Hard Times Going Back To Work After Miscarriageby Ellen DuBois on 08/15/13
I had a miscarrige/D&C on 08/08/13, I dreading going to work, with feeling of anxiety
"I lost my baby a couple weeks ago it had just stopped growing and had a D&C on Thursday 08/08/13. I am so depressed. I work customer support for a clothing online store for moms-to-be-babies-kids-women. I can't face going to work! Even thinking about it I cry. What can I do? I got a job offer from my old employer (hated that job), but it would mean more money, less travel, and I don't have the same fear of going to work there. I'm so torn, but I do need to work I have bills to pay. But every time I think of going to work I get high anxiety feeling and want to cry. I don't know what to do, I have no vacation time left, but feel like I can't face my job...at all."
I am so sorry for your loss. I know the pain and the sense of dread. Working in a store targeted at moms to be and babies..that IS a lot to handle right now. I remember going back to work after my miscarriage caused great stress, and my job had nothing to do with children.
However, no matter what I did,or where I worked, it took time for the raw grief to lessen.
You're in a very tough position. I know I'd be struggling with it. There's a lot to weigh out. You hated your other job, yet it's closer and you won't be surrounded by constant reminders of your loss. However, there will be stresses from your old job that may seem magnified because you're still grieving. Unfortunately, everything feels heightened when you're grieving. At least it did for me.
Do you like your current job? I know it's hard to separate your loss from your work situation right now. Maybe I should rephrase it. Did you like you current job- before your loss?
I know it would be very difficult to go back. I'd just hate to see you give up a job may have really liked for one you'll hate. Your grief is very real, but I know in time it will subside. You'll never forget, but it will get better for you. If you were to take the other job, it's going back to something you know you don't like and I wonder if it would ever get better for you.
Is there any way you could talk to a grief counselor and maybe get some guidance on this? I wish I had the answers. The easy one would be to take the job you don't like and avoid the job you already have. However, I know the feelings of anxiety all too well regarding returning to work after your loss. I was a mess and at the time, worked for a communication company. Nothing helped. Nothing eased the pain. It was something I, sadly, had to work through and it followed me everywhere.
So sorry I can't come up with the 'right' answer. All I know is no matter where you work, the road to healing is not an easy one, but it will happen no matter where you work. I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers and again, I am deeply sorry for your loss.
My name is Ellen DuBois, host of this site, miscarriage survivor, and author of I Never Held You: Miscarriage, Grief, Healing and Recovery (Volume 1). If you or someone you love has suffered a miscarriage, please know you're not alone. Connect with people who understand.