Friday, May 09, 2008
To My Baby In Heaven On Mother's Day
Hello Everyone,
I wanted to share a sentiment I wrote for you about Mother's Day.
Please know I am so sorry for your loss, and hold you in my thoughts and prayers always.
Today's angel message from my Perpetual Angel Calendar by Doreen Virtue is,"You can engage in prayer during any moment of the day simply by holding in mind the intention to call home to Heaven."
It's Mother's Day.
I hold you in my heart.
I think about you, miss you,
and loved you from the start.
You couldn't stay with me.
You had to go home.
I know you are happy,
but, I feel so alone.
Although I can't dwell,
on what could have been.
I send to you my love
on the wings of the wind.
My kisses are as vast,
as the stars in the sky.
On Mother's Day, and always,
My love for you will never die.
Ellen M. DuBois
Blessings, Light, Love and Healing to you,
Ellen
Read hundreds of miscarriage comments and/or post your own by clicking here
Go to Amazon to purchase I Never Held You, subscribe to my Author Connect Miscarriage Blog, or browse through my book for free. (Link will open in a new window).
I wanted to share a sentiment I wrote for you about Mother's Day.
Please know I am so sorry for your loss, and hold you in my thoughts and prayers always.
Today's angel message from my Perpetual Angel Calendar by Doreen Virtue is,"You can engage in prayer during any moment of the day simply by holding in mind the intention to call home to Heaven."
It's Mother's Day.
I hold you in my heart.
I think about you, miss you,
and loved you from the start.
You couldn't stay with me.
You had to go home.
I know you are happy,
but, I feel so alone.
Although I can't dwell,
on what could have been.
I send to you my love
on the wings of the wind.
My kisses are as vast,
as the stars in the sky.
On Mother's Day, and always,
My love for you will never die.
Ellen M. DuBois
Blessings, Light, Love and Healing to you,
Ellen
Read hundreds of miscarriage comments and/or post your own by clicking here
Go to Amazon to purchase I Never Held You, subscribe to my Author Connect Miscarriage Blog, or browse through my book for free. (Link will open in a new window).
Thursday, May 08, 2008
"I had a miscarriage, and my friend did, too."
Hello Everyone,
Blessings and light to you today.
Today's angel message from my Perpetual Angel Calendar by Doreen Virtue is, "Prayer simply means 'reconnection' with the Divine is your lifeline to endless inspiration and vitality."
I received an email from Laurie today, and she told me it was fine to share it with you. I have responded to her comment, and am also looking into a suggestion about I Never Held You being available as an audio book.
Anyway, here is Laurie's message and I believe many of you, (myself included), can relate to her feelings and those of her friend.
Love and Light,
Ellen
Hi Ellen,
I just finished reading your book, "I Never Held You". I am a single mother of a
16 year old and I had a miscarriage about a month and a half ago but it seems like
yesterday. It's been on of the most difficult things I've been through in a long
time. Some days my pain is so deep I don't know how I'll make it through but your
book was all that I needed and more. I was 3 months pregnant and we were looking
forward to a new chapter in our book but God intended something else so he is who
has the final say.
I recently went to the Gym a couple of weeks ago and I ran into a friend that I
hadn't seen since November 2007. She happened to step onto the treadmill machine
that was right next to me and she tapped me on my shoulder. When I saw it was her
I gave her a hug. Now we weren't like best friends we were more like friends in
acquaintence BUT we had hung out before. When I asked her how she was doing she
began to tell me that she had just had a miscarriage and that she wasn't doing too
well. And I just listened to her. She continued to say that the pain was so hard
for her and that she is having trouble letting go. So I shared my pain with her as
well. We stopped walking on th treadmill and just hugged one another. She told me
that she had never shared this next fact with anyone: She said: "When I passed the
baby, I put it in a satin bag and I keep it on my dresser at home". While I was a
little surprised I'm not too surprised the grief is so overwhelming and I told her
that
she and I could go out to the lake and bury the baby. She was 6 weeks.
She also told me that she kept the pants that she miscarried in because she felt
that someone the pants represented the blood she lost and that blood was part of
her baby. I guess I'm at the point where I don't focus as much on my own grief
especially when someone else is grieving around me. I want to know what I can say
to my friend to be a good support system for her. Other than her and my family and
close friends, I don't really talk about my miscarriage too much because I don't
want to spend too much time dwelling on it.
I went to a doctor's appointment at the women's clinic and I thought I was fine
until I got in the office and my doctor (midwife) asked me how I was doing and I
lost it. So I do as much as I can to block the pain anyway I can.
Your book made me feel better because I connected with how you were feeling. Now I
want to help my friend. I asked her if she reads much and she said she didn't and
I told her about your book. Do you have audio tapes?
I don't want to overwhelm you with all of this and I thank you for your time. Most
importantly, I thank you for sharing your story. I kinda feel like each woman's
pain can be an ointment to slowly heal the next person who is going through the
same kinda pain. I want to help my friend. Any suggestions.
Thank you, Ellen!
Laurie
Read hundreds of miscarriage comments and/or post your own by clicking here
Go to Amazon to purchase I Never Held You, subscribe to my Author Connect Miscarriage Blog, or browse through my book for free. (Link will open in a new window).
Blessings and light to you today.
Today's angel message from my Perpetual Angel Calendar by Doreen Virtue is, "Prayer simply means 'reconnection' with the Divine is your lifeline to endless inspiration and vitality."
I received an email from Laurie today, and she told me it was fine to share it with you. I have responded to her comment, and am also looking into a suggestion about I Never Held You being available as an audio book.
Anyway, here is Laurie's message and I believe many of you, (myself included), can relate to her feelings and those of her friend.
Love and Light,
Ellen
Hi Ellen,
I just finished reading your book, "I Never Held You". I am a single mother of a
16 year old and I had a miscarriage about a month and a half ago but it seems like
yesterday. It's been on of the most difficult things I've been through in a long
time. Some days my pain is so deep I don't know how I'll make it through but your
book was all that I needed and more. I was 3 months pregnant and we were looking
forward to a new chapter in our book but God intended something else so he is who
has the final say.
I recently went to the Gym a couple of weeks ago and I ran into a friend that I
hadn't seen since November 2007. She happened to step onto the treadmill machine
that was right next to me and she tapped me on my shoulder. When I saw it was her
I gave her a hug. Now we weren't like best friends we were more like friends in
acquaintence BUT we had hung out before. When I asked her how she was doing she
began to tell me that she had just had a miscarriage and that she wasn't doing too
well. And I just listened to her. She continued to say that the pain was so hard
for her and that she is having trouble letting go. So I shared my pain with her as
well. We stopped walking on th treadmill and just hugged one another. She told me
that she had never shared this next fact with anyone: She said: "When I passed the
baby, I put it in a satin bag and I keep it on my dresser at home". While I was a
little surprised I'm not too surprised the grief is so overwhelming and I told her
that
she and I could go out to the lake and bury the baby. She was 6 weeks.
She also told me that she kept the pants that she miscarried in because she felt
that someone the pants represented the blood she lost and that blood was part of
her baby. I guess I'm at the point where I don't focus as much on my own grief
especially when someone else is grieving around me. I want to know what I can say
to my friend to be a good support system for her. Other than her and my family and
close friends, I don't really talk about my miscarriage too much because I don't
want to spend too much time dwelling on it.
I went to a doctor's appointment at the women's clinic and I thought I was fine
until I got in the office and my doctor (midwife) asked me how I was doing and I
lost it. So I do as much as I can to block the pain anyway I can.
Your book made me feel better because I connected with how you were feeling. Now I
want to help my friend. I asked her if she reads much and she said she didn't and
I told her about your book. Do you have audio tapes?
I don't want to overwhelm you with all of this and I thank you for your time. Most
importantly, I thank you for sharing your story. I kinda feel like each woman's
pain can be an ointment to slowly heal the next person who is going through the
same kinda pain. I want to help my friend. Any suggestions.
Thank you, Ellen!
Laurie
Read hundreds of miscarriage comments and/or post your own by clicking here
Go to Amazon to purchase I Never Held You, subscribe to my Author Connect Miscarriage Blog, or browse through my book for free. (Link will open in a new window).
Wednesday, May 07, 2008
Miscarriage and My Thoughts On Mother's Day
Hello Everyone,
I hope you are all feeling the loving arms of comfort around you. This can come in many forms: God, your family and friends, The Spirit, angels and more. When you feel something deep within that brings you comfort, embrace it. It could be something as simple as being outside enjoying nature and how it calms your mind, body and spirit. Mother Earth certainly has a way of grounding us helps make what was broken, whole.
Today's angel message from my Perpetual Angel Calendar by Doreen Virtue is: "You have no worries that you cannot thrust into our loving and awaiting arms, Dear One. Give them all away!"
