MiscarriageHelp.com

MiscarriageHelp.com

The Other Side

by Ellen DuBois on 01/12/17



The Other Side
by Ellen M. DuBois

I feel you all the time.
In my heart, my soul, my mind.
It feels like an eternity,
since you went to the other side.

I know there's a bigger plan.
A plan I can not see.
It takes faith to walk this path,
without you here by me.

Faith has been my strength.
Belief has been my guide.
It will be that way until-
I meet you on the other side.

Ellen M. DuBois, 2014


 

Welcome to MiscarriageHelp.com. My name is Ellen DuBois, host of this site, miscarriage survivor, and author of I Never Held You: Miscarriage, Grief, Healing and Recovery. If you or someone you love has suffered a miscarriage, please know you're not alone. Connect with people who understand.

Note: Some people find it difficult to post comments here because it's not very clear how to do it. Just hit the "comment" link under any post. I'll get your comment and respond. If it's easier, please email me. ellen@miscarriagehelp.com
Love & comfort to you, Ellen

The MiscarriageHelp.com Daily- paper.li- by Ellen DuBois. Updated daily with a curated selection of articles, blog posts, videos and photos. Click here. Miscarriage Support- Because Your Loss Matters.

It's Been Years Since My Miscarriage. I still Feel. #miscarriage #repost

by Ellen DuBois on 01/02/17



Hello everybody,

I saw a TV clip the other day and it was about women having babies. There were several scenes where different women were giving birth. You could see the joy on their faces as they held their newborn child. It was such a happy picture: a mother, a father and a newborn baby.

Beneath my smile I felt the sting of my miscarriage so long ago. My emotions quickly settled down and I was okay.

The point I'm making is that no matter how long it's been since you have miscarried, you may very well feel the sting like I did. It doesn't make you crazy. It doesn't make you off your rocker or unable to let go. What I think it means is that you deeply loved your unborn baby. You never got to meet your baby. You never experienced gazing into your baby's eyes, smiling at her, rocking her to sleep, changing her, watching her grow. You never held your baby and I never held mine.

I grieved that loss and I have gone on with my life since.

But, I will always remember.

Miscarriage often leaves a very unresolved grief in its wake. Typically, we don't experience closure as we would in other losses we experience. Nobody likes a wake or funeral- I know I don't. I choose to remember their lives, smiles, the way they touched my heart and made me feel. But, wakes and funerals give us some closure, (speaking for myself), even though they can be very difficult to get through. (Trust me, I know. I lost my mother 2 years ago tomorrow and I don't know how I got through it. The only thing I can say is that God and the angels had a hand in it.)

I think it's important to create a way to remember your baby. If you're anything like me and didn't have a funeral or any kind of service for your child, you may be left with unresolved feelings of grief. You may feel like you've been living in a land of limbo because the loss of your child was never really acknowledged or validated.

Your loss mattered and so did your baby. Remembering the way your baby touched your life is important in the healing process. I waited many years to have a very informal ceremony to honor my baby's brief but life-changing stay with me. It made a difference. I wrote a note, released a balloon into the air, read the note out loud and watched the balloon as it sailed up into a sea of clouds surrounded by blue skies. I felt closure. I felt like I made a statement to my baby and to myself that said you were real, you counted, you were loved. My best friend was with me. Just the two of us.

So even if it's been years since your miscarriage, don't be afraid to find a way to honor your baby's life and give yourself some closure. You may do something similar to what I did or something entirely different. It doesn't matter what you do as long as you follow your heart. Some people plant trees in honor of their little ones while others gather in groups. Some have a special place in their house where they display something in honor of their baby. (I also have a special Christmas ornament I had made.) There is no right or wrong way to honor your baby's life. I think what matters most is that you do it if you feel it's something that would benefit you.

Ellen


 

Welcome to MiscarriageHelp.com. My name is Ellen DuBois, host of this site, miscarriage survivor, and author of I Never Held You: Miscarriage, Grief, Healing and Recovery. If you or someone you love has suffered a miscarriage, please know you're not alone. Connect with people who understand.

Note: Some people find it difficult to post comments here because it's not very clear how to do it. Just hit the "comment" link under any post. I'll get your comment and respond. If it's easier, please email me. ellen@miscarriagehelp.com
Love & comfort to you, Ellen

The MiscarriageHelp.com Daily- paper.li- by Ellen DuBois. Updated daily with a curated selection of articles, blog posts, videos and photos. Click here. Miscarriage Support- Because Your Loss Matters.

The Holidays, Miscarriage, Quiet Time For You

by Ellen DuBois on 12/22/16




If you've suffered a miscarriage, it hurts on many levels. Many women, (I was) are in pain physically, emotionally and spiritually. The depths are immeasurable. 

With all the activity and business surrounding Christmas and the holidays season, you may be feeling overwhelmed if you've suffered a miscarriage. You may be grieving as you decorate your tree, wrap presents, light your candles. In a world filled with celebrations, you may feel like hiding out for a while because it's all so...much.

Feeling both ends of the emotional spectrum is draining.  The effort it takes to wear your "happy face" while crying on the inside is enormous. Grieving is exhausting. You need to regroup and replenish. It's okay to take some quiet time for you- time to breathe, slow down and simply "be".

