I hope you're doing well. I know it's one day at a time, some being better than others. I am so sorry for your loss.
Over the years and even in my book, I Never Held You: Miscarriage, Grief, Healing and Recovery , I've talked about how guided meditations have helped me get through some pretty dark times. I didn't know about them right after my miscarriage, but wish I did. Actually, they were around, but not like they are today. There are many more available.
After I miscarried, my panic and anxiety attacks kicked in full force. I've suffered from them since around the age of twenty shortly after living through some very scary vision problems. One day, panic attacks were "there" and I'll never forget how terrifying my one was. I know I may seem a bit off topic, but things as painful as miscarriage can trigger things like anxiety, or panic attacks. That's what happened to me and many of you might be feeling the same. Believe me, you're not alone. I know it's scary and it, well, stinks, for lack of a better word. But, regulating your your breathing, slowing your mind and body down do help. Guided meditations combined with a lot of faith, helped me a great deal. As I said earlier, they still do.
I have a tough time focusing when trying to meditate in silence, although over the years I've tried to just 'go with it' and see what happens. I've gotten better, but find myself turning to guided meditations when I'm very stressed, sad, confused, etc. They calm me, soothe me, put me in a much better place, helping me to regroup. I also suffer from ringing in the ear, (my right one), and have special headphones, (Sleep Phones- they're great), I use at night to listen to guided meditations so I can sleep.
One of my favorites has been The Healing Waterfall my Max Highstein. I've been listening to it for years and love it. There are two versions of it, now.
If you're having a tough time sleeping, relaxing, getting your mind in a better place, these meditations, (along with many more I can recommend), may help you. I hope they do- as much as they've helped me.Click here to discover all of The Healing Waterfall guided meditations. If you decide to download one, I'd love to hear how you felt about it.
Now, I love these meditations, and there are MANY more online for download or on CD. You can find them everywhere- simply google "Guided Meditations". I want to let you know I've become an affiliate for The Healing Waterfall, (that means I get a percentage of the sale should you decide to purchase one), but that is NOT why I posted this. I went to their site to get the spelling of Max's last name right, "Highstein", and saw they had an affiliate program. I've been working with companies as an affiliate for years on several of my other websites, so I decided to join. I wanted to let you know this because I got a feeling in my gut that told me I should. So, I followed my gut.
Here's a free download from The Healing Waterfall called "Healing With Love". You may want to give this a listen and see if guided meditations feel right to you.
Love and Light, Ellen
It's been quite a busy week, but somehow the energy to answer an email makes its way to me and I feel a need to connect and respond to someone who is hurting.
Much like I was after I miscarried. Oh, I can't begin to tell you how much I ached for someone to talk to. Had the Internet been around like it is today, I would have been pourning my heart out just for sake of feeling heard. Validated.
I'm not going to share the email I received today because the woman who sent it asked me to wait. I respect that. I respect her. But, I will say her words brought many of my own feelings to the surface- ones I didn't realize were so close.
Our need to connect and support each other is immense. Since 2006 (The launch of MiscarriageHelp.com), I have discovered that although our circumstances may differ, we are more alike than you may realize. We are tied by a common thread and miscarriage does that. It's a loss that leaves you spinning and feeling incredibly alone. In part, I believe it's because nobody saw the baby, or babies, you loved with every fiber of your being.
This woman said things that struck my heart, as the emails I receive always do. She is struggling with grief and other issues in her homelife and relationships that I relate to on a very personal level.
I have walked a walk so similar to hers. I have felt the pain of miscarriage, the isolation, the questioning, the dismissal by ones you love and ones you hardly know. I know the impact losing a baby to miscarriage has on relationships: couples, friends, other family members, coworkers and more.
We may be different, and that's a good thing. The world needs different in order to avoid being boring. But, on a very deep and spiritual level, we are so much alike. We are like drops that form a sea. We have cried the same tears and felt the same aches. We've reached out, looked up, questioned everything and somehow, (by the grace of God), we have either made it to the other side or we're helping each other make it.
Love and Light to you all,
It's Mother's Day. I thank God for my wonderful mother and for all the blessings in my life. There is so much I'm grateful for. It would be nearly impossible to name them all.
I was resting in bed this morning letting my mind wander. I thought about my mother and suddenly, I thought about a time in her life where 'difficult' is an understatement in describing it.
