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Sometimes It's Hard to Feel Merry. #Repost #miscarriagesupport #griefduringholidays

by Ellen DuBois on 12/08/17



 

I get it. I remember how tough the Christmas following my miscarriage was. All I could think about was the baby I lost. I was consumed with thoughts like:

 It's hard to feel merry. It feels like the world is celebrating and I'm stuck on pause.

This should be our first Christmas together.

How can I feel happy when inside I'm so sad?

Nothing feels right. The whole world feels different.

When will I feel like me again?

I feel like I'm going to lose it.

How can I be around all these people when inside I feel like I'm screaming?

Doesn't anyone understand that I'm grieving?

I know what it's like and I can tell you that although you will never forget your baby, things will get easier for you in time. If your wounds are very raw right now, please know that your best is good enough. Just take everything one day at a time and if you need to "step away", you can.

Pray for strength. Pray for comfort. Ask the angels to surround you this Christmas and give you some peace. Take some deep breaths. What others may think about your loss really doesn't matter. You have every right to feel and in time you will heal.

Christmas was tough for me for a long time. Even now, when my baby would have been a 25 year old, I think of him, particularly on Christmas. I have an ornament hanging on the tree with his name on it. No, I will never forget my baby and I certainly don't expect you will. I hope you find some comfort in feeling your little one's spirit near you.

On the flip side, if you do find yourself smiling, or a feeling of peace and happiness surfaces, please allow yourself to feel that, too. It's a gift and even while you're grieving, you can still feel joy. As Dr. Wayne Dyer once said, "You can grieve and live at the same time." (That has stuck with me, especially since the loss of my mother.)

"Sometimes it's hard to feel merry. It feels like the world is celebrating and I'm stuck on pause. That's what grief does."- Ellen M. DuBois

My heart goes out to all who are grieving this Christmas and holiday season. You are in my thoughts and prayers.

Love and comfort to you,

Ellen


 

Welcome to MiscarriageHelp.com. My name is Ellen DuBois, host of this site, miscarriage survivor, and author of I Never Held You: Miscarriage, Grief, Healing and Recovery. If you or someone you love has suffered a miscarriage, please know you're not alone. Connect with people who understand.

Note: Some people find it difficult to post comments here because it's not very clear how to do it. Just hit the "comment" link under any post. I'll get your comment and respond. If it's easier, please email me. ellen@miscarriagehelp.com
Love & comfort to you, Ellen

The MiscarriageHelp.com Daily- paper.li- by Ellen DuBois. Updated daily with a curated selection of articles, blog posts, videos and photos. Click here. Miscarriage Support- Because Your Loss Matters.

The Ornament on the Tree #miscarriage #babyloss

by Ellen DuBois on 12/04/17



The ornament upon the tree

is not like any other.

It has your name upon it-

from me, your loving mother.

I hang it oh-so gently,

upon the Christmas tree.

To let you know you'll always

be "my baby" to me.

I send my love to Heaven,

upon an angel's kiss.

You're in my heart forever-

the baby I'll always miss.

Love Always, Your Mother

Ellen M. DuBois, 2017


 

Welcome to MiscarriageHelp.com. My name is Ellen DuBois, host of this site, miscarriage survivor, and author of I Never Held You: Miscarriage, Grief, Healing and Recovery. If you or someone you love has suffered a miscarriage, please know you're not alone. Connect with people who understand.

Note: Some people find it difficult to post comments here because it's not very clear how to do it. Just hit the "comment" link under any post. I'll get your comment and respond. If it's easier, please email me. ellen@miscarriagehelp.com
Love & comfort to you, Ellen

The MiscarriageHelp.com Daily- paper.li- by Ellen DuBois. Updated daily with a curated selection of articles, blog posts, videos and photos. Click here. Miscarriage Support- Because Your Loss Matters.

#Miscarriage and Emotional Triggers, #repost #miscarriagesupport

by Ellen DuBois on 12/02/17



This is a repost, but I wanted to share it with you again.

I didn't know what to watch last night so I browsed through Netflix and selected The Other Woman starring Natalie Portman. I've always liked her so I figured I'd watch it. Here's the storyline: "In Manhattan, twenty-two year-old Harvard lawyer Emilia Greenleaf has a crush on her boss, Jack Woolf, and they have an affair. Jack's marriage is a sham but his son, William, is his pride and joy. Emilia soon discovers she's pregnant, and Jack divorces his wife, Carolyn, in order to marry her. His son is poisoned against the partnership by his mother, and resented by his stepmother. Emilia, who has issues with her womanizer father, delivers Isabel but the baby dies. The marriage begins to suffer and William unexpectedly steps in to help."- Source IMDb

There's a scene in the movie where the character played by Portman goes on a baby loss/remembrance walk in Central Park under the advice of her friend.  Pink and blue balloons filled the air. Hundreds of people carried candles and wore heart shaped name tags. They joined together and walked in memory of their babies who passed away due to miscarriage, SIDS and more.

I was filled with emotion- unexpectedly. The scene struck my cords in a powerful way and I felt like one of the characters on that walk. Tears filled my eyes. I remembered my miscarriage, the ache for my baby, the terrible place I was in emotionally. I remembered everything- as if it happened yesterday.

He'd be 25 this year.

