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Miscarriage: Women Sharing Their Hearts

by Ellen DuBois on 08/24/16



Over the past ten years, (I can't believe it's been that long), I've gotten so many comments from women who have miscarried. I've read each one, responded to each one and deeply respect what it takes to share what's on your mind and in your heart. It's not easy, but in many ways, "venting" helps free yourself. Through "writing it out",  you allow for more healing to enter your mind, soul and body.

I've come to learn this over the years and believe we are all "works in progress".

If you're comfortable writing about your loss and life after miscarriage, or talking about it, then do it for you. It doesn't have to be here. It can be in a notebook, on your computer for your eyes only, or on this site where others will connect with you and relate to what you're feeling.

That connection often leads to more healing. Why? You feel less alone. You finally feel like someone "gets you".

Even though it's been a long time since my miscarriage, I remember feeling like nobody understood my pain. I remember feeling so, so alone. Sometimes, it was very scary. I felt like I'd never come out of it. Ever feel that way?

To anyone who feels alone after miscarriage, please know you're not. Here's a comment from a quite a while back I'd like to share. I still treasure each and every comment made here because I treasure the women, (and men), behind them. Your loss matters.

You matter.

God Bless, Ellen

Dear Ellen,

I wanted to take a moment to write and thank you. This site has been so helpful to me. I've taken comfort in all the women's stories here, although I wish they weren't hurting so much. I am, too, and have found that I feel much less alone in my suffering. I've had one miscarriage, and don't know if I could ever live through another. I was about eight weeks along and some bleeding started. Needless to say, the bleeding didn't stop and after a trip to my doctor's and an ultrasound, I was told my baby was "expired". What a horrific word!

I never felt any support from my doctor, the staff, or anyone, really. My husband has tried to be as supportive as he can, but he just doesn't get my mood swings, sudden outbursts of tears, and my feelings of jealousy when I see a pregnant woman.

Recently, I had to go to a baby shower for a wonderful friend, and I wanted to run out the door. I felt so guilty, and still do. I want to be happy for my friend and experience her pregnancy with her...instead, I cry everytime I leave her. It's as if I can't take it.

My husband wants to try for another baby, and I'm scared out of my mind. Even though it's what I want most in this whole world.

I've read your book, and I keep turning to certain parts of it because I find great comfort and strength from it. I want to thank you for providing me with a book that I can use again and again whenever I am feeling crazy or depressed. You offer helpful solutions to my emotional upset, along with making me feel like I am normal for grieving over a baby I never held, but loved.

I highly recommend this site and Ellen's book for any woman who has miscarried. You will find help and comfort in her book, and can use it again and again- whenever you feel the need for support, help, tips on feeling better, and most importantly, the reassurance that you have the right to grieve and feel whatever it is you're feeling.

God Bless all of you. My heart truly goes out to you and your family. Please keep the faith- I'm trying to with all my heart.

Sincerely, Donna



Welcome to MiscarriageHelp.com. My name is Ellen DuBois, host of this site, miscarriage survivor, and author of I Never Held You: Miscarriage, Grief, Healing and Recovery. If you or someone you love has suffered a miscarriage, please know you're not alone. Connect with people who understand.

Note: Some people find it difficult to post comments here because it's not very clear how to do it. Just hit the "comment" link under any post. I'll get your comment and respond. If it's easier, please email me. ellen@miscarriagehelp.com
Love & comfort to you, Ellen

The MiscarriageHelp.com Daily- paper.li- by Ellen DuBois. Updated daily with a curated selection of articles, blog posts, videos and photos. Click here. Miscarriage Support- Because Your Loss Matters.



Supporting each other after miscarriage.

by Ellen DuBois on 08/17/16



 

Supporting each other after miscarriage. "You never know when you'll be the light in someone's darkness."- Ellen M. DuBois

 

I still remember reading this comment from a woman in Florida. It touched my heart then and still does today. You never know how you'll touch the life of another. That goes for everyone. We just don't know. There have been times in my life when someone's words had a profound impact on me, and they didn't even know it. There were days when a simple smile from a stranger literally made my day and pulled me out of my "funk".

