MiscarriageHelp.com

MiscarriageHelp.com

MiscarriageHelp.com- I Wish You Comfort, Support, Calmness, Faith & Light

by Ellen DuBois on 09/13/14



I wish you comfort-

on those days when your emotions are up and down and

you can't help but remember.

I wish you support-

from friends, family-  from those who want to be there simply because they care and love you.

I wish you calmness-

during those times when you can't quite catch your breath and it hurts to feel.

I wish you faith-

especially when you're questioning all that is and asking yourself "why" over and over again.

I wish you light-

when it doesn't seem to be anywhere in sight. There is light. There is healing. The days won't always feel dark. There is light waiting to shine upon your path.

Ellen M. DuBois, 2014

I wish you all of these things and more.  I hope you know how much I want to be one of the people you know you can count on.

Love and Light,

Ellen


Welcome to MiscarriageHelp.com. My name is Ellen DuBois, host of this site, miscarriage survivor, and author of I Never Held You: Miscarriage, Grief, Healing and Recovery (Volume 1). If you or someone you love has suffered a miscarriage, please know you're not alone. Connect with people who understand.

Note: Some people find it difficult to post comments here because it's not very clear how to do it. Just hit the "comment" link under any post. I'll get your comment and respond. If it's easier, please email me. ellen@miscarriagehelp.com
Love & comfort to you, Ellen

The MiscarriageHelp.com Daily- paper.li- by Ellen DuBois. Updated daily with a curated selection of articles, blog posts, videos and photos. Click here. Miscarriage Support- Because Your Loss Matters.



Miscarriage Help- Love Never Dies

by Ellen DuBois on 09/11/14



"I think of you often. When the wind blows through my hair & dries my tears, I feel like it's you...I take comfort in knowing you're always near, especially on days like today. Love never dies."- Ellen M. DuBois

Hello Everyone,

My thoughts and prayers are with you.

Today, they are with so many who have suffered through the pain of loss.

Too many.

With much love,

Ellen


Welcome to MiscarriageHelp.com. My name is Ellen DuBois, host of this site, miscarriage survivor, and author of I Never Held You: Miscarriage, Grief, Healing and Recovery (Volume 1). If you or someone you love has suffered a miscarriage, please know you're not alone. Connect with people who understand.

Note: Some people find it difficult to post comments here because it's not very clear how to do it. Just hit the "comment" link under any post. I'll get your comment and respond. If it's easier, please email me. ellen@miscarriagehelp.com
Love & comfort to you, Ellen

The MiscarriageHelp.com Daily- paper.li- by Ellen DuBois. Updated daily with a curated selection of articles, blog posts, videos and photos. Click here. Miscarriage Support- Because Your Loss Matters.



MiscarriageHelp: It's okay to cry.

by Ellen DuBois on 09/05/14



It's okay to cry. I believe God gave us tears so we could release our feelings.

I really believe this. You know the feeling you get when you try to hold back your tears? It's like your stomach is in knots. Your body gets tense. You may get a headache.

In giving yourself permission to cry, you're giving yourself permission to grieve, feel and heal.

Letting your tears fall isn't a bad thing. If you've suffered a loss you're bound to feel. I know it hurts. But, I think it hurts more if you don't let the pain out.

Miscarriage is just as real as any other loss. You are entitled to cry, grieve, hurt. You deserve time and space. Eventually, you will heal. I know because I've been there. Healing doesn't mean you'll forget. I don't believe you will. But, there will come a time when you feel more like yourself again. A changed self, but you'll feel more like "you".

Be patient. Go easy on yourself and please give yourself permission to cry.

If I were there I'd had you some tissue.

I am so sorry for your loss.

Love and light,

Ellen


Welcome to MiscarriageHelp.com. My name is Ellen DuBois, host of this site, miscarriage survivor, and author of I Never Held You: Miscarriage, Grief, Healing and Recovery (Volume 1). If you or someone you love has suffered a miscarriage, please know you're not alone. Connect with people who understand.

