MiscarriageHelp.com
Miscarriage: Reaching out. Showing support.
by Ellen DuBois on 01/27/12

Let's make today, January 27 a day full of love, inspiration, support & encouragement for our sisters and brothers in pregnancy, infant and childhood loss. If you are proud of your friends in our community - let them know by making this your profile picture, sharing it, reaching-out to a friend who needs a 'lift' or a random act of kindness.
Much thanks to www.treasurebeans.com for this beautiful image.
Miscarriage: The feelings can overwhelm you...I know.
by Ellen DuBois on 01/23/12
"After I miscarried, I barely got through a day without crying- and that lasted for a long time. So long, I wondered if I was going crazy because I just couldn't shake the feelings inside. It got to the point where I couldn't walk past baby food in the grocery store or baby clothes in a department store without feeling like I was going to burst. What a number it did on my mind and body. I was wound up like a top. Perhaps you feel the same way."- Ellen M. DuBois
From my book, I Never Held You. I shared this because I think it's how so many women feel after losing a baby to miscarriage. I have walked the walk and it's, by no means, easy.
Please know there hope, light, and healing. It just takes time.
You're in my thoughts and prayers and I'm so sorry for your loss.
Love and Light,
Ellen
Miscarriage: Support book free for one last day- today.
by Ellen DuBois on 01/21/12
Hello Everyone,
Well, it's a snowy New England day, but I can't complain. We've been very lucky this winter and it's actually very pretty outside. Not looking forward to shoveling, but that comes with the territory.
For all those who have lost a baby, or more than one precious baby to miscarriage, I am very sorry for your loss(es). That's why, for the past five days, I've offered the Kindle version of my book for free on Amazon.com. I Never Held You: Miscarriage, Grief, Healing and Recovery (Volume 1), can be downloaded to your kindle or other device for free. As mentioned, today is the last day of this offer. So, I'm reaching out and letting you know about this. If you or someone you know needs comfort, support and help, you can find these things within the pages of I Never Held You. It will help you or someone you love on the journey to through grief to healing after miscarriage.
When we help each other, I believe the goodness spreads. It's about caring and not feeling alone. That's why I set up this promotion. If my book can help anyone, and they can grab it for free, I hope they do.
Help, support, giving and being there for each other. Those things mean a lot when you feel like the world just doesn't 'get you'.
You can find my book here:
Or simply click here: I Never Held You: Miscarriage, Grief, Healing and Recovery (Volume 1)
Love and Light,
Ellen
Miscarriage: The anxiety attacks that can go with it.
by Ellen DuBois on 01/20/12
Hello Everyone,
I am deeply sorry for your loss- please know that. I also know many women have experienced anxiety attacks after experiencing a miscarriage because it's such a deep wound and your world feels out of control. Upside-down.
So, I took something I just wrote about anxiety for another site and wanted to share it with you here. Just in case any of you are suffering from panic/anxiety. Believe me, you are not alone and I feel for you with all my being.
God Bless, Ellen
Hi. My name is Ellen DuBois. Anxiety attacks are not foreign to me. I've been living with them for over twenty-years. They used to be terrible. They used to overwhelm me, frighten me, scare the "you know what" out of me. Before I know what they were, I thought I was dying. Every time my heart raced, my hands tingled, my upper lip tingled, or I felt I had to run out of a store, the movie theater, pull over in my car, my fear was fed by more fear.
My anxiety attacks began when I was about twenty years old. I lost the sight in my left eye due to a detached retina and had a hospital stay for about a week. Test after test, poking, looking into my eyes with very bright lights and NOT knowing what was going on all did a number on me. But, I didn't know it then.
It wasn't until I was out of the hospital and home that they first began. I remember it SO clearly...like it was yesterday. I was seeing a production of "Fiddler on the Roof" and my heart started racing to the point where I felt like it was going to pound right out of my chest. I was terrified, got up, and walked as fast as I could down the isle into the lobby. I called my parents, then my doctor. I was still on medication for my eye and was weaning off of it. Could that be the cause?
I was told to "go home and rest". That was it.
