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#Miscarriage: The Benefits of Finding Some Headspace

by Ellen DuBois on 07/21/17



Hello everyone,

As someone who has lived through the aftermath of miscarriage, I know how your mind can get overloaded with emotions, thoughts running wild and a general feeling of sadness. I also know how difficult it can be to simply quiet your mind and self so you feel calmer and can breathe easier.

In my book I mention the benefits of meditation. I still adhere to that belief, but want to share with you a program you can use from your phone or computer called Headspace. God, I wish this was around back when I lost my little one to miscarriage. Back when my anxiety and panic were crippling. However, what's important is it's here now and it's amazing.

I don't work for Headspace. I'm not trying to sell you anything. I don't get a commission if you sign up for Headspace. What I get is the possibility of helping YOU, and that's what matters.

I discovered Headspace and tried it using my phone. For ten days I did a short, (three minutes) session. All I did was sit and listen. I focused on my breathing and more. Before I knew it, the few minutes I spent doing this were over. BUT, I felt better. So, I did it the next day, and the next and so on for ten days. Then, it was time to sign up. (I also love the voice of the man who speaks during the sessions.)

It's hard to believe how amazingly powerful a few minutes of Headspace is in calming me, soothing my mind, and putting me in a better, more aware place. I just did another session today on anxiety- something I've lived with for 25 years (or so). My anxiety went hand in hand with the grief after losing my baby to miscarriage. It also was heightened when I lost the sight in my left eye in college. It crept into my life in a big way when my mother passed away 2 and a half years ago.

Anyway, every day you get a reminder on your phone that it's time for some Headspace. You simply sit down, take a few minutes for you, (again, it's nice and short so it's easy to find time), and when you're done, I believe you'll feel a difference for the better. If anything at all, you'll feel calmer, more at ease, better able to go through your day. When you do this day after day, I believe the emotional and physical benefits are cumulative. I say this as a woman who has lived through miscarriage and needs some overall "calming time" in her life, not as a doctor. I'm not one.

I love the program and app called Headspace. I'm sharing this with you because whenever I find anything I think will help you, I want you to know about it. The choice is yours and I get that. Some things work for some. We gravitate towards different things.

If this sounds like something that'll help you, please check out their website at http://headspace.com or download their app called Headspace. The first ten days are free. If you want to continue, you sign up and pay by the month or by the year.

Again, I don't work for them. I am not getting paid anything for sharing this with you. What I'm doing is sharing something with you that's been wonderful for me.

I now crave my Headspace. I love how it settles me down, makes me more aware, calms and refreshes me- mind, body and spirit.

Love and Light to you and I'm deeply sorry for your loss.


 

Welcome to MiscarriageHelp.com. My name is Ellen DuBois, host of this site, miscarriage survivor, and author of I Never Held You: Miscarriage, Grief, Healing and Recovery. If you or someone you love has suffered a miscarriage, please know you're not alone. Connect with people who understand.

Note: Please feel free to leave a comment here. If it's easier, please email me. ellen@miscarriagehelp.com
Love & comfort to you, Ellen

#grief  #miscarriagesupport #miscarriage

The MiscarriageHelp.com Daily- paper.li- by Ellen DuBois. Updated daily with a curated selection of articles, blog posts, videos and photos. Click here. Miscarriage Support- Because Your Loss Matters.

Miscarriage: Take Time To Rest

by Ellen DuBois on 07/20/17



I know it may not be easy. Your life may be busy, filled with work, activities, things to do. The thing is, after a miscarriage, you're often exhausted- mentally, physically and spiritually.

I know I was and because I didn't rest, I ended up very sick for about half the summer.

Although that was a long time ago, I remember how wiped out I felt. Instead of resting, I busied myself as much as possible. I didn't want to slow down because when I did, I'd feel. When I felt, I cried. That cycle continued for quite a while.

I learned, after getting so run down I had to stay in bed, (with pneumonia), how important rest was. When I was in bed coughing and feeling generally miserable, the pain I was trying to run from also came to the surface. Without the ability to distract myself from it, I let the tears fall. I felt the pain, missed my baby, ached inside and felt so many other emotions I didn't want to feel because they hurt so much.

I learned that by giving yourself time to rest, you're giving yourself permission to feel and heal. You may doze off or you may cry for a while.  The important thing is to allow your mind, body and spirit to do whatever is necessary to help you heal. If there are feelings that need to come out, please let them. If you are so spent you need to close your eyes for a half-hour, please do it. Letting the "air out of the balloon" little by little gives your emotions a place to go. You're freeing them instead of letting them eat you  up inside. When you do that, you could end up like I did...in bed with pneumonia.  I don't want to see that happen to anyone.