My mother's birthday is in late April, followed by Mother's Day, and my birthday in May. Joyful times for her, but one year in particular, it was a time of great emotional struggles between joy and grief.
Many years ago, my brother, David, passed away at eighteen months in February. My mother was pregnant with me. Her birthday came in April, followed by Mother's Day followed about two weeks later with the birth of me.
The strength she had to find must have been like looking for a flashlight in the pitch dark.
My older sister, who was nearly five, needed my mother and there I was, a tiny, new baby who needed her very much, too.
She was there- always was and still is. Feeling a grief so deep yet having two lives depending on her must have been such an emotional roller coaster. She'd just kissed one life goodbye and welcomed a new one into her life within a few months. My sister still needed love and all the many things a mother does for her child.
Embracing the joy and the pain in your life is not an easy thing. Allowing yourself to feel what you must, even when your feelings run the spectrum of emotion can be exhausting, but also freeing. By allowing yourself to feel- sorrow and joy, pain and laughter, you're allowing yourself to be you.
You are special, wonderful, beautiful and worth taking care of. Feeling allows you to take care of you and today, Mother's Day, couldn't be a more perfect time to remind you of your intrinsic "amazingness".
To anyone who is struggling with conflicting emotions on Mother's Day, I write these words- hoping they will touch you in some way. Praying they will convey the message that it's okay to feel joy and sorrow. It's okay to thank God for the blessings you have and to grieve over your loss.
Like Dr. Wayne Dyer once said, (and I'll never forget it), "You can grieve and live at the same time."
Love and Light to you and God Bless, Ellen
I write these words as a woman who miscarried and never had any children. However, whether or not you have children doesn't change the pain you endured when you miscarried. It does not change the special place in your heart you have for the little one you loved. I know this and I'm so sorry for your loss.
Mother's Day is a beautiful day. I celebrate my mother, my sisters who are both mothers and really, mothers everywhere who put their children's lives before their own. Our children are our most precious gifts and they ARE the future. (I know father's have a lot to do with their children, too. But, this is about Mother's Day :)
On the flip side, I've felt like the third wheel on Mother's Day for just about as long as I can remember. I've always wanted to be a mother and the path I'm on, at least at this point on my journey, says it is what it is. I'm not a mother...
I know what it's like to feel the sting on Mother's Day. You see a commercial on TV and perhaps a few tears fall because it's about being a mother. They are meant to draw emotion. To those of us who long to be mothers but aren't, they trigger emotions that are often sad to varying degrees.
With that thought in mind, I want to say this: I know helping a child is not the same as being that child's mother, but please don't sell yourself short. I ask you to recognize the value you bring to a child's life by listening to them, playing with them, being a great aunt, a wonderful teacher, someone a child feels they can trust and talk to. Please know the beautiful, positive impact YOU have on a child's life by simply loving and accepting that child just the way they are.
I have been blessed with two wonderful parents who still give me Mother's Day cards, even though I'm the daughter without any children. The cards, which span twenty-plus years, serve to remind me that I'm appreciated as a loving aunt, teacher and helper to children. This means the world to me and always will. Although it's not a "magic eraser" to the ache I feel over being childless, I've grown into having a new perspective on the role I play, we all play, in children's lives.
So, try to take pride and joy in being a great auntie, teacher, baby sitter, nanny, tutor, mentor, big sister, great neighbor. I could go on. YOU are so precious and valued and have touched the lives of children in a positive way. You may not even remember that one positive thing you did or said that had a profound impact on a child- but, it did.
I pray you know your encouraging words, acts of kindness, or times you just sat and listened, made a difference to a child. A very positive one.
That is mothering. It is nurturing. It is wonderful, important and it is YOU.
Sometimes, the sting we feel may not go away, but it's far less painful when you realize just how many children you've helped- just by being yourself.
Just wanted to share.
Love and Light to you,
I was going to start writing about Heaven, my baby's spirit, the journey of the soul and then some. But, something told me it was a little deep and maybe now isn't the time.
However, I do want to say I believe the baby I lost to miscarriage lives on in Heaven. I believe we are connected and I often feel the presence of my baby's energy, or spirit, around me. I feel other loved ones around me, too and when I call upon the angels for help, I feel them, too.
I take comfort in that. It took quite a while after my miscarriage to feel anything other than the pool of grief I was drowning in. I think that's normal. It was for me.