Life went on. I got married. Then, I experienced one of the greatest losses of my life- a miscarriage. My panic attacks were full blown and I was once again thrust into a world of fear. Because nobody ever told me what was going on, I didn't know what was happening. I was left in a world where many told me to, once again, "just lay down and calm down."
Then, a divorce. Again the anxiety. I couldn't eat because I thought I'd choke. The thought of being alone sent me into a tailspin. I asked my sister to stay with me while my ex and I worked through the divorce. My emotions were all over the place and I literally thought I was going crazy.
In an attempt to 'reconcile' our marriage, my husband at the time and I went to a counselor. It wasn't going to save my marriage, but it did give me someone I could continue talking to. I did. Even though the divorce still happened, I kept seeing my wonderful counselor until she eventually moved her practice.
She helped me a lot, but I found myself in a world where I felt nobody got it. Nobody got me. So I dug and dug to find as much as I could about panic, anxiety, depression, our bodies, nervous systems, and eventually, how our minds and our faith can get us through and heal us from these very frightening attacks.
Over the past twenty years I've learned a lot. A lot about panic, anxiety, myself, my over-active nerves, my borderline hyperthyroid condition, (it can contribute to the racing/spazzy feeling). I've learned about meditatio-, guided meditations in particular, and how not to fight an anxiety attack, but to go with it, knowing full well that although it's terrible, it will end. I've learned how regulating my breathing regulates my body and calms it down.
I've also learned that I'm by no means alone. I have come so far from where I was, and much of it is due to my own research, reading, digging, learning, growing, accepting and yes, getting help if needed. So much of my overcoming or reducing my anxiety attacks has to do with the healing power of God, the angels and asking for help from the Creator and all spiritual beings who are here to assist me on my journey.
I do wish I never had to deal with these sometimes debilitating attacks, but it's my life and they have been a part of it. So, I want you all to know that you are not alone. If you feel like you're going out of your mind, you are not alone. If your afraid of social situations, of being alone, of driving, of eating, of...well, anything, because your anxiety attacks are so bad, you are not alone. I have been there. I have walked that terrible walk and believe me, I DO know what you're living.
I also know there is hope, healing, help and light. There are better days ahead for you. You may have to to work at it. You may have to do some reading, talk to your doctor, dive into your faith, find out who you are and what triggers your attacks, (sometimes that's tough), but you can do it. You can feel more like the "you" you remember. You can go out, drive, go to the store. You can give yourself permission to leave the room, the dinner party, the movie theater, wherever you are, if you have to. You can learn how to breath from your belly instead of your upper chest and get more air into your body so the symptoms you're feeling resolve themselves. You can do it...you can feel better. I'm not saying your anxiety attacks will completely go away. I still experience symptoms, but because I recognize them for what they are and have had to learn, (the hard way), how to control them and my fear, I am far, far better than I used to be.
I hope what I've said helps you in some way- even if just a little.
You are in my thoughts and prayers.
Love and Light,
Ellen
Miscarriage: Support book free for limited time.
by Ellen DuBois on 01/18/12
Hello Everyone,
Please let me start by saying I am so sorry for your loss. I know miscarriage leaves such a feeling of emptiness inside. It's hard to know what to do with all the emotions you're dealing with.
How do you cope?
I want to let you know that for a limited time, my book,
I Never Held You: Miscarriage, Grief, Healing and Recovery (Volume 1)
is available for free on your Kindle. If you have a Kindle, or know someone who does, please take advantage of this short time offer and download I Never Held You at no charge. (I believe this is for Prime members, but please look into it). I set up a promotion so those who need this book are more able to get it, but it only goes on for a couple of days. It's my hope to reach out to as many as I can who are dealing with the grief after miscarriage and with grief/healing in general. I do believe you will find comfort in this book. I pray you do.
Love and Light,
Ellen
Miscarriage: Young and trying to cope.
by Ellen DuBois on 01/16/12
Hello Ellen, My name is Ashley, I am 17 and I miscarried about 2 months ago. I haven't been able to find a way to deal with my grief in a positive way. I need help. I cry almost everyday when I start thinking about what I could of had. Please e-mail me back. Thank you for listening.