So often it's difficult to give our worries away. When our lives are turned upside down after a miscarriage, we become consumed by our emotions- and rightly so. Who can deny the grief? I am so sorry for all who have lost a baby, or babies, to miscarriage. It's a road I hated walking, and I we share in many of the same struggles. Regaining your life is no easy task after a miscarriage. With so many still dismissing the grief, despair and emptiness afterward, there's so much isolation. Isolation only serves to hinder our healing, not help us along.
Now, we are approaching Mother's Day. It is a bittersweet day for many of you. For those of us with mothers, we celebrate them, yet we ache inside for the baby we lost. For those who are mothers, you are also celebrated, but you still feel the ache inside for the baby you lost to miscarriage. Whether you have children or not, the pain is real and runs deep after miscarriage.
Mother's Day sometimes serves as a reminder of what we've lost and we find it so difficult to celebrate. The very word "mother" makes many of us tear up.
I want to help you through this time as best I can.
The only way I know how is by sharing my personal feelings with you. Perhaps you can relate to some of them.
Each Mother's Day, I give thanks for my mother. I love her so much and feel blessed to have her in my life. I shop for the right cards- ones that reflect both the strong bond we share, and perhaps a funny card or two. I love finding the right gift for her and I always smile when I imagine her opening it because she always is appreciative. She deserves far more than I can give her.
I see my two sisters and each have two children. I love my nieces and nephews and have enjoyed every moment of watching them all grow up. Two are all grown up and the other two are only 4 and 6. My oldest niece also has a son who is five, and he's awesome, too.
Gathering with family is always a welcome experience. We are a casual group who feel the true meaning of any get together is the fact that we are all there. We create memories and enjoy each other for who we are. There's a lot of love in my family, and again, I feel blessed.
However...before the day begins I am alone on Mother's Day. I know God is with me, but there is no child giving me a hug and wishing me happy Mother's Day. These are the moments over the past sixteen years that are the loneliest for me. I do the best I can, and I can't remember the last Mother's Day that didn't begin with some tears. It's not really a pity trip, although it may sound like it to some. It's just that I miss not being a mother...the way I want to be. I know my son lives on in Heaven and is around me, yet he is not here on this earth where I can see and hug him.
I wallow in it for a while and let my feelings out. Then, I ask God for some help- the angels, too. I ask for help in stepping out of myself and counting my blessings, of which there are many. I ask to be given the strength I need to not only get through the day, but enjoy the day. I pray for guidance, and ask for hope and healing. I ask to feel whole just as I am, child or no child.
You might think after all this time there wouldn't be such an internal struggle. You may think I've got it together by now and don't deal with these feelings of loss, pain, grief. But, I do. There are still days, like Mother's Day, which are both joyful and painful.
I am alone when I experience these feelings as I am a much earlier riser than my fiance. So, I do the best I can and rely so heavily upon my faith to see me through and light the way.
I still get lost.
I am brought back to a place of joy when my family gathers together. After all these years they include me in Mother's Day celebrations by giving me cards from my nieces and nephews, even from the pets. It's not the cards that get to my heart as much as the thought behind them. My family acknowledges, after all these years, how I once hurt so very much and still feel a vacancy. Their love is so powerful, and I do feel blessed.
And...after being with them, I am no longer lost. I accept my feelings, and I also see the flip-side to it all. I am able to step out of the box I sometimes place myself in and say to myself, "Well, Ellen. It is what is what it is. You're gonna be okay and you not only got through another Mother's Day, you enjoyed it. Tears, smiles, and all."
Blessings, Love and Light to you,
Ellen
So, this Mother's Day, please know you are not alone in your struggle, fear, pain and grief. Know you are in my thoughts and prayers and I really do understand what you're living...at least part of it. Please try to feel a connection between all of us, because we are in fact all one. We can gain so much strength from each other, by sharing our hearts, our spirits, our love.
Read hundreds of miscarriage comments and/or post your own by clicking here
Go to Amazon to purchase I Never Held You, subscribe to my Author Connect Miscarriage Blog, or browse through my book for free. (Link will open in a new window).
I hope you are all feeling the loving arms of comfort around you. This can come in many forms: God, your family and friends, The Spirit, angels and more. When you feel something deep within that brings you comfort, embrace it. It could be something as simple as being outside enjoying nature and how it calms your mind, body and spirit. Mother Earth certainly has a way of grounding us helps make what was broken, whole.
Today's angel message from my Perpetual Angel Calendar by Doreen Virtue is: "You have no worries that you cannot thrust into our loving and awaiting arms, Dear One. Give them all away!"
So often it's difficult to give our worries away. When our lives are turned upside down after a miscarriage, we become consumed by our emotions- and rightly so. Who can deny the grief? I am so sorry for all who have lost a baby, or babies, to miscarriage. It's a road I hated walking, and I we share in many of the same struggles. Regaining your life is no easy task after a miscarriage. With so many still dismissing the grief, despair and emptiness afterward, there's so much isolation. Isolation only serves to hinder our healing, not help us along.
Now, we are approaching Mother's Day. It is a bittersweet day for many of you. For those of us with mothers, we celebrate them, yet we ache inside for the baby we lost. For those who are mothers, you are also celebrated, but you still feel the ache inside for the baby you lost to miscarriage. Whether you have children or not, the pain is real and runs deep after miscarriage.
Mother's Day sometimes serves as a reminder of what we've lost and we find it so difficult to celebrate. The very word "mother" makes many of us tear up.
I want to help you through this time as best I can.
The only way I know how is by sharing my personal feelings with you. Perhaps you can relate to some of them.
Each Mother's Day, I give thanks for my mother. I love her so much and feel blessed to have her in my life. I shop for the right cards- ones that reflect both the strong bond we share, and perhaps a funny card or two. I love finding the right gift for her and I always smile when I imagine her opening it because she always is appreciative. She deserves far more than I can give her.
I see my two sisters and each have two children. I love my nieces and nephews and have enjoyed every moment of watching them all grow up. Two are all grown up and the other two are only 4 and 6. My oldest niece also has a son who is five, and he's awesome, too.
Gathering with family is always a welcome experience. We are a casual group who feel the true meaning of any get together is the fact that we are all there. We create memories and enjoy each other for who we are. There's a lot of love in my family, and again, I feel blessed.
However...before the day begins I am alone on Mother's Day. I know God is with me, but there is no child giving me a hug and wishing me happy Mother's Day. These are the moments over the past sixteen years that are the loneliest for me. I do the best I can, and I can't remember the last Mother's Day that didn't begin with some tears. It's not really a pity trip, although it may sound like it to some. It's just that I miss not being a mother...the way I want to be. I know my son lives on in Heaven and is around me, yet he is not here on this earth where I can see and hug him.
I wallow in it for a while and let my feelings out. Then, I ask God for some help- the angels, too. I ask for help in stepping out of myself and counting my blessings, of which there are many. I ask to be given the strength I need to not only get through the day, but enjoy the day. I pray for guidance, and ask for hope and healing. I ask to feel whole just as I am, child or no child.
You might think after all this time there wouldn't be such an internal struggle. You may think I've got it together by now and don't deal with these feelings of loss, pain, grief. But, I do. There are still days, like Mother's Day, which are both joyful and painful.
I am alone when I experience these feelings as I am a much earlier riser than my fiance. So, I do the best I can and rely so heavily upon my faith to see me through and light the way.
I still get lost.
I am brought back to a place of joy when my family gathers together. After all these years they include me in Mother's Day celebrations by giving me cards from my nieces and nephews, even from the pets. It's not the cards that get to my heart as much as the thought behind them. My family acknowledges, after all these years, how I once hurt so very much and still feel a vacancy. Their love is so powerful, and I do feel blessed.
And...after being with them, I am no longer lost. I accept my feelings, and I also see the flip-side to it all. I am able to step out of the box I sometimes place myself in and say to myself, "Well, Ellen. It is what is what it is. You're gonna be okay and you not only got through another Mother's Day, you enjoyed it. Tears, smiles, and all."
Blessings, Love and Light to you,
Ellen
So, this Mother's Day, please know you are not alone in your struggle, fear, pain and grief. Know you are in my thoughts and prayers and I really do understand what you're living...at least part of it. Please try to feel a connection between all of us, because we are in fact all one. We can gain so much strength from each other, by sharing our hearts, our spirits, our love.
Read hundreds of miscarriage comments and/or post your own by clicking here
Go to Amazon to purchase I Never Held You, subscribe to my Author Connect Miscarriage Blog, or browse through my book for free. (Link will open in a new window).
Monday, May 05, 2008
Miscarriage: "A person's a person, no matter how small."