Take time to rest. You deserve and need rest. Grief is exhausting. By resting, you give yourself time to recharge and heal.

God Bless,

Ellen


 

Welcome to MiscarriageHelp.com. My name is Ellen DuBois, host of this site, miscarriage survivor, and author of I Never Held You: Miscarriage, Grief, Healing and Recovery. If you or someone you love has suffered a miscarriage, please know you're not alone. Connect with people who understand.

Note: Please feel free to leave a comment here. If it's easier, please email me. ellen@miscarriagehelp.com
Love & comfort to you, Ellen

#grief  #miscarriagesupport #miscarriage

The MiscarriageHelp.com Daily- paper.li- by Ellen DuBois. Updated daily with a curated selection of articles, blog posts, videos and photos. Click here. Miscarriage Support- Because Your Loss Matters.

Miscarriage: Feeling Abnormal? It's Normal.

by Ellen DuBois on 07/06/17



As I sat here wondering what to say, my mind drifted back to a time in my life some twenty-two years ago. It was a scary, sad and very isolating time. It was a chapter in my life when the world seemed cloaked under a dark, ominous cloud.

I just erased a couple of paragraphs after reading them aloud. I want this post to reflect what I would have wanted to hear after my miscarriage, not so much how I felt. I think you know how I felt because you're living it and I'm so sorry. I am sorry for your loss.

That's number one, right there. I wanted someone to say they were sorry for my loss. It was real- REAL- and it seemed I was the only one who got it.

You're not going crazy. That's number two. You might be crying while you're reading this, (I'm sorry if you are), and then you might get up and the tears may stop as quickly as they came. It is normal to feel like you're on an emotional roller coaster because you are. You're grieving and your body is flipping out because your hormones, everything, need to settle down.  I'm not a doctor so I'm not using medical terms here. I just know what it feels like lie on the floor in a heap of tears and then to get up, breathe and get on with whatever it is you have to do. I know it's terrible and I also know you are not crazy. Look yourself in the mirror if you have to and tell yourself you're okay. It's okay. You need to let it out and when it happens, it happens.

Number three: You are not a bad person or an "evil woman" for feeling jealous of pregnant women. You're not alone in your avoidance of baby showers, baby commercials, baby anything. I used to avoid everything, including pregnant women and/or women with children after I miscarried. I felt terrible about myself. Who would do that? I'll tell you who- a woman who just lost her baby. A woman who left the hospital, or her home, without the baby she loved, dreamed about, talked to throughout the day. You're not evil. You're grieving and I know it's a tough walk. You are not alone in feeling like you do. I promise you that.

Number four: You will heal in time and in your own way, but that doesn't mean you have to forget your baby. My, God- that would be impossible. I've healed. I'll also never, ever forget the baby I still feel connected to in spirit.  My baby was a part of me and still is. I don't want to get into my beliefs here. However, if anyone expects you to "forget about it", they don't have a clue. Your life will take on a new normal. There will come a day when you feel like you're actually living again and enjoying your life. It'll happen. And, just as with any other loss, you won't forget your baby or the road you traveled to heal. But, you're going to be okay. Just give yourself the time and space you need to grieve, feel and heal.

Number five: It's perfectly fine, even a good thing, to do something to remember your baby's brief but life altering stay with you. I wish I knew then what I know now. What do I mean? Well, if you want to have a memorial for your baby, do it. Please follow your heart. I waited many years to have a memorial for my baby because I didn't know, (I'm repeating myself), what I know now about them. People have opened up and talked about the importance of doing something in remembrance of your baby. It doesn't matter what it is. I learned this, too. The first thing I ever did in remembrance of my baby was to buy a necklace with a charm. There were baby footprints on one side and the words "Always in my heart" on the other. I still have it. When people asked me about it, I told them it was for the baby I miscarried. It was like saying to the world, "My loss and my baby mattered and still do."

Years later, I had a memorial service and it was just my best friend and I. I read a note I wrote to my baby out loud. I had a little basked with a cross, a baby outfit and a few other things with me. They were symbols of love, to me. We're all different so please, do whatever feels right to you. I also had a balloon and wrote the words "I Love You" on it. After reading my letter, I released the balloon and watched it float into the air, above the tree tops and into eternity. And you know what? I smiled. I finally felt closure.

Clearly, I hadn't forgotten my baby. After all, I held his memorial seventeen years after losing him. In all those years I healed, but not once did I forget and not once did I feel closure. Having a memorial, (even something as simple as what I did), gave me the closure I needed.