Throughout my journey, my healing, the life lessons I've learned and have yet to learn, I've come to know my child is in Heaven, living a life much more beautiful than I can imagine...because I can feel it.
Love and Light to all of you,
You will come out on the other side of your pain, your grief.
It may not happen today or tomorrow, but it will happen.
Hold tight to that belief, especially on those days
when you can't seem find the sun.
Know with every fiber of your being that you will not
always hurt this much,
even though your tears are telling you a different story.
It's difficult to embrace your grief, but it's also necessary.
When you embrace it, feel it, live it, and walk through it,
you are then able to, one day, let it go.
Ellen M. DuBois
On Mother's Day, please remember you will always be your baby's mother- whether in Heaven or on earth.- Ellen DuBois
I know the mix of emotions you may be feeling as Mother's Day approaches. The reason I wrote this post is because of something a friend said to me several years ago, and I'd never heard the words- not the way she put them. Basically, she said, "You will always be your baby's mother."
The realization was overwhelming. I'd always focused on how my baby was not with me, which I think is natural. For as much as I believed my baby was in Heaven AND all around me in spirit, I felt the word "Mother" somehow didn't apply to me. After all, I lost the my one and only child before I ever got to hold him.
But, I did get to love him. He did exist inside of my womb. He was just as real as I was and am. Although the ache was palpable, I took comfort in knowing I would always be his mother. Although my baby's stay with me was short, he stayed with me and touched my life forever.
I know the heartache and I know the longing. Believe it or not, I still feel both my baby's absence and my baby's presence on Mother's Day- actually, every day. He may not be with my physically, but we will always be connected by a cord of love that will
Love and Light to you,
Ellen DuBois is the author of I Never Held You: Miscarriage, Grief, Healing and Recovery (paperback) and in electronic format (Kindle) here: I Never Held You: Miscarriage, Grief, Healing and Recovery (Volume 1)
First, let me say I am so sorry for your loss. Too many times those words go unspoken, and you deserve to hear them.
Mother's Day may be a bittersweet time for many of you. Some of you have children and some you don't. Some are single parents and some are married or with a partner. Younger, a bit older- none of it matters. Loss is loss and if you've lost a baby to miscarriage, the love inside your heart doesn't die and Mother's Day can be very trying.
If you're grieving the loss of your baby to miscarriage, you may find yourself wondering over and over again what life would be like if your little one were here. I know. I did it and there are times I still catch myself doing it.
One thing I want to stress is you have the right to feel whatever you're feeling. You also have the right to celebrate Mother's Day. You may be honoring your own mother, as I will be. You might be a mother to children on this earth and they want to show you how much you're loved. At the same time, you might find an ache deep inside for the little one you miss.
Maybe you could place a bouquet of fresh flowers in the house as a way of saying to your little one I love you and miss you. Perhaps you could step outside, take a few deeps breaths of fresh air and allow yourself to feel your baby's spirit all around you. Whatever you feel in your heart you need to do, please give yourself permission to honor your baby if that's what your soul is telling you. You don't need anyone's approval. You don't even need a lot of time. I plan on seeing my mother, giving her a big hug, a card, making her a bracelet, etc., but also will take a few minutes to remember my baby in a prayer or with some some flowers- probably both.
My thoughts and prayers are with all of you.
Love and Light,
When the hurt seems like it will never end-
When the pain's so deep I can't comprehend-
When I need someone, I know I can depend-
On you, my dear and cherished friend.- Ellen M. DuBois, Host of MiscarriageHelp.com and Author of I Never Held You: Miscarriage, Grief, Healing and Recovery
It's a cool, crisp April morning. The dog's been out, I've got my coffee and in the stillness, I thought about the ways life changed after my miscarriage.
I thought about the path I'm walking and all the forks along the way where I've had to make choices.
After miscarriage, a stamp is forever on your heart and you stand at a fork in the road.
My life took an entirely different path after my my baby left and crossed into Heaven. My marriage, which was already a bit too shaky, fell apart. The distance between my ex and I grew. In part it's because we didn't talk about our loss-or should I say couldn't. I tried. He did, too> But, there had already been a communication breakdown. That doesn't mean it'll happen to you. It only means it happened to me. Many couples survive miscarriage- they heal and move forward together.
The path I walked after my miscarriage was unexpected, like so many things in life. The road took another sharp, blind corner when my ex and I divorced. I thought it might happen, hoped it wouldn't, but, it did.