Note: Some people find it difficult to post comments here because it's not very clear how to do it. Just hit the "comment" link under any post. I'll get your comment and respond. If it's easier, please email me. ellen@miscarriagehelp.com
Love & comfort to you, Ellen

The MiscarriageHelp.com Daily- paper.li- by Ellen DuBois. Updated daily with a curated selection of articles, blog posts, videos and photos. Click here. Miscarriage Support- Because Your Loss Matters.



Miscarriage: Reflecting

by Ellen DuBois on 09/03/14



"I'm reflecting today- remembering a time when I dreamed of holding you, loving you, watching you grow. Although I Never Held You, my arms still long to hold you, my heart will always love you and I'll dream of you forever- my little one."- Ellen M. DuBois


Welcome to MiscarriageHelp.com. My name is Ellen DuBois, host of this site, miscarriage survivor, and author of I Never Held You: Miscarriage, Grief, Healing and Recovery (Volume 1). If you or someone you love has suffered a miscarriage, please know you're not alone. Connect with people who understand.

Note: Some people find it difficult to post comments here because it's not very clear how to do it. Just hit the "comment" link under any post. I'll get your comment and respond. If it's easier, please email me. ellen@miscarriagehelp.com
Love & comfort to you, Ellen

The MiscarriageHelp.com Daily- paper.li- by Ellen DuBois. Updated daily with a curated selection of articles, blog posts, videos and photos. Click here. Miscarriage Support- Because Your Loss Matters.



I'll Keep My Uterus, Thank you.

by Ellen DuBois on 09/01/14



When the doctor asked if I was ever pregant I said yes. When he asked if I had any children, I said no. I knew what was coming next so I blurted out I was pregnant once and it ended in miscarriage.

I was surprised when I heard my fibroids were the size of two baseballs and a softball. They're bigger than my actual uterus.  He also said I'm "petite", so they're taking up a lot of room. I know they are because I feel the bloat, the hardness in my lower abdomen.

The two medical students in the exam room, a woman and a man who looked to be in their twenties, seemed to be absorbing the information like sponges with notebooks. After all, that's why they were there- to learn.

It cut deep to hear my uterus wasn't really of much use since I am in my forties and not planning on having children. It was tough to hear that taking it out would probably be the best option. If I left it, the fibroids could grow back. If I kept it, I was keeping an organ that wouldn't do anything for me but potentially cause more problems.

I am keenly aware my uterus is there to provide a home for baby. I'm so sorry it didn't. I've been aware of it since I was pregnant and more so since I miscarried. Even though it's been over twenty years since I miscarried, opting for a hysterectomy to rid me of my fibroids didn't sit right with me. It still doesn't.

I said goodbye to having a baby a long time ago, but it wasn't easy and it's still not. Although some may feel having a hysterectomy may be my best option, (for removing my fibroids), I know it's not the only one. Not by far. So does my doctor.

And you know what? I don't have to have a hysterectomy. I have the power to say no and  explore other avenues. There are new, far less invasive procedures available to remove fibroids while keeping the uterus and ovaries in tact. I found some very helpful information here: http://www.obgyn.net/curing-fibroids-without-hysterectomy

Thankfully, my doctor is open to my input. That's important to me. It may appear a cut and dry case: She's in her forties, has large fibroids, so why not just remove everything? She doesn't need it anyway.

Not the case. I'll try the injection(s) of Lupron first to shrink the fibroids. Lupron, suppresses estrogen production, thus depriving fibroids of the hormone that seems to nourish them. Hopefully, I'll respond well and will deal with the side effects - hot flashes, etc. because I'll be cutting the estrogen and essentially forcing my body into menopause. In making the fibroids smaller, any kind of procedure to remove them is easier.

My uterus may be considered "useless" by medical standards, but it's mine. I'll keep my uterus, thank you.

I'll probaby get my first injection of Lupron next week and follow up with another ultrasound to see if my fibroids shrunk. If so, I'll go for the three month injection and take it from there, with my uterus in tact.