Hello Everyone,
Blessing to you on the fifth day of May. It's hard to believe we're already entering the fifth month of the year. To all of you who are suffering the pain and grief after miscarriage, my heart goes out to you. I hope you find solace and a degree of comfort by visiting this site. Perhaps, you'll feel less alone.
Today's angel message from my Perpetual Angel Calendar by Doreen Virtue is: "Throughout the day, reach up and inwardly connect with us through thoughtful prayer and meditation."
Here's a post from our archives from Carrie:
Carrie says:
I have had three miscarriages. All of them happened very early - less than 8 wks. It took me quite awhile to allow myself to recognize my pain as grief. For the longest time I thought I was just feeling sorry for myself because I wasn't pregnant, wasn't going to get the big round belly, wasn't going to feel my baby moving inside me. After my third loss, I was finally able to see that even though my babies were with me so very briefly I still had hopes for them, wondered what they would look like, imagined life with them. I cried because I mourned them. When loss happens so early, and so few people know, it is a very lonely time. In many ways it has been a blessing and a curse. I don't have to deal with the ignorant comments like "they would have been deformed" but I also don't have anyone to say "sorry for your loss". The people who do know never know what to say, and unfortunately never do end up saying the right thing.I wish I could tell them how I feel, but I am afraid they would think I was being overly dramatic. For two of the losses, I was barely pregnant - only 5 wks. But I still miss them, I still wonder what they would have looked like, what it would have felt like to hold them... I just wish more people could recognize that any pregnancy loss is a life lost. After all, " A person's a person, no matter how small."
Ellen says:
Dear Carrie,
I am so sorry for your losses. Please know there is no such thing as 'barely pregnant'. You have every right to grieve your lost babies- whether you're 5 weeks or 4 months pregnant. Love is love- pregnant is pregnant. Give yourself the compassion you deserve. You have been through three very painful losses.
You are so right when you say you had plans and dreams for your babies. You wondered what they'd look like and what it would feel like to have a big, round belly. You have realized that your tears were tears of grief, and although I never would wish that upon you, I am glad for your own health that you've accepted your losses as REAL and are allowing yourself to FEEL.
In no way are you being overly dramatic. I truly feel for you and my heart goes out to you. It's easier sometimes if we bury our grief and push on with life...but in the end, it does us harm. By letting yourself know that it's okay to grieve your babies lost to miscarriage, you can finally begin to heal. Letting all the emotions fester inside and not being able to identify them was not helping you.
I am glad you found this site, although I wish you didn't have to, and were able to express yourself. Please know you are always welcome here, and you're in my thoughts and prayers. Your three little ones will always be in your heart.
As you said, "A person's a person, no matter how small."
Take care of you, and many blessings.
Ellen
Read hundreds of miscarriage comments and/or post your own by clicking here
Go to Amazon to purchase I Never Held You, subscribe to my Author Connect Miscarriage Blog, or browse through my book for free. (Link will open in a new window).
Blessing to you on the fifth day of May. It's hard to believe we're already entering the fifth month of the year. To all of you who are suffering the pain and grief after miscarriage, my heart goes out to you. I hope you find solace and a degree of comfort by visiting this site. Perhaps, you'll feel less alone.
Today's angel message from my Perpetual Angel Calendar by Doreen Virtue is: "Throughout the day, reach up and inwardly connect with us through thoughtful prayer and meditation."
Here's a post from our archives from Carrie:
Carrie says:
I have had three miscarriages. All of them happened very early - less than 8 wks. It took me quite awhile to allow myself to recognize my pain as grief. For the longest time I thought I was just feeling sorry for myself because I wasn't pregnant, wasn't going to get the big round belly, wasn't going to feel my baby moving inside me. After my third loss, I was finally able to see that even though my babies were with me so very briefly I still had hopes for them, wondered what they would look like, imagined life with them. I cried because I mourned them. When loss happens so early, and so few people know, it is a very lonely time. In many ways it has been a blessing and a curse. I don't have to deal with the ignorant comments like "they would have been deformed" but I also don't have anyone to say "sorry for your loss". The people who do know never know what to say, and unfortunately never do end up saying the right thing.I wish I could tell them how I feel, but I am afraid they would think I was being overly dramatic. For two of the losses, I was barely pregnant - only 5 wks. But I still miss them, I still wonder what they would have looked like, what it would have felt like to hold them... I just wish more people could recognize that any pregnancy loss is a life lost. After all, " A person's a person, no matter how small."
Ellen says:
Dear Carrie,
I am so sorry for your losses. Please know there is no such thing as 'barely pregnant'. You have every right to grieve your lost babies- whether you're 5 weeks or 4 months pregnant. Love is love- pregnant is pregnant. Give yourself the compassion you deserve. You have been through three very painful losses.
You are so right when you say you had plans and dreams for your babies. You wondered what they'd look like and what it would feel like to have a big, round belly. You have realized that your tears were tears of grief, and although I never would wish that upon you, I am glad for your own health that you've accepted your losses as REAL and are allowing yourself to FEEL.
In no way are you being overly dramatic. I truly feel for you and my heart goes out to you. It's easier sometimes if we bury our grief and push on with life...but in the end, it does us harm. By letting yourself know that it's okay to grieve your babies lost to miscarriage, you can finally begin to heal. Letting all the emotions fester inside and not being able to identify them was not helping you.
I am glad you found this site, although I wish you didn't have to, and were able to express yourself. Please know you are always welcome here, and you're in my thoughts and prayers. Your three little ones will always be in your heart.
As you said, "A person's a person, no matter how small."
Take care of you, and many blessings.
Ellen
Read hundreds of miscarriage comments and/or post your own by clicking here
Go to Amazon to purchase I Never Held You, subscribe to my Author Connect Miscarriage Blog, or browse through my book for free. (Link will open in a new window).
Sunday, May 04, 2008
Miscarriage Sympathy Card Update
Hello Everyone,
Blessings to you all today. I have some exciting news to share, but first, here is today's angel message from my Perpetual Angel Calendar by Doreen Virtue: "Each moment in prayer is like a coin put into a bank account."
Well, I asked some time ago if anyone thought a sympathy card written specifically for miscarriage was good idea. The response was great, and everyone I heard from thought it would help both the person giving the card, (they'd actually have a card addressing the loss of miscarriage), and the woman and her family who suffered the loss.
Well, I am very happy to report that one of my sentiments is now being considered by a major greeting card/publishing company. I can't say who, but will let you know if it gets published.
I can't express how important this is to me. When a sympathy card addressing the loss of a baby to miscarriage is visible world wide, awareness is heightened. I cannot give up, and this could be a very major step in reaching one of my goals- for you, me- all of us who have taken a rather cold swim in the scary sea after miscarriage. A miscarriage sympathy card will give people the words they need to convey to women and their families after miscarriage. I've been praying for this to happen and will continue to do so. You've all have helped so much in sharing your hearts on this site and with each other. YOU have shown the world how deep the sting of miscarriage runs and have demonstrated the need for more support.
Let me say to all of you, I am so sorry for your loss and wish you much light, love and healing.
I pray we have a card that'll say the same to those who need it very, very much. We'll have to wait and see...
God Bless,
Ellen
Read hundreds of miscarriage comments and/or post your own by clicking here
Go to Amazon to purchase I Never Held You, subscribe to my Author Connect Miscarriage Blog, or browse through my book for free. (Link will open in a new window).
Blessings to you all today. I have some exciting news to share, but first, here is today's angel message from my Perpetual Angel Calendar by Doreen Virtue: "Each moment in prayer is like a coin put into a bank account."
Well, I asked some time ago if anyone thought a sympathy card written specifically for miscarriage was good idea. The response was great, and everyone I heard from thought it would help both the person giving the card, (they'd actually have a card addressing the loss of miscarriage), and the woman and her family who suffered the loss.
Well, I am very happy to report that one of my sentiments is now being considered by a major greeting card/publishing company. I can't say who, but will let you know if it gets published.
I can't express how important this is to me. When a sympathy card addressing the loss of a baby to miscarriage is visible world wide, awareness is heightened. I cannot give up, and this could be a very major step in reaching one of my goals- for you, me- all of us who have taken a rather cold swim in the scary sea after miscarriage. A miscarriage sympathy card will give people the words they need to convey to women and their families after miscarriage. I've been praying for this to happen and will continue to do so. You've all have helped so much in sharing your hearts on this site and with each other. YOU have shown the world how deep the sting of miscarriage runs and have demonstrated the need for more support.
Let me say to all of you, I am so sorry for your loss and wish you much light, love and healing.
I pray we have a card that'll say the same to those who need it very, very much. We'll have to wait and see...
