MiscarriageHelp.com

MiscarriageHelp.com

Always #Miscarriage #Grief #MiscarriageSupport

by Ellen DuBois on 05/12/17



I have felt connected to the baby I lost for over 25 years. He would have been 26 this Thanksgiving.

As we approach Mother's Day, I find myself feeling a roller coaster of emotions. That's nothing new. I've always longed for a child and for whatever reasons, the only one I had never made it into my arms. I lost my Alex to miscarriage when I was 16 weeks pregnant.

The love never died. I don't believe his spirit did, either. I have felt him near me since he entered my life. That kind of love doesn't fade. At least it didn't with me.

Now, I find myself missing my baby and my mother. I know we all have our stories. The thing is, when we share what we're going through, we feel less alone. I think that's important.

Keeping it balanced:  I count my blessings and try to do the best I can in all aspects of this journey. My faith is strong and I have a very loving God and many angels who care about me. I have a wonderful family and I am grateful for them every...single.. day.

But, there are times when all of us need to know we are not alone. I know I'm not, and I hope you find some comfort in knowing you are not, either.

I feel a bond with all of you who have miscarried. I feel a kinship with those of you who have mothers in Heaven, too, or both. I've walked both paths now and sometimes, my footing doesn't feel so sure. Mother's Day can be a tough one when you're grieving your baby, your mother...

I keep all of you in my thoughts and prayers. May God bless and comfort you and may you feel the warmth of His love and the love of your little ones and other loved ones surround you like a soft, safe blanket made of Divine threads of love.

Always.

 




 

Welcome to MiscarriageHelp.com. My name is Ellen DuBois, host of this site, miscarriage survivor, and author of I Never Held You: Miscarriage, Grief, Healing and Recovery. If you or someone you love has suffered a miscarriage, please know you're not alone. Connect with people who understand.

Note: Some people find it difficult to post comments here because it's not very clear how to do it. Just hit the "comment" link under any post. I'll get your comment and respond. If it's easier, please email me. ellen@miscarriagehelp.com
Love & comfort to you, Ellen

The MiscarriageHelp.com Daily- paper.li- by Ellen DuBois. Updated daily with a curated selection of articles, blog posts, videos and photos. Click here. Miscarriage Support- Because Your Loss Matters.

#bereavedmothersday Bereaved Mothers, You are Remembered

by Ellen DuBois on 05/07/17



#bereavedmothersday from my heart to yours. Love and God Bless you, Ellen

Welcome to MiscarriageHelp.com. My name is Ellen DuBois, host of this site, miscarriage survivor, and author of I Never Held You: Miscarriage, Grief, Healing and Recovery. If you or someone you love has suffered a miscarriage, please know you're not alone. Connect with people who understand.

Note: Some people find it difficult to post comments here because it's not very clear how to do it. Just hit the "comment" link under any post. I'll get your comment and respond. If it's easier, please email me. ellen@miscarriagehelp.com 
Love & comfort to you, Ellen

The MiscarriageHelp.com Daily- paper.li- by Ellen DuBois. Updated daily with a curated selection of articles, blog posts, videos and photos. Click here. Miscarriage Support- Because Your Loss Matters.


Miscarriage: "After 27 years, is this normal?"

by Ellen DuBois on 05/01/17



M Says:

Tomorrow is the 27th anniversary of my miscarriage. While I came to accept the miscarriage because I had two other children who needed me, I always think of the baby I lost on the day I miscarried and the due date. Today while having lunch with my husband,son, DIL and grandchildren, we were discussing the birth of a friend's new baby born yesterday. My two live births resulted in very easy birth experiences (both born within 1 1/2 hours of arrival to hospital. After I made the casual statement "I was lucky, I had easy births", I was quite suddenly filled with memories of my miscarriage and started crying. Surprised and embarassed, I left the table and went to the bathroom to compose myself and not disrupt the mood. We had just come from the circus and all were in a good mood. I might add that today is also the 4th anniversary of my younger son joining the Air Force which is bittersweet. He is doing well but I miss him. My grand-daughter was the only one to notice I was crying and asked her mother why. Obviously, everyone was clueless and they came over to me when I was standing by the car. I told them it was nothing but then broke down crying explaining what was upsetting me. While I often feel bad about the loss, this is the first time I behaved like this. After 27 years, is this normal? I had no idea your site existed. I just googled a question and found your page.

Dear M:

First, let me say how sorry I am for your loss. You may be wondering why I'm saying that all these years later. I'm saying it because in my heart I believe you deserve to hear those words. Perhaps you need to hear them.

I relate to you on many levels. It's been about 26 years for me and I still think about the baby I loved and never got to hold.

I'm no expert, but like you, I lost a baby to miscarriage. I've had triggers just like you did. I've been suddenly, and quite unexpectedly, overcome with emotion over my loss.

There you were talking about the trouble free births of your two babies.You were with your family, your son, your grandchildren. You were enjoying the time, the day and wham. You were hit with memories of your miscarriage in a most unexpected way.

Do I think it's normal? Yes. It is for me. I'm not a doctor nor do I profess to be one. But, I certainly have had feelings bubble to the surface regarding my miscarriage... and the tears followed.

You mentioned your other son is in the Air Force. Doing well, but you miss him. I'd like to thank him and you for his service. I also wish him a safe return home.

Let me say this: I think when you see your other children there may be something deep inside that wonders what the child you lost would have been like. I know it happens to me. Although I don't have children, I have nieces and nephews. Some are grown and some are growing up. There are times, especially "milestones", the anniversary of my miscarriage which happens to be right around now and holidays, when thoughts about my baby and losing him hit hard.