 

Welcome to MiscarriageHelp.com. My name is Ellen DuBois, host of this site, miscarriage survivor, and author of I Never Held You: Miscarriage, Grief, Healing and Recovery (Volume 1). If you or someone you love has suffered a miscarriage, please know you're not alone. Connect with people who understand.

Note: Some people find it difficult to post comments here because it's not very clear how to do it. Just hit the "comment" link under any post. I'll get your comment and respond. If it's easier, please email me. ellen@miscarriagehelp.com
Love & comfort to you, Ellen

The MiscarriageHelp.com Daily- paper.li- by Ellen DuBois. Updated daily with a curated selection of articles, blog posts, videos and photos. Click here. Miscarriage Support- Because Your Loss Matters.



Miscarriage- It still stings to look at an ultrasound screen.

by Ellen DuBois on 08/21/14



It's been a heck of a summer. There have been great times and some health battles I wasn't expecting.

Do we ever expect them?

My sciatica started giving me problems in June during our annual music concert, (I teach kids piano). I took a step down and wham! A shooting pain like no other I've felt shocked the hell out of my left leg. Since then it's been physical therapy twice a week. There's been much improvement and I'm exercising more. That's a plus.

I also had a mammography guided core biopsy on my right breast. Thank God everything turned out okay. I won't tell you it didn't scare the crap out of me...But, the end result is what's most important. Thank you, God.

Back to the sciatica. The numbness that developed in my left heel has not gone away. An MRI was ordered a week or so ago. Although I don't like them, (yikes to being in those dreaded, loud machines!), I got through it. That's how I roll. (Yeah, right.)

Fast forward to the call from my orthopedic doctor about the MRI results. We talked about a disc pinching the nerve root. I was told to keep up with the physical therapy and an injection may do me some good in relieving the inflamation on the nerve. However, he was more concerned with a large cyst on my right ovaries.

I've known about my fibroids since 2001 when my nephew was born. As a matter of fact, the day he was born I was two floors below the maternity ward having my very first transvaginal ultrasound.

Talk about two ends of the emotional spectrum.

I digress. I had another transvaginal ultrasound in 2007. Well, I can't say that anymore because I just had one on 8-9-14.

It seems my fibroids have grown...considerably. I won't know what my options are until I meet with an OBGYN, which will be next week. When my primary called me yesterday, I was driving. (I have a blue tooth so both hands were on the wheel.) I was shocked when she the fibroid over my right ovaries has tripled in size since 2007. I was even more shocked when she said I'd have to get it removed.

You know, I don't know how it'll be done or when. I have an appointment booked with an OBGYN next week and I'll learn more. The only thing I know right now is that I have to stay positive and focus on my faith, not my fear.

I also have to get a grip on saying goodbye to my fertility. I was already struggling with it before all the "you know what" hit the fan, (perimenopause and all the stuff that goes with it). I've had flashbacks to my very first, (ever), ultrasound some twenty plus years ago. That's the day I learned my baby had passed away. It was such a horrible day, week, month, year. My miscarriage left me with battle wounds and scars. Ever since,  I can't help but remember that fateful day, especially when I look at images of my womb on an ultrasound screen. It's embedded into my soul- part of who I am. My loss changed me and although twenty plus years have passed, there are still triggers, like what's going on right now, that remind me of my precious, little one I loved with all my heart, but never got to hold.

So, if you're going through some "stuff" and you find yourself remembering the way you felt when you miscarried, know you're not alone. It doesn't matter how much time has passed. We all have trigger points and sometimes, they seem to come from several directions and all at once.

It still stings to look at an ultrasound screen.

I guess it's a part of life. I think it helps to know you're not alone in it. I know it helps me.

 

Welcome to MiscarriageHelp.com. My name is Ellen DuBois, host of this site, miscarriage survivor, and author of I Never Held You: Miscarriage, Grief, Healing and Recovery (Volume 1). If you or someone you love has suffered a miscarriage, please know you're not alone. Connect with people who understand.