Dear Ashley,
I am so sorry for your loss. I know this is a VERY difficult time for you. One thing to remember: you are grieving the loss of your baby and that takes time. Your tears are a normal part of healing, and I know that doesn't make it any easier. But, if you're really feeling stuck, (I've been there), you may want to find someone to talk to. Maybe your parent(s) can help you find a counselor to help you through the grief. You must have so much on your plate right now and it really can be so overwhelming. Also, I don't know if this is something you can talk to your parents about. If that's the case, are you in school? Is there a counselor there who could point you in the right direction?
I found writing helped. I play the piano, and it helped me to get some of my emotions out, as did writing. I used to write poetry, my thoughts...anything that came to mind because I felt if I didn't, I'd burst with emotions I didn't know what to do with. I kept thinking about my baby and what could have been. I missed him so much, and I know that's probably a lot like what you're feeling. Again, I am so sorry for this heartache and your loss.
It's only been two months, and although it feels like 'forever', it's a short time when it comes to losing your baby to miscarriage, or any other loss. Please give yourself the time and permission to grieve. Healing will come, but sadly, you have to walk the road.
There were times I didn't know what to do, or how to cope. There were days when I'd wonder when, or if, I'd ever feel like myself again. It took time, and that's probably not something you want to hear right now. But, it's the truth and I don't want to share anything by my truth with you. One thing I'd like to stress here is that what you're feeling, (all the sadness, etc.), is normal. It's not a good way to feel, but it's normal.
You're very young, and that does not take away from your pain at all. I'd imagine there's a lot going on in your life right now: friends, school, perhaps work...all these things combined with the sorrow after miscarriage is a lot to handle. If you can find the right person to talk to, please give it a try if it feels right for you. I know you have to get your parents permission, but in the end, it'll be worth it. Let me add, however, we all deal with grief in different ways and talking it out with someone may, or may not, feel right to you.
One thing you may want to do is have a memorial for your baby. Only you know if it's the right time or not, and that's okay. Something as simple, but very meaningful, as setting a balloon into the air in honor of your baby helps with closure. We often don't get that after we've miscarried and we're left in a state of 'limbo'. Some people plant a tree or flowers. Some people wear special jewelery in honor of their baby. These things help us get through, give us strength, and remind us that our baby was very, very loved and meant something. It helps to heal your heart, and that doesn't mean forgetting. I know you won't forget the baby and there will always be a special place in your heart. I never forgot, and it's been a long time.
If you need to write again, please do. I am here to listen. I know it's not the same as talking to someone face to face, but I am here as are many who have shared their feelings on this site.
I'll be keeping you in my thoughts and prayers. Please take one day at a time.
Love and Light,
Ellen
Miscarriage: Needing some comfort.
by Ellen DuBois on 01/15/12
Ashley says:
Thank you so much. I have been searching all night for some comforting words for what I have been going through. Even though my baby was only eight weeks old I loved him so much. Yes, I say him because my husband and I have always said we will always have a boy. My heart has broken so badly and I just feel so lonely. My husband has been so wonderful and caring but he works overseas and had to leave five days after my dnc procedure. I can only contact him through email which isn't the same. He is so supportive but he can only do so much since he is not in country. Even when I talk to my girlfriends I just feel that they want to be supportive but they don't know how I feel since they have not been through it. I am just struggling through it all. We wanted a baby so badly and have worked so hard to give our future child a lovely home and it did not happen the way we had hoped. I just wanted to possibly speak to someone who may feel the same as I do. Thank you for your lovely website and I hope you can help.
Dear Ashley,
I am so sorry for your loss. So many of us have felt alone after we miscarry- as if nobody 'gets' what we are feeling. It must be very difficult having your husband overseas. Although he sounds very supportive, it's not the same as having him there to give you a hug.