My niece will be 16 this year. I can't believe how time flies. When I think about time flying, I sometimes think about my miscarriage...my baby. I wonder what all those "firsts" and "milestones" would have been like.

Perhaps the same happened to you- out of the blue.

Although the pain is not nearly as raw as it was right after I miscarried, I will always love the little one I never got to watch grow up. I will always feel connected to him. I've come to accept that those times when I'm acutely aware of losing him, of my miscarriage. I'll feel the ache and wonder: Why now? What's going on with me?

Sometimes, I can pinpoint a trigger. Others, I can't. All I can say to you is I believe what you felt was normal because it's normal to me.

I hope some of what I said makes sense. If nothing else, I hope you feel less alone. Believe me, you are not alone.

Wishing you healing and comfort,

Ellen

Miscarriage: Connection

by Ellen DuBois on 04/18/17




Twenty six years ago, right around this time of year, I had a miscarriage.

Although it's been a long time since then, I remember the day, the hospital room, the ultrasound, the numbness I felt when I found out my baby died, the color of the pavement as I walked to my car with my head down, my sister's arm around my shoulders, the quiet ride home, the pressure in my chest, head, body, the horrible realization that my baby was still in my womb, nodding in silent agreement to a D & C, waiting for my husband (at the time) to get home so I could tell him...all of it.

I have grown since then. It took time, but the once open wound in my heart healed and left a scar. I learned to live my life without the baby I loved. It wasn't easy. There were days I felt like I was getting better and others where I wondered if I ever would. So many times I felt the cold isolation miscarriage leaves in its path. I wondered if I should be "over it" and then realized there wasn't really an "over it". I had to wait for the pain to lessen, the tears to slow, the ache to subside, the longing to fade.

The love, however, never died, never subsided, never faded. I will always love the baby I never held and I've come to accept that as part of my life. Just like I will always love my mother, who passed away two-plus years ago. The love remains. It always will.

To all those who are struggling right now, you will get through the thick of it. You will eventually come out on the other side and begin living your life again with fewer tears. There will come a time when you're able to go out and not have to force yourself to do so. You will find yourself smiling again, laughing again and you'll begin to recognize yourself again.

As you go through the muddy waters of grief, I want you to know that you won't always feel like you do now. That cloud you feel looming over you won't always be there. Just give yourself time to grieve and heal. You need and deserve it. 

When you feel like the world simply doesn't get how you feel, please know that there are others who do get it. It doesn't take away your pain, but it makes you feel less alone. If you need to talk to someone who isn't tired of listening to your story, find that person, whether it's online, over the phone or in person, and talk it out. Let your feelings out because it does you more harm than good to keep them inside. 

Believe me, I know.

As we get closer to Mother's Day, know that I understand the silent pain you carry. I get there's a piece of your heart connected to your baby in Heaven. I don't believe that connection ever goes away. It hasn't for me and I've grown into finding comfort in that connection. 

You'll get through this and I am keeping you in my thoughts and prayers. 

Love and God Bless,

Ellen

Welcome to MiscarriageHelp.com. My name is Ellen DuBois, host of this site, miscarriage survivor, and author of I Never Held You: Miscarriage, Grief, Healing and Recovery. If you or someone you love has suffered a miscarriage, please know you're not alone. Connect with people who understand.

Note: Some people find it difficult to post comments here because it's not very clear how to do it. Just hit the "comment" link under any post. I'll get your comment and respond. If it's easier, please email me. ellen@miscarriagehelp.com 
Love & comfort to you, Ellen

The MiscarriageHelp.com Daily- paper.li- by Ellen DuBois. Updated daily with a curated selection of articles, blog posts, videos and photos. Click here. Miscarriage Support- Because Your Loss Matters.


Miscarriage, Anniversary Dates, Remembering

by Ellen DuBois on 04/01/17



It's hard to believe, but my baby would have been in his twenties now. Sometimes, it seems so long ago. Other times, like the anniversary date of my miscarriage, the sting comes back. You heal. You move forward with life. You don't forget. The heart can't.- Ellen M. DuBois

 


 

Welcome to MiscarriageHelp.com. My name is Ellen DuBois, host of this site, miscarriage survivor, and author of I Never Held You: Miscarriage, Grief, Healing and Recovery. If you or someone you love has suffered a miscarriage, please know you're not alone. Connect with people who understand.

Note: Some people find it difficult to post comments here because it's not very clear how to do it. Just hit the "comment" link under any post. I'll get your comment and respond. If it's easier, please email me. ellen@miscarriagehelp.com
Love & comfort to you, Ellen

The MiscarriageHelp.com Daily- paper.li- by Ellen DuBois. Updated daily with a curated selection of articles, blog posts, videos and photos. Click here. Miscarriage Support- Because Your Loss Matters.

Hello. My name is Ellen DuBois. Welcome to MiscarriageHelp.com. I am deeply sorry for your loss.



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"MiscarriageHelp.com is a support site for women and their families who have suffered the pain, loss and grief after miscarriage. I respond personally to each email and post and have been doing so since 2006. It's an outreach to me, as I try to connect and support those who have walked the often lonely road after miscarriage. Why? I don't want anyone to feel as alone as I did some twenty years ago after my own miscarriage." -Love & comfort to you, Ellen, - Ellen M. DuBois
I Never Held You: Miscarriage, Grief, Healing and Recovery









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