God Bless,
Ellen
Read hundreds of miscarriage comments and/or post your own by clicking here
Go to Amazon to purchase I Never Held You, subscribe to my Author Connect Miscarriage Blog, or browse through my book for free. (Link will open in a new window).
Thursday, May 01, 2008
Miscarriage Today, An Abortion as a Teen, and Healing Now
Hello Everyone,
Blessings to you on this first day of May.
Today's angel message from my Perpetual Angel Calendar by Doreen Virtue is: "Simply call upon us, and we will guide you without hesitation, without interference or control, and always with love."
Love and Healing to you all,
Ellen
Veronica says:
Dear Ellen,
the stories gathered in your site from all this women around the world are so comforting.. and made me feel i'm not alone in this grief...
I'm 33 yrs old, and had my last and more painful miscarriage 2 weeks ago (April 13th, 2008).
Until today, i had lost 2 babies, the first time when i was just a young girl and had an abortion, since i was alone (the father abandoned me) my family didn't supported me and i didn't know what to do...
I feel sorry for what i did years ago, and i trully feel that this second miscarriage is some sort of punishment from God for being such a monster and made an abortion...
Years passed by, i'm happily married and this was our first try after 2 years of marriage.
We found out that were pregnant in February, gave the family and friends the good news in March and finally in April 11th i started to spot...
Being first time parents, i think the worst was happening... and sadly i was right.
We went through 3 rough days between an Ultrasound with the doctor that told us that maybe i got pregnant in an earlier date (not Feb.) or maybe something was going wrong...
The next day, i had a blood test, urine and HGC test and another US with an specialist... The US specilialist told us the worst... i was having a Blighted Ovum pregnancy, and that means i was having a pregnancy sac that was EMPTY...
The word EMPTY sounded inside my head... the grief was so huge, but i was at risk of getting a hemorrhage... So the doctor recommended a D&C and for the first time in my life i was in a surgery room... feeling alone and scared.
The night before was so painful, since the doctor put Cytotec vaginally and told me that was going to hurt deeply... the cramps was the worst pain i ever had in my whole life and felt my life was slowly being suck in while the blood was pouring out of my body.
The next morning i went to surgery,
when i wake up from the surgery, my husband and my whole family was at the hospital, that was so relieving...
17 days have passed since, the grief is still so deep, we even have named our baby: Daniela, because my husband claimed the baby was a girl... my mother-in-law periodically dream about me having twins, but now we're not going to know if the baby was girl or boy or even if was going to be twins.
I feel bad, since i have avoided visiting the family since i dont want to see my nephews, i love those kids but i don't want to see them. Mother's Day is around the corner and i don't have the energy or the happiness to celebrate.
I only hope someday the grief gets small and trully pray for having another chance of being a mother.
I'm trully sorry about the sins from my teen years, but i only want another opportunity.
Dear Veronica,
I am so sorry for your losses. Yes, I said losses. You were so young and alone when you lost your first baby, and I believe with ALL my heart that God is not a vengeful God. That’s my belief. What I’m saying is I believe your miscarriage is not your fault- nor do I believe it was some sort of punishment. I want to share this with you because I feel extremely compelled to do so, and you shared your whole heart. It hurts me to think you are blaming yourself for losing your baby to miscarriage now at 33 because of an abortion when you were a mere baby at seventeen. Confused and very alone in this life, you reacted the only way you knew how. I am asking you to forgive yourself, or please try, because in my heart God knew your pain, suffering and confusion and never, ever stopped loving you. Ever. I realize those are my beliefs, and I’m not trying to force them upon you or anyone else, but now you know my honest feelings as you have shared yours. You were loved back when you made one of the most difficult choices of your young life, and you still loved today.
Speaking of today…You are 33 and are in deep grief over your miscarriage. I am so sorry for this. A blighted ovum sounds like a scary, lonely and sad experience. You had to be hospitalized, and I am so grateful your okay, (physically), and are home. Now it’s time to heal.
Healing is a difficult process. You are actually grieving two losses: one from the present, and one from the past. I pray for you to be given the strength you need to walk the road towards healing and recovery: physically, emotionally and spiritually.
It’s been such a short time since your miscarriage, and you have every right to grieve. In order to heal, you must feel, and feeling such pain is never, ever easy. The days will get brighter, but it takes time. During that time, you will walk a road full of peaks and valleys, but you will always be in my thoughts and prayers, and those of others. Your family sounds very supportive. They were there for you when you came out of surgery, and something tells me they will continue to be there for you as you heal.
Please don’t give up on your dreams of motherhood. I know it’s hard and know all too well of the emptiness you’re feeling inside. Mother’s Day is a difficult day after you’ve lost your child to miscarriage, or in any other way. What I’d like you to focus on, and I had to do this myself, is how grateful you are for your own mother. It’s still a very bittersweet day, but when you’re able to celebrate your mother’s love for you, it makes it a bit easier to get through.
I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers. Please take one step at a time and give yourself the time you need to heal. You deserve it and need it. If there’s some kind of support group around, you may want to attend. If you need to talk it out with someone, a grief counselor may help. Anyone who can help you through this time is waiting for you to reach out to them- including me.
I remember feeling the sting of Mother’s Day, and to be honest, still do as I never had any children and that’s my dream. But, when Mother’s Day rolls around, my family is so incredible. They give me cards: from pets, nieces and nephews, etc. I am always touched by this as I feel like a third wheel. Then, something beautiful happens and I am overcome with emotion. I realize how blessed I am to have a family who goes out of their way, after all these years of being childless and missing my son, to make me feel loved and special.
And now I know, just as I believe this is true for you, you are the mother of both of your precious babies in Heaven. Nobody can take that away from you. I know it’s not the way you want to be a mother, but I believe your babies live on in spirit, on the other side, and they know you love them and always will. I think about that myself on Mother’s Day, and it took many years for me to be able to do so. It wasn’t until someone pointed out that I’d always be my baby’s mother on earth, that I realized it was true. I’m not trying to force this or anything else upon you. I am sharing my heart with you. Take from it what you will and know…
You are loved, you are in my thoughts and prayers, and you are a beautiful child of God, The Creator, -whatever name you’re comfortable with.
There's a couple of books I'd recommend for you, and yes, one is my own because I believe in it's message of hope and healing after miscarriage. But, the other is Her Choice To Heal. Please look into it if you're inclined.
Blessings to you. Much light and healing, too. Please come back whenever you want to- or if you need to get more off your chest. I am listening- and I really believe many of us are.
Ellen
Read hundreds of miscarriage comments and/or post your own by clicking here
Go to Amazon to purchase I Never Held You, subscribe to my Author Connect Miscarriage Blog, or browse through my book for free. (Link will open in a new window).
Blessings to you on this first day of May.
Today's angel message from my Perpetual Angel Calendar by Doreen Virtue is: "Simply call upon us, and we will guide you without hesitation, without interference or control, and always with love."
Love and Healing to you all,
Ellen
Veronica says:
Dear Ellen,
the stories gathered in your site from all this women around the world are so comforting.. and made me feel i'm not alone in this grief...
I'm 33 yrs old, and had my last and more painful miscarriage 2 weeks ago (April 13th, 2008).
Until today, i had lost 2 babies, the first time when i was just a young girl and had an abortion, since i was alone (the father abandoned me) my family didn't supported me and i didn't know what to do...
I feel sorry for what i did years ago, and i trully feel that this second miscarriage is some sort of punishment from God for being such a monster and made an abortion...
Years passed by, i'm happily married and this was our first try after 2 years of marriage.
We found out that were pregnant in February, gave the family and friends the good news in March and finally in April 11th i started to spot...
Being first time parents, i think the worst was happening... and sadly i was right.
We went through 3 rough days between an Ultrasound with the doctor that told us that maybe i got pregnant in an earlier date (not Feb.) or maybe something was going wrong...
The next day, i had a blood test, urine and HGC test and another US with an specialist... The US specilialist told us the worst... i was having a Blighted Ovum pregnancy, and that means i was having a pregnancy sac that was EMPTY...
The word EMPTY sounded inside my head... the grief was so huge, but i was at risk of getting a hemorrhage... So the doctor recommended a D&C and for the first time in my life i was in a surgery room... feeling alone and scared.
The night before was so painful, since the doctor put Cytotec vaginally and told me that was going to hurt deeply... the cramps was the worst pain i ever had in my whole life and felt my life was slowly being suck in while the blood was pouring out of my body.
The next morning i went to surgery,
when i wake up from the surgery, my husband and my whole family was at the hospital, that was so relieving...
17 days have passed since, the grief is still so deep, we even have named our baby: Daniela, because my husband claimed the baby was a girl... my mother-in-law periodically dream about me having twins, but now we're not going to know if the baby was girl or boy or even if was going to be twins.