The pain forced me to grow. If I didn't, I'd be stuck in on a path I didn't want to be on. It was scary, lonely and filled with anxiety. So, step by step I walked a different path and with each step, began to heal.
I can't pinpoint when the healing took place. It was a gradual thing. When I was ready, I became a seeker. I wanted to know more about myself, the way I felt , how to change it and gain the strength to deal with everything.
Point A led to point B and so forth. With every lesson I learned, my path took a different turn. I dove deeper into my spirituality, although I really wasn't aware of it back then. I remember a book that had a huge impact on me. It was entitled "The Wisdom of Florence Scovel Schinn". It struck such a chord in my soul. The only way to explain it is like this: I needed to change the way I looked at things, myself, life. If I allowed negative feelings to overpower me, I'd attract the very thing I didn't want into my life. Oh, and this book was written back in the 1940's. In my opinion, Florence Scovel Schinn was a pioneer in writing about spirituality. She explained through her words and example how what we think directly impacts our life.
Anyway, years went by and I had a lot of lessons to learn, (still do). My path is constanatly evolving because life is.
I've always written to express my feelings. However, if you asked me if I'd ever host a site on miscarriage support, never mind write a book about it, I would have thought: No way. Why would I do that? It was a fork in my path I didn't see.
There have been many painful situations in everyone's lives. If miscarriage is one of them, I am so sorry for your loss and for the dark place you may be in. I want you to know that I have felt the fear, isolation, grief, depression and more. I've questioned everything and must have asked WHY a million times.
Like I mentioned earlier, all that pain forced me to grow and when I was ready, I wrote my book and began this site. We all do different things to cope and perhaps reach out to others. Sadly, we've seen a lot of it lately with too many tragedies making worldwide headlines. Yet, for all the sadness, I am inspired by the strength of the human spirit.
Please don't give up on you. I know your life hurts right now and you may not see ANY good coming out of it. I am here to say that over time, no matter how your path changes, there is a way to take what you've learned and be there not only for yourself, but for another who is living it. It kind of sneaks up on you and you find the strength you never, ever thought you had.
My heart goes out to you and I'm deeply sorry for your loss. One day at a time on your path towards healing. You're all in my thoughts and prayers.
Hello my baby. I still miss you. I know it's been a long, long time since you left to be in the Heavenly realm. I have grown and healed and so many other things that you already know about. But, for as much as I believe your spirit lives and your love is forever, I still feel you absence. (Absence- 1. The state of being away from a place or person.) I am still human and it doesn't matter how much I've grown spiritually or in any other way.
I still miss you.
I feel you near and I thank God for it. You know my heart so you know there have been over twenty Christmas mornings I've ached for you. There have been equal amounts of birthdays and other holidays and every kind of day where I've felt you near and wished you were here. I wondered, dreamed, thought about you and what you'd be like had you stayed with me...here.
But, you couldn't and I know that. Some souls are simply too good for this earth, or aren't supposed to be here for reasons we don't know. I like to believe you came into my life to teach me something and to show me that
I love you,
Your Mom left on earth.
This is the anniversary (week) of my miscarriage and D&C. I suddenly know where this anxiety I feel is coming from. I believe in "cellular memory". I'll be okay...it was a long time ago. But, I do remember. My entire being remembers. Here's a little bit on "The Cellular Memory" if you're interested. Love and Light to you all. Ellen
About The Cellular Memory
"No matter where I am or what I'm doing, I can feel your spirit near me."- Ellen DuBois
My heart goes out to all who have suffered a loss. Miscarriage is an very painful experience- emotionally, physically and spiritually.
I was walking around like I had a dark cloak over me for a while after my own miscarriage. The whole world felt and appeared different- because I was grieving. I lost my baby and all the hopes, dreams and wishes I had for my child.
It took time for me to heal and it's different for all of us. Although I healed, I never forgot my little baby nor will I. When I finally "grew into" my new life, I began to feel my baby's spirit around me. As time passed, I could feel it more and more. It was like the cloak was lifted and because of this, I could feel things other than pain.
My son's spirit was one of those things. I felt his love. I knew he was in Heaven and would always be connected to me.
Again, this took time. And, there are still times when I wonder what it would have been like had my baby stayed here on earth with me- in a physical sense. I don't think that part of me, the part that dreams and wonders, will ever go away.
But, I know, without a doubt, my baby's spirit is near me no matter where I am or what I'm doing.