 

Note: Some people find it difficult to post comments here because it's not very clear how to do it. Just hit the "comment" link under any post. I'll get your comment and respond. If it's easier, please email me. ellen@miscarriagehelp.com
Love & comfort to you, Ellen

The MiscarriageHelp.com Daily- paper.li- by Ellen DuBois. Updated daily with a curated selection of articles, blog posts, videos and photos. Click here. Miscarriage Support- Because Your Loss Matters.



"Nine Things Never to Say to a Woman Who's Had a Miscarriage"- WomansDay

by Ellen DuBois on 08/18/14

"DuBois gives us four golden words: "It wasn't your fault." This phrase gently reassures those who are still trying to make sense of what has happened to them." -Naomi Williamson, WomansDay.com


 

(Photo by Getty Images)

Hello Everyone,

If you're here, more than likely you've suffered a miscarriage. I am so sorry for your loss ad I hope you find the posts on this site helpful during this very difficult time.

A couple of weeks ago, I was asked by a freelance writer for WomansDay to answer some questions about miscarriage: what to say, what not to say, the most helpful things you can do to support a woman who has experience a miscarriage, etc. for a piece she was working on. I was more than happy to oblige because I want to help. I was honored to be asked.

I found the article on WomansDay.com. Both this site, (MiscarriageHelp.com), & my book, (I Never Held You), were mentioned, along with a few quotes and some other very valuable miscarriage support resources. I am very grateful to be a part of this important piece.

Perhaps it would be good idea to print it out and give it to your husband, partner, friend, a family member, etc., if they just don't "get" where you're coming from or know how to help you. This article will provide them with some very valuable tools, enabling them to better support you.

Here is the link to the WomansDay.com article, "Nine Things Never to Say to a Woman Who's Had a Miscarriage".  I hope this piece provides you with some resources as you heal and is read by those who want to know how to support someone after such a loss. I think there's a big question mark in many people's minds regarding this topic. So many don't know what to say, or say the wrong things. This article and the resources provided by Naomi Williamson sheds some much needed light on how to support a woman who has miscarried, and how not to.

Click here to read "Nine Things Never to Say to a Woman Who's Had a Miscarriage" by Naomi Williamson, WomansDay.com.


Welcome to MiscarriageHelp.com. My name is Ellen DuBois, host of this site, miscarriage survivor, and author of I Never Held You: Miscarriage, Grief, Healing and Recovery (Volume 1). If you or someone you love has suffered a miscarriage, please know you're not alone. Connect with people who understand.

Note: Some people find it difficult to post comments here because it's not very clear how to do it. Just hit the "comment" link under any post. I'll get your comment and respond. If it's easier, please email me. ellen@miscarriagehelp.com
Love & comfort to you, Ellen

The MiscarriageHelp.com Daily- paper.li- by Ellen DuBois. Updated daily with a curated selection of articles, blog posts, videos and photos. Click here. Miscarriage Support- Because Your Loss Matters.



 

MiscarriageHelp- Words: Hurt or Heal

by Ellen DuBois on 08/14/14



Tweeted this last night: "Words hurt. They can be taken back, but the scar remains. Be cautious with your words. They have the power to heal or hurt." #wordshurt

I think this applies to all life's experiences- to all of us.

To those who have endured the loss of a baby to miscarriage, you know what it's like when someone says something like, "Don't you think you should be over this?" If people take the time to think before they speak, there would be a lot more healing and far less hurting.

I am so sorry for your loss. (That's really all it takes.)

Sending you all love and prayers,

Ellen


Welcome to MiscarriageHelp.com. My name is Ellen DuBois, host of this site, miscarriage survivor, and author of I Never Held You: Miscarriage, Grief, Healing and Recovery (Volume 1). If you or someone you love has suffered a miscarriage, please know you're not alone. Connect with people who understand.