You never know when you'll be the light in someone's darkness.

In that spirit, I share the follow comment I got a few years back:

Dear Ellen,
I want to thank you so much for this site and your book. I've suffered through three miscarriages, and have never felt as comforted by a book as I have yours.

There are times I don't know what to do with myself. This has gone on for about two years, (the time span in which I had my miscarriages).

After reading your book, and sharing it with a couple of friends who have also miscarried at least once, (strange that the three of us have all had at least one miscarriage), we decided it would be a good thing for our community to start a support group for women who'd miscarried.

Actually, between my two friends and I, we'd already started one and didn't realize it until we shared the idea of reaching out to others as you have with your book and this website.

One thing led to another and we posted flyers in the local library, town hall, and gave some to local OBGYN's. We set a date for our first support meeting, hoping at least one person would show up.

My house is quite small, so we opted to hold it at my friend's house to accomodate however many showed up. We were all going to speak, and then use your book as a guide to bring up issues, provide topics of discussion, and open up the floor for those who needed to vent, share, etc.

Well, I have to tell you, Ellen, my two friends and I were in NO way prepared for the number of women who came to this meeting! There were twenty-two guests, not including my friends and I.

Imagine twenty-five women joined together in a circle of support.

We talked, cried, shared, cried some more, and when the support meeting was over, we set a date for the next one being a month out.

Ellen, because of your willingness to share your feelings, write your book, get the help of Dr. Backman who is wonderful, we were inspired to form our Miscarriage Support Group.

I'd like to ask you a favor, and I know you must be busy. But, we'd like you to come up with a name for our group, and perhaps it will spread to other women around the country and world. Maybe they will the same and there will be one name for all of us who are sisters in miscarriage. We would greatly appreciate any ideas you have.

God Bless You, Ellen. Your book not only helped me, but is now being used as a guide for our new meetings and is helping other women in pain after miscarriage. A workbook to go along with your book would be great, if you have the time to write one.

Sincerely, A. Coy
Florida

(Note: I'm going to have to do some research to see what I may have suggested for a name. I'd love to hear from A. Coy to see how the group is doing, if it still exists and what name they decided upon. SHE became the light in someone's darkness, along with all the women in the group.)


Welcome to MiscarriageHelp.com. My name is Ellen DuBois, host of this site, miscarriage survivor, and author of I Never Held You: Miscarriage, Grief, Healing and Recovery. If you or someone you love has suffered a miscarriage, please know you're not alone. Connect with people who understand.

Note: Some people find it difficult to post comments here because it's not very clear how to do it. Just hit the "comment" link under any post. I'll get your comment and respond. If it's easier, please email me. ellen@miscarriagehelp.com
Love & comfort to you, Ellen

The MiscarriageHelp.com Daily- paper.li- by Ellen DuBois. Updated daily with a curated selection of articles, blog posts, videos and photos. Click here. Miscarriage Support- Because Your Loss Matters.



Miscarriage: I wanted to scream.

by Ellen DuBois on 08/16/16



I think many of you can relate to this. After my miscarriage, I felt like nobody really understood the depth of my loss...how it consumed me. Please take heart. I know the road you're walking and over time, things do get easier. Be as patient with yourself as you can. Allow yourself to feel. While you're going through the worst of it, please know there are people who get it, get you and understand the gravity of your loss. Love and support to you, Ellen


For anyone either living through this now or has lived through life after miscarriage, I am so sorry for your loss.

MiscarriageHelp.com:  The past ten years have been filled with tears, support, empathy, growing and understanding.  A sisterhood of women who've shared the pain of miscarriage has formed and grown in a way only the Internet can provide because of its reach. 

I never dreamed back when this site began that it would grow so exponentially.

I've been honored and am still honored to provide this platform for women, (men, too), to share their feelings after miscarriage. Often times, we feel supported simply by reading the comments made by others. Many times, you feel better by sharing what's been on your mind and heart with others. The act of "letting it out" goes a long way towards helping you heal.