I feel bad, since i have avoided visiting the family since i dont want to see my nephews, i love those kids but i don't want to see them. Mother's Day is around the corner and i don't have the energy or the happiness to celebrate.
I only hope someday the grief gets small and trully pray for having another chance of being a mother.
I'm trully sorry about the sins from my teen years, but i only want another opportunity.
Dear Veronica,
I am so sorry for your losses. Yes, I said losses. You were so young and alone when you lost your first baby, and I believe with ALL my heart that God is not a vengeful God. That’s my belief. What I’m saying is I believe your miscarriage is not your fault- nor do I believe it was some sort of punishment. I want to share this with you because I feel extremely compelled to do so, and you shared your whole heart. It hurts me to think you are blaming yourself for losing your baby to miscarriage now at 33 because of an abortion when you were a mere baby at seventeen. Confused and very alone in this life, you reacted the only way you knew how. I am asking you to forgive yourself, or please try, because in my heart God knew your pain, suffering and confusion and never, ever stopped loving you. Ever. I realize those are my beliefs, and I’m not trying to force them upon you or anyone else, but now you know my honest feelings as you have shared yours. You were loved back when you made one of the most difficult choices of your young life, and you still loved today.
Speaking of today…You are 33 and are in deep grief over your miscarriage. I am so sorry for this. A blighted ovum sounds like a scary, lonely and sad experience. You had to be hospitalized, and I am so grateful your okay, (physically), and are home. Now it’s time to heal.
Healing is a difficult process. You are actually grieving two losses: one from the present, and one from the past. I pray for you to be given the strength you need to walk the road towards healing and recovery: physically, emotionally and spiritually.
It’s been such a short time since your miscarriage, and you have every right to grieve. In order to heal, you must feel, and feeling such pain is never, ever easy. The days will get brighter, but it takes time. During that time, you will walk a road full of peaks and valleys, but you will always be in my thoughts and prayers, and those of others. Your family sounds very supportive. They were there for you when you came out of surgery, and something tells me they will continue to be there for you as you heal.
Please don’t give up on your dreams of motherhood. I know it’s hard and know all too well of the emptiness you’re feeling inside. Mother’s Day is a difficult day after you’ve lost your child to miscarriage, or in any other way. What I’d like you to focus on, and I had to do this myself, is how grateful you are for your own mother. It’s still a very bittersweet day, but when you’re able to celebrate your mother’s love for you, it makes it a bit easier to get through.
I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers. Please take one step at a time and give yourself the time you need to heal. You deserve it and need it. If there’s some kind of support group around, you may want to attend. If you need to talk it out with someone, a grief counselor may help. Anyone who can help you through this time is waiting for you to reach out to them- including me.
I remember feeling the sting of Mother’s Day, and to be honest, still do as I never had any children and that’s my dream. But, when Mother’s Day rolls around, my family is so incredible. They give me cards: from pets, nieces and nephews, etc. I am always touched by this as I feel like a third wheel. Then, something beautiful happens and I am overcome with emotion. I realize how blessed I am to have a family who goes out of their way, after all these years of being childless and missing my son, to make me feel loved and special.
And now I know, just as I believe this is true for you, you are the mother of both of your precious babies in Heaven. Nobody can take that away from you. I know it’s not the way you want to be a mother, but I believe your babies live on in spirit, on the other side, and they know you love them and always will. I think about that myself on Mother’s Day, and it took many years for me to be able to do so. It wasn’t until someone pointed out that I’d always be my baby’s mother on earth, that I realized it was true. I’m not trying to force this or anything else upon you. I am sharing my heart with you. Take from it what you will and know…
You are loved, you are in my thoughts and prayers, and you are a beautiful child of God, The Creator, -whatever name you’re comfortable with.
There's a couple of books I'd recommend for you, and yes, one is my own because I believe in it's message of hope and healing after miscarriage. But, the other is Her Choice To Heal. Please look into it if you're inclined.
Blessings to you. Much light and healing, too. Please come back whenever you want to- or if you need to get more off your chest. I am listening- and I really believe many of us are.
Ellen
Read hundreds of miscarriage comments and/or post your own by clicking here
Go to Amazon to purchase I Never Held You, subscribe to my Author Connect Miscarriage Blog, or browse through my book for free. (Link will open in a new window).
Friday, April 25, 2008
Miscarriage: Messages On Balloons
Hello Everyone,
Well, this is my first attempt at putting Alex's memorial service into words. Alex is the son I miscarried sixteen years ago. I was four-and-a-half months along.
My friend picked me up in the early afternoon. The day was warm, sunny and slightly breezy. The sky was perfectly blue.
We arrived at the cemetery and went to her husband's grave carrying one white and one light blue balloon and the basket I'd prepared that morning.
The energy was astounding. For such a peaceful cemetery, both my best friend and I could feel the energy pulsating through us.
After sitting in front of her beloved's grave, we did just that-sat in silence for a moment. Actually, a long moment. What were we going to do? I wondered how it'd all happen. Was there a particular order to things? My mind was full of questions, yet I felt a peace wash through me. It was like running and standing still at the same time. That's the only way I can describe it.
My emotions were jumbled, but as they made their way to the surface, they came out in the form of tears as my friend and I exchanged hugs. She had so much going on inside of her, too. It's only been three years since her soulmate made the transition to the other side.
Instinct took over as I took the letter I'd written to Alex and began reading it. I was a bit surprised at how difficult it was to speak because I was choking back tears. These tears were different from others I'd cried. These had waited to come out at that memorial service, for over a decade and a half.
With the help of God and the angels, I was able to get through the letter. I then took the ashes, (palms and the letter I'd written), and released them into the air. It was so ceremonial-if that's the right way to put it.
My wonderful friend was there, by my side, and I can tell you had she not been, I wouldn't have been able to honor my son's life in this way. The whole experience was a manifestation of our friendship and what we knew needed to be done-for both of our sakes.
As my friend spoke words of love, truth, and gut-wrenching honesty to her beloved, I could feel spirit in the air. I knew her love was nearby, and so was my baby Alex. Their spirits were listening and so very close. I felt the presence of angels, God and light. Not sunlight-although it was sunny. I mean the kind of light that is pure, holy and of God.
When my friend was done, she went to the car to get our waters. I was holding both balloons.
The wind picked up. The balloons seemed to be pulling, tugging, struggling to get into the air-as if to say, It is time. The feel of my hands on the ribbon was different. There was more force and a sort of electric vibration running through them and into my hand. I asked my friend to take the balloons to see if she felt it, too.
She did.
After both leaving kiss marks from our lipstick on our balloons, we counted to three and set them free.
It was beautiful, magical, mystical, and Divine.
The balloons didn't stray from each other. They followed the same path up into the sky, one leading the other for most of the way, and then a switch.
Our messages to heaven, to the spiritual beings who'd touched our lives in profound ways and were symbolized by a kiss marks on balloons, clearly made it to those we loved on the other side.
And...
Their love was returned to us tenfold.
Blessings, Love and Light to you all,
Ellen
Today's angel message from my Perpetual Angel Calendar by Doreen Virtue is: "The 'object' of your intention cannot be wrong or apart from God's will, because God- and God's will- only know joy."
Read hundreds of miscarriage comments and/or post your own by clicking here
Go to Amazon to purchase I Never Held You, subscribe to my Author Connect Miscarriage Blog, or browse through my book for free. (Link will open in a new window).
Well, this is my first attempt at putting Alex's memorial service into words. Alex is the son I miscarried sixteen years ago. I was four-and-a-half months along.
My friend picked me up in the early afternoon. The day was warm, sunny and slightly breezy. The sky was perfectly blue.
We arrived at the cemetery and went to her husband's grave carrying one white and one light blue balloon and the basket I'd prepared that morning.
The energy was astounding. For such a peaceful cemetery, both my best friend and I could feel the energy pulsating through us.
After sitting in front of her beloved's grave, we did just that-sat in silence for a moment. Actually, a long moment. What were we going to do? I wondered how it'd all happen. Was there a particular order to things? My mind was full of questions, yet I felt a peace wash through me. It was like running and standing still at the same time. That's the only way I can describe it.
My emotions were jumbled, but as they made their way to the surface, they came out in the form of tears as my friend and I exchanged hugs. She had so much going on inside of her, too. It's only been three years since her soulmate made the transition to the other side.
Instinct took over as I took the letter I'd written to Alex and began reading it. I was a bit surprised at how difficult it was to speak because I was choking back tears. These tears were different from others I'd cried. These had waited to come out at that memorial service, for over a decade and a half.
With the help of God and the angels, I was able to get through the letter. I then took the ashes, (palms and the letter I'd written), and released them into the air. It was so ceremonial-if that's the right way to put it.
