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Miscarriage Help: Love Never Dies

by Ellen DuBois on 04/26/15



"I think of you often. When the wind blows through my hair & dries my tears, I feel like it's you...I take comfort in knowing you're always near, especially on days like today. Love never dies."- Ellen M. DuBois

Hello Everyone,

My thoughts and prayers are with you.

Today, they are with so many who have suffered through the pain of loss.

Too many.

With much love,

Ellen


Welcome to MiscarriageHelp.com. My name is Ellen DuBois, host of this site, miscarriage survivor, and author of I Never Held You: Miscarriage, Grief, Healing and Recovery (Volume 1). If you or someone you love has suffered a miscarriage, please know you're not alone. Connect with people who understand.

Note: Some people find it difficult to post comments here because it's not very clear how to do it. Just hit the "comment" link under any post. I'll get your comment and respond. If it's easier, please email me. ellen@miscarriagehelp.com
Love & comfort to you, Ellen

The MiscarriageHelp.com Daily- paper.li- by Ellen DuBois. Updated daily with a curated selection of articles, blog posts, videos and photos. Click here. Miscarriage Support- Because Your Loss Matters.



Miscarriage: You Will Always Be My Child

by Ellen DuBois on 04/16/15



"I believe we meet somewhere between Heaven and earth in our dreams. I hold you tight and know...You will always be my child. I will always be your mother. How I love you so..."

 

Ellen M. DuBois, 2014

 



Welcome to MiscarriageHelp.com. My name is Ellen DuBois, host of this site, miscarriage survivor, and author of I Never Held You: Miscarriage, Grief, Healing and Recovery (Volume 1). If you or someone you love has suffered a miscarriage, please know you're not alone. Connect with people who understand.

Note: Some people find it difficult to post comments here because it's not very clear how to do it. Just hit the "comment" link under any post. I'll get your comment and respond. If it's easier, please email me. ellen@miscarriagehelp.com
Love & comfort to you, Ellen

The Cardinal's Song

by Ellen DuBois on 04/13/15

A note from Ellen- I'm sharing this story with you in the hope it will bring you comfort. I know it's about my mother's passing, but it's also about signs that our loved ones in Heaven are okay. I know that applies to our babies, too.)


I have been waiting to see a cardinal- even prayed to see one earlier this week. When I didn't see one, I was disappointed. I awoke this morning to the song of the cardinal as my alarm clock. Once again showing me that all things happen in God's time. (I had time to get my camera, put the battery in and get this shot before he flew away.) Why did I pray to see a cardinal? They are thought to have significant spiritual meaning. In a moment of deep sadness over my mother's passing, I asked to see a cardinal as a sign my mother was okay. I needed reassurance. There are moments when human frailty makes us question everything. We become desperate for signs from loved ones who passed away. Interestingly enough, the letters in the word "signs" also spell "sings". My mother was all about the music of life. I love the cardinal's song.



Follow Ellen DuBois on Networked Blogs.

Ellen DuBois: I'm the author of I Never Held You: Miscarriage, Grief, Healing and Recovery and Host of MiscarriageHelp.com. I've also been published with Blue Mountain Arts, and am a contributing author to several books including: Soul Matters for Teens, Sisters, (Blue Mountain Arts gift book), Conquering Panic and Anxiety Disorders- Success Stories, Strategies and other Good News, Romancing the Soul, More God Allows U-Turns. Additionally, I'm also known as "Miss Ellen"- a piano teacher to students from 5 to tween and beyond-
I love it!


Just because I never held you, doesn't mean I didn't love you.

by Ellen DuBois on 04/10/15



"Just because I never held you, doesn't mean I didn't love you."- Ellen M. DuBois

I will always feel this way. I'm guessing you do, too. So sorry for your loss. Please be gentle with yourself and know you're in my thoughts and prayers.

Love and Light,
Ellen

Welcome to MiscarriageHelp.com. My name is Ellen DuBois, host of this site, miscarriage survivor, and author of I Never Held You: Miscarriage, Grief, Healing and Recovery (Volume 1). If you or someone you love has suffered a miscarriage, please know you're not alone. Connect with people who understand.

Note: Some people find it difficult to post comments here because it's not very clear how to do it. Just hit the "comment" link under any post. I'll get your comment and respond. If it's easier, please email me. ellen@miscarriagehelp.com
Love & comfort to you, Ellen

Miscarriage: "Please don't tell me to get over it."

by Ellen DuBois on 04/07/15



I heard those words many years ago after I miscarried. All these years later I still remember how I felt when they were said. It's a sting I've tried to let go of, and for the most part have. But, it's still there. When I reflect back on those very sad, dark days after losing my baby, emotions rise to the surface.