The emptiness left after losing your little baby boy is real, and so is the grief. It's not an easy thing, (by a long shot), to go through. Please know the best you can do is good enough. You really do need to takes things one moment at a time. With your husband away, maybe it would be good for you to keep a journal to help you get some of your feelings out. It's not always easy to write, but it's better than keeping the pain inside. In a way, it helps free your emotions so they don't get pent up inside.
Having girlfriends who are supportive is a blessing, but when they haven't walked the same road it can make you feel isolated in terms of being understood. That doesn't take away from them being there for you- it's so important they are. But, connecting with women who have lived through losing a baby to miscarriage makes you feel like you're not alone, or crazy, or any of those things.
You're not. You're a woman who is grieving and feels very alone right now. I wish I could be there just to listen, but please know that I'm here, and I do get what you're feeling.
I'll keep you in my thoughts and prayers. Please write if you ever need to 'get it out'.
Love and Light, Ellen
Miscarriage: Sometimes, you need to retreat.
by Ellen DuBois on 01/13/12
Hello Everyone,
I subscribe to The Daily Om, and it's a wonderful newsletter that nourishes the mind, body and spirit. Today, I read my horoscope, (I'm not really big on horoscopes, but the ones from the Daily Om have such beautiful messages). Anyway, it was about how it's so good for us to find a place to retreat, to regroup, if you will, when we feel overwhelmed by life.
I know I wanted to hide after my miscarriage. There were days when I didn't want to hear about it, talk about it, be reminded of it. I wish I knew then what I know now, as the old expression goes. I forged on and forced myself, at the cost of a pneumonia the summer after I miscarried my son, to get through life while not giving myself the time I needed, or the space, to rest- mind, body and spirit.
Here's a quote from my Daily Om today: "When worldly pressures become too much to bear, escaping into the tranquility of a personal sanctuary can help you restore your balance and peace of mind. The demands we face each day can make us feel overwhelmed and exhausted, yet we're often driven to keep going at all costs. A desire or need to retreat is not a sign of weakness but rather a sign that you know your limits. Remember that rest is an important part of staying healthy and grounded. A quiet and private spot, whether in your home or elsewhere, can provide you with the stillness and serenity you need to recover and ready yourself for another round of obligations. Retreating into a comforting, quiet place today will give you an opportunity to recover from lingering stress and rejuvenate your soul. " (If interested, you can find their website here: http://www.dailyom.com/)
I'm deeply sorry for your loss, and you're in my thoughts and prayers. May you find a way to give yourself the peace, rest and quiet you need to assist your healing.
Love and Light,
Ellen
Miscarriage: It's a real loss. Some thoughts.
by Ellen DuBois on 01/08/12
Hi Everyone,
I hope you're doing the best you can today.
You know, I'm home feeling a bit under the weather and I wanted to write something here. So many thoughts go through my mind, but they all come down to one thing:
Miscarriage is still so often treated as a 'non event'. Not in all cases, but in so many.
Too many.
I just want to say to all of you who have lived through the terrible pain of miscarriage that it's anything but a non event. Your loss was real and so is the grief and healing you go through afterwards. It's not an easy climb out of the darkness after losing your baby to miscarriage. I know...I know. It was a long time ago for me, but I remember how I felt like it was yesterday. I remember the tears, the wondering, the fear. I was so lost and couldn't find myself. Every day I prayed, hoped for the pain to subside and for quite some time those tears fell.
And fell some more.
I loved my baby like you loved yours. You probably still do, and I still love mine.
To all those who just don't get it, please try to. It may be difficult to understand the emotions a woman and her family are experiencing after a miscarriage, but let me tell you, their loss is real. I can't fault you for not understanding what you don't know or haven't lived, but here's a couple of helpful things: Please try to hold back from saying things like It was meant to be, or You can always try again. You may have the best intentions, but those words don't really help. They hurt. It's like dismissing the baby who died. The baby who mattered and counted for something. I think it's best to either not say anything and give a hug, send a card, or say something like, "I'm so sorry for your loss."
The baby was very real, and very, very loved.
My thoughts and prayers and with all of you.