I hope you give yourself permission to do so, and I am so sorry for your loss.

Love and Light,

Ellen


 

Welcome to MiscarriageHelp.com. My name is Ellen DuBois, host of this site, miscarriage survivor, and author of I Never Held You: Miscarriage, Grief, Healing and Recovery. If you or someone you love has suffered a miscarriage, please know you're not alone. Connect with people who understand.

Note: Some people find it difficult to post comments here because it's not very clear how to do it. Just hit the "comment" link under any post. I'll get your comment and respond. If it's easier, please email me. ellen@miscarriagehelp.com
Love & comfort to you, Ellen

The MiscarriageHelp.com Daily- paper.li- by Ellen DuBois. Updated daily with a curated selection of articles, blog posts, videos and photos. Click here. Miscarriage Support- Because Your Loss Matters.

What If, What Could Have Been, What Was.

by Ellen DuBois on 12/17/16



Some of you may be struggling right now. I want you to know I'm thinking of you and you're not alone. While this time of year can be so joyful, it can also be equally painful as we reflect on "what if", "what could have been" and "what was". I've been there and believe me, I'm still there sometimes. I remember, so clearly, all the times I wondered, "What would this Christmas be like if my baby were here?" It hurt so much. I cried so much and I tried so much. Over time, it got easier. As I grew into painfully accepting life without my baby in it, I was able to experience more joy. I never forgot my little one and never will. But, the joys I began to feel again helped balance the scales. I was able to live in the moment more, instead of in the world of "what if", "what could have been" and "what was". I'll never forget how tough it was and even today, twenty something years later, I think of my sweet, little one in heaven and I miss him. There are other losses that cut very deep, too. Christmas without my mother is not the same and the pain is still very raw - that same raw pain you feel after you lose anyone you love. So, try to go easy on yourself. Know that you'll heal over time, in your own way and at your own pace. You will probably feel a wide spectrum of emotions and that is okay. There's no right or wrong. You feel what you do and I pray you find the comfort, support and strength you need. I'll be thinking of all of you this Christmas and holiday season and holding you close to my heart. Love and light to you,
Ellen


 

Welcome to MiscarriageHelp.com. My name is Ellen DuBois, host of this site, miscarriage survivor, and author of I Never Held You: Miscarriage, Grief, Healing and Recovery. If you or someone you love has suffered a miscarriage, please know you're not alone. Connect with people who understand.

Note: Some people find it difficult to post comments here because it's not very clear how to do it. Just hit the "comment" link under any post. I'll get your comment and respond. If it's easier, please email me. ellen@miscarriagehelp.com
Love & comfort to you, Ellen

The MiscarriageHelp.com Daily- paper.li- by Ellen DuBois. Updated daily with a curated selection of articles, blog posts, videos and photos. Click here. Miscarriage Support- Because Your Loss Matters.

Merry Christmas In Heaven. #miscarriage #grief #support

by Ellen DuBois on 12/13/16



To all those missing their babies and other loved ones who are in Heaven, my heart goes out to you. This time of year can be tough. You're "supposed" to be happy, but may find yourself struggling with grief, sadness and perhaps feeling ovewhelmed. There are so many emotions, from joy to great sadness. I know the feeling and want you to know you're not alone. Hang in there, and I'm keeping you all in my thoughts and prayers.

I love you and miss you more than you know. Christmas is coming- the streets seem to glow. I hear carolers singing and see lights shining bright. It should make me warm on this cold winter night. But, I miss you my dear one. I can't help but cry. I need to slow down and sit for a while. When I close my eyes, it feels like you're here. Was that you or an angel, who just dried my tears? Your spirit warms me in the cold, winter air. I know you're beside me, even though you're not "here".- Ellen M. DuBois

Love and comfort to you,

Ellen


 

Welcome to MiscarriageHelp.com. My name is Ellen DuBois, host of this site, miscarriage survivor, and author of I Never Held You: Miscarriage, Grief, Healing and Recovery. If you or someone you love has suffered a miscarriage, please know you're not alone. Connect with people who understand.

Note: Some people find it difficult to post comments here because it's not very clear how to do it. Just hit the "comment" link under any post. I'll get your comment and respond. If it's easier, please email me. ellen@miscarriagehelp.com
Love & comfort to you, Ellen

The MiscarriageHelp.com Daily- paper.li- by Ellen DuBois. Updated daily with a curated selection of articles, blog posts, videos and photos. Click here. Miscarriage Support- Because Your Loss Matters.



Hello. My name is Ellen DuBois. Welcome to MiscarriageHelp.com. I am deeply sorry for your loss.



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"MiscarriageHelp.com is a support site for women and their families who have suffered the pain, loss and grief after miscarriage. I respond personally to each email and post and have been doing so since 2006. It's an outreach to me, as I try to connect and support those who have walked the often lonely road after miscarriage. Why? I don't want anyone to feel as alone as I did some twenty years ago after my own miscarriage." -Love & comfort to you, Ellen, - Ellen M. DuBois
I Never Held You: Miscarriage, Grief, Healing and Recovery








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