If you've suffered a miscarriage, I want you to know how sorry I am for your loss. If you're someone trying to offer support to a woman who has miscarried, please know that telling her to "get over it" doesn't help.

It hurts.

God Bless,

Ellen

Welcome to MiscarriageHelp.com. My name is Ellen DuBois, host of this site, miscarriage survivor, and author of I Never Held You: Miscarriage, Grief, Healing and Recovery (Volume 1). If you or someone you love has suffered a miscarriage, please know you're not alone. Connect with people who understand.

Note: Some people find it difficult to post comments here because it's not very clear how to do it. Just hit the "comment" link under any post. I'll get your comment and respond. If it's easier, please email me. ellen@miscarriagehelp.com
Love & comfort to you, Ellen

Miscarriage: My Story, Excerpt from I Never Held You

by Ellen DuBois on 04/03/15



This is from my book, I Never Held You. It's my story and perhaps that of millions of other women. While the people, words, circumstances are different, those of us who miscarried know the feeling of shock and feel a very deep sense of loss.

When I was four and a half months pregnant, I was filled with feelings of excitement, joy, fear, and wonder. I had been married about a year and a half, and although it was an unplanned pregnancy, an immediate bond formed between my unborn and I. There were days when I would rest my hand on my slightly swollen stomach and smile, thinking of the life inside me. No, we didn't plan this baby, but I was going to give it all the love in the world and then some.

Nothing else mattered. I knew we'd manage.

One day, while my husband, (at the time), was away on business, I noticed a small amount of blood on some toilet paper. Instinct kicked in and said, "This isn't right. Call your doctor." There was no pain, no large amounts of blood-but the feeling that something was wrong was unshakable.

My sister and I ended up at the hospital where they performed an ultrasound. I stared at the monitor while the doctor pointed at an image that I could barely see through my tears. His words will forever ring in my ears: "The fetus is no longer viable." Viable? What did that mean? I could tell by the look on the doctor's face that it wasn't good.

"What does viable mean?" I asked. My heart raced as I awaited what I knew was the answer, but prayed wouldn't be.

"The fetus is no longer alive. The sack around the fetus is broken. We can wait for you to miscarry ..." His words faded as my mind raced.

Wait! Miscarry? What? A numbness washed through me.

The doctor continued, "I think it would be best if we removed it. It would be very painful and messy to wait for it to abort itself and in the long run, best for you."

For me? What about my baby? God. stop calling it 'a fetus'! I wanted to scream, cry, hit something, and run. I wanted to turn back the hands of time and be anywhere but in that cold, sterile room with a doctor telling me that my baby-not my fetus- was dead. But, I couldn't change anything. I agreed to the D & C (dilation and curettage), which is when the cervix is dilated and the fetal and placental tissues are scraped or suctioned out. I felt afraid and shocked. I couldn't believe the life inside of me was no longer alive. Just that feeling was beyond explanation. However, something inside triggered me to agree to remove the baby because

I figured it would be worse to wait, day after day, for it to abort itself. I knew I couldn't handle that trauma, so I chose another.

I left in a state of disbelief. I couldn't even cry.

When my husband got home the next day, I told him the news. The day after that, I went in for my day surgery. The doctor told me that upon examining the fetal tissue, he discovered it was "perfectly normal" and that first pregnancy miscarriages were very common. I swear he almost smiled, as if this was no big deal. I was young, and there'd be no problems in getting pregnant again.

Was that supposed to help? They were common? Maybe if I'd been told that there was a concrete reason for my miscarriage, i.e., an abnormality in the chromosomes or an infection that would render my baby ill,I'd have felt it was a blessing. Or, maybe not.

"Wait a few months and you can try again." the doctor said.

Try again? Let me get over this!

That was just the beginning of a very long, painful road I was about embark upon. One on which no one understood my grief. Why? Because there was no 'baby' to be seen. There was no real sense of loss for anyone but me. People cared, but more about me than my lost child. The child I carried and loved in my womb for four months. The child I had dreams and plans for. The child I talked to during the day.

The child that was never to be.

Welcome to MiscarriageHelp.com. My name is Ellen DuBois, host of this site, miscarriage survivor, and author of I Never Held You: Miscarriage, Grief, Healing and Recovery (Volume 1). If you or someone you love has suffered a miscarriage, please know you're not alone. Connect with people who understand.