Love and Light,
Ellen
Miscarriage: Being far away from friends and family.
by Ellen DuBois on 01/06/12
Ellen, I just wanted to write to tell you thank you. Thank you for sharing your story and providing place for others to share theirs. I am a coffee shop junkie (as shared in my blog: http://ifcoffeecouldtalk.com) and spent about 4 hours recently reading the book. I moved to a new state away from friends and family about six months ago and lost our baby about 2 months later. I felt very alone in my thoughts and emotions and this book has helped me recognize I am not alone and should not feel guilty for my emotions. All good wishes, Alison Buckley
Dear Alison,I am so sorry for your loss, and you must have felt very alone being away from your friends and family. That's a lot to carry.
You're right in that you're not alone, although I know sometimes it feels that way. I believe it's at those times we need a reminder from other women who have walked the road after miscarriage and perhaps a gentle tap reminding us of our faith, whatever your beliefs are.
It does my heart good to think my book did something positive for you. I wrote it from the heart and I know a big part of what motivated me was how alone I felt some twenty years ago after my miscarriage.
I'll be keeping you in my thoughts and prayers, and thanks for writing. Please take
PS- I'll be sure to check out your blog. It sounds great as I am a coffee 'junkie' myself.
care of you...Love and Light,
Ellen
Miscarriage: "Through Grief's Remains"
by Ellen DuBois on 01/05/12
Hello Everyone,
Well, the new year is here and something told me to write this to all of you. I'm not sure what will come out, but my spirit wants me to write- from my heart, to yours.
While walking down the street,
or driving in your car,
working, shopping, wherever you are.
Tears may come from 'nowhere',
catching you off guard.
You may start to wonder,
why life seems so hard.
Loss is very painful,
a loss of any kind.
Please treat yourself gently.
To thy self be kind.
One day at a time,
Yes, you've heard it before.
But, it's important to know,
you'll find the healing door.
As you take your journey,
simply do the best you can.
I believe your baby's with you,
holding your sweet hand.
I'm sorry for your loss.
I'm sorry for your pain.
I also know the sun,
will break through all the rain.
I know you won't forget.
I know inside you've changed.
And...
I know you'll find yourself again,
as you sift through grief's remains.
God Bless,
Ellen
Love and Light, Ellen
Miscarriage: Gaining strength over time & helping others.
by Ellen DuBois on 01/03/12
From I Never Held You: Miscarriage, Grief, Healing and Recovery - by Ellen DuBois: "Through adversity comes strength. I'd never wish this kind of adversity on you, but since you are living it, you can take it and turn it into something that will not only make you a stronger person, but will enable you to lend some strength to those who need it. Maybe not today, or even this year--but, someday."
Miscarriage: Healing in the New Year.
by Ellen DuBois on 12/30/11
Hello Everyone,
As we approach the new year, you may be filled with mixed emotions. If you suffered a miscarriage in 2011, perhaps you welcome the new year and look to its arrival as a fresh start, an opportunity to heal, a new beginning. Maybe, you're feeling sad as you reflect upon a year that carried with it great pain and you're wondering...why?
I gently suggest you look at ushering in of the new year as a time for you to say, "Wow. 2011 had such rocky times. I know I have some healing to do, some sadness I still carry, but I will set my intention for 2012 to be a year of healing, growing and treating myself kindly, gently and with respect."
As all the 'what ifs and could have beens' swirl around your mind, please know that you are not alone on your journey after miscarriage. I know it's very difficult to get back up after such a fall, or falls in some instances. You can get up...I believe you will, but so often it helps to know there are people out there who understand you- who have walked your walk.
I am one of those people as are countless others. May we join together in the new year, continuing to offer support, love, comfort and understanding to all those who have lost a baby, or babies to miscarriage.
There is light...and I pray you feel it in the upcoming year.
You're in my thoughts and prayers,
Ellen
Miscarriage: High Anxiety
by Ellen DuBois on 12/24/11
"M" says: Ellen I got your book yesterday and I wanted to sit down and read it all because I feel so alone but my pager went off and I had to go in for my first labor pt since the loss of Nathaniel. On one hand I was nervous about this first baby and yet just wanted to get it over with. I sat with her more than I have been lately since I hadnt felt well with morning sickness, almost wanting to experience this alongside this mom and imagine what my birth would be like. I didn't cry but as this baby boy was born I was so happy that this lady got to keep her baby and she didn't have to lose her precious baby.