Love and Light to you, and I'm deeply sorry for your loss.
"I cannot change the fact that I miscarried. I can only do my best to carry on. Sometimes...I need a little help."- Ellen M. DuBois
Ellen DuBois is the host of Miscarriage Help and author of I Never Held You: Miscarriage, Grief, Healing and Recovery
As Mother's Day approaches, many of you may be feeling particularly sad combined with feelings of love, gratitude and more. It can be one heck of an emotional roller coaster ride if you've just suffered a miscarriage.
To those who have children, you may experience feelings of guilt. Please try your best to realize your loss has nothing to do with the love you feel for your child(ren) who are with you. Of course you love them. You can love and grieve at the same time. It's not an easy place to be and my heart goes out to you. Please go easy on yourself. You can love your child(ren) and grieve.
You are still the mother to your baby, or babies, in Heaven and have every right to remember them, grieve over their absence, and still feel the joy Mother's Day brings.
If you don't have any children, Mother's Day can be difficult in a different way. You may long for the child you never got to hold. You might feel an empty space in your heart. I have felt many emotions on Mother's Day- love for my own mother, love for my nieces and nephews and a deep sense of 'what if and could have been' because I am not a mother to a child on this earth. I suppose there will always be a vacancy, but as the years have passed, I've learned to accept this part of myself, even though it hurts. To deny it would be denying who I am. My loss changed me and pushing my feelings away as if they'd somehow disappear only served to hurt me more. So, I feel what I do, both the joy and the ache, and have been doing so for over twenty years.
My heart goes out to all as Mother's Day approaches. I pray you'll be able to feel joy, even if it's mixed with tears.
You're in my thoughts and prayers.
First, if you're here, you've more than likely suffered a miscarriage and I am so sorry for your loss. My heart goes out to you.
The subject of going through miscarriage alone has come up many times. It's hard enough when you have someone by your side. Actually, you still may feel alone.
When you've lost your baby and your relationship, it's a double whammy. Not only are you grieving the loss of your baby, you're also grieving the loss of your partner. You want so much to be able to share your pain because the baby you lost belonged to both of you. When that person either doesn't seem to care or is no longer in the picture, it's terribly isolating and sad, to say the least.
One thing I can say is we can't change how someone else feels. I know this first hand. When I miscarried, I was married yet felt very alone in my grief. My husband at the time didn't seem to care. Although I know now he did, the point is back then, he didn't show it. He isolated himself from me and my pain. I couldn't reach him and tried so hard to figure out why HE felt, or didn't feel, like he did. I wasted a lot of energy on wrapping my brain around trying to figure out the reasons for his distance when that energy should have been spent on trying to heal. The strain and stress was doubled, but I didn't know it at the time.
It's a natural feeling to want to reach out to the one you once counted on so much. It's a normal thing to want to talk to the father of your baby and share in the loss, the pain, the grief and the healing.
I wish I had the answers as to what motivates others to do and/or feel what they do. I have learned I don't have the answers and want to share this with you. Why? Because YOU are worth the time. You have every right to grieve, feel, heal, share- even if it's not with the person you wish was there for you. We can't change other people, as sad as that sometimes is. Believe me, I know it hurts deeply. Combined with the hurt you're already feeling, it's overwhelming at times.
Please, take a few deep breaths and know that it's time to put yourself at the top of your list of priorities. It's not selfish. Many of you have children to care for, etc., and I know they need to come first. But, you also are very important and need time to heal, share, cry, gather your feeings and sift through them. You have the right to grieve, even if it's not with the person you wish it could be. Grieving is a step, a huge one, towards healing. Please try not to place someone's lack of caring above your own need to feel and heal.
I did it for some time, and all it did was hurt me more. As they often say, "If I only knew then what I know now..."
Lean on each other. If there's a support group in your area and you're comfortable going, please go. If you feel you need to talk to a grief counselor, or any counselor, please do so. There are many people, including me, (and I'm just someone who has lived it), who care about the pain you're living and will listen.
Sending you much love and light.
How are you doing today?
Sometimes, we long to hear that question. It's a sign that someone cares about us, our loss, the grief we are experiencing. That simple question reflects so much and helps you to realize your loss has not been dismissed.
To those who may not know what to say to someone who has miscarried, just asking how she is doing can go a long way in letting her know somebody cares.