Note: Some people find it difficult to post comments here because it's not very clear how to do it. Just hit the "comment" link under any post. I'll get your comment and respond. If it's easier, please email me. ellen@miscarriagehelp.com
Love & comfort to you, Ellen

The MiscarriageHelp.com Daily- paper.li- by Ellen DuBois. Updated daily with a curated selection of articles, blog posts, videos and photos. Click here. Miscarriage Support- Because Your Loss Matters.



MiscarriageHelp.com- Over The Rainbow

by Ellen DuBois on 08/12/14



The song "Somewhere Over The Rainbow" ran through my mind, very unexpectedly, as I sat to write this post. I just let the words flow and they related to the pain and loss experienced after miscarriage- after so many losses.  Here's what "came out":

Somewhere, over the rainbow-

I know you're there.

There's an ache in my heart.

How I wish you were here.

Somewhere, over the rainbow-

You are free.

I know you're very happy.

But, I want you here with me.

I know it cannot be that way-

But, still I look to God and pray

Please help me.

Help me get through this dreary pain

and feel the sun instead of rain.

Dear God, please help me...

Somewhere, over the rainbow-

your spirit flies.

One day, I'll finally hold you-

There, on the other side.


Ellen M. DuBois 2014



Welcome to MiscarriageHelp.com. My name is Ellen DuBois, host of this site, miscarriage survivor, and author of I Never Held You: Miscarriage, Grief, Healing and Recovery (Volume 1). If you or someone you love has suffered a miscarriage, please know you're not alone. Connect with people who understand.

Note: Some people find it difficult to post comments here because it's not very clear how to do it. Just hit the "comment" link under any post. I'll get your comment and respond. If it's easier, please email me. ellen@miscarriagehelp.com
Love & comfort to you, Ellen

The MiscarriageHelp.com Daily- paper.li- by Ellen DuBois. Updated daily with a curated selection of articles, blog posts, videos and photos. Click here. Miscarriage Support- Because Your Loss Matters.



A Beautiful, Healing Song About Losing a Baby to Miscarriage

by Ellen DuBois on 08/08/14

Hello Everyone,

This comment came through my Facebook page for MiscarriageHelp.com, (you can find it here).

My heart goes out to this couple and to all who have suffered the loss a baby, or more than one, to miscarriage.

What a touching song this man wrote. Very touching.

Love and Light to you,

Ellen

Katie says: "Wanted to share a song my husband wrote after losing 2 babies to miscarriage in the past 4 months Just wanted to share in case maybe it could help anyone else going through this right now, thank you. Feel free to share with anyone it can help."

I have a feeling many will find this to be a beautiful ray of hope and healing during such a sad time.
Click here for A Better Place, (song) by Rodney Watts.

Welcome to MiscarriageHelp.com. My name is Ellen DuBois, host of this site, miscarriage survivor, and author of I Never Held You: Miscarriage, Grief, Healing and Recovery (Volume 1). If you or someone you love has suffered a miscarriage, please know you're not alone. Connect with people who understand.

Note: Some people find it difficult to post comments here because it's not very clear how to do it. Just hit the "comment" link under any post. I'll get your comment and respond. If it's easier, please email me. ellen@miscarriagehelp.com
Love & comfort to you, Ellen

The MiscarriageHelp.com Daily- paper.li- by Ellen DuBois. Updated daily with a curated selection of articles, blog posts, videos and photos. Click here. Miscarriage Support- Because Your Loss Matters.





MiscarriageHelp.com
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"MiscarriageHelp.com is a support site for women and their families who have suffered the pain, loss and grief after miscarriage. I respond personally to each email and post and have been doing so since 2006. It's an outreach to me, as I try to connect and support those who have walked the often lonely road after miscarriage. Why? I don't want anyone to feel as alone as I did some twenty years ago after my own miscarriage." -Love & comfort to you, Ellen, - Ellen M. DuBois
I Never Held You: Miscarriage, Grief, Healing and Recovery (Volume 1).


Claire Chew, Grief Recovery Specialist/Spiritual Counselor

310.314.9837 www.clairechew.com

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Hello. My name is Ellen DuBois. Welcome to MiscarriageHelp.com. I am deeply sorry for your loss.









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