Small steps. One day at a time.

How we grieve and what we experience after miscarriage is as different as we are. Yet, living through such a painful loss connects us. This connection, although we wish we never had to share it, gives us a certain comfort and reassurance. It speaks to your heart saying "You're not alone in this." Believe me, you are not.

That's the reason MiscarriageHelp.com exists and will continue to exist. That's the reason I wrote my book, too. But, there's another reason. I believe writing about my own experience after miscarriage helped me heal. I didn't know it at the time. It was a process. All these years later I see clearly how writing about my own pain, what helped and what didn't was in fact a form of therapy for me. Ten years later, I could probably write from an additional perspective- one with ten more years of growing and learning, sharing and caring.

I am continuing to share many of the comments made at MiscarriageHelp.com over the past ten years. Some date as far back as 2006. As I type this, I feel butterflies in my stomach and a deep feeling of gratitude. I am so thankful for having this site up so I could reach out. I am grateful to each and every one of you who has commented, shared your support or simply stopped by to read the comments here. We have all reached out to each other and to countless others.

To all of you who have experienced the pain of miscarriage, I am so sorry for your loss. My thoughts and prayers are with you always. - Ellen

Welcome to MiscarriageHelp.com. My name is Ellen DuBois, host of this site, miscarriage survivor, and author of I Never Held You: Miscarriage, Grief, Healing and Recovery. If you or someone you love has suffered a miscarriage, please know you're not alone. Connect with people who understand.

Note: Some people find it difficult to post comments here because it's not very clear how to do it. Just hit the "comment" link under any post. I'll get your comment and respond. If it's easier, please email me. ellen@miscarriagehelp.com
Love & comfort to you, Ellen

The MiscarriageHelp.com Daily- paper.li- by Ellen DuBois. Updated daily with a curated selection of articles, blog posts, videos and photos. Click here. Miscarriage Support- Because Your Loss Matters.



MiscarriageHelp.com- Ten Years of Comments About Miscarriage

by Ellen DuBois on 08/05/16



Hello Everyone,

"I felt so alone when I miscarried. Life kept going but I felt stuck. Everything changed for me, but not for the rest of the world." - A comment left by a woman at MiscarriageHelp.com

This comment really hit home with me. I remember feeling so alone after losing my baby to miscarriage. People knew I miscarried. Family, friends and some coworkers validated my loss, (for the most part). Yet, I felt stuck on pause while the world kept going. I was trapped in my grief.

For anyone either living through this now or has lived through life after miscarriage, I am so sorry for your loss.

MiscarriageHelp.com:  The past ten years have been filled with tears, support, empathy, growing and understanding.  A sisterhood of women who've shared the pain of miscarriage has formed and grown in a way only the Internet can provide because of its reach. 

I never dreamed back when this site began that it would grow so exponentially.

I've been honored and am still honored to provide this platform for women, (men, too), to share their feelings after miscarriage. Often times, we feel supported simply by reading the comments made by others. Many times, you feel better by sharing what's been on your mind and heart with others. The act of "letting it out" goes a long way towards helping you heal.

Small steps. One day at a time.

How we grieve and what we experience after miscarriage is as different as we are. Yet, living through such a painful loss connects us. This connection, although we wish we never had to share it, gives us a certain comfort and reassurance. It speaks to your heart saying "You're not alone in this." Believe me, you are not.

That's the reason MiscarriageHelp.com exists and will continue to exist. That's the reason I wrote my book, too. But, there's another reason. I believe writing about my own experience after miscarriage helped me heal. I didn't know it at the time. It was a process. All these years later I see clearly how writing about my own pain, what helped and what didn't was in fact a form of therapy for me. Ten years later, I could probably write from an additional perspective- one with ten more years of growing and learning, sharing and caring.

I am continuing to share many of the comments made at MiscarriageHelp.com over the past ten years. Some date as far back as 2006. As I type this, I feel butterflies in my stomach and a deep feeling of gratitude. I am so thankful for having this site up so I could reach out. I am grateful to each and every one of you who has commented, shared your support or simply stopped by to read the comments here. We have all reached out to each other and to countless others.