I am so sorry for your loss. Please feel free to post how you're doing today...because I know I, along with many others, DO care.
Love and Light,
As I reflect upon the month of April over twenty years ago, it was a time of terrific highs and the lowest of lows. I was excited about my pregnancy and felt pretty good as I was into my fourth month.
I remember my mother's birthday, as I always do. It's on the 26th of April. After that, it's a blur. Some time between her birthday and the beginning of May, I spotted which landed me in a cold, sterile room having an ultra sound done by a technician I can't remember. I think it was a woman. Yes, it was and the doctor was a man I'd never seen before. The technician was quiet...I remember that. I also remember the cold gel on my stomach.
And that was it. It was over. My baby had passed away and there was nothing I could do about it.
Holy smokes. (That really wasn't what I said.) I'm not pregnant anymore.
I was with my sister Debbie and she drove me home. Such a quiet ride. I remember the sound of the tires whirring against the pavement. I felt sick and incredibly detatched from my body.
Reality kicked in and the tears I fought began to fall.
I had to tell my husband, (at the time), but, he was out of state- due home the next day. Wow. What a lonely, strange, sad and very surreal night. I think I slept, but I don't know for how long. I thought about my baby. I already missed him. I thought about how my ex would probably be relieved and that hurt. He didn't want us to be pregnant because we 'weren't ready'. That sounds mean and I that's not my intention. It is, however, my truth- or at least it was at the time.
Morning came and I survived the night by the grace of God.
I told my husband when he got back from his business trip. He was more shocked than I thought he'd be- having been so "anti-baby". I think the reality of losing our child made our child more real to him. I don't know and I can't guess what went on in his mind. It's all water under the bridge anyway.
No hard feelings. A couple of years later we split and since that time I've wanted nothing but the best for him. We obviously weren't meant to be parents together or stay together.
So, the years have flown by. My son, Alex, (I always felt that would be his name), would have been twenty-two this November. There have been twenty one Thanksgivings and Christmas Days I've missed him, thought of him, felt him near and wondered what it would be like had he lived here with me, on this earth.
However, life pushes us to go on because life does not stop and wait for us to get on our feet. The sun comes up each day and sets each night. How we view the sunrise and sunset changes. I was too blinded by grief after my miscarriage to appreciated the beauty of a sunrise. My eyes were too clouded by tears to really see the magic of a sunset.
Over the years, the fog I once defined my life by lifted and I began to see things again- like the magnificent colors in the sky.
Over the years I learned to stand up and jump back on the ride we call life because it was going and I didn't have a choice. I fumbled a lot. I lost myself for a while. I cried even when I thought my body didn't have any tears left.
I began to appreciate and love the joy being around babies brought me, instead of feeling a jealousy that stung. That was a tough one, but I grew and was able to see and feel the pure love and joy a baby just gives. Hold a baby and you're holding love.
I wrote a book about my path after miscarriage. I never thought I'd do that. But, I did and I'm glad. I'm grateful I was able to turn my own adversity into something that not only helped me heal, but helped others, too. I know God wanted me to do it. I felt such a strong nudge.
And then there's this website/blog, MiscarriageHelp.com. I have cried many tears with you as I've read your posts and tried to respond to you in the best way I can. Not being a doctor, all I've ever shared is my heart, my own feelings about loss and healing and the connection we all have.
Once you've live though something like miscarriage, or sadly, more than one, you almost feel a need to connect with others who have lived the same. I craved it and couldn't find it back when I miscarried.
It's been quite a journey thus far. I pray I've done some good- even if it's been just touching one person's heart so they feel less alone.
I thank Alex for always being near and inspiring me to reach out to you in the hope of making your journey just a bit less difficult.
I am deeply sorry for your loss and am sending you much love and light.
My friend, I need you to know
how I'm feeling right now- and how very special
your friendship will always be.
So I've written down my feelings for you,
and thank you for being there for me:
I give myself permission to grieve.
I give myself permission to feel.
I won't stop the tears,
I won't hide the pain.
I must live my grief -
it's how I will heal.
Please don't ask me how long it will take
'till I feel some relief from this horrible ache.
I can't answer that question.
I really don't know.
Just let me be "me"-
I've suffered a blow.
There will be times when I'm feeling
I may act like I'm hardened,
my heart like a stone.
It's not hardened,
in time it will mend.
Until then I ask you to be there,
(I will always be there for you, too.)
Ellen DuBois, 2013