Note: Some people find it difficult to post comments here because it's not very clear how to do it. Just hit the "comment" link under any post. I'll get your comment and respond. If it's easier, please email me. ellen@miscarriagehelp.com
Love & comfort to you, Ellen

Miscarriage Help Daily - Your Loss Matters

by Ellen DuBois on 04/03/15

 
The Miscarriage Help Daily
Miscarriage Support- Because Your Loss Matters.
Published by
Ellen DuBois
03 April 2015
Science Health More Stories Awareness World #purvipatel #prolife
 
Today's headline
Can Bed Rest Prevent a Miscarriage?
thumbnail pregnancy­.lovetoknow­.com - Losing a pregnancy is a devastating experience, and many women wonder if bed rest might help ensure the health of future pregnancies. Health care providers have different opinions about whether bed...
 
8 contributors - featured today:
 
 
Read paper ?
 

Miscarriage: A Memorial Tree In Your Little One's Memory

by Ellen DuBois on 03/31/15



Many women feel there's nothing to show for the baby they loved and lost to miscarriage. They often feel a lack of closure, yet, they still grieve and need time to heal after such a devastating loss. Many women who have miscarried feel like their loss is invisible. It's sad and can be extremely isolating, making the road to healing more difficult.

One suggestion I have is to plant a tree, (or something else), in honor of your baby's brief, but life changing stay with you. It doesn't have to be big and you can go with what your heart tells you. I planted a baby rose bush instead of a tree. Each year when it blooms, I am reminded of the love I'll always have for my little one in Heaven. I smile when I see the first bud. I know, just as the little rose bush lives on and grows, so does my baby in Heaven. It's very comforting.

Here's a picture of my baby rose bush, in memory of Alex. It was so tiny when I planted it several years ago. Each year, it gets bigger and more beautiful.



With spring coming, I was inspired to share this with you. It's the perfect time, (if it feels right to you), to think about planting a special "something" in honor of your special baby.

To all who have miscarried, I am deeply sorry for your loss. You're all in my thoughts and prayers.

Love and Light, Ellen

Welcome to MiscarriageHelp.com. My name is Ellen DuBois, host of this site, miscarriage survivor, and author of I Never Held You: Miscarriage, Grief, Healing and Recovery (Volume 1). If you or someone you love has suffered a miscarriage, please know you're not alone. Connect with people who understand.

Note: Some people find it difficult to post comments here because it's not very clear how to do it. Just hit the "comment" link under any post. I'll get your comment and respond. If it's easier, please email me. ellen@miscarriagehelp.com
Love & comfort to you, Ellen

Miscarriage and Mother's Day, Bittersweet

by Ellen DuBois on 03/28/15



 

"Mother's Day can be bittersweet for those who have miscarried or suffered the loss of a child. You may want to celebrate, yet your heart is grieving. May you find some peace in the middle."- Ellen M. DuBois

I get it. I really do.

Thoughts and prayers with you all,
Ellen


Welcome to MiscarriageHelp.com. My name is Ellen DuBois, host of this site, miscarriage survivor, and author of I Never Held You: Miscarriage, Grief, Healing and Recovery (Volume 1). If you or someone you love has suffered a miscarriage, please know you're not alone. Connect with people who understand.

Note: Some people find it difficult to post comments here because it's not very clear how to do it. Just hit the "comment" link under any post. I'll get your comment and respond. If it's easier, please email me. ellen@miscarriagehelp.com
Love & comfort to you, Ellen

Miscarriage: It Rocked My World and it Hurt.

by Ellen DuBois on 03/27/15



Please don't feel like you can't ask me how I'm doing because I miscarried. It's like not asking a person who recently lost a son, daughter or parent, how they're doing. When you don't ask how I'm doing, it feels like my loss is insignificant to you, and it's anything but.

It rocked my world and I hurt.
- Ellen M. DuBois

Welcome to MiscarriageHelp.com. My name is Ellen DuBois, host of this site, miscarriage survivor, and author of I Never Held You: Miscarriage, Grief, Healing and Recovery (Volume 1). If you or someone you love has suffered a miscarriage, please know you're not alone. Connect with people who understand.

Note: Some people find it difficult to post comments here because it's not very clear how to do it. Just hit the "comment" link under any post. I'll get your comment and respond. If it's easier, please email me. ellen@miscarriagehelp.com
Love & comfort to you, Ellen



MiscarriageHelp.com
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"MiscarriageHelp.com is a support site for women and their families who have suffered the pain, loss and grief after miscarriage. I respond personally to each email and post and have been doing so since 2006. It's an outreach to me, as I try to connect and support those who have walked the often lonely road after miscarriage. Why? I don't want anyone to feel as alone as I did some twenty years ago after my own miscarriage." -Love & comfort to you, Ellen, - Ellen M. DuBois
I Never Held You: Miscarriage, Grief, Healing and Recovery (Volume 1).



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Hello. My name is Ellen DuBois. Welcome to MiscarriageHelp.com. I am deeply sorry for your loss.





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