To all of you who have experienced the pain of miscarriage, I am so sorry for your loss. My thoughts and prayers are with you always. - Ellen

Welcome to MiscarriageHelp.com. My name is Ellen DuBois, host of this site, miscarriage survivor, and author of I Never Held You: Miscarriage, Grief, Healing and Recovery. If you or someone you love has suffered a miscarriage, please know you're not alone. Connect with people who understand.

Note: Some people find it difficult to post comments here because it's not very clear how to do it. Just hit the "comment" link under any post. I'll get your comment and respond. If it's easier, please email me. ellen@miscarriagehelp.com
Love & comfort to you, Ellen

The MiscarriageHelp.com Daily- paper.li- by Ellen DuBois. Updated daily with a curated selection of articles, blog posts, videos and photos. Click here. Miscarriage Support- Because Your Loss Matters.



Miscarriage Comments- Ten Years of Sharing. Ten Years of Caring.

by Ellen DuBois on 08/04/16



Hello Everyone,

It's hard to believe MiscarriageHelp.com has been online since 2006. Wow. Ten years.

The past ten years have been filled with tears, support, empathy, growing and understanding.  A sisterhood of women who've shared the pain of miscarriage has formed and grown in a way only the Internet can provide because of its reach. 

I never dreamed back when this site began that it would grow so exponentially.

I've been honored and am still honored to provide this platform for women, (men, too), to share their feelings after miscarriage. Often times, we feel supported simply by reading the comments made by others. Many times, you feel better by sharing what's been on your mind and heart with others. The act of "letting it out" goes a long way towards helping you heal.

Small steps. One day at a time.

How we grieve and what we experience after miscarriage is as different as we are. Yet, living through such a painful loss connects us. This connection, although we wish we never had to share it, gives us a certain comfort and reassurance. It speaks to your heart saying "You're not alone in this." Believe me, you are not.

That's the reason MiscarriageHelp.com exists and will continue to exist. That's the reason I wrote my book, too. But, there's another reason. I believe writing about my own experience after miscarriage helped me heal. I didn't know it at the time. It was a process. All these years later I see clearly how writing about my own pain, what helped and what didn't was in fact a form of therapy for me. Ten years later, I could probably write from an additional perspective- one with ten more years of growing and learning, sharing and caring.

I want to share some of the comments made here at MiscarriageHelp.com over the past ten years. Some date as far back as 2006. As I type this, I feel butterflies in my stomach and a deep feeling of gratitude. I am so thankful for having this site up so I could reach out. I am grateful to each and every one of you who has commented, shared your support or simply stopped by to read the comments here. We have all reached out to each other and to countless others.

To all of you who have experienced the pain of miscarriage, I am so sorry for your loss. My thoughts and prayers are with you always.

Let's begin this journey by going back to one of the earliest comments made on this site. I think many of you will be able to relate to these feelings- to this woman's heart and life after miscarriage:

To Ellen:

Hello and thank you once again for your comforting words and your call for prayer.

I seem to be a bit stuck right now. There is so much going on that I cannot focus my mind on any one thing long enough to deal with it all. I cry for the children I have lost, only to cry for the physical pain that I feel, only to cry in thankfulness for the saving of my life, only to cry for all of the what ifs....My emotions are scattered all over the map and occasionally when they meet in the middle, it is very overwhelming. My emotions can spin on a dime from gratefulness, to anger, to sadness, to disbelief. You name it and it is at the surface ready to jump right out. I cannot put one thing on hold to tend to the other and all of them together is truly getting to be too much. I am tired and impatient, weak and sad, all at the same time. I want to be strong and loving, happy and thankful. I know those emotions are inside, but I feel overpowered by all that has happened. I know brighter days are ahead but it is too cloudy right now to see the sun.

