MiscarriageHelp.com

MiscarriageHelp.com

Miscarriage: When Others Remember With You

by Ellen DuBois on 03/28/17





While going through my messages on the MiscarriageHelp.com Facebook page, I wanted to to thank someone who has always taken the time to reach out to me. I try my best to be there for others who have miscarried because I know how isolating it can feel. Miscarriage leaves you in a tailspin and it can last for months or years.




Although I lost my little one twenty-five plus years ago, I will always remember him, how devastated I felt after losing him and will always feel connected by a divine thread to my baby, Alex.

Thank you to GeePee, for always taking the time to think of me and remember my Alex in Heaven. Women who have miscarried often form a bond because they empathize with each other. Anyone who has been through this kind of loss knows what it's like and by reaching out to help others, we often help ourselves.

My heart is touched by these beautiful gestures. My little one, Alex, has been remembered by others, not only me, and it means so much. 

So, thank you GeePee! XO Ellen





 

Welcome to MiscarriageHelp.com. My name is Ellen DuBois, host of this site, miscarriage survivor, and author of I Never Held You: Miscarriage, Grief, Healing and Recovery. If you or someone you love has suffered a miscarriage, please know you're not alone. Connect with people who understand.

Note: Some people find it difficult to post comments here because it's not very clear how to do it. Just hit the "comment" link under any post. I'll get your comment and respond. If it's easier, please email me. ellen@miscarriagehelp.com
Love & comfort to you, Ellen

The MiscarriageHelp.com Daily- paper.li- by Ellen DuBois. Updated daily with a curated selection of articles, blog posts, videos and photos. Click here. Miscarriage Support- Because Your Loss Matters.

Silent Grief

by Ellen DuBois on 03/20/17




Grief is exhausting. Silent grief even more so.

What do I mean by silent grief?

It's the grief you hide. It's grieving the loss of a baby nobody saw. It's feeling such a loss so palpable it often consumes you- while others often seem dismissive.

When you suffer a miscarriage, it's not only a "medical" event. It is the loss of a baby- a baby you loved, had plans for and envisioned a life with.

I get it. I know what it's like to try to get through the day smiling while you're crying inside. I know what it's like to want to talk about your loss but get the feeling others are wondering why you're not "over it". After all, you didn't even get to see or hold your baby...right?

Wrong. Nothing could be further from the truth.

I want you to know, as you read this and perhaps are grieving in silence, that you're not alone. Your loss was real and so is your grief. 

Please reach out. You have every right to feel, to grieve and to heal. The road feels smoother when you have some support.

I'm here to give you whatever support I can and I'm sure there are others who not only want to lend their support, but could use yours, too.

We're in this together and your silent grief doesn't have to be so silent. 


 

Welcome to MiscarriageHelp.com. My name is Ellen DuBois, host of this site, miscarriage survivor, and author of I Never Held You: Miscarriage, Grief, Healing and Recovery. If you or someone you love has suffered a miscarriage, please know you're not alone. Connect with people who understand.

Note: Some people find it difficult to post comments here because it's not very clear how to do it. Just hit the "comment" link under any post. I'll get your comment and respond. If it's easier, please email me. ellen@miscarriagehelp.com
Love & comfort to you, Ellen

The MiscarriageHelp.com Daily- paper.li- by Ellen DuBois. Updated daily with a curated selection of articles, blog posts, videos and photos. Click here. Miscarriage Support- Because Your Loss Matters.

Wonder. #miscarriage #miscarriagesupport

by Ellen DuBois on 03/07/17



 

"Sometimes I just sit and wonder...What would life be like if you were here?"

That's been part of my life story for twenty five years. That's how long it's been since I miscarried. That little one I loved so much and never got to hold left footprints on my heart that will be there for the rest of my life.

That's just the way it is.

The wound is not nearly as raw as it was for the first few months...no, make that years, after my miscarriage. Back then I was easily thrown into a tailspin at the mere mention of "baby" anything.

It was so tough and to any of you living through this now, my heart goes out to you. I know the ache so well.

Although my baby has remained a part of my life all these years later, I want you to know the sting lessens over time. You don't forget, but it gets easier to breathe. The love you have for your baby remains with you, but as time passes you'll find it takes less effort to keep yourself together. If you're in a really scary place, please know I've been there, along with millions of other women. You are not alone and it won't always feel as dark.

One day, you'll probably find yourself at a place similar to mine. Oh, the ache will still be tucked away in your heart, but it will be tempered by time. You will still remember, feel, love and wonder...what would life be like if you were here?

Sending you my love and I'm deeply sorry for your loss. Please hang in there.

Ellen


 

Welcome to MiscarriageHelp.com. My name is Ellen DuBois, host of this site, miscarriage survivor, and author of I Never Held You: Miscarriage, Grief, Healing and Recovery. If you or someone you love has suffered a miscarriage, please know you're not alone. Connect with people who understand.

Note: Some people find it difficult to post comments here because it's not very clear how to do it. Just hit the "comment" link under any post. I'll get your comment and respond. If it's easier, please email me. ellen@miscarriagehelp.com
Love & comfort to you, Ellen

The MiscarriageHelp.com Daily- paper.li- by Ellen DuBois. Updated daily with a curated selection of articles, blog posts, videos and photos. Click here. Miscarriage Support- Because Your Loss Matters.