I went back to work, too soon and everyone knew it. The first day I cried like five times and had an anxiety attack on my way home. Didn't handle it well. Was angry at these people who didn't take care of their bodies and didn't care so much about their baby and took drugs. I thought about how I stopped my depression meds to protect my baby and mine died and these babies are alive. it just makes me angry now
So one thing very profound I read from one of the earlier chapters of your book talked about our babies that we lost were so perfect that they didn't have to suffer through this mortal life and be tested. They were perfect. That made me feel good that he is perfect.
One thing that has been plaguing me lately is the moment nathaniel's heart stopped beating and what he felt. Did he know. Did he say goodbye. Did he suffer. Did he struggle. I think back to when I was 8 weeks pregnant and that was thanksgiving day and that is when he died. Thinking back on what I did that day, ate, anything and I know that it may not have even been that day but it's what I can remember. I was on call and I came in and caught her baby. I think if he was still there during that delivery or if he had already said goodbye. The baby's name is Paisley. I think I will always remember her because it was probably the last baby I caught with nathan.
I tried to take more time off from work because of my anxiety and depression has come back and I was told I needed to come back and no one else can keep suckin up my work. That if I needed more time then they would have to hire another midwife and train her to cover me for a leave and then I can take time to grieve. It didn't make sense. I just wish that someone at my office just said to not come back for atleast two weeks and if I needed more then whatever I need. But instead I am being punished for losing my baby, being short staffed and for having depression and anxiety. Because I can control that. It's made all these even worse. It's what has been taking my mind away from nathan and causing me so much more pain. Of all the places to work. One would think I would be really supported.
Thanks so much for listening. You have made such a difference in this experience; horrific as it has been but so nice someone listens to me.
Just wanted you to know that I'm thinking of you. I know it's both a joyful and a painful time of year, and from the sounds of it, you're not getting the support from your co-workers you need. I would think they'd be more sympathetic...and I simply don't understand.
If things feel too overwhelming as we celebrate Christmas and the New Year, please give yourself the time you need to step away, even if it's just for a moment. I know how I felt the first Christmas after my miscarriage. Frankly, I was a mess. All the 'what ifs and could have beens' kept playing in my mind, like a movie that wouldn't stop. Hard as I tried to pull myself up and out, it was a struggle. There were times I went out on the deck, or into another room just to take a few deep breaths and pull myself together as best I could.
After my miscarriage, my anxiety was at an all time high, too. The attacks were frightening, terrible, and I wondered if I'd ever feel like 'me' again. I truly know the road you're walking because I've lived it. You will get through this time, but you do need time- for you. I'm here if you need to vent.
You are in my thoughts and prayers.
Love and Light,
Ellen
Miscarriage: Merry Christmas My Little One
by Ellen DuBois on 12/23/11
My little one...
I think of you as I look at the lights upon the tree.
I feel you near when I place the gifts under the tree.
There has always been joy at Christmas time for me.
Since you came into my life and left so quickly,
it's also felt like something's missing at Christmas time.
It's you, my little one in Heaven. It's you who I miss
and it's you I know is near. It's you who has given me
a gift of eternal love and I feel it deep in my soul.
It's you who I still miss placing gifts under the tree for,
even after all this time. Even after all these years and tears
and wondering and healing and growing and feeling.
At Christmas time I send my love to you,
just as I do
every, single day of the year.
But, the lights, the songs, the cards, the gifts, the ribbons and bows-
are sweet and bittersweet.
I know you are celebrating Christmas in Heaven with so many
I know and don't know. I know you are with God and that
brings a smile to my face...
Then falls a tear. A tear of grace.
Merry Christmas my little one.
I love you.