Number six: All you can do is your best and your best is good enough. That's important. Take things one day at a time. If that's too much, take things one moment at a time. If that's too much, take things one milli-moment at a time.  

I hope you believe you're normal in feeling abnormal. Actually, I pray that makes sense to you. I guess for a while, feeling "abnormal" is your new normal. But, don't worry. It won't stay like that forever. You'll grow into your new normal as you heal. There will come a time when the dark, ominous cloud lifts.

Love and Light to you,

Ellen



 

Welcome to MiscarriageHelp.com. My name is Ellen DuBois, host of this site, miscarriage survivor, and author of I Never Held You: Miscarriage, Grief, Healing and Recovery. If you or someone you love has suffered a miscarriage, please know you're not alone. Connect with people who understand.

Note: Please feel free to leave a comment here. If it's easier, please email me. ellen@miscarriagehelp.com
Love & comfort to you, Ellen

#grief  #miscarriagesupport #miscarriage

The MiscarriageHelp.com Daily- paper.li- by Ellen DuBois. Updated daily with a curated selection of articles, blog posts, videos and photos. Click here. Miscarriage Support- Because Your Loss Matters.

I Never Held you, Miscarriage, Grief, Healing and Recovery

by Ellen DuBois on 07/01/17



 

If you've suffered a miscarriage, this support book will help you through your grief, help you feel less alone and begin the steps toward healing.

 


 

Welcome to MiscarriageHelp.com. My name is Ellen DuBois, host of this site, miscarriage survivor, and author of I Never Held You: Miscarriage, Grief, Healing and Recovery. If you or someone you love has suffered a miscarriage, please know you're not alone. Connect with people who understand.

Note: Please feel free to leave a comment here. If it's easier, please email me. ellen@miscarriagehelp.com
Love & comfort to you, Ellen

#grief  #miscarriagesupport #miscarriage

The MiscarriageHelp.com Daily- paper.li- by Ellen DuBois. Updated daily with a curated selection of articles, blog posts, videos and photos. Click here. Miscarriage Support- Because Your Loss Matters.

Signs From the Angels In A Card From Ma

by Ellen DuBois on 06/22/17



I wanted to share this with you because it shows how connected we are to our loved ones in Heaven, and to our angels. I hope on some level, my story brings you comfort.


This morning I was taking some better pictures of the necklace I hand stamped with "Mom", 1937-2015, for my Etsy listing. Although the necklace is for me, I have it in my Etsy shop as an example of what I can make for others. I moved on to cleaning out my office because it's being painted on Monday. I found a couple of things still under the bed. I reached into a bag filled with papers and cards. The very first thing I pulled out was this card. The moment I saw the very familiar writing on the envelope, I felt butterflies in my stomach. I held the card close to my heart before opening it. As I read it, the tears fell. Part grief, part gratitude. What else can I say? It was such a clear sign she is near, as are the angels.

Welcome to MiscarriageHelp.com. My name is Ellen DuBois, host of this site, miscarriage survivor, and author of I Never Held You: Miscarriage, Grief, Healing and Recovery. If you or someone you love has suffered a miscarriage, please know you're not alone. Connect with people who understand.

Note: Some people find it difficult to post comments here because it's not very clear how to do it. Just hit the "comment" link under any post. I'll get your comment and respond. If it's easier, please email me. ellen@miscarriagehelp.com
Love & comfort to you, Ellen

The MiscarriageHelp.com Daily- paper.li- by Ellen DuBois. Updated daily with a curated selection of articles, blog posts, videos and photos. Click here. Miscarriage Support- Because Your Loss Matters.

In addition to her miscarriagehelp.com support site, Ellen also has her Hope Angel Bracelets on Etsy.

#signsfromtheangels #amwriting #blogging #grief #missyoumom #angels #heaven

Hello. My name is Ellen DuBois. Welcome to MiscarriageHelp.com. I am deeply sorry for your loss.



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"MiscarriageHelp.com is a support site for women and their families who have suffered the pain, loss and grief after miscarriage. I respond personally to each email and post and have been doing so since 2006. It's an outreach to me, as I try to connect and support those who have walked the often lonely road after miscarriage. Why? I don't want anyone to feel as alone as I did some twenty years ago after my own miscarriage." -Love & comfort to you, Ellen, - Ellen M. DuBois
I Never Held You: Miscarriage, Grief, Healing and Recovery









Custom order a Baby Remembrance Bracelets at Hope Angel Bracelets by Ellen DuBois..







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