Miscarriage: Forever. True Story.

by Ellen DuBois on 03/05/17



 

Someone asked, "How long will you miss the baby you miscarried?"

I didn't have to think about my response.

"Forever." I said.

True story.


 

Welcome to MiscarriageHelp.com. My name is Ellen DuBois, host of this site, miscarriage survivor, and author of I Never Held You: Miscarriage, Grief, Healing and Recovery. If you or someone you love has suffered a miscarriage, please know you're not alone. Connect with people who understand.

Note: Some people find it difficult to post comments here because it's not very clear how to do it. Just hit the "comment" link under any post. I'll get your comment and respond. If it's easier, please email me. ellen@miscarriagehelp.com
Love & comfort to you, Ellen

The MiscarriageHelp.com Daily- paper.li- by Ellen DuBois. Updated daily with a curated selection of articles, blog posts, videos and photos. Click here. Miscarriage Support- Because Your Loss Matters.

You Are Stronger Than What Life Dishes Out. #miscarriage

by Ellen DuBois on 02/26/17



After my miscarriage, I felt overwhelmed with sadness and anything but strong. The days were filled with tears and a constant feeling of swimming against the tide.

It was a struggle just to get through.

Looking back, I realize I was stronger than I knew. I got through those days when I wondered how I was going to. I managed to keep it together at work, even though I felt like there was a cloud of sadness hanging over my head. I was not in good shape, yet somehow I made to the next day. The sun rose again and I took whatever strength I had and lived. I got things done when even the most menial things sapped me of my energy.

When I miscarried, my whole world changed. Life kept going at its pace, but each step I took was like treading through deep sand. I felt like I couldn't keep up.

Now, all these years later, I see how I had a strength within me and it sustained me. That strength gave me the ability to get up, go to work, face the pain, cry the tears and do it all over again. Little by little, the tears were less. It took time, (and it's different for everyone), but I began to feel like "me" again, although a changed version of myself. I suffered losing my baby and all the hopes, dreams, wishes and plans I had for my baby.

My God, it hurt.

As you know, it's a terrible feeling. It's like having a nightmare and not being able to wake up. When you realize you're awake, it's even scarier. You're living it.

I've been there. I've been afraid I'd stay in the dark place losing a baby to miscarriage leaves you in. I've been riddled, almost paralyzed, by fear and anxiety. There were days I felt I'd drown in my tears.

If you've felt any of these things, you are not alone.

Where we draw our strength is different for everyone. I know I found strength in God. My faith carried me though some of the toughest days and nights of my life. Even when I didn't feel it, I knew there was a power much greater than me that was lending, no...gently holding my hand.

In the thick of my grief, I couldn't see it. I couldn't feel it. But deep inside, I knew it.

In time, I found strength in connecting with others who lived the same. It took a while because when I miscarried, the Internet was in its infancy. Finding support groups wasn't a thing you did online and I couldn't find any miscarriage support in the "pre-Internet" world.

I did find people who had lived through miscarriage later and I talked to them about it. That gave me strength. As the Internet grew, so did my own outreach. One thing led to another and with time and healing, I ended up turning one of the most painful losses of my life into something positive to help others. (as best I could). That's what led to this site and to writing my book.

However, Internet or not, your strength really does lie within you. It may take sharing your feelings or reading about how others dealt with miscarriage to help you find it. When we connect with each other we often feel less alone. That helps, too. The isolation we often feel after miscarriage is terrible. Connecting with others helps break through it. It gives you hope. It gives you strength.

You may not believe it now, but... you are stronger than what life dishes out and you are not alone.

Even if you can't see it now, please try your best to hold onto that thought. One day, you'll find it to be true.

I am so sorry for your loss. May you find comfort, healing and strength.

Love and Light to you,

Ellen

 


 

Welcome to MiscarriageHelp.com. My name is Ellen DuBois, host of this site, miscarriage survivor, and author of I Never Held You: Miscarriage, Grief, Healing and Recovery. If you or someone you love has suffered a miscarriage, please know you're not alone. Connect with people who understand.

Note: Some people find it difficult to post comments here because it's not very clear how to do it. Just hit the "comment" link under any post. I'll get your comment and respond. If it's easier, please email me. ellen@miscarriagehelp.com
Love & comfort to you, Ellen

The MiscarriageHelp.com Daily- paper.li- by Ellen DuBois. Updated daily with a curated selection of articles, blog posts, videos and photos. Click here. Miscarriage Support- Because Your Loss Matters.

Hello. My name is Ellen DuBois. Welcome to MiscarriageHelp.com. I am deeply sorry for your loss.



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"MiscarriageHelp.com is a support site for women and their families who have suffered the pain, loss and grief after miscarriage. I respond personally to each email and post and have been doing so since 2006. It's an outreach to me, as I try to connect and support those who have walked the often lonely road after miscarriage. Why? I don't want anyone to feel as alone as I did some twenty years ago after my own miscarriage." -Love & comfort to you, Ellen, - Ellen M. DuBois
I Never Held You: Miscarriage, Grief, Healing and Recovery









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