscarried and walked the same road can help ease the blow.

I will never forget the baby I loved and never got to hold.

I am deeply sorry for your loss. Please remember to take care of yourself, allow yourself to feel and know you are not alone.

Love and Light,

Ellen



Welcome to MiscarriageHelp.com. My name is Ellen DuBois, host of this site, miscarriage survivor, and author of I Never Held You: Miscarriage, Grief, Healing and Recovery. If you or someone you love has suffered a miscarriage, please know you're not alone. Connect with people who understand.

Note: Some people find it difficult to post comments here because it's not very clear how to do it. Just hit the "comment" link under any post. I'll get your comment and respond. If it's easier, please email me. ellen@miscarriagehelp.com
Love & comfort to you, Ellen

The MiscarriageHelp.com Daily- paper.li- by Ellen DuBois. Updated daily with a curated selection of articles, blog posts, videos and photos. Click here. Miscarriage Support- Because Your Loss Matters.



I Sense You're Looking at the World With Me

by Ellen DuBois on 10/07/15



"I think about you in the fall. Beautiful colors paint the earth and I think about how vibrant they must be in Heaven. For now, I'll go on like I always do. Call me crazy, but, I feel you with me when I quiet my mind. I sense you're looking at the world with me."- Ellen DuBois, MiscarriageHelp.com

Welcome to MiscarriageHelp.com. My name is Ellen DuBois, host of this site, miscarriage survivor, and author of I Never Held You: Miscarriage, Grief, Healing and Recovery. If you or someone you love has suffered a miscarriage, please know you're not alone. Connect with people who understand.

Note: Some people find it difficult to post comments here because it's not very clear how to do it. Just hit the "comment" link under any post. I'll get your comment and respond. If it's easier, please email me. ellen@miscarriagehelp.com
Love & comfort to you, Ellen

The MiscarriageHelp.com Daily- paper.li- by Ellen DuBois. Updated daily with a curated selection of articles, blog posts, videos and photos. Click here. Miscarriage Support- Because Your Loss Matters.



Thinking of Baby and of You. Miscarriage Awareness, October

by Ellen DuBois on 10/04/15



"Thoughts of what might have been sometimes overpower what is. Those are the times I miss my baby most."- Ellen DuBois, MiscarriageHelp.com

It's October, which means it's also National Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Month.

I was thinking, like I have countless numbers of times over the years, about what life would have been like had my baby lived. Yes...Those are the times I miss him most. I'm sorry for anyone who relates to this on any level.

I also know what is and that doesn't mean I don't like my life in the "now". Of course I do. I can't lie and tell you I don't think of my miscarriage all those years ago. I do. It's a part of who I am. It's something I lived through and it left a scar. At first, it was a wound so open, so raw, you couldn't even get near it without it hurting.

Over time, my wound healed. This happened as I grieved and cried and felt a million other emotions. Healing wasn't easy. Grief isn't for the faint of heart. Unrecognized losses are even tougher in terms of support. I can attest to that because I've lived through both.

However, there are so many doors to support for women and their families who have suffered the battle wounds miscarriage leaves behind. There are support sites like this one and many more. There are books, movies, even TV shows speak of what used to be unspeakable: miscarriage. Through people talking about miscarriage on public platforms and/or at the kitchen table, comes awareness. Miscarriage awareness is one of the keys to healing. It helps to know you're not alone. It helps to know you share your sorrow with others. I am keenly aware it doesn't bring your baby back, but sharing in your loss with others makes today's road to healing a bit easier.  There's now some light where there was none.

So, I'll hold a light for you and we can all hold lights for each other. You stumble a lot less when it's not so dark.

You are all in my thoughts and prayers and I'm deeply sorry for your loss. Please hang in there and know you are not alone.

Love and light, Ellen

Welcome to MiscarriageHelp.com. My name is Ellen DuBois, host of this site, miscarriage survivor, and author of I Never Held You: Miscarriage, Grief, Healing and Recovery. If you or someone you love has suffered a miscarriage, please know you're not alone. Connect with people who understand.

Note: Some people find it difficult to post comments here because it's not very clear how to do it. Just hit the "comment" link under any post. I'll get your comment and respond. If it's easier, please email me. ellen@miscarriagehelp.com
Love & comfort to you, Ellen

The MiscarriageHelp.com Daily- paper.li- by Ellen DuBois. Updated daily with a curated selection of articles, blog posts, videos and photos. Click here. Miscarriage Support- Because Your Loss Matters.



Hello. My name is Ellen DuBois. Welcome to MiscarriageHelp.com. I am deeply sorry for your loss.



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"MiscarriageHelp.com is a support site for women and their families who have suffered the pain, loss and grief after miscarriage. I respond personally to each email and post and have been doing so since 2006. It's an outreach to me, as I try to connect and support those who have walked the often lonely road after miscarriage. Why? I don't want anyone to feel as alone as I did some twenty years ago after my own miscarriage." -Love & comfort to you, Ellen, - Ellen M. DuBois
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