My wonderful friend was there, by my side, and I can tell you had she not been, I wouldn't have been able to honor my son's life in this way. The whole experience was a manifestation of our friendship and what we knew needed to be done-for both of our sakes.
As my friend spoke words of love, truth, and gut-wrenching honesty to her beloved, I could feel spirit in the air. I knew her love was nearby, and so was my baby Alex. Their spirits were listening and so very close. I felt the presence of angels, God and light. Not sunlight-although it was sunny. I mean the kind of light that is pure, holy and of God.
When my friend was done, she went to the car to get our waters. I was holding both balloons.
The wind picked up. The balloons seemed to be pulling, tugging, struggling to get into the air-as if to say, It is time. The feel of my hands on the ribbon was different. There was more force and a sort of electric vibration running through them and into my hand. I asked my friend to take the balloons to see if she felt it, too.
She did.
After both leaving kiss marks from our lipstick on our balloons, we counted to three and set them free.
It was beautiful, magical, mystical, and Divine.
The balloons didn't stray from each other. They followed the same path up into the sky, one leading the other for most of the way, and then a switch.
Our messages to heaven, to the spiritual beings who'd touched our lives in profound ways and were symbolized by a kiss marks on balloons, clearly made it to those we loved on the other side.
And...
Their love was returned to us tenfold.
Blessings, Love and Light to you all,
Ellen
Today's angel message from my Perpetual Angel Calendar by Doreen Virtue is: "The 'object' of your intention cannot be wrong or apart from God's will, because God- and God's will- only know joy."
Read hundreds of miscarriage comments and/or post your own by clicking here
Go to Amazon to purchase I Never Held You, subscribe to my Author Connect Miscarriage Blog, or browse through my book for free. (Link will open in a new window).
[ Read More... ]
Tuesday, April 15, 2008
Miscarriage: A Midwife's Sad & Scary Story
Hello Everyone,
Blessings to you today. A comment came in from Sam, who also is a midwife. I cannot believe the treatment she received in a hospital while away, suffering from severe bleeding due to a blighted ovum. I feel for her deeply, as I do for all of you.
Her story of the dismissive attitude and lack of proper care while in the hospital, even though she nearly lost her life and had already lost her baby, is terrible. Actually, it's deplorable.
Thank God Sam had her professional knowledge. I believe she saved her own life, and I am grateful to her for sharing her story and compassion here at MiscarriageHelp.com.
Today's angel message from my Perpetual Angel Calendar by Doreen Virtue is: "Through gracious receiving, you know that you are amply blessed."
dear ellen and all on this site,
what a wonderful blessing it is to have such a place to share. i have read many posts here and cried with each of you.
i have a healthy 2 1/2 year old son, and conceived again in the fall (september 07). after a lovely first trimester of no worries and feeling great, i began spotting on my son's second birthday, 2 days before thanksgiving (11/20/07). i am a midwife myself, and know the many unconcerning reasons to spot, but something did not feel right to me. i went to be seen for ultrasound, before we were planning to tell our families on thanksgiving day. i discovered that night that my pregnancy was a blighted ovum, or anembryonic pregnancy. somehow my heart was prepared in a way--i hadn't heard this baby's heart tones at my first midwife visit (i had heard my son's a an early 8 weeks), and i didn't feel the fullness i think i should have. the presence. so i returned home to await continued bleeding. i was still letting the truth sink in that my baby was not to be. a strange struggle to think that the actual baby never "had been" in this kind of pregnancy, but in my heart, of course it was. 2 days later, on thanksgiving, i was out of town at my brother's in chicago. i was bleeding like a normal period, my family all knew our news, and i was surrounded by love. that evening, though, unexpectedly, i began to hemorrhage uncontrollably.
Please click on the read more link for the rest of this comment.
Read hundreds of miscarriage comments and/or post your own by clicking here
Go to Amazon to purchase I Never Held You, subscribe to my Author Connect Miscarriage Blog, or browse through my book for free. (Link will open in a new window).
Blessings to you today. A comment came in from Sam, who also is a midwife. I cannot believe the treatment she received in a hospital while away, suffering from severe bleeding due to a blighted ovum. I feel for her deeply, as I do for all of you.
Her story of the dismissive attitude and lack of proper care while in the hospital, even though she nearly lost her life and had already lost her baby, is terrible. Actually, it's deplorable.
Thank God Sam had her professional knowledge. I believe she saved her own life, and I am grateful to her for sharing her story and compassion here at MiscarriageHelp.com.
Today's angel message from my Perpetual Angel Calendar by Doreen Virtue is: "Through gracious receiving, you know that you are amply blessed."
dear ellen and all on this site,
what a wonderful blessing it is to have such a place to share. i have read many posts here and cried with each of you.
i have a healthy 2 1/2 year old son, and conceived again in the fall (september 07). after a lovely first trimester of no worries and feeling great, i began spotting on my son's second birthday, 2 days before thanksgiving (11/20/07). i am a midwife myself, and know the many unconcerning reasons to spot, but something did not feel right to me. i went to be seen for ultrasound, before we were planning to tell our families on thanksgiving day. i discovered that night that my pregnancy was a blighted ovum, or anembryonic pregnancy. somehow my heart was prepared in a way--i hadn't heard this baby's heart tones at my first midwife visit (i had heard my son's a an early 8 weeks), and i didn't feel the fullness i think i should have. the presence. so i returned home to await continued bleeding. i was still letting the truth sink in that my baby was not to be. a strange struggle to think that the actual baby never "had been" in this kind of pregnancy, but in my heart, of course it was. 2 days later, on thanksgiving, i was out of town at my brother's in chicago. i was bleeding like a normal period, my family all knew our news, and i was surrounded by love. that evening, though, unexpectedly, i began to hemorrhage uncontrollably.
Please click on the read more link for the rest of this comment.
Read hundreds of miscarriage comments and/or post your own by clicking here
Go to Amazon to purchase I Never Held You, subscribe to my Author Connect Miscarriage Blog, or browse through my book for free. (Link will open in a new window).
[ Read More... ]
Sunday, April 13, 2008
Miscarriage Support @ MiscarriageHelp.com- Why I Do It
Today's angel message from my Perpetual Angel Calendar by Doreen Virtue is: "Your intentions create your experiences, so hold intentions to only see, feel, and experience your highest good."
I wrote a book about miscarriage because I knew I was supposed to. I never wanted a woman to feel as alone and isolated as I did after my miscarriage some sixteen-years ago.
One thing led to another. My small ebook became a much longer, even more helpful paperback with Dr. Linda Backman helping steer women through the grief process with compassion and empathy. MiscarriageHelp.com came to be and it's taken off beyond my wildest expectations- giving women a place to share their feelings and connect after miscarriage.
Supporting YOU, the women who have miscarried, is a deep passion. I CARE about you and want you to always feel like you've got a place to turn to where others understand you. I want you to feel like you've got a friend in me who values you, validates your loss, and will not stop pushing away the obstacles along the path to greater miscarriage awareness & support.
That's the abbreviated version of why I do what I do....it's about YOU.
How To Help a Woman After A Miscarriage Article By: Ellen M. DuBois. You may want to print this to help you communicate with those around you who don't know how to offer support and to better understand what you're going through. God Bless.
Read hundreds of miscarriage comments and/or post your own by clicking here
Go to Amazon to purchase I Never Held You, subscribe to my Author Connect Miscarriage Blog, or browse through my book for free. (Link will open in a new window).
Sunday, April 06, 2008
Miscarriage Sympathy Card: Is there a need?
Hello Everyone,
I'd like to get your opinion on something. First, let me give you today's angel message from my Perpetual Angel Calendar by Doreen Virtue: "You have the power, with your focused intention, to create a career that is rooted in your life's purpose." Also, let me say that for any of you experiencing the aftermath of miscarriage, my heart goes out to you and you're in my thoughts and prayers. I am so sorry for your loss.
Some of you may know I have a couple of greeting cards published. I am so thrilled about this and pray it continues to happen.
However, there's one sentiment I wrote for you-and women and their families everywhere. It deals with the loss of baby to miscarriage. It's a sympathy card for someone who miscarried or had a stillbirth.
I'm a card person by nature. Yesterday was my nephew's birthday and I got him a couple, not one, cards. If there were another that struck me, I probably would've bought it. My family's always been a card family: the 'mushy' kind of card and always one or two very funny cards.
When I wrote and submitted a poem for consideration as a sympathy card for miscarriage and stillbirth, I knew I was taking a risk. But, life is about taking chances. My guts told me a miscarriage sympathy card was needed. Let me give you an example: A woman came into the shop my friend owns. I wasn't working that day. She asked my friend if there were any cards that dealt with the loss of a child "in embryo." My friend asked her if she meant miscarriage, and the woman said yes. Long story short, there weren't any cards. My book was there and yes, a great help for which I'm grateful. But, it wasn't a card. You see, my miscarriage book, I Never Held You, is very helpful and comforting, but it's not something you necessarily give right away. A woman who has miscarried may need a little time to absorb what's happened.
