Four Miscarriages: He Keeps Telling Me It's Fine & It's Not.by Ellen DuBois on 03/31/17
Jane Says: (Name has been changed for privacy)
Hi. Sorry I don't know if you could help, you can tell me to go away. I have never talked about my 4 miscarriages before, we been talking and trying for children for the past 2 years. I was 14 weeks when I lost my first, then was 10 weeks, 8 weeks, 11 weeks. I feel so lost and my partner keeps telling me it's fine we will have a child one day but I really don't want to keep putting myself through this, the saddness and the loss.
I am so sorry for your losses and I'd never tell you to go away. Ever. You've been though so much Chloe. I'm sorry I didn't get back sooner, either. My father's recovering from surgery a while back.
You have so much on your plate. You are grieving four babies and I'd be afraid of going through that kind of pain again, too. It's a lot to miscarry once...and you've been through this four times. My heart goes out to you.
I don't know if you've considered talking to someone about how you're feeling, but I know it helped for me. Some people aren't comfortable with it while others are. I'm no professional, but I certainly care about your pain and understand what you're going through.
Does your partner know how scared you are? Does he 'get' how each baby you lost was a life you loved and are grieving? I ask because so many times women's partners don't really understand. It's not his fault. We're all different and although he loves you and is grieiving in his own way, you went through it...you lived it.
I don't know if a conversation like that with him would help. Sometimes it can because you connect more. I would venture to guess he says you'll both have another child one day because he's trying to help you but doesn't know how. The pain you're feeling isn't something that can be "fixed" and many times men want to "fix things". I'm trying to stereotype anyone, just basing this on my own experiences.
If I don't use your name, I can share this on my blog and on this FB page and perhaps some women will share their stories with you. I think it always helps when you connect with people who have lived the same. Just let me know if it's okay with you.
I'll be thinking of you and sending you loads of prayers.
Take care of you, and again, I'm so sorry for your losses
Welcome to MiscarriageHelp.com. My name is Ellen DuBois, host of this site, miscarriage survivor, and author of I Never Held You: Miscarriage, Grief, Healing and Recovery. If you or someone you love has suffered a miscarriage, please know you're not alone. Connect with people who understand.
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Love & comfort to you, Ellen
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