You never know when emotional trigger points are going to come crawling out of the woodwork. In my case, it was the scene in this movie. I didn't bet on feeling, if only for a few minutes, some of the raw pain I felt all those years ago.

But, I did.

The thing is, you don't know when something is going to trigger your feelings- ones you thought were resolved, buried, gone. If you find yourself in a situation where the sting you felt after your loss hits hard, please know you're not alone. Not at all.

You're not "abnormal" or any such thing if this happens to you. You're human.

I'm so sorry for your loss and wish you comfort and healing.

Love and Light, Ellen


 

Welcome to MiscarriageHelp.com. My name is Ellen DuBois, host of this site, miscarriage survivor, and author of I Never Held You: Miscarriage, Grief, Healing and Recovery. If you or someone you love has suffered a miscarriage, please know you're not alone. Connect with people who understand.

Note: Some people find it difficult to post comments here because it's not very clear how to do it. Just hit the "comment" link under any post. I'll get your comment and respond. If it's easier, please email me. ellen@miscarriagehelp.com
Love & comfort to you, Ellen

The MiscarriageHelp.com Daily- paper.li- by Ellen DuBois. Updated daily with a curated selection of articles, blog posts, videos and photos. Click here. Miscarriage Support- Because Your Loss Matters.

Remembering You on Thanksgiving. (The baby I Miscarried)

by Ellen DuBois on 11/22/17





My baby would have been a Thanksgiving baby. Even though it's been many years since I miscarried, this time of year is bitter-sweet for me.

I am so thankful for many things. My health, family, friends, a roof over my head, blessings both big and small. Gratitude is an attitude I try to live with every day.

But, as with any loss, you can't help but wonder, remember, reflect- especially when a holiday or anniversary rolls around. (I miss my mother, too. She passed away in January of 2015 and losing her changed me...my life.)

Once again, I think of the baby I lost, Alex. He'd be all grown up now. I wonder what he'd look like? Be like? What would his voice sound like? How would hugging him feel?

My faith has carried me. I see Alex in heaven. Sometimes, I picture him with Jesus. I'm grateful for my faith.

But...I'm only human. There will always be a part of me that wishes he were here...with me. There will always be a part of me that wonders what it would have been like to have watched him grow up. That's simply the way it is and I've learned it's not going to change. I'm not going to change, at least that part of me. I've accepted this as who I am and how I feel. To resist it would do me know good. 

How can you not think about someone you loved so much and lost? 

To anyone who is going through this, my thoughts and prayers are with you. I hope you find comfort in God, the angels, in each other and in knowing you are not alone.

Have a Blessed Thanksgiving,

Ellen

 

Welcome to MiscarriageHelp.com. My name is Ellen DuBois, host of this site, miscarriage survivor, and author of I Never Held You: Miscarriage, Grief, Healing and Recovery. If you or someone you love has suffered a miscarriage, please know you're not alone. Connect with people who understand.

Note: Some people find it difficult to post comments here because it's not very clear how to do it. Just hit the "comment" link under any post. I'll get your comment and respond. If it's easier, please email me. ellen@miscarriagehelp.com
Love & comfort to you, Ellen

The MiscarriageHelp.com Daily- paper.li- by Ellen DuBois. Updated daily with a curated selection of articles, blog posts, videos and photos. Click here. Miscarriage Support- Because Your Loss Matters.

Thanksgiving: Yes, I'm Grateful. But I Hurt. #repost #miscarriage #griefsupport

by Ellen DuBois on 11/15/17



As we approach Thanksgiving, I think many women who have miscarried may feel this way. I remember feeling so torn. I was grateful for everything in my life, but I was also a woman who was grieving the loss of my baby. My miscarriage left me feeling like a cloud was over me and I just had to allow myself to get through it the best I could. To anyone who is feeling this way, you are not alone and are in my thoughts and prayers. Just do your best. That's good enough. Love and light, Ellen "I know I have a lot to be grateful for. But, that doesn't mean I don't feel. That doesn't mean I don't ache. I miss my baby and it hurts!"


 

Welcome to MiscarriageHelp.com. My name is Ellen DuBois, host of this site, miscarriage survivor, and author of I Never Held You: Miscarriage, Grief, Healing and Recovery. If you or someone you love has suffered a miscarriage, please know you're not alone. Connect with people who understand.

Note: Some people find it difficult to post comments here because it's not very clear how to do it. Just hit the "comment" link under any post. I'll get your comment and respond. If it's easier, please email me. ellen@miscarriagehelp.com
Love & comfort to you, Ellen

The MiscarriageHelp.com Daily- paper.li- by Ellen DuBois. Updated daily with a curated selection of articles, blog posts, videos and photos. Click here. Miscarriage Support- Because Your Loss Matters.

Hello. My name is Ellen DuBois. Welcome to MiscarriageHelp.com. I am deeply sorry for your loss.



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"MiscarriageHelp.com is a support site for women and their families who have suffered the pain, loss and grief after miscarriage. I respond personally to each email and post and have been doing so since 2006. It's an outreach to me, as I try to connect and support those who have walked the often lonely road after miscarriage. Why? I don't want anyone to feel as alone as I did over twenty years ago after my own miscarriage." - Love & comfort to you, Ellen

Ellen M. DuBois is the author of I Never Held You: Miscarriage, Grief, Healing and Recovery









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