Some people need the book right away. Others need time. We all grieve at our own pace and know when we are ready for any kind of step.
A card stating how sorry you are for the loss of your baby to miscarriage and/or stillbirth is different. It's a short sentiment from the heart that lets a woman and her family know they are loved, cared for, and most importantly, validates a woman's loss and grief-her family's, too. It says, (in short), "Your miscarriage is real and I know you've lost a baby you loved. I am deeply sorry."
Now, I don't know if my card will be published. I can tell you out of all the cards I've written that are under consideration, this is the most important one to me.
I'd like to know from you: Do you think there's a need for my miscarriage sympathy card?
If you have the time, please post your response. Believe me, if you don't feel there's a need, that's okay. If you do, fine. All of your responses are valuable.
I'd just like to broaden the responses I've received. So far, everyone has said they feel there's a need for this card. I know there are cards like it somewhere out there. I don't know if they are readily available in stores, bookstores, etc. That is what I'd like to see because it's all part of my mission: helping women and their families who have suffered through miscarriage. I do so through my book, this site, and hopefully a sympathy card.
Thank you for your input.
Blessings, Healing and Light to you all,
Ellen
Lorrie says:
hello Ellen,
it has been some time since i have written but i still read weekly. I wanted to respond to your question about the sympathy card. I think it is a wonderful idea considering that a friend of mine has just lost their 8th baby. They have decided not to try anymore and i really wanted to get them something ( like a card) to let them know how sorry we are and how we will be here for them. Not everyone knows what to say (right or wrong) and sometimes if it is already in black and white, they feel it has to be appropriate. I feel more people would think to send a card to someone if the card exists already. I think most people really do care but don't feel it is safe or appropriate to send a card cuz it is just not a conscious thing about miscarriage. If people don't talk about it, it must mean that no one should. Unfortunately that is how society is pertaying this loss.Back in the day, people would not address or talk about a gay relationship (even though not all except it)now we have companies that offer domestic insurance for couples. it just starts with acknowledgement and then we can take bigger strides. "The Sympathy Card" is the acknowledgement we just might need to get that ball rolling. I am proud to have the chance to express to you how important your journey is, and proud to be able associate myself with this website. You're are truly an inspiration to all. God Bless
Lorrie
Teresa says:
I think that a sympathy card for miscarriage is an excellent idea. Miscarriage is such a lonely and personal experience, and because of that people often do not know what to say. So, having a card that is specific to the miscarriage can help both parties. The person giving the card will feel like they are being specific to the concern, and the receiver will feel validated.
On a side note about miscarriage, I had a big day yesterday, as I think the grief of it all just finally hit me. I think I had been holding back quite a bit and was trying to be strong about it all. I made a big step and actually called my doctor to just say I was having a bad day, and also had a great conversation with my husband. It was very therapeutic. Noone can quite understand how a miscarriage feels unless they have gone through it.
Thank you Lorrie and Teresa. Your words of support about a miscarriage card are much appreciated. Teresa, I am so sorry for what you're going through right now. Please hang in, and know we are all here for you. It's very difficult when the grief after miscarriage hits you all at once. It feels like a wet cloak has been placed over you and it's so, so heavy. Thank God you were able to talk to both your doctor and your husband. Support, as you know, is so critical to our healing and simply helps us feel better- a bit lighter.
Lorrie, I am glad to hear from you again, and thank you so much for touching my heart as you always do. I am proud to know you, talk to you, and have your words help women on this site as they have. You inspire me.
New: Sue says: 4-22-08
We are a 3 Doctor OB-GYN group in Green Bay Wisconsin and I am looking to buy some cards concerning miscarriage. Unfortunately, miscarriages occur far to frequently and we would like to purchase some quality cards to give to our patients to console them. Please contact me.
Read hundreds of miscarriage comments and/or post your own by clicking here
Go to Amazon to purchase I Never Held You and subscribe to my Author Connect Miscarriage Blog. (Link will open in a new window).
I'd like to get your opinion on something. First, let me give you today's angel message from my Perpetual Angel Calendar by Doreen Virtue: "You have the power, with your focused intention, to create a career that is rooted in your life's purpose." Also, let me say that for any of you experiencing the aftermath of miscarriage, my heart goes out to you and you're in my thoughts and prayers. I am so sorry for your loss.
Some of you may know I have a couple of greeting cards published. I am so thrilled about this and pray it continues to happen.
However, there's one sentiment I wrote for you-and women and their families everywhere. It deals with the loss of baby to miscarriage. It's a sympathy card for someone who miscarried or had a stillbirth.
I'm a card person by nature. Yesterday was my nephew's birthday and I got him a couple, not one, cards. If there were another that struck me, I probably would've bought it. My family's always been a card family: the 'mushy' kind of card and always one or two very funny cards.
When I wrote and submitted a poem for consideration as a sympathy card for miscarriage and stillbirth, I knew I was taking a risk. But, life is about taking chances. My guts told me a miscarriage sympathy card was needed. Let me give you an example: A woman came into the shop my friend owns. I wasn't working that day. She asked my friend if there were any cards that dealt with the loss of a child "in embryo." My friend asked her if she meant miscarriage, and the woman said yes. Long story short, there weren't any cards. My book was there and yes, a great help for which I'm grateful. But, it wasn't a card. You see, my miscarriage book, I Never Held You, is very helpful and comforting, but it's not something you necessarily give right away. A woman who has miscarried may need a little time to absorb what's happened.
Some people need the book right away. Others need time. We all grieve at our own pace and know when we are ready for any kind of step.
A card stating how sorry you are for the loss of your baby to miscarriage and/or stillbirth is different. It's a short sentiment from the heart that lets a woman and her family know they are loved, cared for, and most importantly, validates a woman's loss and grief-her family's, too. It says, (in short), "Your miscarriage is real and I know you've lost a baby you loved. I am deeply sorry."
Now, I don't know if my card will be published. I can tell you out of all the cards I've written that are under consideration, this is the most important one to me.
I'd like to know from you: Do you think there's a need for my miscarriage sympathy card?
If you have the time, please post your response. Believe me, if you don't feel there's a need, that's okay. If you do, fine. All of your responses are valuable.
I'd just like to broaden the responses I've received. So far, everyone has said they feel there's a need for this card. I know there are cards like it somewhere out there. I don't know if they are readily available in stores, bookstores, etc. That is what I'd like to see because it's all part of my mission: helping women and their families who have suffered through miscarriage. I do so through my book, this site, and hopefully a sympathy card.
Thank you for your input.
Blessings, Healing and Light to you all,
Ellen
Lorrie says:
hello Ellen,
it has been some time since i have written but i still read weekly. I wanted to respond to your question about the sympathy card. I think it is a wonderful idea considering that a friend of mine has just lost their 8th baby. They have decided not to try anymore and i really wanted to get them something ( like a card) to let them know how sorry we are and how we will be here for them. Not everyone knows what to say (right or wrong) and sometimes if it is already in black and white, they feel it has to be appropriate. I feel more people would think to send a card to someone if the card exists already. I think most people really do care but don't feel it is safe or appropriate to send a card cuz it is just not a conscious thing about miscarriage. If people don't talk about it, it must mean that no one should. Unfortunately that is how society is pertaying this loss.Back in the day, people would not address or talk about a gay relationship (even though not all except it)now we have companies that offer domestic insurance for couples. it just starts with acknowledgement and then we can take bigger strides. "The Sympathy Card" is the acknowledgement we just might need to get that ball rolling. I am proud to have the chance to express to you how important your journey is, and proud to be able associate myself with this website. You're are truly an inspiration to all. God Bless
Lorrie
Teresa says:
I think that a sympathy card for miscarriage is an excellent idea. Miscarriage is such a lonely and personal experience, and because of that people often do not know what to say. So, having a card that is specific to the miscarriage can help both parties. The person giving the card will feel like they are being specific to the concern, and the receiver will feel validated.
On a side note about miscarriage, I had a big day yesterday, as I think the grief of it all just finally hit me. I think I had been holding back quite a bit and was trying to be strong about it all. I made a big step and actually called my doctor to just say I was having a bad day, and also had a great conversation with my husband. It was very therapeutic. Noone can quite understand how a miscarriage feels unless they have gone through it.
Thank you Lorrie and Teresa. Your words of support about a miscarriage card are much appreciated. Teresa, I am so sorry for what you're going through right now. Please hang in, and know we are all here for you. It's very difficult when the grief after miscarriage hits you all at once. It feels like a wet cloak has been placed over you and it's so, so heavy. Thank God you were able to talk to both your doctor and your husband. Support, as you know, is so critical to our healing and simply helps us feel better- a bit lighter.