Ellen M. DuBois, 2011
Miscarriage: Feeling responsible for it.
by Ellen DuBois on 12/18/11
Hi Ellen, I dont know where to start except that this week I experienced my first loss at almost 11 weeks. I have two beautiful little girls here on earth and now one baby in heaven. I am a midwife, I witness miracles everyday. I am there for the most amazing moments and also for the saddest times as well. Having been there for support, I can honestly say nothing prepared my heart for this. Yes my brain understands but my heart is devastated beyond belief. With my second pregnancy, she was a surprise and i struggled with depression and selfishness. It was never that she was not wanted but the timing (I thought) wasnt right and I strugged. We planned with pregnancy for a bigger family and were so excited to grow and love another. I feel like this is my punishment. That I didnt deserve this baby. I knew something was wrong for weeks and I never told a single person or spoke it outloud to myself. I thought that I could protect the baby if I just kept to myself, and when I looked at the ultrasound and I saw my lifeless baby...i feel so responsible.
Dear Megan,
I am so sorry for your loss. My heart goes out to you.
What comes from the heart and comes from reason are such different things. While logically you may understand your miscarriage isn't your fault, it doesn't mean you don't feel responsible. I'm very aware of what self blame can do to you- it can eat you up. I know because I went through it and finally arrived at a place where I stopped blaming myself. I believe you will come to that place, too. Right now, you're seeing through the eyes of grief. Eyes that are clouded and need time to see clearly once again.
You're a midwife. You deliver babies and that's such a beautiful thing. You've also been there for the most painful of times, as you said.
Just as they grieve, you do. Just as they cry, you do, too. I know you didn't plan your pregnancy and had doubts. But, there are millions of women who didn't plan their pregnancies and are filled with doubt. Many women, as you know, go on to deliver healthy babies, sometimes despite the odds. Some women do everything right, "by the book". Sadly, they miscarry. It's so out of our control we grasp at ways to make sense of it. Blaming ourselves sometimes gives us 'reason' for our miscarriage when in fact, you're just hurting yourself. I'm so sorry. I've been there and it took some time before I could finally say it wasn't my fault. Many women who've written felt responsible in some way for their miscarriage. I think it's part of grieving. All the 'if onlys' in the world pop into our minds: If only I felt more positive about my pregnancy. If only I didn't do 'this' or that'. If only I...
In the end, all I can say to you is how deeply sorry I am for your loss. I can be here to listen. I can offer my heart, my support. I pray that for all the times you've been there for others, there will be others there for you. Although grief is a road we all travel differently, we can be there to support each other as we heal.
I'll be keeping you in my thoughts and prayers.
Love and Light,
Ellen
Miscarriage: What is 'Letting go?'
by Ellen DuBois on 12/15/11
"Letting go takes a long time. At least it did for me. I define letting go like this: I've not forgotten that my miscarriage happened; I still feel the pain sometimes, and I allow myself to. But, I've stopped blaming myself or anyone else for it and have accepted, although painfully, that it's a part of my life I cannot change. I am not bitter at the world anymore, and I am now moving on down the road of my life, open to new experiences." - Ellen M. DuBois, from I Never Held You, Volume 1, by Ellen M. DuBois a book about miscarriage, grief, healing and recovery.
Miscarriage- It can be tough during Christmas/Holidays.
by Ellen DuBois on 12/12/11Christmas and the whole holiday season can be tough on many who have lost a loved one- whether you've miscarried your little one, lost a baby to stillbirth, or any family member/friend. Please give yourself some breathing room and know you are not alone during this time. You feel what you feel and letting it out is so important to your healing. You can embrace the joy and give yourself permission to grieve, too. I'm here for you- we all are here for each other. Love and Light, Ellen
Miscarriage: Remembrance Bracelet
by Ellen DuBois on 12/09/11

I finally made a baby remembrance bracelet. It's taken a while, but I found the ...pendant that 'felt' right. I wear this as a remembrance to the baby I lost to miscarriage, that's why the bracelet is displayed on baby fabric. The pendant has the word Remember on one side, and the footprint on the other.
For more info, visit Hope Angel Bracelets, my other site.
Love and Light, Ellen


