I have an appointment in the morning for a post-op check with my OBGYN. I am going to ask him for referrals so I can talk this all out with a professional. You would think that after surviving something that could have killed me, I would be happy and thankful. Yet, at the same time I am sad and angry. You would think that I would be a loving and kind mother and wife. Yet, at the same time I feel myself being very quick to anger and impatient. You would think that I could find solice in the fact that although I wish the two children I have lost were with me, they are with a loving God. Yet, at the same time I feel empty and have such a longing, it feels like I am being slowly and painfully torn to pieces inside.

Before February 6, I felt invinsible. I was carefree and happy and on top of the world. Now I feel like I've been kicked to the ground with the wind knocked out of me.

I know that I am going to be okay, but I can't find the strength to get back up on my own. People are trying to come and help me get back up, but I am lashing out and pushing them away. I am doubled over in pain and sadness trying to catch my breath and I can't find the strength to stand again. I really do need to talk to someone so that I can find the strength to stand under my own power and have those around me to lean on for support. They are there for me when I need them and I appreciate that so very much. What I don't want to find is that one day I find the strength to stand and I am standing alone. I love and need those that are most dear in my life but I need the healing to begin with me. Thank you again-"R"

Dear "R"

I'm sorry for what you're going through, and I know what's like to have a hard time focusing because your mind is on overload. You DO have so many emotions running rampant, and some stable ground would be appreciated by you- mind, body and spirit.

I support you 100% in your asking your OBGYN for a referral. It sounds like you need somebody to talk to who can help guide you through all of your emotions fighting against each other. (Which, I think is perfectly normal given what you're living...I was the SAME way).

Because you're dealing with so much grief, pain, longing, ache, angst...of course you are going to be a bit snappy. Please don't beat yourself up for that. You have suffered a loss, are grieving, and there is no room for guilt in this picture. You can only do the best you can...and it sounds to me like you are trying with everything you've got. However, if you feel anything like I did, (and still do in certain circumstances), you KNOW there's a better day coming, and your faith keeps that thought alive, yet you find yourself feeling like you're treading water and need somebody to throw you a lifejacket.

Your lifejacket IS there, and with some help, you'll be able to sift through the rubble and find it.

Those who love you, R, LOVE you because you're you. They understand you are in pain, and if at times you push them away I am sure they know why. Yes, it probably hurts them...moreso because they realize you feel so alone right now and they cannot break through the barrier of pain which is surrounding you. It's like a heavy cloak you want OFF.

Time...God...Help...Faith...Your Beautiful Strength...WILL get you through this, these darkest of days. Cling to that with all you are. I believe in you, and will keep you in my thoughts and prayers.

"How do you eat an elephant?" My dear friend's husband used to ask. "One bite at a time."

With Loving Thoughts, Care, and HOPE,

Ellen


Welcome to MiscarriageHelp.com. My name is Ellen DuBois, host of this site, miscarriage survivor, and author of I Never Held You: Miscarriage, Grief, Healing and Recovery. If you or someone you love has suffered a miscarriage, please know you're not alone. Connect with people who understand.

Note: Some people find it difficult to post comments here because it's not very clear how to do it. Just hit the "comment" link under any post. I'll get your comment and respond. If it's easier, please email me. ellen@miscarriagehelp.com
Love & comfort to you, Ellen

The MiscarriageHelp.com Daily- paper.li- by Ellen DuBois. Updated daily with a curated selection of articles, blog posts, videos and photos. Click here. Miscarriage Support- Because Your Loss Matters.





Hello. My name is Ellen DuBois. Welcome to MiscarriageHelp.com. I am deeply sorry for your loss.



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"MiscarriageHelp.com is a support site for women and their families who have suffered the pain, loss and grief after miscarriage. I respond personally to each email and post and have been doing so since 2006. It's an outreach to me, as I try to connect and support those who have walked the often lonely road after miscarriage. Why? I don't want anyone to feel as alone as I did some twenty years ago after my own miscarriage." -Love & comfort to you, Ellen, - Ellen M. DuBois
I Never Held You: Miscarriage, Grief, Healing and Recovery








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