Lorrie, I am glad to hear from you again, and thank you so much for touching my heart as you always do. I am proud to know you, talk to you, and have your words help women on this site as they have. You inspire me.
New: Sue says: 4-22-08
We are a 3 Doctor OB-GYN group in Green Bay Wisconsin and I am looking to buy some cards concerning miscarriage. Unfortunately, miscarriages occur far to frequently and we would like to purchase some quality cards to give to our patients to console them. Please contact me.
Read hundreds of miscarriage comments and/or post your own by clicking here
Go to Amazon to purchase I Never Held You and subscribe to my Author Connect Miscarriage Blog. (Link will open in a new window).
Wednesday, April 02, 2008
Miscarriage- Loss, Parents, Support, & Those Who Still Don't Get It
Scott says:
Ellen (et al),
Thank you so much for your site, your guidance, and your reaching out and helping those in dire need. It has definitely helped me and I have relayed this awareness and the knowledge I've gained from you to my wife, and for that we are both grateful.
(Please click the read more link.)
Read hundreds of miscarriage comments and/or post your own by clicking here
Go to Amazon to purchase I Never Held You and subscribe to my Author Connect Miscarriage Blog. (Link will open in a new window).
Ellen (et al),
Thank you so much for your site, your guidance, and your reaching out and helping those in dire need. It has definitely helped me and I have relayed this awareness and the knowledge I've gained from you to my wife, and for that we are both grateful.
(Please click the read more link.)
Read hundreds of miscarriage comments and/or post your own by clicking here
Go to Amazon to purchase I Never Held You and subscribe to my Author Connect Miscarriage Blog. (Link will open in a new window).
[ Read More... ]
Saturday, January 26, 2008
Miscarriage: A Book Review of I Never Held You
Tells it like it is, provides great comfort and healing., January 24, 2008
"Only those who have been through a loss like this know the pain and can relate. Unfortunately there are not a lot of people close to me that I can lean on for support that have had this experience. Friends and family offer great support at first but eventually everyone feels you need to "just move on and get over it." Until you have walked in these shoes, you will never know how impossible that is to do.
(Please click the read more link.)
Read hundreds of miscarriage comments and/or post your own by clicking here
Go to Amazon to purchase I Never Held You and subscribe to my Author Connect Miscarriage Blog. (Link will open in a new window).
"Only those who have been through a loss like this know the pain and can relate. Unfortunately there are not a lot of people close to me that I can lean on for support that have had this experience. Friends and family offer great support at first but eventually everyone feels you need to "just move on and get over it." Until you have walked in these shoes, you will never know how impossible that is to do.
(Please click the read more link.)
Read hundreds of miscarriage comments and/or post your own by clicking here
Go to Amazon to purchase I Never Held You and subscribe to my Author Connect Miscarriage Blog. (Link will open in a new window).
[ Read More... ]
Tuesday, December 11, 2007
Amanda- In Memorium
Please click the read more link to read about Amanda and the song I wrote to honor her life. She will not be forgotten.
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Wednesday, March 29, 2006
MiscarriageHelp.com: Your Comments
God bless you during this time. This is a safe place for you to share your feelings after miscarriage- whatever they may be.
There are hundreds of comments at MiscarriageHelp.com from women all over the world who have shared their pain- and gained support by feeling less alone in their struggle. THAT is the whole point of this site- YOU feeling less alone and more supported as you either are living through, or are remembering, your miscarriage.
Peace, love, comfort and blessings to all of you. Through each other, we form a chain of support that cannot be broken.
Truly Yours,
Ellen
Excerpts from your comments:
"People talk about a miscarriage as if it was the flu."
"Now that I'm feeling better, the grief is overwhelming at times. My husband has been wonderful, but I'm feeling very isolated because my closest friends are pregnant. "
"We had plans to put up another stocking and write "Baby" on it for Christmas morning. Instead it was just really sad. "
"I can't deal with this. I know it sounds weak, but, I am having such a hard time with my miscarriage..."
"I'm having a very tough time, and there are days when I can't seem to get past anything. "
"I was about 14 weeks when I miscarried and it was and is still completely devastating. "
"I cant believe Christmas is less then a week away. Last week I was looking forward to NEXT Christmas because it would have been my babies first. Now I can't even face this Christmas. "
How To Help a Woman After A Miscarriage Article By: Ellen M. DuBois. You may want to print this to help you communicate with those around you who don't know how to offer support and to better understand what you're going through. God Bless.
Read hundreds of miscarriage comments and/or post your own by clicking here
Go to Amazon to purchase I Never Held You and subscribe to my Author Connect Miscarriage Blog. (Link will open in a new window).
There are hundreds of comments at MiscarriageHelp.com from women all over the world who have shared their pain- and gained support by feeling less alone in their struggle. THAT is the whole point of this site- YOU feeling less alone and more supported as you either are living through, or are remembering, your miscarriage.
Peace, love, comfort and blessings to all of you. Through each other, we form a chain of support that cannot be broken.
Truly Yours,
Ellen
Excerpts from your comments:
"People talk about a miscarriage as if it was the flu."
"Now that I'm feeling better, the grief is overwhelming at times. My husband has been wonderful, but I'm feeling very isolated because my closest friends are pregnant. "
"We had plans to put up another stocking and write "Baby" on it for Christmas morning. Instead it was just really sad. "
"I can't deal with this. I know it sounds weak, but, I am having such a hard time with my miscarriage..."
"I'm having a very tough time, and there are days when I can't seem to get past anything. "
"I was about 14 weeks when I miscarried and it was and is still completely devastating. "
"I cant believe Christmas is less then a week away. Last week I was looking forward to NEXT Christmas because it would have been my babies first. Now I can't even face this Christmas. "
How To Help a Woman After A Miscarriage Article By: Ellen M. DuBois. You may want to print this to help you communicate with those around you who don't know how to offer support and to better understand what you're going through. God Bless.
Read hundreds of miscarriage comments and/or post your own by clicking here
Go to Amazon to purchase I Never Held You and subscribe to my Author Connect Miscarriage Blog. (Link will open in a new window).
Please Support MiscarriageHelp.com by visiting our magazine store, which is sponsored by Reader's Digest. You can buy or renew your magazine subscriptions at a deep discount from our MiscarriageHelp.com store in conjunction with Reader's Digest. There are over 650 titles to choose from. Click here & thank you. (Tell your friends and get free tickets to the movies! See site for details). Click here for more & thank you. (Link will open to our store in a new window).
How To Help a Woman After A Miscarriage by Ellen M. DuBois.
[ Read More... ]
Saturday, March 18, 2006
Meet Dr. Linda Backman
I would like you all to meet Dr. Linda Backman, Psychologist, Grief Counselor & Mom whose contributions to I Never Held You carry you through the steps of grief and aid you in better understanding yourself. Click here to read more about Dr. Linda Backman: Ed.D., Licensed Psychologist, Grief Counselor, Lecturer and an amazing woman. I owe her many, many thanks and cannot express how much she added to I Never Held You and to this website.
Click here to read more about Dr. Linda Backman and her contributions to MiscarriageHelp.com.
Click here to visit Dr. Linda Backman's Website
Free Trial of MediHeaven -RAPID RELAXATION: You will count yourself down through seven levels of relaxation and then feel like you're in paradise. It just takes 4 to 6 minutes and it's FREE! Click here..
SelfGrowth.com- - SelfGrowth.com is the most complete guide to information about Self Improvement, Personal Growth and Self Help on the Internet. It is designed to be an organized directory, with articles and references to thousands of other Web Sites on the World Wide Web.
Read hundreds of miscarriage comments and/or post your own.Click here
AllDay: A personal experience with the painful loss of miscarriage, brought to you by The Today Show.
Dot Com Women
Miscarriage and Infant Loss Memorial Jewelry
Miscarriage Support Poll: Please scroll to the very bottom of this page to participate in the poll. Did you feel supported after your miscarriage, and to what degree?
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How To Help a Woman After A Miscarriage Article By: Ellen M. DuBois. You may want to print this to help you communicate with those around you who don't know how to offer support and to better understand what you're going through. God Bless.
Go to Amazon to purchase I Never Held You and subscribe to my Author Connect Miscarriage Blog. (Link will open in a new window).
Read hundreds of miscarriage comments and/or post your own by clicking here
Please view my Amazon Author Connect Blog where you can read more of my articles on miscarriage/and your comments, purchase I Never Held You, share your reviews, & SEARCH INSIDE I Never Held You- a book about miscarriage, healing and recovery for free. here. (Link will open in a new window).
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